Alma lost her spoon
Well-known member
The last couple of weeks I've been a bit lethargic, haven't been managing to be on top of working out, not been eating as healthily & I've found myself on that old familiar downward spiral.
I was out walking along the beach with Flay earlier, it's a bit grey out there today, that mightn't be helping, I walked along the waters edge hypnotised by the ebb & flow of the tide-it made me think of all the breaths of all the people in the world coming & going....my thoughts as I walked meandered their way to this time last year...I've been aware of it lurking in the darkened corners & I've been attempting to just walk on as if it wasn't there.
I walk away...it builds.
I came home & closed the door, a massive wave of emotion engulfed me & threw me to the floor, I lay there behind the door drenched with the grief & loss that I thought I'd dealt with, sobbing like a child for the love I can't have & can't seem to stop myself longing, aching, crying for.
I don't like it here, I don't want to be here & I've been working oh so ******* hard to NOT be here, but here I find myself once more.
I'll get back on the up again, this too will pass but I'm concerned that my life will forever consist of this merrygoroundrollercoaster that I seem to be on.
& let's not even start thinking about how I'm going to make it through Christmas, & worse-New Year!
I was out walking along the beach with Flay earlier, it's a bit grey out there today, that mightn't be helping, I walked along the waters edge hypnotised by the ebb & flow of the tide-it made me think of all the breaths of all the people in the world coming & going....my thoughts as I walked meandered their way to this time last year...I've been aware of it lurking in the darkened corners & I've been attempting to just walk on as if it wasn't there.
I walk away...it builds.
I came home & closed the door, a massive wave of emotion engulfed me & threw me to the floor, I lay there behind the door drenched with the grief & loss that I thought I'd dealt with, sobbing like a child for the love I can't have & can't seem to stop myself longing, aching, crying for.
I don't like it here, I don't want to be here & I've been working oh so ******* hard to NOT be here, but here I find myself once more.
I'll get back on the up again, this too will pass but I'm concerned that my life will forever consist of this merrygoroundrollercoaster that I seem to be on.
& let's not even start thinking about how I'm going to make it through Christmas, & worse-New Year!