Pedophilia and Anxiety

[EveWasFramed]

Is there something that interests you enough to distract you after you look away? Maybe carry an mp3 player and fill it with online radio shows that would distract you. I don't think music requires enough of your attention to really help, but focusing on somebody's words might. Or you might carry a handheld gaming device. You might also be able to call or text somebody.

Darn good ideas there.

 

[anon6156]

Darn good indeed. Perhaps I could listen to...I don't know...NerdyGirl's podcast

 

[nerdygirl]

Darn good indeed. Perhaps I could listen to...I don't know...NerdyGirl's podcast

Eh... I wouldn't recommend it. Not for some time, anyway. It's still in its beginning stages.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Go to concerts. Many times, if you go see a rock band, there won't be kids there. That is, unless you're into Bieber.

 

[anon6156]

I'm celebrating 83 days "clean and sober" now. It's getting more and more difficult. In my last post I talked about difficulties dealing with encountering children in public. I'm finding they are more difficult to avoid than I'd ever thought. Who brings their daughter to the town permit office at noon on a Wednesday? What the hell is that? I know, I know. She was probably home sick from school or something. But still, where else am I less likely to run into children other than places where children are specifically forbidden. Guess I'll have to hang out in more bars and strip clubs.

So my best friend, the only person I've outed myself as a pedophile to, told me today that she's started to break under the pressure of having so many people so heavily emotionally dependent on her. Apparently her boyfriend and two other friends are as emotionally needy as I am. The short version of what she said thereafter is that she's taking a break from us. When she told me this I'd literally just sought her out to get some help because I'd been having trouble controlling my thoughts and it was making me panic. I decided against telling her that.

I'm very scared now. I'm losing the one person I can talk to about this and for an undisclosed amount of time. Just the other day I was telling her that I'm afraid I'm going to break my streak soon. Now I've lost her support and if I wasn't sure how I could continue *with* her I don't know what I'm going to do without her.

So, I'm growing more and more sensitive to children. Just a couple of weeks ago, being in the same room with them made me anxious. As of last week, even just seeing a little girl on TV sends me into a panic. Also, a couple weeks ago I would be in that room with that girl and have anxiety, but I'd get out of there, it would subside and I'd move on with my day. Now, I see some girl on TV and that thought is with me all day. I can't distract myself from it anymore and it keeps feeding a constant anxiety. What's interesting is that back before I was strictly regulating my behavior (my less shameful way of saying back when I looked at child pornography) I never had this problem. Seeing or being around children didn't bother me (other than the fact that I find children bothersome). But I wouldn't have anxiety associated with them.

Now, in the back of my mind my brain is trying to get me to use this as rationalization to start downloading again. Consciously, though, I'm trying to stick to my guns here. Anybody out there have any thoughts or ideas? I'd really appreciate it, I'm having a tough time with this.

Thank you.

 

[Masson]

I'd say try finding other ways to control yourself. I don't know what your going through but giving up is not a solution , I'm not judging you , I don't care that you get arroused by children but you yourself said you don't like it. Someone told me to take things step by step , don't worry about the problems next week you wont be able to cope with it , just do everything as it comes one by one . So with this in mind I'd say find something that can help you control/relax yourself around children and start doing it bit by bit, sometimes this can give you a boost in confidence that you can achieve this goal since you could do a small part of it , you can go all the way.
Also if you need to vent find someone online , I know its not the same as a face to face friend but it beats nothing. I would like to do it but I'm not the best supporter out there , I could listen if that is all you need ,to let it all out.

 

[Sci-Fi]

moderator note: Merged threads together.

 

[Knight Rider]

Please don't have kids...

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You need to seek out a therapist.

The reason for this is this: You are looking for someone to listen to you. A therapist is paid to listen to, and help, you.

Therefore, therapy is the next logical step.

 

[anon6156]

My anxiety is getting worse. I can't even see a child on television without getting waves of panic. Today at work we had a meeting. Our conference room has tinted glass that you can see out of but not into. There was a woman walking past the room on her way to the main entrance. She had her daughter with her. The daughter stopped to play with her reflection in the window. I could see her very clearly. I tried not to stare and only half succeeded. After that I couldn't concentrate anymore. I can't remember anything that happened in the meeting after that and shortly after I had to sneak off to the bathroom to masturbate to pictures of skinny (adult) girls on my phone. I apologize if that's too much information for some.

Last week I was talking to my friend in whom I've confided. I was venting about how much I hate having an aspect of my self that I have to deny for the rest of my life. After I was done ranting she started talking. I'm paraphrasing, but she said something to the effect of:

I don't think that for a girl under 12 sex is necessarily wrong or damaging.

I was stunned and I immediately told her to stop talking and that she can never bring up this topic ever again. But it was too late. She planted this seed in my mind and I can't shake that thought now. For someone in my position it should come as no surprise to anyone reading this that I've had that thought myself. But it's a thought that I've always known was wrong and have always adamantly opposed. But to find that thought is shared by someone I hold in such high regard...it validates it for me. We're talking about a friend who, for my entire life, has dragged me kicking and screaming into more enlightened states. I can't help but want to believe anything she tells me, especially something like this.

I've been trying very hard to make sure that I know that there is no way to indulge pedophilia that doesn't harm somebody. I still know I can never act on my desires. But there is a difference between what you know in your mind and what you feel in your heart. And my heart desperately wants me to be myself. So now I'm terrified that I'm at a crossroads in my life and I'm going not going to take the right path.

Today is day 104 free of child pornography. The support of this forum is what got me as far as I have. Please help me now, too. You can give a well reasoned argument or you can cuss me out and call me names, I don't care. I just need to hear people tell me that my friend is wrong. Please.

Thank you.

 

[kaetic]

sending in a PM, forgot I could do that.

 

[Badjedidude]

The common excuses that I hear most often when people argue FOR pedophilia are the following:

1. The girl (or boy) is sexually ready at 12, or when she starts growing pubic hair (which may or may not be younger).
2. The girl (or boy) wants the sexual attention and even pursues it from older persons.
3. The girl (or boy) is not harmed by sexual contact at this age because puberty (ages 12+, depending on the child) is the proper time for sexual exploration in children.
4. The girl (or boy) is inherently only harmed by contact this young because of cultural/societal rules, not because it's actually damaging to them. This argument says that in a pro-pedophillic culture or society, a child would grow up EXPECTING to have sexual contact and would be used to it as a societal norm.

Those are what I hear most often when people say that sex with a 12 yr-old (or similarly aged child) is OK.

THESE ARE ALL WRONG.

Children aren't PHYSICALLY capable of safely having sex until well into their late teens (15-16), and they aren't EMOTIONALLY capable of handling sex in a mature way until probably after 18-20 yrs of age. Also, a child that young cannot consent because the judgement centers of their brains aren't fully developed until age 17 or later. CHILDREN ARE ENTIRELY INCAPABLE OF CONSENTING TO SEXUAL CONTACT AT ANY AGE YOUNGER THAN 17. This depends on individual development, of course... but for the most part I believe that most U.S. states have it right when they set the age of consent in the 16-18 range as an absolute minimum age limit.

In short, DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND.

She's full of honeysuckle.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Do many people lose their virginity at 12 or 13?

Sure.

Are many people jobless, uneducated, and emotionally immature, as a result of having sex too early?

Also, yes.

The fact isn't that the 12 year old is necessarily incapable of having sex. The fact is, as a 30 something MAN, you are physically, emotionally, and mentally incapable of having sex with her. That is the difference. Children, if they have sex with anybody, it's with other children...and most often, it destroys their lives. I've seen it happen.

I agree with the above post. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, nobody is ready to have sex until they're 17. No matter what their hormones or their genetics play a part in. And certainly, these rules exist for a reason. You think like an adult, children think like...children. They can't form an adult thought, or make adult decisions, so they couldn't possibly consent.

 

[Masson]

Rules are made to be broken , had to be said. "Mentally, emotionally, and physically, nobody is ready to have sex until they're 17" how do you know that ? Stop eating everything "specialists" say because at the end of the day their human and can be wrong. I'm not saying that everyone should just go and have sex with kids of 12-17 but some mature faster and its their choice if their sex life starts faster than what the law says.
There is a saying " Old enough to bleed , old enough to breed " and its true in other cultures people get married at the age of 12 and start having children.

 

[Felix]

I'd say to our *OP, focus your energies on something else...

You should try to find girls around 18-22, a few still look like they are 14-15... Is not the same but that's the closest you can get without becoming a despicable person to yourself and society.

Watch the movie 'The Woodsman' with Kevin Bacon. The man felt like honeysuckle for abusing a little kid. Is not a realistic solution to just act on your insticts.

And get a shrink already!



*lets refrain from using derogatory terms here.

 

[Rue]

The idea that sex is inherently soul-breakingly harmful in all people right up until some uncertain point around age seventeen isn't really something I'm completely on board with in terms of true things about individuals, but it's useful as a rule for sure.

What I am pretty **** certain about, on the other hand, is that our culture has some messed up ideas about sex at the best of times, and it's so deeply ingrained that opting out really isn't an option. Trying to deal with that crap as a child is pure hell, especially when there's so much other stuff kids are already trying to figure out about themselves and the world around them. Some of which, coincidentally, is vitally important for healthy sexual activity at any age, let alone when you're dealing with it all for the first time, and you've got no real experience helping you distinguish between good information and bad information.

I mean, you don't even have to start thinking about coercion or violence, or (perhaps hard-to-grasp) concepts like informed consent; just the decision to have sex, even when you feel as if you're completely in power over it, is heavily steeped in complex ideas about identity, and aggressively shaming rhetoric. Imagine trying to deal with the entire world telling you, simultaneously, that you're young, so you're a child, you're innocent, you're free to try new things and figure out who you are without worrying too much about any particularly life-changing consequences - but you've had sex, so you're an adult, you're a slut, you're worthless, that your life will go nowhere and you're personally responsible for every bad thing that ever happens to you. It's usually at least somewhat subtle, but this recent contraception debacle has lead to a lot of popular, influential voices being surprisingly frank and overt with their slut-shaming. I think you're familiar with feeling alienated and isolated from your peers, or the feeling that you've betrayed everyone you love. Is that really something you want to inflict upon a child?

But it's not even that simple. In the real world, complex power dynamics are an unavoidable aspect of all relationships. Your decisions are influenced by feelings of obligation and subconsciously expressed pressure. Religion is often seated pretty deeply in a person's heart, and they tend to have all sorts of things to say about sex and sexuality. The result is a powerful and complicated mess that's near impossible to successfully navigate when you're a fully-grown person; it's normal to have a few problems, but most adults have the resources to deal with them. A strong sense of identity, a firm grasp on your sexuality, or a kind and trusted support base with whom you can talk about anything. Children are exceptionally lucky to have a single one of these, and even then, they're often unstable and impermanent. A relatively small issue for an adult can cripple a child for the rest of their life, simply because they didn't have any way to defend themselves from it.

Honestly? I was kinda like your friend, once. It wasn't immediately obvious to me why sexual activity is categorically a bad thing for young people. I did have to spend some time thinking about it before I really understood, and could confidently give an explanation that satisfied me. Even at my moments of vaguest doubt, though, I never thought that it would maybe be OK to allow in some cases, simply because of the sheer risk involved, if I was wrong. You'd basically be gambling with a person's life, and for what? A little sexual gratification? Is that seriously a worthwhile risk to take, regardless of what the result turns out to be? It'd be like making someone else play Russian roulette so you could maybe win £100. The risk far outweighs any possible reward. Even if you managed to "win", nobody dies, and you get your £100, it was a monumentally stupid and psychopathically careless thing to do, and you should never have done it in the first place.

Obviously there's a mountain of other reasons, but I thought these might be useful for where you currently are. For your anxiety... Well, I'm not really sure how people deal with anxiety, per se, but if you're trying not to think about children, maybe find something else to fill your head with? Memorise a song, or a picture, and really focus on reciting and remembering every single detail of it in your head. Try slipping a hand in your pocket and pinching your leg really hard, and focus intently on the pain. Really, being able to control your focus seems pretty important - aren't there exercises you could try, to help improve it? Stuff like picturing one thing in your mind, and thinking about nothing else for as long as you can. Stuff you can practice on your own, when you aren't having to worry about being around children. A lot of the lessons involved in learning how to meditate seem like they'd be reasonably applicable, maybe you could look some of that stuff up. Not sure what you have and haven't tried already, sorry if I'm just saying stuff you've already looked into.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Rules are made to be broken , had to be said.

No. It did not need to be said.

 

[Badjedidude]

Rules are made to be broken , had to be said. "Mentally, emotionally, and physically, nobody is ready to have sex until they're 17" how do you know that ? Stop eating everything "specialists" say because at the end of the day their human and can be wrong. I'm not saying that everyone should just go and have sex with kids of 12-17 but some mature faster and its their choice if their sex life starts faster than what the law says.
There is a saying " Old enough to bleed , old enough to breed " and its true in other cultures people get married at the age of 12 and start having children.

You're a ******* retard.

It's been scientifically AND REPEATEDLY proven in medical, psychological, and sociological fields that it IS harmful to people younger than 17 to have sex, both physically AND emotionally.

Specialists are specialists because they spend their lives studying these things. They are extremely well educated, most of the time PhD's. And you can't just ignore all of their work by saying that they MIGHT make mistakes because "they're human." That's pretty ignorant of you.

You should be ashamed of yourself for spouting this drivel.

and its true in other cultures people get married at the age of 12 and start having children.

Yeah, and those girls are in poorer health; if they don't die giving birth to an undernourished, unhealthy child. Not to mention the psychological trauma they undergo for the rest of their lives due to (usually) being paired with a middle-aged man. Most countries that allow marriage that young are poor 3rd-world countries that have cultures and traditions which haven't evolved much in the past 500 years.

Take a moment to consider the state of women's rights in countries that allow marriage that young. The girls themselves almost NEVER have the option to CHOOSE who to marry, let alone WHEN to marry. It's all done by the parents.

Now try to tell me that the girl wants it.

I suggest you spend some time educating yourself on this issue before coming in here and being a ******* idiot, trying to say it's OK to rape a child.

Because rape is what it is, and children are what they are.

fresia off.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

My creeper beeper has led me to this thread.
What say you about 8 year olds on their periods due to hormones that have developed early? As a matter of fact, I know a baby who was born with a period. Clearly old enough to breed, yes?

Don't make me laugh. I know young children are neither mature emotionally nor mentally because I meet the hundreds of children a ******* week coming into our local mental health screening clinic, suffering from all sorts of emotional trauma, anxiety, and even mental retardation as a result of perverted, horny ass, dick-for-brains men with that completely asinine "old enough to bleed, old enough to breed" mentality. I have family members who, after being molested by "friends of the family" at ages as young as 4 years old, grew up to be terrified of men.

I was almost lured out to meet some 22 year old man when I was twelve years old. When I learned that he was a sexual predator, I didn't trust men, or adults in general, and that was a part of why I became a recluse until I was 17. Even now, I don't trust men, and even the most innocent physical contact from any man makes me cringe.

Don't you make me ******* laugh. There is not an excuse in the world someone can give to justify pedophilia. It's sick, it's disgusting, and it's something that can damage a child's life forever. Trying to justify it is the same as trying to justify rape. Give me a motherfucking break.

---

Even in cultres in which children get married and have kids with old ass perverts, that's a custom that is forced on the child by their parents. That does NOT make it morally right or a healthy practice.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Well said.