People are almost never honest when...

[one lonely guy]

...they decide to unilaterally break off a friendship or relationship.

Having had a recent major spate of broken connections, here's what I've gotten:

Telephone never gets answered - caller ID I'd guess.

Messages left never get returned.

Email becomes aloof and impersonal.

Email doesn't get answered (or takes an eternity).

If I can get through, I get the aloof "yeah, been pretty busy lately".

The "yeah, let me get back to you on that" and they never do.

You phone and you can reach their sister, mother, father or others, but they themselves are ('oddly') never in.

Even had a "there's someone at the door, let me get back to you"; 17yr later still no reply; and that's actually a cousin, believe it or not; looooong sorry story on that one.

I'm sure there are others; perhaps you can add some.

The reason behind all this game-playing I think is two-fold: 1) They don't want to be put on the spot, and 2) they don't want to 'hurt' you (though I think 1 by far predominates).

I, OTOH, try to be fairly blunt and straightforward when I break off a toxic or dysfunctional friendship. This way we understand each other and can put closure to it. In one (very toxic) case I actually had to be brutally blunt, something I'm unaccustomed to - some people have either an extremely thick skin or just don't 'get it'. Anyway, game-playing is for cowardly wimps.

Just thought I'd get that off my chest, 'cause it's really been irking me!! Thanks!

 

[frey12]

I don't have much experience with breaking things off with someone but I enjoyed it. I knew I was giving them a sense of closure, and they knew I didn't want to talk to them anymore. When I saw them a few times after I would wave and smile but didn't approach. As being a person on the other side, who has had such things happen to me. I hate it. I need to find out what happened and why because it just pisses me off if not. Any whats most of all as he said if they are so weak they can't even have a simple conversation saying good bye it will annoy you a lot. Granted I never put that much effort into people. But the similiarities I have had annoyed me to all hell.

 

[evanescencefan91]

well this one was a broken record for me
-it's complicated

really means i can't stand being in your presence even long enough to say that i can't stand being in your presence

and your stupid so you wouldn't understand anyway

 

[evanescencefan91]

I hate it. I need to find out what happened and why because it just pisses me off if

exactly that is what That's just the worst part of it, the not knowing what the fresia i did weong, i know it was one of the many stupid things i did *sad lonely but semi humours facepalms into a brick wall*

but which one

 

[Punisher]

most people suck

 

[Zak]

most people suck

Whole world sucks, If it didn't we'd all fall off

 

[one lonely guy]

I knew I was giving them a sense of closure, and they knew I didn't want to talk to them anymore.

Yep, that's the case for the one very toxic friendship I alluded to. Actually (mercifully) I never ran into him again one on one.

If I don't get closure from friends leaving me, I usually do it myself in any of a variety of innovative ways, though usually by snailmail. Verbal attempts at closure almost always bomb.
Some would call that burning bridges; I call it closure.

 

[one lonely guy]

-it's complicated

That's a classic.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's being honest and then there's be brutal and crule.

" I had to pretend like you're dead "....lol

What that really means is ...I can't deal with this honeysuckle. I can't deal with myself. I need to live in fucken denial,
becuase it's still all about fucken me..me...me. I'm irresponsible. I can't and wont clean up my fucken side of the
street. It's too inconvient for me. If you're dead...you don't fucken exist.
However, If I fucken die...I ma go to fucken heaven becuase I'm fucken Snowwhite...lmao
God loves me....beside you're fucken dead becuase you're useless to me.
Lets hold fucken hands and sing cumba fucken ya...Honestly.

Oooops...look at that new dick. I ma suck the life out of that gardenia too.lmao
To get over a man is to get under a man.
How's that for no complications ?

The un suger coated or un twisted version...." I don't give a fresia, Juses fucken rules... he paid for all my fucken sins already"...lol

How is this for simplicity or honesty ?
" YOU CAN'T BULLSHIT A BULLSHITER"....

 

[joanmcf]

Ending friendships is an awkward thing to do. It's easy if you have a big fight but it's really common for relationships to just fade away with no explanation.

That happened to me once and I felt so confused as to why. I couldn't get a hold of my friend to ask her. She just disappeared and wouldn't talk to me. Who knows?

Many people are uncomfortable with confrontations I guess. They just don't want to get into it...or they want to avoid conflict.

 

[jasmin]

No one's ever totally honest. It's just a sad/heartbreaking fact of life

 

[Rebel001]

It sucks that people who you were friends with for years and years just suddenly dissappear and you just slowly drift apart. It really hurts.

You send emails and emails, you send text messages, and you make phone calls and they still dont respond. They end up responding when you send them an angry pissed off email or message asking what the fresia is up. They reply "Ive been so busy lately, I just dont have time for anything anymore." or "Im too stressed out, I have a lot going on." Well make time, if I can take 5 minutes to sit down and write you a message, the least you can do is the same. Its not that **** hard.

Its sad to know that people who you were once close to are comepletely forgetting about you, and you have to be the one to contact them because otherwise, you wouldnt know how they were doing.

Eventually you get tired of chasing people and realize that you have to forget about it. It sucks and it hurts to know that they dont care anymore, and have moved on while you are still stuck in the past and waiting for that "Ill call you back" that will never come. And sadly what life expects us to do is shut up, suck it up, and move on. Its not as easy as it sounds..

 

[one lonely guy]

It sucks that people who you were friends with for years and years just suddenly dissappear and you just slowly drift apart. It really hurts.

Slowly drifting apart can just be a natural process of change (so long as it's not done hurtfully/intentionally), but the suddenly disappearing is, in my book, inexcusable behavior.

You send emails and emails, you send text messages, and you make phone calls and they still dont respond. They end up responding when you send them an angry pissed off email or message asking what the fresia is up. They reply "Ive been so busy lately, I just dont have time for anything anymore." or "Im too stressed out, I have a lot going on."

Exactly the pattern for my 3 regional cousins (none of whom I've been able to see or speak with in decades, aside from at funerals). Like I'd give a rat's ass any more, except for the fact that one was my favorite when I was a kid. I've concluded I have to let go, but it's been a brutally lengthy and agonizing process.

Well make time, if I can take 5 minutes to sit down and write you a message, the least you can do is the same. Its not that **** hard.

It's not that they don't have the time; it's the fact that I've (you've) fallen off the bottom of their list of priorities. Another is the fact that I had a not-so-little life crisis back in 2000, and they want nothing to do with crises. BTW they're (quite sanctimonious) self-professed devout Christians. Go figure.

Eventually you get tired of chasing people and realize that you have to forget about it. It sucks and it hurts to know that they dont care anymore, and have moved on while you are still stuck in the past and waiting for that "Ill call you back" that will never come. And sadly what life expects us to do is shut up, suck it up, and move on. Its not as easy as it sounds..

Yeah, it's that painful 'letting-go' process.
The part that really pisses me about it is the fact it's almost always the already lonely & isolated person who gets let go, and the letgoers are often the people with family, friends and a social support network. It's the social equivalent of the rich get richer, the poor poorer.

Partial solution IMO - don't make friends with too many couples/families and people with many friends. Also, don't throw too many eggs in one basket. It's always good to have others to fall back on, though in the past year I endured the 'perfect storm', having lost well over 50% of an already dismal number of (so-called) friends.

 

[SimizAkri]

I've actually had something really similar (if not identical) to your situation just happen to me.
Basically, when a person does this, they just stopped caring.
That's the root of it all.
Not matter what he/she feeds you, someone who cares for you doesn't hurt you in that manner.

It's hard to let go of the confusion and anger, especially since that person is probably really important to you.
(If he/she wasn't, I'm sure you wouldn't try so hard to reach him/her).
But once you move on, you'll realize your better off in life without a person who doesn't care for you.

 

[one lonely guy]

I've actually had something really similar (if not identical) to your situation just happen to me.

It's happened in a rather great number of cases to me.

Basically, when a person does this, they just stopped caring.
That's the root of it all.
Not matter what he/she feeds you, someone who cares for you doesn't hurt you in that manner.

You're exactly right!
Next comes the question, why?
-because they're having their own personal issues that override everything?
-because they're the type that grazes on friends (i.e. low boredom threshold; high initial interest that wanes; time to move on to other/new friends)?
-because they get involved in a 'relationship' that sucks up all their time/energy?
Those 3 come to mind as ones I've experienced; there may be many more.
Unfortunately, it's irreversible.

It's hard to let go of the confusion and anger, especially since that person is probably really important to you.

And sense of betrayal, esp. if you've invested time, energy and resources into actually helping them in various ways.

But once you move on, you'll realize your better off in life without a person who doesn't care for you.

Eventually you just have to; otherwise it sucks up your life energy. Forgetting is the hard part, and regaining trust in future friendships after being hurt too often.

 

[Rebel001]

Yeah The hard part is just forgetting and moving on, cause you are still thinking of that person, and you still want to be friends with that person when they dont want anything to do with you anymore..Thats what hurts me the most and bugs me the most about all of it. Its hard to accept at first, but eventually like one lonely guy said, we have to accept it.

 

[SophiaGrace]

if you truely care about someone, I think you'd be straightforward. If you dont, you'll not tell them that you've decided to break up with them.

It might hurt but both parties need to be informed on what the status of the relationship is.

I'm sorry people havent treated you with enough respect to tell you when things are over.

That's their problem. You, sir, have more integrity. And i'm proud of you for that.