Pet Peeves in relationships - justified or not

[Regumika]

(There is a real question at the end)

No matter who you are with, there are habits/behaviors that you do not particularly like and often times just hits your nerves. In a relationship, we are supposed to tolerate and overlook some of these habits/behaviors. But i believe that there are some that has to change.

examples of things to overlook:
-how the other wash/stacks dishes
-how the refrigerator is organized (cabinets too)
-how the laundry is folded
-etc.

so the question is.. if one does not like how the other talks, is that something to overlook? or is it grounds to actually change. What about if 1 doesnt like how 2 behaves, but 1 behaves what it told 2 not to do. or expect 2 to do something but does not want to do it themselves. should this be overlooked? or something to be corrected?

 

[Barbaloot]

What do you mean about not liking the way they talk? The kind of speech they use? I think behavioral corrections are pretty necessary, especially if you've told them not to do it previously.

I have no problem telling my husband about everything he does that irritates me. If he does or says something I don't like, I correct him then and there.
Since I have to live with him for the rest of my life, I think it's better to address everything when it happens. Sometimes people don't even realize the things they do. You can always take a tactful approach to addressing the problems you have with someone without coming across like you're nagging or criticizing them.

 

[Okiedokes]

It's always good to tell the person what bothers you if it's really...that irritating. If it's something small... you might just wanna accept it and think about the bigger things that have more impact on your life involving them. Picking at things that are so small is very irritating and I do think both people need to work around the very small differences. For instance, if the man is displeased about where the dishes go, I am not sure how the woman would feel as she's the one having to do the dishes (usually). Maybe he could put the dishes away? Eventually there does need to be an agreement on where they go so nobody is constantly wondering...where the heck did the plates go? lol.

I think it's good to not be too picky about the smaller things like that because it just causes more conflicts that could have been avoided if we just accepted a little difference in what we would prefer. It's two people in the household, not just you so it will never always be the way you want things to be, or it shouldn't have to be. Should be both people trying to compromise.

 

[Astral_Punisher]

I think it's very important to be honest and upfront about disagreements.

I also think that if you want something done your way, you have to do it yourself.

If the man of the house likes his dishes put away a certain way, then he should be the primary dish-puter-awayer. If the woman likes her yoga pants washed on COLD, or else they shrink and make her butt look big, then she should make sure not to put them in the communal dirty-laundry pile.

I don't really like the word "Compromising".
I prefer "Dealing", as in, trading off tasks and 'rules' where both sides get some ground on things they want. That way, everyone gets something the way they like, and there isn't that annoying vagueness that tends to pervade relationships. Plus, it can help to avoid 'nothing fights'.

 

[Callie]

My ex had many things I was irritated with and he knew about every single one of them. I let a lot of them go, because relationships are about compromise and there are just some things that a person isn't even aware that they do, even if you tell them a million times.
Some of the things I insisted that he change (and it took almost 7 years for him to get out of the habit of doing them) were somewhat trivial, but I just could not abide them. One example was leaving the cupboard doors open...yes, it sounds very trivial, but when it comes to my kitchen, that's where I draw the line.
Then there's also sitting down to eat in his underwear. Put some **** clothes on if you're going to sit at my table :club:
And his grammar, but there are some examples that I correct EVERYONE on, if I hear/see them used wrong. It's a force of habit with me. I've actually gotten a bit more relaxed with that. (there were more serious issues, but I won't get into those)

There were also a lot of things I needed to change and I knew I did. However, that said...people have habits that they get into and they are hard to break. So it really boils down to "pick your battles." Just how much does the habit/issue bother you and is it worth fighting for and will it upset them if you try to make them. People being forced to change for their partner is never a good thing, it basically puts an "ultimatum" on the relationship. People are who they are, so while you can point out what bothers you and ask if there can be some kind of compromise, I don't think you should MAKE anyone change.

 

[Badjedidude]

My ex had many things I was irritated with and he knew about every single one of them. I let a lot of them go, because relationships are about compromise and there are just some things that a person isn't even aware that they do, even if you tell them a million times.

THIS.

 

[Trent]

- lying
- cheating
- stealing
- ungratefulness
- abuse

how the dishes are stacked or how the laundry is folded is a distant second to these "core" principles.

 

[Badjedidude]

- lying
- cheating
- stealing
- ungratefulness
- abuse

how the dishes are stacked or how the laundry is folded is a distant second to these "core" principles.

My interpretation of this thread is that it was about pet peeves -- the SMALL things. Toilet seat left up/down, leaving dish rags out, etc.

What you've listed here seem more like outright deal-breakers than pet peeves to me. *shrug*

 

[Trent]

- lying
- cheating
- stealing
- ungratefulness
- abuse

how the dishes are stacked or how the laundry is folded is a distant second to these "core" principles.

My interpretation of this thread is that it was about pet peeves -- the SMALL things. Toilet seat left up/down, leaving dish rags out, etc.

What you've listed here seem more like outright deal-breakers than pet peeves to me. *shrug*

touché

 

[Trent]

ok, so pet peeves...

laziness: my ex slept all day every day, she was lazy as fresia, always sleeping no matter what, like pulling teeth to get her ass off the couch or out of bed.

needlessly slobby: throws trash on the floor when the can is right there, throws clothes on the floor when the hamper is right there, places hairties and scrunchies and bobby pins in an array across every horizontal surface in the home. etc etc etc. i'm not a cleanfreak, but i also don't appreciate what amounts to a concerted effort to fresia up my home.

yelling/screaming/hollering/shrieking: i can go from 0 to 100 mph in the blink of an eye and nothing gets me there quicker than yelling/screaming/hollering/shrieking. if you want a peaceful home and you want me in it...lower your ******* voice...it really is that simple. because when i start yelling, suddenly it's not cute any more.