Question for men

[Tiger lily]

Why is it that when a man is out with his girlfriend I will get attention from them i.e looking at me, but when hes single out with a mate or on his own I don't get any looks? I don't care for the looks from men who have women already.

Why cant a decent single man show interest? Im 24. I've been told Im good looking and I am a individual with interesting things to talk about. What am I doing wrong?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Not all men. Okay I have checked out women when a guy is with them but I will do it when they are alone too. Discreetly though I don't want to get caught or come off a perv. When I was with a few of my guy friends I might check a girl out but not make it obvious, part of my social anxiety, I wouldn't want them to try and egg me to go talk to her, then have to deal with rejection.

Maybe you just notice it more when they are with their girl because they are with their girl and shouldn't be looking at another woman. If a guy is with his buds and he's in a relationship he better not make eye contact with you and get noticed, or he's going to be in some big trouble if his girl ever finds out.

Oh if forgot to answer last question. I have no idea, I wonder the same thing, but then I don't go out to places to meet other people. You might be doing nothing wrong, in fact you probably aren't. I'll tell you a little secret, we're actually very intimidated by women, there is so much on us to try to impress a woman, and rejection oh man does it suck. Well maybe not all guys but you probably don't want those kind of guys hitting on you anyway.

 

[argosgold]

I almost never get looks from girls. I'm not ugly or anything. Well I don't think so.

The 2 occasions when I've got a look and a smile from a girl... 2 times in the last 6 months or so. It's REALLY made my day.

I know that doesn't help, I just thought I'd throw that out there.

 

[Tiger lily]

Thanks for your reply.

I sometimes wonder whether I don't smile at them enough or when I do its almosta forced smile but this is not because i don't want to smile its because im scared I'll just get a blank response and no smile back which would make me feel like a fool. When guys look at you with no expression it is very indimidating because you have no idea what they think. I don't even get guys trying to smile at me they just look at me with no expression.

 

[argosgold]

Yeah. Smile at them. Worst that can happen is they don't smile back and you never see them again. I'm the same - I don't want to smile at girls in the street - seems a bit creepy. But when they smile first, I smile back

 

[suckaG]

sometimes i give girls that blank expression, just because i am too nervous to try smiling, for exactly the reason you mentioned, tiger lily. haha.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Tiger Lily. Describe what you look like? Are you fat? Do you have acne? Do you have short hair? Any girl who's not overweight, who doesn't get acne, and who has long hair and is feminine usually gets hit on about 50 times a day. I'm guessing that all the guys who are hitting on you don't meet your criterion, so it looks like you might need to kick your looks up a few notches.

 

[halfemptyheart26]

Lol. Socratesx I don't think you could come off more shallow, even if you tried. Apt advice for the thread nonetheless lol

 

[VanillaCreme]

Tiger Lily. Describe what you look like? Are you fat? Do you have acne? Do you have short hair? Any girl who's not overweight, who doesn't get acne, and who has long hair and is feminine usually gets hit on about 50 times a day. I'm guessing that all the guys who are hitting on you don't meet your criterion, so it looks like you might need to kick your looks up a few notches.

Her looks have nothing to do with it. Don't be ridiculous. You obviously know nothing about anything.


As for the question, I have no idea. Some people who already are in a relationship don't really understand the whole committed part. It's like they're completely ignoring what their partner feels or thinks just to justify themselves. Maybe the single people aren't paying attention. Example, I'm single, and I have my eye on someone, but I'm not going to read too much into it.

 

[halfemptyheart26]

Actually, vanillacreme, as much as I abhor how blatantly shallow socratesx is.. we re talking abt people approaching eachother in public, which has everything to do with ones appearance... sad but tue fact of society.

 

[suckaG]

tiger lilly has already described herself as good looking. this issue isn't guys not paying her any mind, it's single, available guys not paying her any mind.

 

[ShybutHi]

Im single have been my whole life and im 24 also im terrible at eye contact and smiling when it comes to women who i dont know... hmmm maybe if i actually did make eye contact and smiled at women i might get noticed! lol

 

[theSupporter]

I hardly ever notice any woman looking at me, but sometimes I thikn this is partly because I am not looking too hard at them to make a contact.

I will tell you, whether a guy is with a woman or not with a woman we are ALWAYS looking at women. It is impossible for a guy not to at least want to look at an attractive woman despite whether they are in a happy relationship. Just the female body and appearance will just naturally make me want to look.

My last relationship was open in the sense that we would both check out women, so it was ok. My current one she is not into me doing that where we both go "she's hot". So that is just her personal perference so I'll rein in my wandering eyes.

What confuses me is that when guys are out with other guys, from my experience all they DO is look at women and talk about women!! So I don't get that part of it.

If they're not looking at you, then they're shy or are intimidated, because I'm telling you right now, we all look or want to look at you ladies.

 

[Cosmo]

Here's why.

When a man has a woman he feels more confident. This confidence may cause him to look around at other women because he might feel confident enough to check someone out. Also, since he is with someone, looking at another woman means he's free from worrying about rejection from the woman he checks out since he is already with someone.

Oddly there is an opposite trend for women. Women will hit on an attached man more than they will a single one, generally speaking.

Now not ALL men are like this. And not ALL women are like this. But these are things I have observed. I think it has to do with some very primal drives of the male instinct: "I'm fertile and I want to mate with lots of women" and female instinct: "I want the best male to sire my offspring so I'll go for the one all the girls are going for since he's the best." Both of these things feed off of one another.

Maybe Tiger Lilly is in the "too-hot-she-must-be-out-of-my-league" category or be somehow otherwise intimidating? Since the single guys who might get shot down aren't making a move and the attached ones finally have their egos protected enough to do so. Just a thought.

>>
<<

*Sidles up next to. Waggles eyebrows at* How YOU doin'?

Also, Tiger lily's user name keeps making me think of this.

 

[Poueff]

Not all men. Okay I have checked out women when a guy is with them but I will do it when they are alone too. Discreetly though I don't want to get caught or come off a perv.

WTF? How that even comes as a "situation"? Come on,since when does looking at a women = pervalicious freak?!

 

[Sci-Fi]

You're young Poueff, it's different. At your age and lucky for you for several more years, if you check out a girl they'll think it's cute or just brush it off as your hormones raging. A lot of women like it when a younger guy checks them out, depending on your age. I have an employee who's 15 and was astonished to find out that a female customer we had in one day was 60 (**** I tell you she looked fine for 60, **** FINE!). She had a huge smile on her face and I can bet you that he made her entire week. As a guy when you get older it becomes more trickier and more of a game, especially if you're not sure how old that girl actually is. Seriously, it's not safe to just check out a "hottie" some girls can look much older than they are. I'm shy and socially awkward, so I feel like me checking out a girl might make me some kind of pervert, especially if that said girl (like I mentioned) ends up being 20 instead of 30. It's just the way I am for some reason. The worst thing is getting caught and getting a negative reaction. When I was younger I used to like walk around the malls, I'd hear girls my age talking about the older pervert checking them out and start to make fun of them. Sometimes the guy didn't even look that old for them to be calling him a pervert. Now sometimes there were way older guys checking out the young teenage girls, that is just...well...there the phrase "dirty old pervert" for a reason.

I dunno, does that make more sense?

 

[A new life]

Tiger Lily,
Talk to them.
Ask them ANYTHING
Ask which way to Starbucks
If you're in the grocery store ask them if they've ever tried (pick something off of shelf)

I've done this myself,
Not as a pick-up tactic. But just making conversation.
Sometimes you get brief and to the point answers, sometimes you get more.
But if he's available, and you've got a smile on your face..........................................................................

(EDIT)
Ladies, this is just one man's opinion. But for what it's worth.
A SMILE IS THE BEST MAKE-UP YOU CAN WEAR

 

[Sci-Fi]

That's actually a really good strategy A new life, just don't ask something that makes you look stupid. Like if there is a Starbucks right across the street, cause then the guy is going to point at it and think...wow...what a ditz. LOL

 

[A Desolate Soul]

Tiger Lily,
Talk to them.
Ask them ANYTHING
Ask which way to Starbucks
If you're in the grocery store ask them if they've ever tried (pick something off of shelf)

I've done this myself,
Not as a pick-up tactic. But just making conversation.
Sometimes you get brief and to the point answers, sometimes you get more.
But if he's available, and you've got a smile on your face..........................................................................

(EDIT)
Ladies, this is just one man's opinion. But for what it's worth.
A SMILE IS THE BEST MAKE-UP YOU CAN WEAR

good point! another good tactic i've learned is when i'm shopping for clothes. WOMEN LOVE CLOTHES and is always a good opener. ask them for their opinions on some some clothes you're considering buying. smile and have fun too. you're almost guaranteed to walk away with their number :]

Not all men. Okay I have checked out women when a guy is with them but I will do it when they are alone too. Discreetly though I don't want to get caught or come off a perv.

not sure how just looking/checking out women will make you a perv. unless you're like giving this really creepy smile and doing the eyebrows thing XD

---

oh and tiger lily, do you have any physical features that stand out? like for example, i have really long hair for a guy so often i catch a few girls turning their heads to look at me.

 

[Sci-Fi]

@ A Desolate Soul - see my post before my last, post #16. Poueff asked the same thing.