Questions for the Men

[CenotaphGirl]

Question is, in a relationship is it fair to keep brining up an old mistake in every new argument? Is it actually fair to say i’ve moved on i forgive you but anytime we disagree i will throw that in your face… hmm just wondered what people thought on here

 

[TheRealCallie]

Question is, in a relationship is it fair to keep brining up an old mistake in every new argument? Is it actually fair to say i’ve moved on i forgive you but anytime we disagree i will throw that in your face… hmm just wondered what people thought on here

Of course it's not fair. If you keep bringing it up, you haven't forgiven honeysuckle. It's manipulative bullshit.

 

[Macsimum Myers]

Omg sorry I have a question, if your partner stopped washing and all personal hygiene what would you do?

I'd use my tongue to keep her clean.

 

[Macsimum Myers]

Question is, in a relationship is it fair to keep brining up an old mistake in every new argument? Is it actually fair to say i’ve moved on i forgive you but anytime we disagree i will throw that in your face… hmm just wondered what people thought on here

No

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Of course it's not fair. If you keep bringing it up, you haven't forgiven honeysuckle. It's manipulative bullshit.

I swear im so tired, I get to a point where im like ….. if you wont forgive it then just bloody leave… whats the point of using a past mistake to hurt someone over and over? Driving me nuts

I do have a question… how many times or what is a fair way to bring up something you are struggling to get over?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'd use my tongue to keep her clean.

I mean ….

 

[Finished]

Question is, in a relationship is it fair to keep brining up an old mistake in every new argument? Is it actually fair to say i’ve moved on i forgive you but anytime we disagree i will throw that in your face… hmm just wondered what people thought on here

Only if the old mistake yes never dealt with. Many people just want to move on and forget about the past without discussing the mistake, understand why it happened, and show that it won't happen again. Unresolved mistakes / problems will continue to boil up and cause unforseen problems in the future.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Question is, in a relationship is it fair to keep brining up an old mistake in every new argument? Is it actually fair to say i’ve moved on i forgive you but anytime we disagree i will throw that in your face… hmm just wondered what people thought on here

Okay, this is gonna be kinda long, but I feel it's necessary:

Forgiveness does not imply the healing process, and therein lies the problem.
A person can forgive a mistake, even if they are not healed from it.
That's the source of most platonic disputes among friendships and family, so among romantic or sexual partners that will also apply.

Emotional Healing is a slow process, it takes time and cannot be rushed.
The most that you can rush the healing process, is through direct management.

Acknowledge the problem, talk about the problem, but do not let it escalate into an argument.
At the point of conflict you're just getting what's called Diminishing Returns, which completely negates the healing process.
If you can't talk to your partner without it escalating, talk to your friends or family about it to vent, or find a public source of support such as this forum, or mental health apps.

Now, when someone keeps bringing that back up in an argument, it's because even though they've forgiven they haven't healed yet.
That's the main reason, 100% of the time.
The secondary reason, is when the problem persists to arise, scratching open the wound....and that's when things get bad, like really bad.
They develop a defensive reflex to bring it up, out of desperation. I should emphasize: Defensive Reflex, people don't exactly have control over that because it's how the brain instinctively responds to perpetual trauma-inducing scenarios.

Of course it isn't fair, but understanding WHY it's happening is crucially important and vital to a relationship.
It's kind of like bending metal: Yes, you can bend bent metal back to its original state, but if you keep wiggling it back and forth, eventually it breaks off.
This is that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Only if the old mistake yes never dealt with. Many people just want to move on and forget about the past without discussing the mistake, understand why it happened, and show that it won't happen again. Unresolved mistakes / problems will continue to boil up and cause unforseen problems in the future.

This is the thing, if its “dealt with” sorry has been said, its been brought up sooooooooooooo many times… then wtf? Like Finished… seriously just feels like he brings old crap up to win an argument.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Okay, this is gonna be kinda long, but I feel it's necessary:

Forgiveness does not imply the healing process, and therein lies the problem.
A person can forgive a mistake, even if they are not healed from it.
That's the source of most platonic disputes among friendships and family, so among romantic or sexual partners that will also apply.

Emotional Healing is a slow process, it takes time and cannot be rushed.
The most that you can rush the healing process, is through direct management.

Acknowledge the problem, talk about the problem, but do not let it escalate into an argument.
At the point of conflict you're just getting what's called Diminishing Returns, which completely negates the healing process.
If you can't talk to your partner without it escalating, talk to your friends or family about it to vent, or find a public source of support such as this forum, or mental health apps.

Now, when someone keeps bringing that back up in an argument, it's because even though they've forgiven they haven't healed yet.
That's the main reason, 100% of the time.
The secondary reason, is when the problem persists to arise, scratching open the wound....and that's when things get bad, like really bad.
They develop a defensive reflex to bring it up, out of desperation. I should emphasize: Defensive Reflex, people don't exactly have control over that because it's how the brain instinctively responds to perpetual trauma-inducing scenarios.

Of course it isn't fair, but understanding WHY it's happening is crucially important and vital to a relationship.
It's kind of like bending metal: Yes, you can bend bent metal back to its original state, but if you keep wiggling it back and forth, eventually it breaks off.
This is that.

To be honest… Im about to just say if he brings it up again im walking. I dont throw all his crap back in his face because when I forgive I understand the importance if letting sleeping dogs lie. He just makes me so angry, I cant change or take back what I did, it’s literally impossible to do it again. I hurt him but it wasnt my intention we’ve spoken about it 600000000 times… its like he needs to get over it, I find this behaviour sooo bloody feminine, makes me feel like wtf am I doing with this… “woman” I gave him my heart he’s supposed to be alpha this masculine that (his words) I do 1 thing to hurt him.. and its like he needs a permanent tampon about it… lemme stop im ranting ugh…

 

[ardour]

To be honest… Im about to just say if he brings it up again im walking. I dont throw all his crap back in his face because when I forgive I understand the importance if letting sleeping dogs lie. He just makes me so angry, I cant change or take back what I did, it’s literally impossible to do it again. I hurt him but it wasnt my intention we’ve spoken about it 600000000 times… its like he needs to get over it, I find this behaviour sooo bloody feminine, makes me feel like wtf am I doing with this… “woman” I gave him my heart he’s supposed to be alpha this masculine that (his words) I do 1 thing to hurt him.. and its like he needs a permanent tampon about it… lemme stop im ranting ugh…

What did you do? Okay, if you don't want to answer that, but what I mean is it depends entirely on what happened.

The irony when talking about wanting a manly man is that you might already have harmed his ability to feel like the man in the relationship. Cheating for example, not only is it a betrayal, it has an emasculating effect, for obvious reasons.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

What did you do? Okay, if you don't want to answer that, but what I mean is it depends entirely on what it was.

The irony when talking about wanting a manly man is that you might already have harmed his ability to feel like the man in the relationship. Cheating for example, not only is it a betrayal, it has an emasculating effect.

I lied about my age, yearsssss ago, I cant mention a birthday (anyones) we cant have an argument (about anything) without it being slapped on me every single ******* time… ughhhh we got through it I never made him do anything illegal i wasnt illegal age to be with him but I lied. I accept that. But why build all this, literally raise his daughter with me to keep bitching about it? I’m getting older lol i will be 23 at some point its not like im stuck in time. Ugh this “man” or w/e he is… is gonna give me wrinkles.

if he cant be the man I want then he should just piss off… im fed up. I have to be perfect but he can be this… toxic feminine energy all the time

 

[ardour]

I lied about my age, yearsssss ago, I cant mention a birthday (anyones) we cant have an argument (about anything) without it being slapped on me every single ******* time… ughhhh we got through it I never made him do anything illegal i wasnt illegal age to be with him but I lied. I accept that. But why build all this, literally raise his daughter with me to keep bitching about it? I’m getting older lol i will be 23 at some point its not like im stuck in time. Ugh this “man” or w/e he is… is gonna give me wrinkles.

if he cant be the man I want then he should just piss off… im fed up. I have to be perfect but he can be this… toxic feminine energy all the time

How is old he, if you don't mind... being nosy here.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

How is old he, if you don't mind... being nosy here.

Really dosent matter how old he is, im fed up honestly im not even sure maybe he lied too because he dont act like a grown bloody man.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

To be honest… Im about to just say if he brings it up again im walking. I dont throw all his crap back in his face because when I forgive I understand the importance if letting sleeping dogs lie. He just makes me so angry, I cant change or take back what I did, it’s literally impossible to do it again. I hurt him but it wasnt my intention we’ve spoken about it 600000000 times… its like he needs to get over it, I find this behaviour sooo bloody feminine, makes me feel like wtf am I doing with this… “woman” I gave him my heart he’s supposed to be alpha this masculine that (his words) I do 1 thing to hurt him.. and its like he needs a permanent tampon about it… lemme stop im ranting ugh…

I have met men twice my age and thrice or quadruple my economic capacity, that can pick a girl up at the flick of a wrist, but are equally broken at the flick of a wrist by a woman's emotional existence in their lives. So what's that tell you?

I wouldn't have responded if I didn't care, this is me caring and supporting you.
I'm not just gonna blindly answer a question that was oddly specific to begin with, I actually appreciate your input here and care about your well-being even if it contrasts or differentiates with my own. That's what a place of support is supposed to be, right?

I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't walk, but I gave you a lengthy response so that you can understand the context of what you're really dealing with.
Don't take me out of context with that, I've been on both sides of this before.

All that I'm suggesting is that Mr. Alpha, no matter which Mr. Alpha you find, is going to lack the intellectual property which makes an Alpha an Alpha in the first place.

The Body and Mind are not the same. They just aren't. They never will be, for anyone.
If you want to understand why there is so much of a conundrum in the dating pool, it's because EVERYONE, literally EVERYONE is looking for the Body that can lift the weight in Books.

And the fact of the matter is, that's not how that works.
I don't at all blame or hate women at all for their division between types of men, I'm just rationally and calmly breaking down why it is the way that it is.

Men and Women, just simply have different definitions of what Love is.
I don't hate women at all, actually I adore them despite the fact that I tend to fall flat to their interests.
The only thing I actually hate, is Love itself.
Because I mean, well, take a step back for a minute, think about everyone that you know, and look at what Love does to our species....

Don't get me wrong, it's a great idea, I just think that it needs to be updated and flushed out a little instead of its archaic roots.
Hell, its archaic roots in modern society mostly imply monogamy, which conflicts with a woman's natural polygamous nature, so I'm sure you understand at least that much.

Oddly, I end up counseling more women, and getting every Chad being like "you can just do X/Y/Z and get laid" and I'm, admittedly not the type.
I've tried that. I get nothing out of it, and it lowers the quality and value of both sex and a relationship to me.

Advise??
Try to relax. IDC how, but you need it.
Rather it's a spa, getting your nails done and your hair did, going for a massage, ya gotta relax.

Again, and I reiterate:
I don't hate women, I love women.
I hate love as a concept, because we humans don't understand it as well as we probably should, and I think that's probably our biggest issue as a species.

Self Wrap Up:
Can I just roll out and get laid with hookups?
Absolutely.
But I don't, because I actually want to meet and value a relationship.
I'm not a-romantic, I just know when I'm getting played.
Am I a player?
No.
Not anymore, at least.
It's honestly a self-destructive lifestyle.

I wish you the best, and if you get this far I'll be surprised you cared to read enough of this bible of a text.
But yeah, this is me giving you solid advice because I believe we should actually care about each other on this forum and try to help each other when and if we can.

If you want to walk, I encourage you to do so.
There's no point in being in a relationship that you're not happy in.
I wouldn't do it, I don't expect anybody else to do it either.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I have met men twice my age and thrice or quadruple my economic capacity, that can pick a girl up at the flick of a wrist, but are equally broken at the flick of a wrist by a woman's emotional existence in their lives. So what's that tell you?

I wouldn't have responded if I didn't care, this is me caring and supporting you.
I'm not just gonna blindly answer a question that was oddly specific to begin with, I actually appreciate your input here and care about your well-being even if it contrasts or differentiates with my own. That's what a place of support is supposed to be, right?

I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't walk, but I gave you a lengthy response so that you can understand the context of what you're really dealing with.
Don't take me out of context with that, I've been on both sides of this before.

All that I'm suggesting is that Mr. Alpha, no matter which Mr. Alpha you find, is going to lack the intellectual property which makes an Alpha an Alpha in the first place.

The Body and Mind are not the same. They just aren't. They never will be, for anyone.
If you want to understand why there is so much of a conundrum in the dating pool, it's because EVERYONE, literally EVERYONE is looking for the Body that can lift the weight in Books.

And the fact of the matter is, that's not how that works.
I don't at all blame or hate women at all for their division between types of men, I'm just rationally and calmly breaking down why it is the way that it is.

Men and Women, just simply have different definitions of what Love is.
I don't hate women at all, actually I adore them despite the fact that I tend to fall flat to their interests.
The only thing I actually hate, is Love itself.
Because I mean, well, take a step back for a minute, think about everyone that you know, and look at what Love does to our species....

Don't get me wrong, it's a great idea, I just think that it needs to be updated and flushed out a little instead of its archaic roots.
Hell, its archaic roots in modern society mostly imply monogamy, which conflicts with a woman's natural polygamous nature, so I'm sure you understand at least that much.

Oddly, I end up counseling more women, and getting every Chad being like "you can just do X/Y/Z and get laid" and I'm, admittedly not the type.
I've tried that. I get nothing out of it, and it lowers the quality and value of both sex and a relationship to me.

Advise??
Try to relax. IDC how, but you need it.
Rather it's a spa, getting your nails done and your hair did, going for a massage, ya gotta relax.

Again, and I reiterate:
I don't hate women, I love women.
I hate love as a concept, because we humans don't understand it as well as we probably should, and I think that's probably our biggest issue as a species.

Self Wrap Up:
Can I just roll out and get laid with hookups?
Absolutely.
But I don't, because I actually wan to meet and value a relationship.
I'm not a-romantic, I just know when I'm getting played.
Am I a player?
No.
Not anymore, at least.
It's honestly a self-destructive lifestyle.

I wish you the best, and if you get this far I'll be surprised you cared to read enough of this bible of a text.
But yeah, this is me giving you solid advice because I believe we should actually care about each other on this forum and try to help each other when and if we can.

If you want to walk, I encourage you to do so.
There's no point in being in a relationship that you're not happy in.
I wouldn't do it, I don't expect anybody else to do it either.

I like long messages actually, I think you always come at topics from an interesting angle and to be honest… im starting to hate men. Hate them because they changed, because everything I grew up seeing men be is some sort of unrealistic fantasy now. I can forgive cheating, almost anything… I cant forgive a man thats… not one. I dont need a body builder or a hot boy I just need someone that wants a family and wants his role. I actually love my fella, I love him… the way he acts, how protected he makes me feel, the way he looks, uhhh. I got him by lying I told him I was 23… I wasnt even 18. He lost friends, and everything for being with me. So i deffo dont shrug off what I did, you know? I actually hate talking about it because I hate that I did it…

 

[Adamridge79]

This must be what 'book club for WASPs' is. Complain about their current partner, while still espousing their virtues. Oh, and wine. ****, that sounds exhausting

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I like long messages actually, I think you always come at topics from an interesting angle and to be honest… im starting to hate men. Hate them because they changed, because everything I grew up seeing men be is some sort of unrealistic fantasy now. I can forgive cheating, almost anything… I cant forgive a man thats… not one. I dont need a body builder or a hot boy I just need someone that wants a family and wants his role. I actually love my fella, I love him… the way he acts, how protected he makes me feel, the way he looks, uhhh. I got him by lying I told him I was 23… I wasnt even 18. He lost friends, and everything for being with me. So i deffo dont shrug off what I did, you know? I actually hate talking about it because I hate that I did it…

That's why he is the way that he is, sis.
You lied to him from the beginning.
Now in your defense, he went with it.
And you're not at all wrong for feeling the way that you do about it.

Depending on his age and experience when he first hooked up with you relationship-wise, that'll be a factor.

Older Men are supposed to have their honeysuckle together and have resources, right?
I have neither of those things. So even though younger women catch my fancy, I don't take advantage of their naivety, simply because I can....

I don't hate women now, but I went through a phase of it....
I think that anyone with enough experience in the dating pool will go through that phase.

The way you find peace with that, is to do the unthinkable...
And by that, I mean, remove yourself from the pool.

Scientists can't determine what's at the center of the Earth because Earth is where we are and as such is too close....similarly, you cannot determine what the problem with the dating pool is, if you are also still in the dating pool.

All that I am suggesting, is that you choose your mental health and well being over an otherwise continual gambling factor.

 

[Adamridge79]

....******* expositions...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That's why he is the way that he is, sis.
You lied to him from the beginning.
Now in your defense, he went with it.
And you're not at all wrong for feeling the way that you do about it.

Depending on his age and experience when he first hooked up with you relationship-wise, that'll be a factor.

Older Men are supposed to have their honeysuckle together and have resources, right?
I have neither of those things. So even though younger women catch my fancy, I don't take advantage of their naivety, simply because I can....

I don't hate women now, but I went through a phase of it....
I think that anyone with enough experience in the dating pool will go through that phase.

The way you find peace with that, is to do the unthinkable...
And by that, I mean, remove yourself from the pool.

Scientists can't determine what's at the center of the Earth because Earth is where we are and as such is too close....similarly, you cannot determine what the problem with the dating pool is, if you are also still in the dating pool.

All that I am suggesting, is that you choose your mental health and well being over an otherwise continual

That's why he is the way that he is, sis.
You lied to him from the beginning.
Now in your defense, he went with it.
And you're not at all wrong for feeling the way that you do about it.

Depending on his age and experience when he first hooked up with you relationship-wise, that'll be a factor.

Older Men are supposed to have their honeysuckle together and have resources, right?
I have neither of those things. So even though younger women catch my fancy, I don't take advantage of their naivety, simply because I can....

I don't hate women now, but I went through a phase of it....
I think that anyone with enough experience in the dating pool will go through that phase.

The way you find peace with that, is to do the unthinkable...
And by that, I mean, remove yourself from the pool.

Scientists can't determine what's at the center of the Earth because Earth is where we are and as such is too close....similarly, you cannot determine what the problem with the dating pool is, if you are also still in the dating pool.

All that I am suggesting, is that you choose your mental health and well being over an otherwise continual gambling factor.

Men are tiring lolz