Questions for the Men

[Bam111]

Thanks for taking the time to respond mi laddie!

I appreciate your perspective, men are from mars or whatever and I guess it's telling... I simple cannot understand them. I asked the question because...my ex hates me... but he's all over me... I'm so conflicted and I'm so alone. When I considered myself a toxic person, I was happier, happy because I knew I was toxic and could simply stop, but now I'm trying to be good I'm depressed, because I have no idea what I am doing wrong anymore, no idea how to stop, and no idea why the way I love is abusive... maybe I dont know how to love.

thanks for the info and whatever that is that you're trying to say lol pply teach me a lot even when they don't mean to. so, take care

 

[Cherubino]

When you’ve had some distance from a partner, it’s also easy to romanticise the good memories until, suddenly, the bad memories are less significant. Repressing negative memories is a tool we use to protect ourselves from re-experiencing trauma.

I some cases one the exes sends fake signals out of slyness or merely unaware just to fathom if you are missing or doing better without them and this can be misinterpreted as a mutual desire to get back together

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

As a man… if you hated a woman you had a previous relationship with…. thought she was toxic and abusive… why would you keep asking her to come back to you? Why would you constantly ask her if she is seeing anyone? Why would you crave her? Why would you dump rebound after rebound just to have her again? Why would you stay with her whenever she cant find anyone else to keep her company and drive her anywhere she asks? Why would you plan kids with her? Why would you wanna marry her? Be truthful… do you think that would mean you dont actually think she is toxic, could that mean you dont actually hate her?

I honestly don't know.
Every woman I've ever been with I'm very forward with them that my philosophy when it comes to dating is that I am like a cockroach: I am going to survive the blast that killed the dinosaurs, but also I can't move backwards.

I'm very much a Come To The Table With No Bullshit kind of a guy.
That's probably why I'm single though Reality is just not as interesting as the next episode of Vampire Diaries or Sex and the City.

I assume the men that plan to have kids with a woman intentionally are either more emotional than they are logical, or have Judeo-Christian family values that I don't have purely because, well, I'm not Christian. In either case, it's fine for their life, I don't really care, it's not my kid, my woman or my money so it doesn't matter to me. It's also not my life, either, so I can just roll that off my shoulders like shower water.

omg I am still not over the randomness of this video.... lol and sorry for the typos in the response above this one it was late when I typed it.

this video is going to get stuck in my head I blame you NoxApex

It's fine bro.
Yeah, old early days of the internet were a lot more like that: Just random fun and hilarity. That's what the internet was like back before social media.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Why do we go back to people who hurt us Princess?.

Here's a list pick the ones ( if any ) that fit. We, as humans, are creatures of habit, meaning that once we develop a routine, it can be hard for us to break free from it.

For some, familiar pain is a source of comfort, so it comes as no surprise that those people find themselves in a constant cycle of hurt. Where this pain pattern stems from is unique to each individual. When pain is all you know, it can be challenging to seek alternative behaviours.

We are blinded by love. It’s easy to get caught up in a relationship, even when it’s toxic. Later, we’ll tell ourselves “Maybe they’ll change” or “Maybe things will be different this time” in order to justify going back.

The drama itself can be addicting for some people. One friend told me that she gave her ex another chance because she believed he had to make up for how he had mistreated her in the past. While people do have the capacity to change, more often than not a person won’t change their innate nature.

Because it's easy, Investing time and energy into a relationship is a lot of work, and the thought of starting over can seem daunting. Dating takes a lot of effort. Opening ourselves up to someone new inevitably comes with the potential to be hurt again. It’s scary, and that fear alone is enough to keep people at bay.

When we’ve made ourselves vulnerable to someone and labelled them as a person who knows us, it can be hard to categorise them as unsafe.

When you’ve had some distance from a partner, it’s also easy to romanticise the good memories until, suddenly, the bad memories are less significant. Repressing negative memories is a tool we use to protect ourselves from reexperiencing trauma.

Reviving relationships with people who have hurt us has to do with self worth issues. Trying to break free from a toxic relationship, and then returning to it, feeds and fuels an unhealthy cycle of low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. These feelings can make us believe that we are undeserving of, unworthy of, or not good enough for a better love.

Lastly,, it’s not uncommon for people in toxic relationships to experience a sort of “Stockholm Syndrome in which they begin to favour their abusers. Many people in this situation are convinced (either by themselves, by their partners, or both) that this is the “best” relationship they’ll ever have. Of course, this is untrue, and a tactic used to justify abuse and/or neglect.

Honestly RandomGuy... I think all apply, thats the worst bit. I'm so fed up. I think im due another stent in hospital at this point... but I dont wanna bloody go, I just got out, I am supposed to be happy and yet... I am not. I am supposed to be over all this crap... and yet I am not. I can almost feel myself slipping, slipping back into depression. ughhh im literally crying typing this, I dont cry about him anymore... what am I bloody doing, officially lost it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I honestly don't know.
Every woman I've ever been with I'm very forward with them that my philosophy when it comes to dating is that I am like a cockroach: I am going to survive the blast that killed the dinosaurs, but also I can't move backwards.

I'm very much a Come To The Table With No Bullshit kind of a guy.
That's probably why I'm single though Reality is just not as interesting as the next episode of Vampire Diaries or Sex and the City.

I assume the men that plan to have kids with a woman intentionally are either more emotional than they are logical, or have Judeo-Christian family values that I don't have purely because, well, I'm not Christian. In either case, it's fine for their life, I don't really care, it's not my kid, my woman or my money so it doesn't matter to me. It's also not my life, either, so I can just roll that off my shoulders like shower water.



It's fine bro.
Yeah, old early days of the internet were a lot more like that: Just random fun and hilarity. That's what the internet was like back before social media.

Why oh why cant all men just be like youuuu no mind games, my mind cant take the bloody games. I am bloody losing my mind... I wanna just eat some cake and get fat, find a nice guy in touch with his feminine side that I am not attracted to in anyway and just be with him at this point... I'm tired... I cant keep up the hot girl attitude anymore... I am not hot... I am broken lol men win... I admit defeat now either euthanise me or keep me doped up on god knows what.

 

[Bam111]

I honestly don't know.
Every woman I've ever been with I'm very forward with them that my philosophy when it comes to dating is that I am like a cockroach: I am going to survive the blast that killed the dinosaurs, but also I can't move backwards.

I'm very much a Come To The Table With No Bullshit kind of a guy.
That's probably why I'm single though Reality is just not as interesting as the next episode of Vampire Diaries or Sex and the City.

I assume the men that plan to have kids with a woman intentionally are either more emotional than they are logical, or have Judeo-Christian family values that I don't have purely because, well, I'm not Christian. In either case, it's fine for their life, I don't really care, it's not my kid, my woman or my money so it doesn't matter to me. It's also not my life, either, so I can just roll that off my shoulders like shower water.



It's fine bro.
Yeah, old early days of the internet were a lot more like that: Just random fun and hilarity. That's what the internet was like back before social media.

lol thanks again dude I am still learning about ppl and their ways, and it is hilarious sometimes the Feeback I get but ultimately everything is for bad or for good still learned willingly or unwillingly and it is hilarious the video so thanks again. I am going back to my research sometimes I wonder why I respond. but it's all good have a wonderful day NoxApex I am ******* happy today I came out of a toxic situation, and I am doing better.

 

[randomguy]

Honestly RandomGuy... I think all apply, thats the worst bit. I'm so fed up. I think im due another stent in hospital at this point... but I dont wanna bloody go, I just got out, I am supposed to be happy and yet... I am not. I am supposed to be over all this crap... and yet I am not. I can almost feel myself slipping, slipping back into depression. ughhh im literally crying typing this, I dont cry about him anymore... what am I bloody doing, officially lost it.

Ah Princess, I wish I had some answers for you. You honestly need to break all contact with him and go through the "grieving" process, I know it's easier said than done but at the moment all you're doing is picking at the scab so that honeysuckle can't heal.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Why oh why cant all men just be like youuuu no mind games, my mind cant take the bloody games. I am bloody losing my mind... I wanna just eat some cake and get fat, find a nice guy in touch with his feminine side that I am not attracted to in anyway and just be with him at this point... I'm tired... I cant keep up the hot girl attitude anymore... I am not hot... I am broken lol men win... I admit defeat now either euthanise me or keep me doped up on god knows what.

I get that a lot, actually. Which, probably isn't a good thing.
I don't actively play mind games, I don't initiate them, at least.
Defensively though, basically all I did was just teach myself to be better at it than the unfortunate toxic women I've been with.
My reasoning is that if it's a waste of my time to partake in mind games, which if it is a waste of my time, than it's also a waste of my partners time as well, and I just kind of take the Mayweather approach: Defend and parry, wait for her to wear herself down on me.
Although I shouldn't really say "her," because I also deal with men who are manipulative this way as well.
I have trauma-induced psychosis, so under enough social stress I become emotionally absent, while it seems like a blessing it's actually kind of really not good or healthy because it can lead to long-term depressive episodes and after about the 2-month period of emotional numbness I start hallucinating.
It's part of the reason I was such an alcoholic in my 20s, because even crying at the bottom of a bottle was still at least eliciting some kind of an emotional response that I could understand as still human.
It's a bad thing that I get the "I wish men were like you" thing a lot, because that usually tells me that women can't "read" me well.
The TL;DR is that I'm rather noticeably detached from reality, just not in the way that people usually think. For me, it's more like I get lost in creative thoughts of art and history, or a well written story.
Some guys go to the club or bars when they're upset with their women, some guys go to the gym, I go to either the library or Wikipedia and read about anthropology or to my PlayStation emulator to play some retro 90s video games while listening to a documentary or podcast on mythology and anthropology.
I have this personal belief, I guess, that I would rather be humbled by and in life than be boastful about it. I can think with a clear headspace, if I'm feeling some type of way, my thoughts aren't going to be clear, and effectively neither will my decision-making processes. It's a lifestyle of a personal practice, I guess.

 

[Cherubino]

She called you "nice guy"

 

[MrLonely86]

That is a classical fantasy ... to end up as the only male on a tropical desert island with a group of all the women you want

I would trade girls for cars. Sry.

 

[user 139760]

that would a nightmare, not a fantasy.

I'd just like to point out how understated this statement is. If they ever make a "Prisoner" sequel, this should be the premise.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Okay! Lads... I ran out of questions but I'm back... so... imagine you are on a date, its a blind date set up by god knows who...

She's your type personality wise and looks wise BUT she keeps mispronouncing words.... (a lottt of words )

Do you...

A) Correct her, you're only trying to help
B) Let her continue, you know what she means anyway
C) Correct her once, then let it go
D) Other? If so... what?

Also, bonus question! Would that put you off having a second date, if everything else went... swimmingly? lolz

 

[Finished]

I would ask her to marry me. Ha! ha!

No. I would probably correct her once and then realize that's just how she is and smile.

No. I would want to do a second date.

 

[randomguy]

Okay! Lads... I ran out of questions but I'm back... so... imagine you are on a date, its a blind date set up by god knows who...

She's your type personality wise and looks wise BUT she keeps mispronouncing words.... (a lottt of words )

Do you...

A) Correct her, you're only trying to help
B) Let her continue, you know what she means anyway
C) Correct her once, then let it go
D) Other? If so... what?

Also, bonus question! Would that put you off having a second date, if everything else went... swimmingly? lolz

I love that your questions are multiple choice now.

I'm going B or D: If I thought she'd want to know, I'd want to know, you'd want to know right? The tricky bit is figuring out how to do it in a way that isn't humiliating for her, especially if it's a lot of words. I'm guessing English is her first language.

Nah it wouldn't put me off a 2nd date if everything else was grand.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Okay! Lads... I ran out of questions but I'm back... so... imagine you are on a date, its a blind date set up by god knows who...

She's your type personality wise and looks wise BUT she keeps mispronouncing words.... (a lottt of words )

Do you...

A) Correct her, you're only trying to help
B) Let her continue, you know what she means anyway
C) Correct her once, then let it go
D) Other? If so... what?

Also, bonus question! Would that put you off having a second date, if everything else went... swimmingly? lolz

A weird combination of B first then A if she cares?
Mostly for her own benefit when talking to others if she's concerned about it.

I actually have Word Salad, sssooo I kind of understand what that's like.
When I was in my teens I had an English Lit. girlfriend who I asked to help me sound more normal when talking to people because I didn't like that I sounded nonsensical.
So, she helped me learn to be more articulate to help mask it some.
It's still marginally noticeable. Anyone that's around me for a long enough time picks up on that there's "something off" about me, but usually can't really put a finger on what exactly that is.

And no, that wouldn't put me off from having a second date.
About the only thing that would put me off from having a second date with a woman is finding out she's addicted to hardcore street drugs and has no personal drive.

 

[randomguy]

she's addicted to hardcore street drugs and has no personal drive.

Yeah man, nothing worse than having to taxi your gal around the local dealers because she hasn't got her own bloody car ffs!

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Yeah man, nothing worse than having to taxi your gal around the local dealers because she hasn't got her own bloody car ffs!

It's mostly that I'm from a family of addicts and don't want it in my life anymore.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I would ask her to marry me. Ha! ha!

No. I would probably correct her once and then realize that's just how she is and smile.

No. I would want to do a second date.

Awh I knew you'd say this Finished, as you put up with me and my awful typing skills lmaooo

I love that your questions are multiple choice now.

I'm going B or D: If I thought she'd want to know, I'd want to know, you'd want to know right? The tricky bit is figuring out how to do it in a way that isn't humiliating for her, especially if it's a lot of words. I'm guessing English is her first language.

Nah it wouldn't put me off a 2nd date if everything else was grand.

Ah! I like that my innovation doesn't go unnoticed! That's so interesting, would you find it a little annoying or just wouldn't think anything of it at all?

A weird combination of B first then A if she cares?
Mostly for her own benefit when talking to others if she's concerned about it.

I actually have Word Salad, sssooo I kind of understand what that's like.
When I was in my teens I had an English Lit. girlfriend who I asked to help me sound more normal when talking to people because I didn't like that I sounded nonsensical.
So, she helped me learn to be more articulate to help mask it some.
It's still marginally noticeable. Anyone that's around me for a long enough time picks up on that there's "something off" about me, but usually can't really put a finger on what exactly that is.

And no, that wouldn't put me off from having a second date.
About the only thing that would put me off from having a second date with a woman is finding out she's addicted to hardcore street drugs and has no personal drive.

Omg, so weird, was having a sorta convo similar ... would you date a girl who never touched drugs but all her close family she lives with are selling it and well using, like her parents, and her siblings?

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Omg, so weird, was having a sorta convo similar ... would you date a girl who never touched drugs but all her close family she lives with are selling it and well using, like her parents, and her siblings?

Yeah, but I'd also bring the severity of the situation to the table.
She's going to have to fight to get out of there and I'm going to have to help her fight to get out of there, but she's got to put forth the effort for it, you know? Cause nothing gets done without application.

I'm not talking weed and psychedelics. Those things are mentally addictive, but like my dad's an alcoholic to the point that the doctor in the hospital told him he's got liver damage from his drinking and he keeps drinking, my mom's addicted to opiates and pain killers, and my sister's a recovered opiate addict and yeah she does smoke a lot of weed, but like it's better than her having a needle in her arm again.

I smoke weed and drink sometimes, but seldom now that I'm 34. Like once a or twice a year. I used to drink and smoke all the time but don't anymore. And I've done a shitload of psychedelics but stopped because I just felt like I capped myself out on the benefits I could get out of them, plus, like drinking they kinda tax your body a bit, not as much as drinking, but enough that you're going to feel it in the morning.

The only drug I do now is sleep.
I do be doing some sleep after a long day at work.

 

[randomguy]

Ah! I like that my innovation doesn't go unnoticed! That's so interesting, would you find it a little annoying or just wouldn't think anything of it at all?

It's not worth getting annoyed or irritated about it especially if it's the only issue, I ain't looking for perfection.