Questions for the Men

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah I've known both that have cheated. Sadly this seems to be on the rise for both sexes. I wouldn't, and never have.

 

[Astral_Punisher]

Here's a good one FOR THE MEN: Let's say that you told a woman that you are friends with for about 6 months, that your feelings are deeper than just friendship, and you love her and want to take the relationship to the next level.

Her answer is that she doesn't feel the same way about you, and she hopes you can remain just friends. Would you be able to handle being JUST FRIENDS with her, and what would you say to her?

Wow, almost this exact thing happened to me a few years ago at my last workplace. I started going out with a woman who was a bit younger than me and thought that she and I both felt it was progressing into a more romantic relationship. Turned out that she wanted to just be friends (and maybe use me to get free rides around town.)

Anyway, I did almost exactly what Astral Punisher said he would do. I broke it off, tried my best to put distance between her and me... though that was difficult at the time since we worked together, and eventually just left the job altogether feeling hurt but ready to move on.

So, long story short... a few months ago I ran into a guy who used to work with us both but did not know the whole story about our dating. He told me that the woman fell head over heels for some other guy who would not give her the time of day. One day she called and left a message for him telling him that she was taking all of her antidepressant pills in hopes he would come to the rescue. He didn't and she died of an overdose.

Part of me is glad that I did not end up with her if she was really that bad... but another part of me feels like crap for breaking off the friendship altogether. What if she had felt free to call me instead? Maybe I would have sought help for her and she would still be here.

I dunno, really. I do know that it left me with a lot of questions and feeling as if dating anyone is probably not the best idea for me right now.

Thats really very, very terrible, for everyone involved.

As others have stated, it's totally not your fault. Even if you were her friend, and you allowed her to hitch rides from you, I don't know if that would have changed things so very radically, though. She likely would have fell for that guy anyways, and so it went...

I'm very sorry that that happened to you. .

 

[WishingWell]

Here's a good one FOR THE MEN: Let's say that you told a woman that you are friends with for about 6 months, that your feelings are deeper than just friendship, and you love her and want to take the relationship to the next level.

Her answer is that she doesn't feel the same way about you, and she hopes you can remain just friends. Would you be able to handle being JUST FRIENDS with her, and what would you say to her?

Wow, almost this exact thing happened to me a few years ago at my last workplace. I started going out with a woman who was a bit younger than me and thought that she and I both felt it was progressing into a more romantic relationship. Turned out that she wanted to just be friends (and maybe use me to get free rides around town.)

Anyway, I did almost exactly what Astral Punisher said he would do. I broke it off, tried my best to put distance between her and me... though that was difficult at the time since we worked together, and eventually just left the job altogether feeling hurt but ready to move on.

So, long story short... a few months ago I ran into a guy who used to work with us both but did not know the whole story about our dating. He told me that the woman fell head over heels for some other guy who would not give her the time of day. One day she called and left a message for him telling him that she was taking all of her antidepressant pills in hopes he would come to the rescue. He didn't and she died of an overdose.

Part of me is glad that I did not end up with her if she was really that bad... but another part of me feels like crap for breaking off the friendship altogether. What if she had felt free to call me instead? Maybe I would have sought help for her and she would still be here.

I dunno, really. I do know that it left me with a lot of questions and feeling as if dating anyone is probably not the best idea for me right now.

Thats really very, very terrible, for everyone involved.

As others have stated, it's totally not your fault. Even if you were her friend, and you allowed her to hitch rides from you, I don't know if that would have changed things so very radically, though. She likely would have fell for that guy anyways, and so it went...

I'm very sorry that that happened to you. .

Astral_Punisher

Yes, that is a terrible thing for all involved, and it is not Akwyrd's fault at all.

I wanted to update my situation, just in case any one who gave me advice is interested.

The man involved say he could handle being just friends with me. So far, we are still in touch by phone the same amount of time--about 2-3 times a week, and we see each other at the Social Group and talk there.

It seems like he has accepted and is respecting my decision to stay just friends.

He is a stronger person than I am. I would be hurting inside if I did what he is doing. I just hope that he is really dealing with it as well on the inside.

 

[Klemon]

He is a stronger person than I am. I would be hurting inside if I did what he is doing. I just hope that he is really dealing with it as well on the inside.

I'm glad you are concerned for him and you recognise the effort he will be putting in. It's a tough thing to do and if he's sticking with you as just a friend it means he genuinely cares about and respects you. He might very well be hurting inside and if he is he will deal with it on his own for your sake.

I used to be that guy for a friend I had feelings for. After I finally asked her out and she turned me down, she continued to use me for free rides, food and my place during daytime for internet. She doesn't need any of these things from me anymore and therefore hasn't spoken a word to me this year. Obviously it got a whole lot easier to get over her after that.

If I have one word of advise it would be this: avoid sending false signals that you might be changing your mind. This is hard to explain so I'll put it like this: If a guy is living in hope (like I can) he can start to see or feel things that just simply aren't there. Sure you can have a friendship with him, but it can get complicated if it becomes too close.

 

[Okiedokes]

Does anybody like shy girls? Like, not shy so much with you..but in general?

 

[Limlim]

That depends. Do they have freckles and can I do horrible horrible things to said shy girls?

 

[kamya]

Sure do. Flirty girls are cool and all but over time they just become really phony and annoying to deal with.

 

[perfanoff]

Does anybody like shy girls? Like, not shy so much with you..but in general?

Yes

 

[FlyingPlatypus]

Does anybody like shy girls? Like, not shy so much with you..but in general?

I like shy girls. I don't know why, but I feel more comfortable talking to them, than to the more confident girls. Maybe it's because I'm a shy dude.

 

[Okiedokes]

Good good... glad to know some people appreciate that.

 

[Polar]

Does anybody like shy girls? Like, not shy so much with you..but in general?

Shy girls are more mysterious, which is pretty good by itself. And I also feel more comfortable around them, I definitely prefer someone who's a bit shy, as long as that shyness doesn't keep her from living her life

 

[Seosa]

Does anybody like shy girls? Like, not shy so much with you..but in general?

I'd prefer a girl like this tbh.

 

[Walley]

alot of guys find the shy reserved librarian type attractive (hot) because of the possibility that when they close the bedroom door.. the hair comes down and they pounce like a wild cougar and release all the pent up energy.

 

[Loser#1]

If we ask what u are doing but don't follow that w asking u out. Not interested, just being nice

 

[Seosa]

alot of guys find the shy reserved librarian type attractive (hot) because of the possibility that when they close the bedroom door.. the hair comes down and they pounce like a wild cougar and release all the pent up energy.

Not necessarily, some of us actually just want a quiet, reserved, classy girl.

 

[jetsuo]

Not sure if i could date a quiet girl. I would feel awkward round her if she didnt say much. I guess i prefer talkactive girls because they make me more talkactive.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I like to talk and tell stories so a quiet girl wouldn't bother me, it would be less competition to speak.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Shyness is cute.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I'd love to find a quiet librarian or teacher type. A plus if she wears glasses.

But, some of us can't be picky.

 

[WishingWell]

Here's a question men...Let's say a woman is experienced sexually, but hadn't been in a relationship for a while, so was shy and very nervous to be intimate with you. Would it turn your off? How would you deal with it?