Recovery failure

[stork_error]

I cant decide if I have trama from the incidents of 4.5 years ago that is leaving me with apathy and anger or if its my job that is so negative that is causing me to become angry and apathetic

All I know is that I feel damaged and that i didn't feel this way 4.5 years ago. I'm starting to feel that the strong resilient life loving passionate girl I used to be is never coming back.

Thats all I know.

 

[Peaches]

from what you write your work situation is far from ideal, and when you have to deal with s&*% 8 hours a day all week I guess it's already an achievement if you don't go bonkers…
were you thinking of quitting your job?

 

[Amthorn]

I cant decide if I have trama from the incidents of 4.5 years ago that is leaving me with apathy and anger or if its my job that is so negative that is causing me to become angry and apathetic

All I know is that I feel damaged and that i didn't feel this way 4.5 years ago. I'm starting to feel that the strong resilient life loving passionate girl I used to be is never coming back.

Thats all I know.

PTSD is a brutal master. Have you sought therapy? I have some insight in this, please message me if you feel the need to talk privately.

 

[stork_error]

were you thinking of quitting your job?

Yes peach, I'd like a new job, but I don't have the motivation to look for something else and this is the problem.

PTSD is a brutal master. Have you sought therapy?

I haven't, but I'm considering it. I suppose that if it's solely the workplace then quitting would make it all better and i wouldn't actually need anything more, and the truth is that when I'm away from work I do feel so much better. I get glimpses of that girl I used to be, when Im away on vacation or when I'm off work, my smile in pictures is just different, its genuine.

But then I think, how could I have gone through everything I went through 4.5 years ago and come out unaffected. It just doesn't seem possible.

If this is trauma, then I would probably benefit from therapy, but I need to determine which is the real enemy here.

Here are the variables:

FACT :I am unhappy
FACT :I am unmotivated
FACT :My workplace is highly abusive according to everyone who works in it.
FACT:Most people in my workplace are either medicated due to stress, using weed to get through the workday or drinking excessive alcohol when they go home at night
FACT: I am doing none of the above
FACT: I had some significant trauma 4.5 years ago

Either I have ptsd and need therapy so that i can be resilient to the abuse in my workplace
Or
One cannot survive in my workplace unless medicated or intoxicated and I'm therefore out of luck and have no choice but to leave or medicate or intoxicate.

Logic would tell you the first but my gut keeps telling me the second and that I do have to leave.

It's so screwed up. I feel like life is surreal.

 

[Amthorn]

were you thinking of quitting your job?

Yes peach, I'd like a new job, but I don't have the motivation to look for something else and this is the problem.

PTSD is a brutal master. Have you sought therapy?

I haven't, but I'm considering it. I suppose that if it's solely the workplace then quitting would make it all better and i wouldn't actually need anything more, and the truth is that when I'm away from work I do feel so much better. I get glimpses of that girl I used to be, when Im away on vacation or when I'm off work, my smile in pictures is just different, its genuine.

But then I think, how could I have gone through everything I went through 4.5 years ago and come out unaffected. It just doesn't seem possible.

If this is trauma, then I would probably benefit from therapy, but I need to determine which is the real enemy here.

Here are the variables:

FACT :I am unhappy
FACT :I am unmotivated
FACT :My workplace is highly abusive according to everyone who works in it.
FACT:Most people in my workplace are either medicated due to stress, using weed to get through the workday or drinking excessive alcohol when they go home at night
FACT: I am doing none of the above
FACT: I had some significant trauma 4.5 years ago

Either I have ptsd and need therapy so that i can be resilient to the abuse in my workplace
Or
One cannot survive in my workplace unless medicated or intoxicated and I'm therefore out of luck and have no choice but to leave or medicate or intoxicate.

Logic would tell you the first but my gut keeps telling me the second and that I do have to leave.

It's so screwed up. I feel like life is surreal.

If you left, do you think you'd be able to find a new job easily?

Regardless of whether you leave or stay, I'd recommend therapy, as someone who has suffered from PTSD. I'm also trying mindfulness meditation, which helps too. I can tell you from experience, weed and booze won't help.