Redemption come with a price.

[Paraiyar]

I was bullied back in primary school. Don't hold anything against the people involved now though (not that I know what they're like now). Guess I just see it as something that happened before we were mature enough to know better anyway.

 

[LonelySutton]

I saw a thing last night on Inside Edition about a guy that was a bully and he found a victim of his bullying on facebook and apologized but later offered to meet the guy at the school and apologize in person. The victim forgave him. Now, I do give props for someone really trying hard to earn forgiveness in this situation. But I still don't get it. It just seems like people wanting to have it both ways. When they are younger and it is cool to bully they do it but when they are older and it isn't socially acceptable to be a bully they apologize and get to be a good guy again. I hate that. You should live with your choices. And I do think that kids are mature enough to know what bullying is and that it is wrong.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think it's them trying to have it both ways. Maybe for some, it might be that way. I think it's more of they grew up and realized they were wrong. They may not be forgiven, but it's probably more the point to them that they at least try. Trying to correct mistakes or at least admit that you were wrong is sometimes better than nothing. Some people do forgive and forget, and they have that curtain lifted somewhere in their mind.

I guess it's a peace of mind kind of thing, perhaps for both parties.

 

[SofiasMami]

Getting over it or past it doesn't mean you forget it.

Exactly. I've been lucky enough to leave behind the abusive people and bullies I've encountered in my past. Abusive bosses, classmates, etc. But if I encountered them again, they wouldn't deserve to think that I've forgotten about it or that I've forgiven them.
If they want to atone, that is fine but it's on them, not me, to work through that.

-Teresa

 

[Paraiyar]

I see a lot of people saying that they will never forgive people for treating them in a way that harmed their self-esteem. I do have to ask if any of you can honestly say that you've never said something that has hurt someone else in the same way? I think we're all a little culpable of these things, especially growing up.

In any case, I think living well is often the greatest revenge you can have.

 

[ardour]

True, how many people can say their hands are clean in regards to this hurtful behaviour in general? Particularly in childhood/adolescence. It's up to the bullying victim to determine whether the person is sincere or not.

 

[BeyondShy]

True, how many people can say their hands are clean in regards to this hurtful behaviour in general? Particularly in childhood/adolescence. It's up to the bullying victim to determine whether the person is sincere or not.

Good point. I am sure I am not 100% innocent but at the same time I can truthfully say I did not seek out anyone to make fun of them or push them around in any way.

And as for me I would not believe for a second that anyone who bullied me was sincere if they came up to me today and apologized for what they did.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I see a lot of people saying that they will never forgive people for treating them in a way that harmed their self-esteem. I do have to ask if any of you can honestly say that you've never said something that has hurt someone else in the same way? I think we're all a little culpable of these things, especially growing up. 

In any case, I think living well is often the greatest revenge you can have.

True, how many people can say their hands are clean in regards to this hurtful behaviour in general? Particularly in childhood/adolescence. It's up to the bullying victim to determine whether the person is sincere or not.

True, how many people can say their hands are clean in regards to this hurtful behaviour in general? Particularly in childhood/adolescence. It's up to the bullying victim to determine whether the person is sincere or not.

Good point. I am sure I am not 100% innocent but at the same time I can truthfully say I did not seek out anyone to make fun of them or push them around in any way.

And as for me I would not believe for a second that anyone who bullied me was sincere if they came up to me today and apologized for what they did.

I wouldn't believe an apology from any of my bullies either.  Nor would I accept it.  I just hope I don't ever have to deal with them again, though if I did, I'd let them know that one way or the other they aren't going to treat me the way they used to anymore.

I really don't think I've ever been a bully though.  There have been times where I have been inconsiderate or insensitive and those times I do regret, I have apologized for them.  But I don't think any of those qualify as bullying because there wasn't really anything done repeatedly and intentionally to the same person.  Just lapsing in character from here to there.  Mostly I think it was immaturity and I think I've grown out of it as I become more socially aware.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

It's funny. A few weeks ago, my boss was tossing out names of people I should consider dating and getting close to. Every single name she tossed out was someone who was awful to my younger sister and I in school. I told her I wouldn't consider dating someone I went to high school with. It's a tiny town, and thanks to work, I see some of these people on a daily basis. I can polite and jolly, but there's a lot of dread when I am face to face with them. 

Fortunately, I also know they are people who wouldn't expect forgiveness from me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

IMO, if someone is apologizing and expecting forgiveness, they aren't apologizing for the right reasons.

 

[TheSkaFish]

It's funny. A few weeks ago, my boss was tossing out names of people I should consider dating and getting close to. Every single name she tossed out was someone who was awful to my younger sister and I in school. I told her I wouldn't consider dating someone I went to high school with. It's a tiny town, and thanks to work, I see some of these people on a daily basis. I can polite and jolly, but there's a lot of dread when I am face to face with them. 

Wow, that's pretty unfortunate.  I'm glad I live in a big town and all the jerks have moved away.  I couldn't deal with what you described, couldn't be polite to them, couldn't work with them, and absolutely would never work for them.  Things would get ugly sooner than later and I'm glad I don't have much chance to get into that situation again. There are a few certain people I might just punch in the face on the spot.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

It's funny. A few weeks ago, my boss was tossing out names of people I should consider dating and getting close to. Every single name she tossed out was someone who was awful to my younger sister and I in school. I told her I wouldn't consider dating someone I went to high school with. It's a tiny town, and thanks to work, I see some of these people on a daily basis. I can polite and jolly, but there's a lot of dread when I am face to face with them. 

Wow, that's pretty unfortunate.  I'm glad I live in a big town and all the jerks have moved away.  I couldn't deal with what you described, couldn't be polite to them, couldn't work with them, and absolutely would never work for them.  Things would get ugly sooner than later and I'm glad I don't have much chance to get into that situation again.  There are a few certain people I might just punch in the face on the spot.

I don't work for/with them, they are my customers. I have to be nice to them. But yeah, if it was ever another situation where there was conflict, now me would react a lot different than past me.

 

[MisterLonely]

It's funny. A few weeks ago, my boss was tossing out names of people I should consider dating and getting close to. Every single name she tossed out was someone who was awful to my younger sister and I in school. I told her I wouldn't consider dating someone I went to high school with. It's a tiny town, and thanks to work, I see some of these people on a daily basis. I can polite and jolly, but there's a lot of dread when I am face to face with them. 

Wow, that's pretty unfortunate.  I'm glad I live in a big town and all the jerks have moved away.  I couldn't deal with what you described, couldn't be polite to them, couldn't work with them, and absolutely would never work for them.  Things would get ugly sooner than later and I'm glad I don't have much chance to get into that situation again.  There are a few certain people I might just punch in the face on the spot.

I don't work for/with them, they are my customers. I have to be nice to them. But yeah, if it was ever another situation where there was conflict, now me would react a lot different than past me.

I can totally understand this, I live in a tiny town and was the odd one out since age 7, instead of making friends I exelled at making enemies without even trying, everyone keeps telling how such and such realy turned into a good person, good life and fun guy... yeah I still don't want them as my friend though because off the hell they put me and my sisters trough.

It's easy to move on when you're the one that was the *******, they go "man, i was such a dick to you back than... sorry dude..." and thats it for them, like i'm not going to get the summers spend alone, looking over my shoulder and avoiding town events back like that...