Redemption come with a price.

[lonelypanda]

Exactly. I completely agree. It's the same sort of stuff I've seen, too. So many parents just don't even seem to care at all. I only assume it's because they've got major issues at home or work, but that's just me dreaming up excuses for them and I probably shouldn't do that.

I wasn't always like I am now, though. I never stood up for myself back when I was in school. I really just didn't care about anything and I had tons of emotional issues, too.
Today I've got no issues with standing up for myself or fighting anyone. Though, these days I'm actually the "kill them with kindness" kind of guy. From my experience people seem to respond better to that. That doesn't work so well online when people can't hear my tone and I can't read their expressions. Luckily there's really not many serious issues you can run into online, so long as you can ignore all the trolling everywhere. But when the niceness doesn't work, I can get pretty cruel. The nice words turn themselves into sharp daggers. Luckily it rarely ever goes that far. I can physically fight rather well, too, despite appearances, but it's never gotten that far before.

When people are nasty now a days I ignore them, people like that are irrelevant. They are extras, they don't deserve a spot in my thoughts good or bad. I don't even have the energy to waste thoughts on useless people. Lol ain't nobody got time for that.

---

Agree with this. So often I see parents in cafes or out in public indulge their children like they're royalty, act is if they can do no wrong, sit by idly while the little brats run rampart harassing other children and annoying adults. It's usually upper middle class parents who don't seem to reprimand their children, or do so only half-heartedly in front of others.

I have a theory about this: it isn't necessarily negligent parenting, they want their children to grow up self-centered under the conception it will make them more likely to be successful (ie. ruthless) as adults, and help carry on the family name. Bullying, merciless teasing, general nastiness towards unpopular kids is all fine as it prefigures the kind of class hierarchies the parents believe in.

I see lots of different people neglecting to put an effort in teaching children boundaries and manners. It's sad really. I can't even count how many times people have said my daughter is so well mannered, but really that shouldn't be shocking. That should be the norm !!! When I took her trick or treating i barely hear any kids saying Thank you. I would got a smack upside the head if I didn't use manners, this generation is so self-absorbed. It's all me me me me.

---

I agree with this totally. I had an eye-opening experience at a playground a few years ago. I was watching my daughter play and a young kid went up to a man nearby who was probably his dad and said something like "Johnny is being mean to Billy and making him cry". And what did dad say? Paraphrasing here - "Don't help Billy, he needs to learn to toughen up and take it."
It's a nasty world out there and even if you're trying to teach your own kids how to behave in a civilized fashion, there are a TON of other parents who just don't give a honeysuckle.

And while I'm here, I'll just say there are a whole lot of moms - adult women - who never grew up past the "mean girls" stage and are more than willing to bully and be passive aggressive to other adults - no doubt passing those lovely traits down to their own kids in the process.

Sorry, you just hit a nerve here

-Teresa

Oh man I could rant for days about this kind of stuff. I have so many examples too, like at cornmaze there was a kiddy train, a line had formed. When the train pulled up every kid just ran out of line and started pushing on. I was 2nd in line and my little did get a spot on the train, but the kid infront of us who was first didn't and started crying because everyone budged him. Wasn't even my kid and I was so mad that I said out loud how rude all these people are and went on a rant about how nobody cares to teach their kids basic manners and social etiquette. The funny thing is I reminded squish to wait her turn when the train pulled up because there was no staff there. Apparantly it's needed though because people are dicks these days ! She looked back at me when all the kids just ran, I just picked her up and put her in next to another little girl. Anytime I'm getting on or off a bus and someone shoves by I always think those people are a product of those types of parents.

---

I feel bad about killing insects and the like, as well. In fact, when I see them in the house, I try to catch them and toss them outside. In the cold months, I've been just leaving them alone entirely. I saw a spider inside yesterday but figured it was too cold for it outside, so I just left it be. I don't blame insects or similar creatures either. I just get irritated at the bites sometimes.

I knew it's only the female mosquitoes that bite, but I thought that's just what they ate. I didn't know that they mostly eat nectar. I learned something new today

I'm the same way.... except that I love insects! Well all except bed bugs and mosquitos. My absolute fav is spiders !!! I love them so much, I have never killed a spider or thrown it out of my house, I let them stay and name them. I only ever killed one spider by accident and he was my bathroom spider, I saw him in there all the time. I named him Herbert and one day I was brushing my teeth and then I used mouthwash and spit it out. He was in the sink !!!! I gave him a funeral complete with his own headstone. RIP.

It's because you're using the backwards slash, like this: [\quote]

Use the forward slash, the one on the same key as the question mark. That's the one you want, like this:

There ya go

Omg thankyou! Haha such a simple solution too.

Eh, I don't know if I agree with this. I don't think our personalities are set from age 5 onwards. Lots of things can change a person's personality for better or for worse. I think personalities are just collections of habits, and we learn to believe these collections of habits are who we really are. I do believe it's changeable though. It might be difficult at first, like any new habit. But I do believe a person can change their personality at least to some level.

Yeah everyone has their own idea about it, it just rung true for me. I swear personality is genetics too. People think im crazy for thinking that but I never knew my dad but when I met him as an adult i found out I am just like him. My interests, how I am, how I think.... eerily like him. I noticed with my kid she has personality traits of her dad. He was whiny and gave up so easy on everything, she's the same way. She tries once and has a pity party when she doesnt get it in one try. Hahah very hard kid to motivate, and also very hard for me to relate to because I'm so stubborn. If i set my mind to something it's as good as done.

Oh man. I was the same way as your daughter when I was a kid, only I was a guy so that probably made it worse for me. I was a mousy, nice, and sweet person, not the "stand up for yourself" kind of person at all. I only started thinking that way later, when I realized that I didn't want to be treated that way anymore.




I hope things can get better for your daughter and that she can learn to stand up for herself, but I hope that she can do so without sacrificing her sweet side. I hope that the other kids don't make her turn out bitter and jaded. I hope she can find the balance between confidence and friendliness.

That gives me hope, I just hope she isn't one of those girls that let's men mistreat her because she's too nice to stand up for herself. My biggest thing is I just want her to be happy and not struggle the way i have in life.

 

[BeyondShy]

No one has to 'forgive their childhood bully', but they do need to forgive themselves for allowing themselves to get bullied, and for not standing up for themselves and fighting back. You cannot live a normal life carrying that kind of burden, with self-blame.

This I can do. I don't forgive my childhood bullies, though now that I realize that they never truly had the power to hurt me, I can forget them.

But I can and do forgive myself, like you said - for allowing it to happen, for not standing up to them, and for not fighting back. I didn't know any better. It wasn't my fault for being weak or awkward or anything else, because it wasn't my fault at all. It was their fault for choosing to be rotten people. I learned my lesson that while it would be nice if we could all get along, some people just like to be jerks. But most of the time, they aren't worth ruining my mood. And knowing this, I feel it has been resolved.

While I agree with the second paragraph the first one I just can't. They did have the power to hurt you and in my case it was verbally and physically. I don't forget them at all.

I have terrible memory, even now sometimes people will recognize me from school and I have to fake remember them.

Not in my case. Say one thing to me and I remember it.

I think that's a personality trait. My doctor said your personality is set from 5, thinking back I am the same way I was when I was in grade school. Stubborn, independent, never went with the flow, never cared what people thought, even if they teased me i was confident enough that it never phased me.

Great, I was a beaten man before I was six years old. People never minded having me around when I was a kid because I was quiet. Even back then I knew why. Oh well.

 

[TheSkaFish]

While I agree with the second paragraph the first one I just can't. They did have the power to hurt you and in my case it was verbally and physically. I don't forget them at all.

Well, in my case it was just verbal abuse, and coming on to our property without our permission. They never beat me up though, in fact I drew more of their blood than they ever drew mine.

I am sorry if you experienced physical abuse, though. I also would have a hard time letting go of that.

Verbal abuse is nasty, but looking back on it, it was meaningless. They don't know anything, why would I accept their views over my family's, my friends', over my own? Why would I choose to believe the views of people I strongly despise and have no respect for, over those I respect and love? I choose to believe the good people. Screw the bad ones. Their views carry no weight with me, therefore they have no power. These people can't limit me in any way. They're just noise.

Remember with verbal abuse you can just choose to brush it off. It's like this quote,

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Great, I was a beaten man before I was six years old. People never minded having me around when I was a kid because I was quiet. Even back then I knew why. Oh well.

That's just an opinion though. I don't believe that your personality is fixed. People change all the time.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't believe that your personality is fixed. People change all the time.

I'm inclined to believe this as well.

 

[Volt]

I personally chose to forgive my childhood bullies. It was a long and tedious process. For me it was worth it, anger like that takes up alot of energy, and i'm happy with that gone.

 

[Despicable Me]

They did have the power to hurt you and in my case it was verbally and physically. I don't forget them at all.

Everyone has the power to hurt someone else physically, but the fact is that you should now know you also have the power to stop them. Even if that means walking away or calling the police, whatever you need to do. Those are still ways to stop them.

I don't believe that your personality is fixed. People change all the time.

I'm inclined to believe this as well.

It may or may not be common to happen, but people absolutely do change sometimes. They can change themselves. I know I did.

I have always been a very, very quiet person but many other aspects of my personality have changed. And it was I who changed them.
I may still like the quiet and the peace of silence but if there is ever a time when I need to stand up and speak then I can do that now, too. In the past I was always too afraid.

I personally chose to forgive my childhood bullies. It was a long and tedious process. For me it was worth it, anger like that takes up alot of energy, and i'm happy with that gone.

Me too. I forgive everyone so long as I see that they are no longer who they used to be, or if I understand why they did what they did. And that is such a relief, too. That is a lot of weight to carry in your life. There are already more than enough burdens in life that there is absolutely no reason to carry more than necessary.
Now I can't say I've exactly "forgiven" everyone who ever did anything wrong to me, but I would say I'm not bothered by the past anymore. The reason I might not have forgiven everyone is because I'm not bothered by any of it to even look them up now. I just don't have any reasons to and simply know that people do change and hope that all of them have changed and have lived better lives since the days when I knew them. I know, statistically speaking, some of them might still be the same sort of person they once were, but they aren't in my life now and it doesn't matter to me. I can only do so much. I simply just continue to hope those people will eventually change, too.

My issues now are more with adult-bullies who are rather socially-approved bullies. Like the sort of bullies you see running businesses, or being someone's boss. The sort of bullies who have lived a certain way for so long that they're ignorantly stubborn and too close-minded to understand that they really are a bully. The world is full of these sort of people, and yet they are often the ones given all this political power. Business people, lawyers, politicians, etc.. These are the sorts of groups I'm speaking of, where among them you'll find a significantly large percentage of total bullies. Some of the worst kinds, too. It's truly disgusting.
I don't really forgive current actions and I try to make my opinion very clear on what I think of those sort of people who continue to do such things. And this does eat up a ton of my energy, but I feel that is okay as I think what I do to address this issue is beneficial. I'm perfectly fine with a sacrifice like that.
But this is a somewhat different topic, I guess.

 

[Volt]

Me too. I forgive everyone so long as I see that they are no longer who they used to be, or if I understand why they did what they did. And that is such a relief, too. That is a lot of weight to carry in your life. There are already more than enough burdens in life that there is absolutely no reason to carry more than necessary.
Now I can't say I've exactly "forgiven" everyone who ever did anything wrong to me, but I would say I'm not bothered by the past anymore. The reason I might not have forgiven everyone is because I'm not bothered by any of it to even look them up now. I just don't have any reasons to and simply know that people do change and hope that all of them have changed and have lived better lives since the days when I knew them. I know, statistically speaking, some of them might still be the same sort of person they once were, but they aren't in my life now and it doesn't matter to me. I can only do so much. I simply just continue to hope those people will eventually change, too.

Sometimes i wonder about how their life would look like now. I hope they are well. I don't hope for them to change though, that's not on me. That feels invasive to me. I wish everyone including them happiness, and that's about it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't believe that your personality is fixed. People change all the time.

I'm inclined to believe this as well.

Yeah, me too. People change and grow all the time. We learn new things and experience different things throughout our lives. The thing is, though, I believe we choose whether or not we do grow. Because some people do stay stagnant and stuck in their ways. Not saying it's good or bad, but I think we make that choice.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I don't believe that your personality is fixed. People change all the time.

I'm inclined to believe this as well.

Yeah, me too. People change and grow all the time. We learn new things and experience different things throughout our lives. The thing is, though, I believe we choose whether or not we do grow. Because some people do stay stagnant and stuck in their ways. Not saying it's good or bad, but I think we make that choice.

Nah I don't think people change much. Just get older.

 

[Despicable Me]

I don't hope for them to change though, that's not on me. That feels invasive to me.

You don't hope for bullies to change?
I personally don't see that as "invasive". I see that as necessary.

 

[VanillaCreme]

If people don't see fit to change, they won't. And that's not anyone's choice but the individual.

 

[Volt]

You don't hope for bullies to change?
I personally don't see that as "invasive". I see that as necessary.

The only bullies i've had trouble with were all during my time at school, so up until the age of about 17, in my case. I tend to figure they matured.

Hmm, your point is clear, bullies aren't beneficial to social wellness. And i agree on that. In your previous post you mentioned the adult bullies. I personally had no experience with them. Or well, not where i noticed it, is a better way to put it, so i'm not talking about that behavior or those people. I should have clarified.

 

[ardour]

For me, forgiveness for the bullies is irrelevant.

If anything still bothers me about it it's how poorly I dealt with the bullying, and the fear that even as adult I might not be able to handle a similar situation.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't believe that your personality is fixed. People change all the time.

I'm inclined to believe this as well.

Yeah, me too. People change and grow all the time. We learn new things and experience different things throughout our lives. The thing is, though, I believe we choose whether or not we do grow. Because some people do stay stagnant and stuck in their ways. Not saying it's good or bad, but I think we make that choice.

Nah I don't think people change much. Just get older.

They really can if they wanted to. I've seen it for myself, with the students I used to teach, with friends and with family. They can. From being a bad person to someone good and vice versa. Like Nilla said, it depends a lot on the individual, how much they want to do it and how much they set their mind to do it.

 

[BeyondShy]

They really can if they wanted to. I've seen it for myself, with the students I used to teach, with friends and with family. They can. From being a bad person to someone good and vice versa. Like Nilla said, it depends a lot on the individual, how much they want to do it and how much they set their mind to do it.

It also depends on how much bullying they received in the past.

 

[ladyforsaken]

They really can if they wanted to. I've seen it for myself, with the students I used to teach, with friends and with family. They can. From being a bad person to someone good and vice versa. Like Nilla said, it depends a lot on the individual, how much they want to do it and how much they set their mind to do it.

It also depends on how much bullying they received in the past.

Of course. Even then, it's still possible to change. The mind is a very powerful tool. Don't ever underestimate it.

Edit: You don't know how much bullying, how much abuse I went through as a child. How much abuse I went through in my first relationship. I choose to end up where I am now. It still surprises me to this day but I know a lot of it has to do with my mindset.

 

[BeyondShy]

Of course. Even then, it's still possible to change. The mind is a very powerful tool. Don't ever underestimate it.

That's something I never have done.

Edit: You don't know how much bullying, how much abuse I went through as a child. How much abuse I went through in my first relationship. I choose to end up where I am now. It still surprises me to this day but I know a lot of it has to do with my mindset.

Yeah? And you and no one else in here knows how much verbal abuse I had when I was younger. No one inquired and that's no one's fault. But then again how could it be? Of course it isn't. It's not something you bring up when you first meet someone.

But like you said the mind is a powerful tool. It is with me. Mine doesn't allow me to forget things like this.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Getting over it or past it doesn't mean you forget it.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yeah? And you and no one else in here knows how much verbal abuse I had when I was younger. No one inquired and that's no one's fault. But then again how could it be? Of course it isn't. It's not something you bring up when you first meet someone.

But like you said the mind is a powerful tool. It is with me. Mine doesn't allow me to forget things like this.

No one inquired about mine either. I just talk about it when I see a relevant topic. It's not anyone's responsibility to ask though so I don't expect it. And well no, it's not usually the first thing one would wanna start a conversation with getting all personal and everything. But I can only speak for myself.

I can't forget my experiences either. It's still possible to work around them though. Just saying. I'm sorry though that it's not been easy for you.

 

[BeyondShy]

I can't forget my experiences either. It's still possible to work around them though. Just saying. I'm sorry though that it's not been easy for you.

No it hasn't. But so what, right? And I don't think I will be able to explain it right so it is understood by others and that's why I won't try. It's probably better that way.