Sam_Wright_1988
Member
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2011
- Messages
- 19
- Reaction score
- 0
Hey everyone,
it's been a while since I last posted a message here. I didn't post a lot of messages anyway, but it was nice to re-read all the comments
First of all, life's better than it used to be. I still feel lonely from time to time, but I've discovered I have a lot of friends and more importantly, I know who I am and I can get things done.
I still struggle, though, mainly because of the past, and it has to do with self-defeating beliefs. I had a pretty weird upbringing, with a borderline mom, a chronic illness (I am diabetic) and a dad who was never at home.
What I've learned is that I (used to) believe the things I'd been told and that I'd experienced throughout my life. But, those beliefs are slowly changing because I consciously undermine them: I don't try to forget the past, but accept it and tell myself firmly that that was another person. In a way I was, and I've come a long way since: I no longer feel sorry for myself or make excuses, I stand up for myself though it's still hard, I keep my mind on the things that matter.
People tell you you can't be this or that, I could never be a 'popular' guy, or- in general -kick some ass (though I am not interested in being popular, as long as I get to sleep with the hottest girls, who cares?)
BS in my opinion.
It depends mainly on who you want to be, people will always put you down, even if it is not their intention. Life's too weird and overwhelming to spend on worrying and loneliness, we live on a tiny rock in a gigantic universe, that is by default pretty messed up (I try to keep that in mind when things get really hard).
I also realize I am safe, which is important for everyone: I am a smart guy, surprisingly good at social stuff, and I can take care of myself. Better yet, I just ignore the past. It has nothing to do with the new me, in fact, it taught me some valuable lessons.
I didn't believe I could change, and so I couldn't. I've proven to myself- by now -that I can by taking matters into my hands, but mostly because I no longer make excuses for what I do (I worry a lot less as well)
I still try to put things in perspective, but it all seems simple now. In fact, I posted somewhere I didn't understand why I didn't have girlfriend. The answer was pretty simple: I never asked anyone out or made my intentions known.
Good news is, I have a date (she's pretty, fun and we get along well). I feel great. I have friends whom I love and who support me (and I support them: first give something, then get something in return).
I know, makes sense, we all know what has to be done. The trouble for me was doing it. And it's still weird: all I had to do was forge my own destiny, and I am still doing it.
What about you guys? Any examples of self-defeating beliefs and how they inform(ed) your behaviour?
Sam
it's been a while since I last posted a message here. I didn't post a lot of messages anyway, but it was nice to re-read all the comments
First of all, life's better than it used to be. I still feel lonely from time to time, but I've discovered I have a lot of friends and more importantly, I know who I am and I can get things done.
I still struggle, though, mainly because of the past, and it has to do with self-defeating beliefs. I had a pretty weird upbringing, with a borderline mom, a chronic illness (I am diabetic) and a dad who was never at home.
What I've learned is that I (used to) believe the things I'd been told and that I'd experienced throughout my life. But, those beliefs are slowly changing because I consciously undermine them: I don't try to forget the past, but accept it and tell myself firmly that that was another person. In a way I was, and I've come a long way since: I no longer feel sorry for myself or make excuses, I stand up for myself though it's still hard, I keep my mind on the things that matter.
People tell you you can't be this or that, I could never be a 'popular' guy, or- in general -kick some ass (though I am not interested in being popular, as long as I get to sleep with the hottest girls, who cares?)
BS in my opinion.
It depends mainly on who you want to be, people will always put you down, even if it is not their intention. Life's too weird and overwhelming to spend on worrying and loneliness, we live on a tiny rock in a gigantic universe, that is by default pretty messed up (I try to keep that in mind when things get really hard).
I also realize I am safe, which is important for everyone: I am a smart guy, surprisingly good at social stuff, and I can take care of myself. Better yet, I just ignore the past. It has nothing to do with the new me, in fact, it taught me some valuable lessons.
I didn't believe I could change, and so I couldn't. I've proven to myself- by now -that I can by taking matters into my hands, but mostly because I no longer make excuses for what I do (I worry a lot less as well)
I still try to put things in perspective, but it all seems simple now. In fact, I posted somewhere I didn't understand why I didn't have girlfriend. The answer was pretty simple: I never asked anyone out or made my intentions known.
Good news is, I have a date (she's pretty, fun and we get along well). I feel great. I have friends whom I love and who support me (and I support them: first give something, then get something in return).
I know, makes sense, we all know what has to be done. The trouble for me was doing it. And it's still weird: all I had to do was forge my own destiny, and I am still doing it.
What about you guys? Any examples of self-defeating beliefs and how they inform(ed) your behaviour?
Sam