Sell yourself.

[Unacceptance]

So I was going to try interweb dating but then wussed out because it seemed ludicrous to me. However, I thought it was kind of funny that people were essentially writing advertisements for themselves. Except it wasn't for buying them, just for like, relationships? Who knows.

I kind of like the idea of making an ad for people as if they were merchandise to be paid for more. So yes, let's make a mockery of it.

Some people sell things via the paper or Craig's list. So let's see advertisements you folks make about yourselves as to why you would be a great buy for the discerning consumer. I shall go first.

One "Like new" Unacceptance.
Low maintenance, runs on practically no sleep!
Excellent source of impractical and unnecessary advice!
Limited edition deluxe model comes with extra hair and sarcasm.
Available in two moods, disgruntled and mildly displeased.
Not recommended for children. At all.

.17$ or best offer (Willing to barter)

 

[packyourbags]

(hug)
you're worth more than that, lol.

 

[Unacceptance]

This can't possibly have gone over your head.

 

[eh?]

For Sale.
Reply to: Sale-123456789sh*t.you.don'[email protected]

FOR SALE!!!

Short, chubby black guy!
Rare "non-thug" edition.
Also comes with good credit!!!
Comes with moderate to advanced computer skills.
Can be used to scare off the elderly and little children.

Must warn that it is slightly damaged.
Has minor road rage and a low paying tech support job.
Vehicle in dire condition so repairs may be needed.

Sold to the highest bidder (bid starts at $37.52 & a 3 packs of grape Now&Laters -willing to accept 4 packs of cherry/strawberry).

 

[Solace]

Three legged Elk needs new home!
Comes with a good taste in fashion,
is house trained,
must have cold climate and stream out back to drink from
Wears a red scarf, thinks it's a reindeer and likes chocolate.


Bidding starts at 50.
Pick up only.

Comes with two ghosts.

 

[Punisher]

For Sale.
Reply to: Sale-123456789sh*t.you.don'[email protected]

FOR SALE!!!

Short, chubby black guy!
Rare "non-thug" edition.
Also comes with good credit!!!
Comes with moderate to advanced computer skills.
Can be used to scare off the elderly and little children.

Must warn that it is slightly damaged.
Has minor road rage and a low paying tech support job.
Vehicle in dire condition so repairs may be needed.

Sold to the highest bidder (bid starts at $37.52 & a 3 packs of grape Now&Laters -willing to accept 4 packs of cherry/strawberry).

I'll bid $40 and 5 packs of cherry/strawberry, but only if you can dance

 

[Minus]

Need a bookend or door stop?

For the price of a small pizza you can have your own 'living' door stop or book end. Good for most situations when you just need some form of living object to take up space or hold other objects in place.

Quiet and house broken. Able to perform of a number of basic tasks. Capable of very rudimentary communication skills. This is not your deluxe model and isn't quite functional but will work well as a door stop or practice dummy. Imagine it in place of your potted plant.