Shyness Catch 22

[mug]

Anyone on here ever painfully shy and quiet in school and therefore get preferrential treatment from teachers which makes the other kids angry at you which causes you to retreat more, causing the teacher to favor you more and thus the cycle repeats?

I remember I skipped class once to buy concert tickets. When I went to the office with a lame excuse to get a hall pass, the secretary believed me, the student office helper said "I don't believe her" And the secretary actually said "Nah, she's a good kid." Hah! if she only knew. I got the evil eye of disgust from the student office helper. I was not a good kid, I was a shy kid, and it saved my butt, but cost me too.

I have found it is also painfully true as an adult. You join a group or club or take a lesson or attend a house of worship and the leader takes it upon herself to treat you like a wounded puppy. I know their gestures are benevolent but they don't realize how it effects others in the group. The other adults get disgusted with you and you get a "Who are you" "Why are you so special" vibe from them. When it is the leader's doing.

Inside, everytime you are "favored" or "babied" by the instructor or leader you get this huge knot in your gut and want to scream "Stop treating me differently and singling me out just because I'm quiet!" But you can't ever bring yourself to express it. "Stop treating me so delicately and differently!"

Friend's parents did it in school, in-laws do it now. I remember my friends getting in trouble once by one of our fathers and yet I wasn't addressed as part of the "trouble" at all. Just because I was the shy quiet type. That can be humiliating.

It doesn't change with how adults react to your 'special treatment' when you grow up. Of course it hasn't always happened, by any means, but when it has it has been so frustrating.

mug

 

[Lonely in BC]

Hey there mug,

Hello from me.

I'd be willing to bet if you got a facial Tatoo like Mike Tyson's you'd go from being that quiet person who's always excused to the badass just waiting to go off in a heartbeat.

No idea why I came up with this, I'd be willing to bet you'd never get that kind of special treatment again though.

 

[mug]

Hey there mug,

Hello from me.

I'd be willing to bet if you got a facial Tatoo like Mike Tyson's you'd go from being that quiet person who's always excused to the badass just waiting to go off in a heartbeat.

No idea why I came up with this, I'd be willing to bet you'd never get that kind of special treatment again though.

LOL, My husband would like that. It would give him an excuse to get more tats!

 

[Lonely in BC]

Best keep him home when there's a bachelor party in the making (referencing "Bachelor Party II).

 

[mduncanmoore]

Being shy can be a hard thing to over come. Not always but most times shyness is brought on by low self confidence issues.
http://selfconfidenceforum.com/ is a website filled with videos and articles that can help someone increase their self confidence. Once a person increases their self confidence overcoming shyness is not nearly as hard.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Being shy can be a hard thing to over come. Not always but most times shyness is brought on by low self confidence issues.
http://selfconfidenceforum.com/ is a website filled with videos and articles that can help someone increase their self confidence. Once a person increases their self confidence overcoming shyness is not nearly as hard.

*notices*

 

[Sci-Fi]

I wish teachers did that, mine mostly figured if they forced you to do oral speeches it would break you out of that.

I was so afraid of doing one presentation I skipped class. The next day was when we handed in our written portion. She told me I could do my oral presentation today since I missed yesterday. Fear gripped me and I told her no. She told me that it counted towards my final mark and asked if I was sure I didn't want to do it. I told her I'd take the loss on my mark. She just smiled and didn't make me do it, thank god. I think she was being generous with my written presentation because I still got a passing grade.

 

[roguewave]

I have been favored in classes several times because I come off as naive and am quiet and mostly keep to myself. It was never an issue for me until my third year of high school when I moved to a small town and an even tinier school. At first it bothered me that people would start rumors without even having spoken to me. Eventually I started to revel in it. Probably, feeling like the underdog those two years helped shape my identity as the outsider looking in. It allowed me to form close friendships with my teachers, reject teen trends and learn to analyze my surroundings.
OP, as you mentioned, it becomes even more complicated as an adult but I still think it's a gift, allowing you to more easily establish mentor relationships from which you can grow.

 

[mug]

I have been favored in classes several times because I come off as naive and am quiet and mostly keep to myself. It was never an issue for me until my third year of high school when I moved to a small town and an even tinier school. At first it bothered me that people would start rumors without even having spoken to me. Eventually I started to revel in it. Probably, feeling like the underdog those two years helped shape my identity as the outsider looking in. It allowed me to form close friendships with my teachers, reject teen trends and learn to analyze my surroundings.
OP, as you mentioned, it becomes even more complicated as an adult but I still think it's a gift, allowing you to more easily establish mentor relationships from which you can grow.

Yes! You are exactly right. People won't develop a friendship with me but they have no trouble asking me to babysit, lead a group, be the treasurer, and even confide in my like I couldn't possibly be the gossip type---yet absolutely no friendships.

People think I'm somehow uber responsible, just by my demeanor. My in-laws think I'm a sweet gal with great qualities, ONLY because I'm quiet!

Of course, I lost that demeanor several years, ago. Now I can be an aggressive and annoying arse, I just got sick of it all, and so frustrated. "You'll ask me to watch your kids regulary, but won't hold a conversation with me and laught at me with the rest of the crowd?"
mug

 

[Ak5]

I got special treatment in Middle School because I was that overweight, low confident, no friends type of guy.

I hope I don't get it when I join a real High School, I'll flip if I do lol.

It feels bad, yeah. We gotta choose a crowd, teachers or peers; I personally prefer peers.