Teetering

[itsmylife]

So last year was probably my worst year. Looking back now I'm actually surprised I made it through. It scares me how close I was to leaving and just how bad I got. I can remember clearly how it felt to be in that dark, dark place and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I have had a lot of therapy and medication and I've finally pulled out of the darkness. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I'm now at a place where I can look back and realise just how ill I was. It doesn't feel like that was me and my heart breaks for that girl. I've learnt a lot on my journey. Sadly not all of it is good, for example I've learnt you can never trust another person to stick by you no matter what they say.

I really do feel like I've come out the other side. Only for some reason I feel like I'm balancing. I'm terrified of going back there and all the time I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of the cliff jumping at every noise, panicking at every memory, waiting for the tiniest thing to knock me falling back into the darkness.

So I guess my question is to anyone else who has felt like this, what did you do, how did you move forward? Or am I always going to be right on the edge because even in the better times, my issues and my depression are always going to be there lurking in the background? Do I just have to learn how to keep my balance?

 

[jaguarundi]

I find it best to consider life as a spiral. You sometimes circle back round to the same old stuff, but all the time you are rising gradually upwards...

 

[Grackle]

Hills and valleys.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Hills and valleys.

This with a winding road- always knowing there's something around the bend, wondering if it's gonna go up or go down. It's all interesting though, as long as there's a place to grab a coffee.

 

[desertflower88]

I think there's a constant up and down to life, its absolutely impossible to predict. My life has been in a state of imbalance as long as i can remember. I'm sure of one thing though and that is that every decision you make is yours to own, be confident in all your actions.

 

[MTrip]

Yes, hills & valleys. And don't forget the mud pits...we all go through those. If you're lucky you'll run into an oasis once in a while, too.

 

[Kid_A]

I think having someone around that you can talk to throughout it all will help you stay going strong. If you ever want to talk pm me. I've been there, I'm probably still there. At least I can sympathize with you.

 

[Goblin]

With some forms of depression, there really isn't a "fix" to it. It doesn't exist because something is wrong, so the only solution is to think two steps ahead of the slumps and remember to take care of yourself so that they're survivable instead of the first spin on your way down the crapper.

For everything else, there's the long road forward.