The whole NINE

[theshycynic]

So here's the irony in my situation...

I'm shy. I always have been. However it was never paired with low self-esteem/self confidence because i never felt inferior around people. When i was a kid and all the way through highschool and my first two years of college i was soft-spoken, but confident. I never really cared what anyone said, or their opinions really. I was just happy being me (on the conscious level anyways). Then somewhere along the line it's like my mind did a 180 and now i'm this reclusive, shy, terrified, self- conscious person. AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHY. It drives me crazy because i can remember an old me and wish time and time again that i could be her again. I find it difficult to hold eye contact, or to speak confidently, or even speak at all! & God forbid i get into a group setting. I freeze up and go into my shell. I don't want to be this way, i don't enjoy feeling so empty, and so lonely. I like my alone time... don't get me wrong. But i love being around my friends, and people, and having meaningful conversations. But for the last year i've kept myself away from most interactions out of fear. It's something that i can no longer stomach. Often times i wonder if theres some type of brain surgery that i could get that would erase any subconscious hurt, any aspect that keeps me from being truly present, and truly me. I'm a communications major for crying out loud! I shouldn't be this way. And up until a year ago i was never this way. I just want to be the old me. I don't like this person, these feelings. IT SUCKS. I'm always flaking on plans last minute, and a lot of times i feel inadequate. Why? I wish i knew...

 

[Garbageman]

Hi Shycynic,
I am sure it is really frustrating knowing who and where you used to be, and not knowing how to get back there. I know there have been some other members here who have expressed similar situations.

I do know that people typically go through periods of changes throughout their life. Maybe for some the change can be very extreme and drawn out and result in leaving you stuck somewhere you really don't want to be.

Perhaps it would help to forget who and where you used to be, and simply focus on who and where you want to be? Maybe this change was brought on because you were not really where you wanted to be before? I really don't know just trying to throw out some ideas.

There are some techniques and tips that are helpful for trying to combat some of the issues you are dealing with. As well as some helpful articles in the Resources section titled essential articles. Plus I am sure others here throughout the forum will share with you what works for them.

Me personally, I rely heavily on lots of self reflection, and listening to others and paying attention to how and what works for them. I try to find ways to help myself through helping others. Many times when I offer someone words in an attempt to help those words are for me as well.

Hope this helps, take care.

 

[MTrip]

Garbageman's answers are great ones. Especially the one about not focusing on the person you used to be & looking at how you want to be in the future.

Only one thing to add here: In dealing with shyness, communicating online is a good start. Perhaps it would be best if you treated it as practice for socializing in real life. Use your time here as a dry run for building confidence. Do that & with your majoring in Communication, you should be able to work a room pretty well.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You know, I can relate.

I was never super popular in high school and the beginnings of college, but I had friends. Even back before then, from ages 1-23, I had lots of friends, despite being shy, soft spoken, and a quiet guy. I never had girlfriends, but I had friends who were girls.

Then, suddenly, I end up having panic attacks, I become a recluse, and it's like my entire personality has changed. I no longer seek out people, because I have fear...and I didn't have that before. I've had a couple flukes in the past few years, where I've come enough out of my shell to show people who I really am...and guess what...they become my friends. But it's like I'm no longer the same person.

I wish I could be confident in not being confident. I used to look in the mirror, and think, "Well, I don't look great, but I've looked worse on other days"...now I look in the mirror and think, "I look terrible today, why go out?"

 

[theshycynic]

@ Garbageman: Thank you for the tips. For the most part i try my best to focus on myself now, and not dwell on somebody that i no longer am, but it's super difficult. And i tend to live in my head, analyzing my thoughts and everything around me which doesn't help seeing how my perception of everything seems to be so skewed. I will definitely have a look at those articles! I love reading and discovering, so hopefully they'll bring me some insight. Thank you

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@ LeaningIntotheMuse: That is my life! I read your response and if i didn't know any better, i'd think it was coming straight from my brain. How do you deal with this drastic change? I know personally, i find myself questioning everything, including my own reasoning, and also the intentions of others now. ALL THE TIME. It literally drives me crazy. If there is an off switch to my ridiculous internal dialogue...

POINT ME IN THE DIRECTION.

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@ MTrip: Haha! You know you may be on to something! I have an actual presentation for my Business Comm class, so i'm hoping this forum will give me a boost.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I've dealt with it by adapting, of course.

I wasn't the same person I was yesterday. But I think part of life is learning to grow and change with the times. Your life will change, and sometimes you go back to that...other times, you just have to learn to adapt to your new life.

 

[theshycynic]

I've dealt with it by adapting, of course.

I wasn't the same person I was yesterday. But I think part of life is learning to grow and change with the times. Your life will change, and sometimes you go back to that...other times, you just have to learn to adapt to your new life.

I'm so resistant to change that adapting hasn't been an option for the past year. To be honest, adapting is much better than dwelling on someone that doesn't exist anymore. It's just difficult to accept.

 

[ladyforsaken]

You know, I so can relate. My my.