theshycynic
Member
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2013
- Messages
- 11
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So here's the irony in my situation...
I'm shy. I always have been. However it was never paired with low self-esteem/self confidence because i never felt inferior around people. When i was a kid and all the way through highschool and my first two years of college i was soft-spoken, but confident. I never really cared what anyone said, or their opinions really. I was just happy being me (on the conscious level anyways). Then somewhere along the line it's like my mind did a 180 and now i'm this reclusive, shy, terrified, self- conscious person. AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHY. It drives me crazy because i can remember an old me and wish time and time again that i could be her again. I find it difficult to hold eye contact, or to speak confidently, or even speak at all! & God forbid i get into a group setting. I freeze up and go into my shell. I don't want to be this way, i don't enjoy feeling so empty, and so lonely. I like my alone time... don't get me wrong. But i love being around my friends, and people, and having meaningful conversations. But for the last year i've kept myself away from most interactions out of fear. It's something that i can no longer stomach. Often times i wonder if theres some type of brain surgery that i could get that would erase any subconscious hurt, any aspect that keeps me from being truly present, and truly me. I'm a communications major for crying out loud! I shouldn't be this way. And up until a year ago i was never this way. I just want to be the old me. I don't like this person, these feelings. IT SUCKS. I'm always flaking on plans last minute, and a lot of times i feel inadequate. Why? I wish i knew...
I'm shy. I always have been. However it was never paired with low self-esteem/self confidence because i never felt inferior around people. When i was a kid and all the way through highschool and my first two years of college i was soft-spoken, but confident. I never really cared what anyone said, or their opinions really. I was just happy being me (on the conscious level anyways). Then somewhere along the line it's like my mind did a 180 and now i'm this reclusive, shy, terrified, self- conscious person. AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHY. It drives me crazy because i can remember an old me and wish time and time again that i could be her again. I find it difficult to hold eye contact, or to speak confidently, or even speak at all! & God forbid i get into a group setting. I freeze up and go into my shell. I don't want to be this way, i don't enjoy feeling so empty, and so lonely. I like my alone time... don't get me wrong. But i love being around my friends, and people, and having meaningful conversations. But for the last year i've kept myself away from most interactions out of fear. It's something that i can no longer stomach. Often times i wonder if theres some type of brain surgery that i could get that would erase any subconscious hurt, any aspect that keeps me from being truly present, and truly me. I'm a communications major for crying out loud! I shouldn't be this way. And up until a year ago i was never this way. I just want to be the old me. I don't like this person, these feelings. IT SUCKS. I'm always flaking on plans last minute, and a lot of times i feel inadequate. Why? I wish i knew...