Tired of failing

[LonelySutton]

I don't want to do stuff anymore... cause I am tired of failing. Though, truthfully, I have a pretty decent life... and so if someone saw my life they might think it was pretty good.. I feel like it is a disaster. Everything I have tried throughout my life I have succeeded about 75%. I feel tired and sick of trying. I look at my life and feel depressed that I didn't get what I thought I was going to and I couldn't make things happen. So I know that I won't make things happen going forward.

Anyone else feel this way?

 

[Xpendable]

Yes, only that I got like 50%. At least I think I'm still young.

 

[Veruca]

I can totally relate, Sutton. A couple of years back I had a quarter life crisis. Everything I had worked hard for did not pan out, and if anything a lot of challenging things happened.

I think a lot of us grow up with this notion that if you work hard, or keep trying that you'll achieve what you set out to get, but this is not true. Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't. There's no way to fix that. It gets easier to accept this with age. I am much more at ease with life going not according to plan now than I did in my early twenties.

And I also think this is the case for a lot of people. Most of us fail many, many times. I cannot tell you how many times I've doubted my abilities due to failure.

But you have to think of it all as a passing experience. It may sound corny, but life is more about the journey than reaching the destination. Failing can be a wonderful guide in showing us what we're good at vs bad at, what we need vs what we want, etc.

Failing can also help us appreciate the wins all the more. All the things I have achieved, mean more to me because I failed countless times before.

The best thing about life is that it is utterly unpredictable and not getting what you want could lead you to something far better. The key is to stay positive and hopeful.

So hang in there yeah? Don't give up on yourself...there's a lot more out there than what we can comprehend.

 

[Aisha]

I not sure I've succeeded at anything at the moment. But I don't want to give up. I don't measure my worth through the eyes of other people or I wouldn't be able to stand myself. I'm no longer depressed but today is unusually melancholic for me. And yet I still feel that I can make things happen and things will work out, in some way or other. I fervently hope my spirit never breaks again, because just surviving everyday life without it borders on impossible.
Why not try concentrating and focusing on the 75% you have achieved? That's still a very significant percentage of success. Celebrate what you have achieved instead of going over and over what you believe are your failures. We all need some measure of failure and difficulty to balance things out. Or that's what I think anyway. But a defeatist attitude may pull you down further. You'll succeed again going forward, but your mindset going into anything counts for a lot too.

---

But you have to think of it all as a passing experience. It may sound corny, but life is more about the journey than reaching the destination. Failing can be a wonderful guide in showing us what we're good at vs bad at, what we need vs what we want, etc.
The best thing about life is that it is utterly unpredictable and not getting what you want could lead you to something far better. The key is to stay positive and hopeful.

^Also, this. Have you ever thought about how your failures have affected your life? Sometimes, without you realizing it, they may have been the stepping stone you needed to achieve success later on.

 

[dn560]

i hear you man as someone who has failed at everything he attempts, i just wanna stop everything at just lay down and die...

 

[stork_error]

yup, I feel like i came ohh so close to finally reaching that place where i could chase my dreams and maybe reach them

I actually made it out of the hole I was in, against so many odds and just as I finally surfaced and started on my journey, I got the honeysuckle knocked out of me and I landed back in the hole. Now I'm falling down that hole right back to the place I started. So this time, I just plan to make the hole comfortable and I will live in it.

They win,
Im done

 

[Nuke1967]

I had the issue pretty much my whole life, would have something great happen and boom it would sour, and it's not that if your think negative thoughts it will go bad, when something went right I would have awesome thoughts that "Hey this is going to be great" and down the road it would crash and back to square one.

Everyone has crash and burn events in their lives, but sometimes it seems that some people just have way more than their share.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You only fail when you stop trying. If you keep trying, it's not failing, it's just learning. So learn from your mistakes and try again.

 

[ladyforsaken]

You only fail when you stop trying. If you keep trying, it's not failing, it's just learning. So learn from your mistakes and try again.

+1

There have been many times in my life, and I'm sure in many others' too, that I've felt like just giving up because it just doesn't seem to get me anywhere. But life goes on anyway, it's not like you can put a stop to it and do a rewind. So while it keeps going, I keep going too.. as bad as it might feel, some days I realise that it is up to me how I want to feel about my life. It can be so shitty, but it doesn't mean I have to let it drag me down all the way for the rest of my life.

I hope that failing in anything doesn't stop you from keeping yourself content. If anything - I hate telling myself I failed. It's as though I'm bullying myself to stop living and I don't think I deserve that. If life wants to give me shitty days, I will try to make sure I enjoy some other part of my life at least. I do hope you can too, LS.

 

[Triple Bogey]

You only fail when you stop trying. If you keep trying, it's not failing, it's just learning. So learn from your mistakes and try again.

This may apply to certain things but not men asking women for a date.
A guy asks a woman for a date and she isn't interested. What 'mistake' has the guy made ? None, the woman wasn't interested. End of story.
So he asks another woman and she says 'no' - he isn't learning anything. He is only getting more and more dejected because women keep rejecting him. Women don't usually say why they say 'no' to a guy.
That's why it's a vicious circle for many men. And that's why it's wise to stop looking and start focusing on other things.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You only fail when you stop trying. If you keep trying, it's not failing, it's just learning. So learn from your mistakes and try again.

This may apply to certain things but not men asking women for a date.
A guy asks a woman for a date and she isn't interested. What 'mistake' has the guy made ? None, the woman wasn't interested. End of story.
So he asks another woman and she says 'no' - he isn't learning anything. He is only getting more and more dejected because women keep rejecting him. Women don't usually say why they say 'no' to a guy.
That's why it's a vicious circle for many men. And that's why it's wise to stop looking and start focusing on other things.

Okay, first, it goes both ways. Women DO ask men out too.
Second, it DOES apply there too. If you aren't learning something from being turned down, then you aren't looking hard enough. Yes, sometimes a woman is just not interested, but it could be the way you present yourself, the way you dress, the way you ask or even when you ask, it could be any number of things.
There are ALWAYS lessons to be learned. The type of rejection or "failure" doesn't matter, if you aren't learning something from it, you aren't looking for a lesson TO learn.

And no, women (AND men) don't usually give a reason why, but it's not their obligation to give a reason. But yes, focusing on other things if you are not succeeding as you want to, regardless of what you are attempting, can always be a good thing, as it might give you time to think of something you didn't realize at first because you are focusing TOO much on what you want.

 

[Despicable Me]

No offense, but are you honestly complaining about failing only 25% of the time? For some of us that would be like a miracle.
I think you should put your successes and failures into the full scope of things. That might help you get over this feeling. Stop seeing your life for what it isn't and see it for what it is.

 

[SivaGCool]

I don't want to do stuff anymore... cause I am tired of failing. Though, truthfully, I have a pretty decent life... and so if someone saw my life they might think it was pretty good.. I feel like it is a disaster. Everything I have tried throughout my life I have succeeded about 75%. I feel tired and sick of trying. I look at my life and feel depressed that I didn't get what I thought I was going to and I couldn't make things happen. So I know that I won't make things happen going forward.

Anyone else feel this way?

Whenever i like this, the verses of Bhagavad Gita flashes in my mind.
Bg 2.47 — You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty.
Bg 2.48 — Perform your duty equipoised, O Arjuna, abandoning all attachment to success or failure. Such equanimity is called yoga.

Besides, failures are what makes you stronger, you learn and upgrade yourself. Remember, "Not Trying" alone is Failure. Every effort made is Success, irrespective of how results turn out.

I hope that helps.

 

[Triple Bogey]

You only fail when you stop trying. If you keep trying, it's not failing, it's just learning. So learn from your mistakes and try again.

This may apply to certain things but not men asking women for a date.
A guy asks a woman for a date and she isn't interested. What 'mistake' has the guy made ? None, the woman wasn't interested. End of story.
So he asks another woman and she says 'no' - he isn't learning anything. He is only getting more and more dejected because women keep rejecting him. Women don't usually say why they say 'no' to a guy.
That's why it's a vicious circle for many men. And that's why it's wise to stop looking and start focusing on other things.

Okay, first, it goes both ways. Women DO ask men out too.
Second, it DOES apply there too. If you aren't learning something from being turned down, then you aren't looking hard enough. Yes, sometimes a woman is just not interested, but it could be the way you present yourself, the way you dress, the way you ask or even when you ask, it could be any number of things.
There are ALWAYS lessons to be learned. The type of rejection or "failure" doesn't matter, if you aren't learning something from it, you aren't looking for a lesson TO learn.

And no, women (AND men) don't usually give a reason why, but it's not their obligation to give a reason. But yes, focusing on other things if you are not succeeding as you want to, regardless of what you are attempting, can always be a good thing, as it might give you time to think of something you didn't realize at first because you are focusing TOO much on what you want.

WOW, that ALMOST sounds like you are agreeing with ME !
But I agree women DO ask men out. That happens quite a lot. If you are a GUY and it's not happening to YOU it's a sure sign the ladies don't LIKE you much.

I suppose LESSONS learned could be NOT asking a woman out twice when she shows no interest. I see plenty of MEN do that. People sounding too DESPERATE. People sounding too miserable. Honestly I know very few positive people. The world seems TO be full of miserable gits ! :club: :club: :club:

 

[Despicable Me]

I suppose LESSONS learned could be NOT asking a woman out twice when she shows no interest. I see plenty of MEN do that. People sounding too DESPERATE. People sounding too miserable.

Pfft, the best relationships I've ever seen formed from people pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and... Okay, maybe not that much. But they definitely pushed.
There is distinctly a difference between perseverance and desperation, but I'm a firm believer of the 'never give up' mantra, and that includes with relationships as well as other things.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I suppose LESSONS learned could be NOT asking a woman out twice when she shows no interest. I see plenty of MEN do that. People sounding too DESPERATE. People sounding too miserable.

Pfft, the best relationships I've ever seen formed from people pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and... Okay, maybe not that much. But they definitely pushed.
There is distinctly a difference between perseverance and desperation, but I'm a firm believer of the 'never give up' mantra, and that includes with relationships as well as other things.

I dunno, pestering a woman for a date, you will get a reputation as a creep. And you could get into trouble.

 

[Despicable Me]

I dunno, pestering a woman for a date, you will get a reputation as a creep. And you could get into trouble.

It definitely depends on the situation. If you're obviously just bothering her then you should find something better to do with your time. But if she acts like she is happy someone asked her, even if its not who she wanted, there's probably something there that can be built upon.
Sometimes people just don't realize what they want at first. Sometimes a bit of perseverance helps. I wouldn't say it's the majority, but I wouldn't say it's rare either.

Maybe I missed the context of this conversation though, I didn't read all the posts before I replied. Sorry.

 

[TheRealCallie]

And sometimes, it's called stalking and/or harassment.

 

[Despicable Me]

And sometimes, it's called stalking and/or harassment.

Every situation calls for a different method. I surely never said otherwise.
Anyone who thinks there is a one-size-fits-all solution to all of their problems has bigger issues to work on than finding a partner.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think if you get a definite 'No' then it's time to move on. Don't ask again.