Why Am I doomed to be lonely?

[RealRecognizeReal]

Ok so all my life I have had so called "friends." Majority of those friendships haven't made it too far. I am an outgoing person and have no problems interacting with people. However although I establish friendships, I believe them to be false ones. These so called "friends" don't invite me to go out or participate in any activities. They also don't call or text me either. I find myself being the one having to contact them. The only time they do is when they have no one else around. Not for nothing but times I am so desperate to go out that I settle for this treatment. Normally I'm an individual who doesn't take honeysuckle from no one and don't have a problem with cutting people off. But let's face it might as well be dead if you going to be all alone with no social life. All my life I've pretty much been alone, especially since I am an only child. I see everywhere people who hang out in groups and been friends with each other since they were young. Nothing I can say I have. Why is that? I feel as if I've been cursed. And I am about to turn 29, that's the saddest part.

 

[I'm Fine]

You're not the only person who hasn't got lifelong friends from their childhood. It's probably more common than we think (at least I sort of hope it is). Doesn't sound like your 'friends' are really friends to me either. Are there other people you can mix with? Ones that might, if you give them a chance, turn out to be better than the ones you have.

And there's always here. Plenty of people to talk to here. Good luck.

 

[putter65]

Ok so all my life I have had so called "friends." Majority of those friendships haven't made it too far. I am an outgoing person and have no problems interacting with people. However although I establish friendships, I believe them to be false ones. These so called "friends" don't invite me to go out or participate in any activities. They also don't call or text me either. I find myself being the one having to contact them. The only time they do is when they have no one else around. Not for nothing but times I am so desperate to go out that I settle for this treatment. Normally I'm an individual who doesn't take honeysuckle from no one and don't have a problem with cutting people off. But let's face it might as well be dead if you going to be all alone with no social life. All my life I've pretty much been alone, especially since I am an only child. I see everywhere people who hang out in groups and been friends with each other since they were young. Nothing I can say I have. Why is that? I feel as if I've been cursed. And I am about to turn 29, that's the saddest part.

I'm a bit like that. I have to intitate contact with people either thru facebook or a text. If I didn't then they wouldn't bother. I never get a message or a text asking how I am etc. I do wonder why I bother sometimes. Everybody else it seems is texting each other like crazy and going places and doing stuff.

Your not alone.

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

You're not the only person who hasn't got lifelong friends from their childhood. It's probably more common than we think (at least I sort of hope it is). Doesn't sound like your 'friends' are really friends to me either. Are there other people you can mix with? Ones that might, if you give them a chance, turn out to be better than the ones you have.

And there's always here. Plenty of people to talk to here. Good luck.

No there aren't any other people I can mix with. I used to think friendship as a two way street but I guess I was wrong. Apparently I didn't get the memo.

 

[Sci-Fi]

However although I establish friendships, I believe them to be false ones. Normally I'm an individual who doesn't take honeysuckle from no one and don't have a problem with cutting people off.

These two things, this could be part of your problem. If you think even your established friendships are fake, this attitude shows whether you think it does or not. Being a person who doesn't take honeysuckle from no one is good, it really is, but there's an extent. Not sure what you mean by cutting people off, if you mean it from that sentence then you must mean those who give you honeysuckle you just drop them, or having nothing to do with them?

Negative spread faster than positive, you sound like a very honest upfront kind of person, so if you've cut off people (friends) then they are going to gossip about you. They'll tell everyone how much of a ***** you were and make you look bad. My mom doesn't take honeysuckle of no one and will tell people her honest opinion whether they want to hear it or not. This has caused problems with family and some of her friends. They know if they need someone to talk to that will be real with them then she's the one to go to. She hates fake people too, so if she feels you are being fake she won't bother with you. People tend to push away from those who are like that.

My mom has told us stories of things that happened, like an Aunt who was running down their own brother and his wife, the moment they walk in the door she acted like their best friend. My mom got mad and said she was leaving, she wasn't going to sit here with people who wanted to act two-faced to someone. So my brother and I have told her know wonder family hardly visit or call. There's been a few times we've had to give her a look or shake our heads no so she wouldn't say something, or quietly tell her to leave it alone. She's learned to keep things to herself now and not say anything.

Myself, I like people who are open and outgoing because I'm so shy. I'm try to be honest to people like my mom BUT only if asked, otherwise I usually keep my mouth shut. It's their life so sometimes you just have to let things be and move on. I don't like it when people always have to voice their opinion especially when not asked, sometimes you just want to vent. When someone is like that they'd be the last person I'd call to hang out or talk to.

Not saying this is how you are mind you, I'm just being hypothetical here since I don't know you that well. I'm just going by what you've written here. If you are like what I've mentioned then you need to learn what my mom has learned, to just keep your mouth shut sometimes. Just go with the flow without violating your own ethics. Some of your friends might find you not easily approachable.

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

However although I establish friendships, I believe them to be false ones. Normally I'm an individual who doesn't take honeysuckle from no one and don't have a problem with cutting people off.

These two things, this could be part of your problem. If you think even your established friendships are fake, this attitude shows whether you think it does or not. Being a person who doesn't take honeysuckle from no one is good, it really is, but there's an extent. Not sure what you mean by cutting people off, if you mean it from that sentence then you must mean those who give you honeysuckle you just drop them, or having nothing to do with them?

Negative spread faster than positive, you sound like a very honest upfront kind of person, so if you've cut off people (friends) then they are going to gossip about you. They'll tell everyone how much of a ***** you were and make you look bad. My mom doesn't take honeysuckle of no one and will tell people her honest opinion whether they want to hear it or not. This has caused problems with family and some of her friends. They know if they need someone to talk to that will be real with them then she's the one to go to. She hates fake people too, so if she feels you are being fake she won't bother with you. People tend to push away from those who are like that.

My mom has told us stories of things that happened, like an Aunt who was running down their own brother and his wife, the moment they walk in the door she acted like their best friend. My mom got mad and said she was leaving, she wasn't going to sit here with people who wanted to act two-faced to someone. So my brother and I have told her know wonder family hardly visit or call. There's been a few times we've had to give her a look or shake our heads no so she wouldn't say something, or quietly tell her to leave it alone. She's learned to keep things to herself now and not say anything.

Myself, I like people who are open and outgoing because I'm so shy. I'm try to be honest to people like my mom BUT only if asked, otherwise I usually keep my mouth shut. It's their life so sometimes you just have to let things be and move on. I don't like it when people always have to voice their opinion especially when not asked, sometimes you just want to vent. When someone is like that they'd be the last person I'd call to hang out or talk to.

Not saying this is how you are mind you, I'm just being hypothetical here since I don't know you that well. I'm just going by what you've written here. If you are like what I've mentioned then you need to learn what my mom has learned, to just keep your mouth shut sometimes. Just go with the flow without violating your own ethics. Some of your friends might find you not easily approachable.

Your mom sounds like someone I would defintely get along with. I do speak my mind but only when it's needed. Although I speak my mind I do keep other things bottled up which I know is not good but i dont want to sound like a ***** or like I'm alwayhs complaining. But yes when I mentioned cutting people of I mean dropping them.

 

[Social Knight]

29 and you don't like your current situation ?

Most of the popular people have friends from high school and stick it out in their early 20s. Then they grow up a bit and hang out with other late 20s.

And you feel missed out ? Yeah it sucks. And I too am writing about how to get a social life at early 30 from nothing.

 

[Kathy]

Ok so all my life I have had so called "friends." Majority of those friendships haven't made it too far. I am an outgoing person and have no problems interacting with people. However although I establish friendships, I believe them to be false ones. These so called "friends" don't invite me to go out or participate in any activities. They also don't call or text me either. I find myself being the one having to contact them. The only time they do is when they have no one else around. Not for nothing but times I am so desperate to go out that I settle for this treatment. Normally I'm an individual who doesn't take honeysuckle from no one and don't have a problem with cutting people off. But let's face it might as well be dead if you going to be all alone with no social life. All my life I've pretty much been alone, especially since I am an only child. I see everywhere people who hang out in groups and been friends with each other since they were young. Nothing I can say I have. Why is that? I feel as if I've been cursed. And I am about to turn 29, that's the saddest part.

Hi,

I'm very similar. I will not be the "keeper of the friendship" (as in, make an effort to get together, I'm not the only one that can email and say "let's have lunch"). Nor will I take "honeysuckle" from "friends". If you want to be mean and act like you're still 12, then find someone else to play with.

Two gals I was with yesterday were teasing me. But it wasn't hurtful. It's hard to tell the difference, but I was able to step back from the hurt little girl in me and see they were just playing.

Friendship is a two-way street, in my opinion.

Check out social groups in your area (MeetUp.com is my choice) and just start trying different groups until you find people you are comfortable with. I've left 3 groups, because I wouldn't put up with mean women. I formed my own group and have kicked a few women out for either being annoying or inactive - my group is not a "numbers" game, if you're going to be a member, actually show up to the functions.

I have two other groups I'm a member of, but their functions haven't fit with my schedule.

Currently my longest duration friend is only four years. And she's only an internet friend. My best friend (a friend for 17 years) and I had a falling out earlier this year.

It's better to be alive (I sure the F hope so). I'll be 49 in a few months and I don't do well keeping friends.

I guess I haven't found that really true friend that survives the ups and downs of life.

 

[Jilted John]

I used to think two or three good friends were better than a dozen "now & then friends",but not any more.
I used to have two good long term friends,we used do lots together,climb up mountains,go diving,do jobs for each other,and generally help each other out.
That was until my sudden marriage break up,one I didn't see for dust,the other just used me while his marriage broke up and he found another wife.I've never seen him since.
The point of this rant is that I've never really trusted anybody since.Okay, it's lonely but it's better than being shafted!

 

[I'm Fine]

You're not the only person who hasn't got lifelong friends from their childhood. It's probably more common than we think (at least I sort of hope it is). Doesn't sound like your 'friends' are really friends to me either. Are there other people you can mix with? Ones that might, if you give them a chance, turn out to be better than the ones you have.

And there's always here. Plenty of people to talk to here. Good luck.

No there aren't any other people I can mix with. I used to think friendship as a two way street but I guess I was wrong. Apparently I didn't get the memo.

There was a memo? Actually that would explain a lot...

I hope you find what you're looking for. Sorry I couldn't be of help.

 

[A new life]

To those who have, more shall be given
To those who have not, more shall be taken away

When I was married I had more friends.
Even after my divorce I had more friends (but eventually dumped them because I didn't like the way they treated me)

Now, I can't even get anyone at work to just sit at the same table in the lunch room with me.
Much less actually go out for lunch.

I really only have one good friend left (and a couple of mutual "friends")
These days I'm ever-so-careful not to let my feelings get hurt or say anything stupid
that might cost me the last friendship I have.

The funny part is, my friend has lots and lots of friends and it's like he doesn't even try.
Like he won the friend lottery or something.

 

[cool_breeze]

To those who have, more shall be given
To those who have not, more shall be taken away

Amen to that. Not amen because I like it of course, but because it seems true. I even started a thread about it I called "disappointment." It's a strange aspect of life. I've seen it from the other side too. More abundant times and I've thought about it from that point of view too. It's strange...

You can even apply it economically. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer. It's a shame. Seems most of us on here need to simply get a boost and started since more leads to even more. So if only we can get that first push--a new romantic love or whatever we may need to get "started."

 

[A new life]

To those who have, more shall be given
To those who have not, more shall be taken away

Amen to that. Not amen because I like it of course, but because it seems true. I even started a thread about it I called "disappointment." It's a strange aspect of life. I've seen it from the other side too. More abundant times and I've thought about it from that point of view too. It's strange...

You can even apply it economically. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer. It's a shame. Seems most of us on here need to simply get a boost and started since more leads to even more. So if only we can get that first push--a new romantic love or whatever we may need to get "started."

Couldn't have said it better myself.
I've often thought that what I need is a "starter" girlfriend.

 

[Alaric]

Look inside first. Remember your life is a finite place. Around you there are many people who care deeply about you, and some of them are probably scratching their heads, wondering why you ultimately reject them. They cannot know what thoughts hide inside you. They cannot know the fears you harbor. All those questions, "Why would they want to know me?" "What have I got to offer anyone?" When the truth is, what does anyone else have to offer that is any better than you? Truly? Nothing...

Everyone fears, to some extent or other, what other people think of them. The ones that don't are kinda narcissistic and can always find a better friend in a nearby mirror. But you have to step outside yourself. The people you think are false, may worry that you, too, are false. Most of what we think, from our own perspectives, is inaccurate. That look a stranger throws your way is no different to the look you throw from time to time. Most people are not thinking ill of others, and we really do not want to know those kinds of people anyway. Challenge yourself. Challenge yourself to make one person feel good about themselves. Learn all you can about them by just listening and rarely speaking. Reflect on what they say, and question. We all love to have people ask us about our lives, about characters in our lives.

Sometimes we imprison ourselves with fears. We keep ourselves in solitary confinement. We keep ourselves away from others, and we are as much a puzzlement to them, as they are to us.

Just remember, you have this one chance. Use it...