Why is it so hard to impress girls?

[IgnoredOne]

Okay, so after talking to people on here and mulling the issue over a bit, I've come to the conclusion that impressing girls and being the kind of guy who they would like has a lot to do with your personality traits, how you act in situations, and the general air you give off. So basically a lot of it has to do with having confidence and "broadcasting" your best qualities, whatever they may be (being humorous, outgoing etc.) ...But that "broadcasting" seems to be the most difficult thing of all. Especially if you're extremely shy, have low self-esteem to the point where you're in some kind of therapy/counseling, and are generally freaked out in social situations. I have seen at least one case where I think I somehow have been able to impress a girl by being consistently confident/intelligent every time we met (at a political club at college), but pretty soon it fell apart because outside of that context I was the same shy loser who can't speak up that I always was.

So idk, I suppose I've kind of answered my own question here - girls are hard to impress because they are attracted to confidence and I have NONE... But...hmm...well I guess I'm hoping to just get some clarification on that. How goddamn "confident" do you have to act before any one of them likes you? Do ANY of them like shy guys? What about really shy guys?

Yes, there are.

Essentially, though, you lack confidence in yourself and are trying too hard to 'get a girl'. When you do believe in yourself, the rest will come - and honestly, shyness can be scary. Imagine if you tried to talk to a girl and she was shy and almost ran away; wouldn't you think that you were scaring her? Would you want to keep scaring her?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

For guys that cant hold conversations...its actually not that bad...Be a good listener...Women will talk thier heads off.

Being a good listener is a good quality to have...
Most women speak around 50 words
per day...the key is to not lose interest or let your eyes glaz over.lol

On top of that...yuull lest likely to say stupid honeysuckle the less you talk.

Agree with her...
Luaght wiith her
Ask her simple questions about her Jewleriy or any stupid thing to break the ice....
Shell start tlaking about her shoes collections. ex...siblings, other women being bitches and all kinds of stuff

Once a woman puts her hands on me or touch me shes done

---

Its not all about ya....
If youre relax just to seat there and listen to her..Shell relax and open up.
She might tell you about her interest
she might draw or she might sing
or play music....

If shes not verbal or shy..Just ask her to go do something. Play a game of pool,
go to an arcade or go watch a movie. Go have lunch...anytype of activity...
Dont make it like your asking her on a formal date. Just her like you would ask a freind to go do something cuz your both borded out of your fucken mind.
These little actvities you do will help
you both get more relax and have something to talk about..

---

Seriously...thats how simple it is for me to have sex with a woman.
Were both bored out of our fucken mind so we go fresia to have fun.

 

[Syber Tiger]

i want a girl but i wont try to inpress one
usaly if shy low confedent men like me try to inpress a girl they usaly fresia up...

so i wont try to inpress rather just be me well thet of me i can show tru my shyness, if she dont like it fine its not my prob,

herloss...

 

[Pomato]

Thanks for the replies everyone. The insight from different people really helps and a lot of it echoes what I've been thinking myself And yeah I was pretty mad when I posted this thread, but I'm not that mad anymore anymore.

What still gets me though is how I somehow always get "blamed" (even on here) for thinking the way I do. The only thing I know for sure is that people have girlfriends and I'd like one too but I'm scared. And if I try to express that sentiment or figure out why, I just end up getting a lot of replies like "What do you want a girlfriend for???" or "You're trying too hard!. That's pathetic." or "Well obviously nobody will like you if you don't like yourself." (This one's the worse. Telling me it's my fault for not "liking myself".) It's as if I'm being blamed for doing this whole thing to myself. Lately it feels like that's what my therapist has been doing too. I'd just like to say that I may be useless as a social person and maybe I scare people off or have an aura that "sucks the life out of people around me", I don't really know. But what I DO KNOW is that I DID NOT make myself like this on purpose. Oh this is sort of unrelated, but anyone who thinks I'm just talking about trying to get into some girl's pants or get a girlfriend to show off can fresia off, because you obviously don't understand how painful this kind of loneliness can be. In some ways it's not really a matter of specifically wanting someone at the moment, but more just the dreadful feeling that deep down I KNOW that at any point in the future when I may like a girl, I know for sure that she'll hate me because of what I'm like. It is LITERALLY like being cursed. To know that you'll never get validation from any member of the opposite sex. I don't know, I'd think some people might understand that.

 

[IgnoredOne]

It is LITERALLY like being cursed. To know that you'll never get validation from any member of the opposite sex. I don't know, I'd think some people might understand that.

I know what you mean. And that is deep down inside the heart of it, I think - you have the sense that there must be something deeply 'wrong' with you that because if the other guys can have girls, so should you. Not to mention, its a pretty bad for one's self-esteem.

Just realize that a lot of it was just luck. Maybe they happened to have a girl who just liked them back back when they are 16 or whatever, and that confidence gave them something to cruise on.

There's nothing wrong with you, and if you seem to don't have the right 'skills', it is something you can learn. Whatever you do, don't despair.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You can think however you want. However, don't expect everyone to agree with your way of thinking. And you're not always the only one right. I think that getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend is a bit of give and take. You can't be one-sided. You want to get, you're going to have to give.

 

[putter65]

Thanks for the replies everyone. The insight from different people really helps and a lot of it echoes what I've been thinking myself And yeah I was pretty mad when I posted this thread, but I'm not that mad anymore anymore.

What still gets me though is how I somehow always get "blamed" (even on here) for thinking the way I do. The only thing I know for sure is that people have girlfriends and I'd like one too but I'm scared. And if I try to express that sentiment or figure out why, I just end up getting a lot of replies like "What do you want a girlfriend for???" or "You're trying too hard!. That's pathetic." or "Well obviously nobody will like you if you don't like yourself." (This one's the worse. Telling me it's my fault for not "liking myself".) It's as if I'm being blamed for doing this whole thing to myself. Lately it feels like that's what my therapist has been doing too. I'd just like to say that I may be useless as a social person and maybe I scare people off or have an aura that "sucks the life out of people around me", I don't really know. But what I DO KNOW is that I DID NOT make myself like this on purpose. Oh this is sort of unrelated, but anyone who thinks I'm just talking about trying to get into some girl's pants or get a girlfriend to show off can fresia off, because you obviously don't understand how painful this kind of loneliness can be. In some ways it's not really a matter of specifically wanting someone at the moment, but more just the dreadful feeling that deep down I KNOW that at any point in the future when I may like a girl, I know for sure that she'll hate me because of what I'm like. It is LITERALLY like being cursed. To know that you'll never get validation from any member of the opposite sex. I don't know, I'd think some people might understand that.

I understand you.

I'm 43 years old and as you get older, it does get easier. You sort of accept it. And yes, people don't understand and they come out with the same old stuff. Hating yourself is one, your miserable is another, get out there, go and play the numbers game. You've got to have confidence. I could go on ..

It is hard not to feel bitter and jealous when you see women openly ask men out and you think 'what is so good about him ?'

Why not me ? is the question I ask myself. Why is it never me ?

The best thing to do is what I did. Put the whole 'I want a girlfriend' on the backburner and try and enjoy your life. Work, earn money, treat yourself, start new hobbies, get a passion in your life (mine is golf) and forget about girlfriends.

 

[nerdygirl]

Sometimes, we get tired of people trying to impress us. Start with, "Hi." Move on from there by just talking to us like we're human beings.

 

[Cerberus]

As Putter said put the whole 'I want a girlfriend' on the backburner and try and enjoy your life. Honestly, girls dont need to be 'impressed'. She needs to feel like you have your own world that she is becoming an important part of, rather than you build your world around her. Thats the difference between a woman's idea of a nice guy, and a guy's version.

 

[VanillaCreme]

She needs to feel like you have your own world that she is becoming an important part of, rather than you build your world around her.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I know for me, that's exactly how I feel. I don't want to be put on a pedestal, but rather just be incorporated into a guy's life.

 

[Badjedidude]

Why is it so hard to impress girls?

It's not.

 

[IgnoredOne]

It's not.

Truth is, if you're working to 'impress' someone, you're probably doing it wrong. Approach all/most goals indirectly, I would say, and you'll find that you'll do well in life.

 

[Badjedidude]

Truth is, if you're working to 'impress' someone, you're probably doing it wrong.

I agree.

It's so much easier and more productive to just BE who you are. Women will see your comfortability and self-assurance and you won't even have to ******* DO anything to "impress" them.

I do alright with women, mostly. Why? Because I really don't have any shame. I don't get embarrassed easily, and women see that in me (although I guess there's something to be said about women thinking an embarrassed guy is cute). This lets me act out, do silly things, or just undertake activites other guys would shy away from in fear of looking stupid in front of a hottie.

Guess what? At least 30% of the time, that hottie will enjoy what I do. Those odds are fine with me.

A lot of guys recoil at the thought of even ONE woman being turned off by them or disgusted by what they do...so they never even attempt to get out there a bit and interact with ANY woman. GUYS FOR REAL SERIOUSLY LISTEN UP DON'T RUN OFF BEFORE I TELL YOU THIS IT'S IMPORTANT SO FOR RILLZ OPEN YOUR EARS AND PREPARE TO HEAR THE TRUTH I'M NOT JOKING IT'S VERY IMPORTANT AND TOP-NOTCH INFO FOR YOU SO HERE IT COMES, you have to understand: NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL LIKE YOU. It's all up to personal taste and individual preferences in who people like being around.

That's why it's OK to strike out 70% of the time and only score 30% of the time.

Or even less.

1 out of 100 isn't bad odds, because you can make that ONE catch worth all the effort of going after the 100.

I wish more guys just did this instead of working their asses off to impress girls with cars, money, clothes, or douchey attitudes.

 

[IgnoredOne]

GUYS FOR REAL SERIOUSLY LISTEN UP DON'T RUN OFF BEFORE I TELL YOU THIS IT'S IMPORTANT SO FOR RILLZ OPEN YOUR EARS AND PREPARE TO HEAR THE TRUTH I'M NOT JOKING IT'S VERY IMPORTANT AND TOP-NOTCH INFO FOR YOU SO HERE IT COMES, you have to understand: NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL LIKE YOU.

No wai.


I have a more lengthy response agreeing with you, but that was too funny to leave it uncommented.

 

[Limlim]

Every woman likes me (wary)

 

[Badjedidude]

No wai.


I have a more lengthy response agreeing with you, but that was too funny to leave it uncommented.

Heh

 

[VanillaCreme]

That's why it's OK to strike out 70% of the time and only score 30% of the time.

Or even less.

1 out of 100 isn't bad odds, because you can make that ONE catch worth all the effort of going after the 100.

I wish more guys just did this instead of working their asses off to impress girls with cars, money, clothes, or douchey attitudes.

This. If you make that one girl feel special, you've done it. It's really simple, and I wish guys weren't such meatheads sometimes about it. They make it difficult, when it's really not.

 

[Ak5]

Just like animals can sense fear, girls can sense confidence/self-esteem. If you act more normal and confident, they will go for you, they like the chase.

But that does not guarantee every single girl will accept you, you'll probably get rejected sometimes, so be prepared for that! I for one don't want just "anybody" that's good-looking, I just want my special girl. Don't go after girls just because their good-looking, go after the ones that YOU like, that way it comes to you naturally. Do that and I believe you have a MUCH higher chance of getting her and staying with her.

Good luck.

 

[EveWasFramed]

GUYS FOR REAL SERIOUSLY LISTEN UP DON'T RUN OFF BEFORE I TELL YOU THIS IT'S IMPORTANT SO FOR RILLZ OPEN YOUR EARS AND PREPARE TO HEAR THE TRUTH I'M NOT JOKING IT'S VERY IMPORTANT AND TOP-NOTCH INFO FOR YOU SO HERE IT COMES, you have to understand: NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL LIKE YOU.

No wai.


I have a more lengthy response agreeing with you, but that was too funny to leave it uncommented.

lmao

 

[Yeah!]