Triple Bogey
Well-known member
as a single guy, I don't find having female friends very interesting. It's nice but obviously not as good as a girlfriend.
(internet female friends are very nice btw)
(internet female friends are very nice btw)
Peaches said:ok, my imaginary boyfriend will come visit next week
ShybutHi said:Peaches said:ok, my imaginary boyfriend will come visit next week
Nice Peaches, have a good time.
I can't even get an imaginary girlfriend.
Peaches said:The climax arrived when *he* invited some common friends at *my* place for dinner, at that point I just said that we needed to take some distance from each other, then he started writing long letters about his life, and kept commenting on each single post - I cancelled him from my Facebook friends, and he started following me around at parties, like a shadow, at that point I had to be firm and stop talking to him altogether, but that was a pity because we had a lot in common and I really enjoyed his conversation and I miss it to this day.
Now I feel like this is happening again: another really smart, interesting guy met through common friends who had a spot of bad luck recently so we were chatting for a few times on Facebook about personal things, and yesterday we met in person for the first time and it was really nice, but after the meeting I received 4 long messages including pictures of himself, and today the count is up to 7, and I feel that there is some mistake and he is thinking there is a romantic interest and a) if I had to decide now I would say no, this guy is an artist, very interesting spirit, but my feeling is that he doesn't have his honeysuckle together b) after knowing a person, I can come to like them even if they are not my type physically (and this is vastly the case with this guy) because of their personality, but I can't have a romantic interest if i don't know a person and this behavior is bringing me a lot of anxiety.
TheSkaFish said:Peaches - I'm sorry if you feel like I'm putting you on the spot here, but help me figure this out:
A guy can be smart and interesting and that can be enough to make up for average or below-average looks. You can also enjoy conversation with him. But that is still not enough. What is a person like that missing?
brickinthewall said:I often find honesty is the best policy... lies tend to backfire. I think that being straightforward is the best thing, even if it might hurt him , he will get over it faster this way.
murmi97 said:TheSkaFish said:Peaches - I'm sorry if you feel like I'm putting you on the spot here, but help me figure this out:
A guy can be smart and interesting and that can be enough to make up for average or below-average looks. You can also enjoy conversation with him. But that is still not enough. What is a person like that missing?
Her trust, from the looks of it. She's just not wanting be stuck with a nut. Either friend-wise or as a lover.
TheSkaFish said:Peaches said:f I had to decide now I would say no, this guy is an artist, very interesting spirit, but my feeling is that he doesn't have his honeysuckle together b) after knowing a person, I can come to like them even if they are not my type physically (and this is vastly the case with this guy) because of their personality, but I can't have a romantic interest if i don't know a person and this behavior is bringing me a lot of anxiety.
Peaches - I'm sorry if you feel like I'm putting you on the spot here, but help me figure this out:
A guy can be smart and interesting and that can be enough to make up for average or below-average looks. You can also enjoy conversation with him. But that is still not enough. What is a person like that missing?
Is this guy failing with you because he doesn't have his honeysuckle together, as you say? Or is it because he is sending you too many long messages with pictures and you feel it is too much too soon? Or something else? It seems like there is some hierarchy of traits going on here. Looks are not as important as smarts, personality, and conversation skills, which themselves are not as important as having the basics covered and taking a measured pace in getting to know you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but that's what I'm reading here. I'm not trying to figure YOU out, just saying, this is the way it seems to go for everyone.
I ask you because I find myself in this position a lot and it's beyond frustrating. From a guy's perspective - just when you think you have covered all your bases, you come to find you've covered nothing at all.
TheSkaFish said:Peaches - I'm sorry if you feel like I'm putting you on the spot here, but help me figure this out:
A guy can be smart and interesting and that can be enough to make up for average or below-average looks. You can also enjoy conversation with him. But that is still not enough. What is a person like that missing?
Is this guy failing with you because he doesn't have his honeysuckle together, as you say? Or is it because he is sending you too many long messages with pictures and you feel it is too much too soon? Or something else? It seems like there is some hierarchy of traits going on here. Looks are not as important as smarts, personality, and conversation skills, which themselves are not as important as having the basics covered and taking a measured pace in getting to know you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but that's what I'm reading here. I'm not trying to figure YOU out, just saying, this is the way it seems to go for everyone.
I ask you because I find myself in this position a lot and it's beyond frustrating. From a guy's perspective - just when you think you have covered all your bases, you come to find you've covered nothing at all.
ardour said:There probably isn't too much to be concerned about. They never had any long-term relationships before I'm guessing. All you can do is politely tell this latest 'nice guy' you aren't interested and he'll walk away with his tail between his legs and that will be it.
TheSkaFish said:A guy can be smart and interesting and that can be enough to make up for average or below-average looks. You can also enjoy conversation with him. But that is still not enough. What is a person like that missing?
ardour said:Are you prepared to do the same when you'd rather not? I doubt it (maybe you were just looking for further explanation to help with women.)
Peaches said:Why do you say that you find yourself in this position a lot? People tell you you don't have your honeysuckle together? As I said, for many girls that has usually to do with having a job/wanting to settle down etc, you are still young to have ALL your honeysuckle together
ardour said:Just going to have suck up to Peaches here.... she doesn't need to justify why she won't give him a chance. Are you prepared to do the same when you'd rather not? I doubt it (maybe you were just looking for further explanation to help with women.) From the sounds of it they have some fairly serious failings, the kind that would be problem for most, so it's not as though "have their honeysuckle together" is being overly picky.
Peaches said:being incapable to holding a job and planning every few months to move country, being scammed regularly by con men that everyone else recognizes and then spending years (not sure about the years) afterwards with bitterness and depression, clearly overly dependent and (the main red flag) possibly emotionally unstable, quite overweight and not interested in healthy living (which for me is kind of vital because of my health), seems naive in relationships (he is 39) as well as quite insecure and doesn't give the feeling that he would be a solid companion with independent opinions and not instead someone who collapses at the first difficulty and relies on you for everything.
Also I find him a tad on the overly serious side, bordering to heavy.
I just said "doesn't seem to have his honeysuckle together" to avoid making a list of criticism
Zett said:I believe the root of clingy behavior is a lack of self investment. If a person values themselves more they invest in more activities that enrich their own life without the need of others. Their happiness is dependent on their own progress and they no longer feel the need to be invested in someone else.
I say this because I've been in that desperate boat before and I know that when I used to be this way it was from deep rooted problems like this. Wanting validation and emotional support from others all stems from a self-esteem issue. A person who fills these holes is less likely to need anyone else. But not all people fill it with the same kind. Some people use their faith in 'God', their support from a network of close friends/family and others find strength in believing in themselves. Either way a person who is not secure inside is likely to seek it from someone or something else.
Peaches said:...
How do I get out of this like a lady?
Peaches said:Why do you say that you find yourself in this position a lot?
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