y dont u like being single?

[TheSolitaryMan]

Perhaps we shouldn't be talking bad about other members in public? Especially ones that can no longer defend themselves. :club:

I know the rules are non existent but I'm pretty sure that is part of the common sense rules everyone talks about. Keep the trash talk in pms pleases.

To be fair Kamya, I was simply imitating his typical posting style with humourous intent. It's rather undeniable it was like that. Plus he used to openly belittle people quite frequently with his replies which I considered highly unpleasant, so meh

I agree in general though, users shouldn't be bickered about, public or otherwise

EDIT -

To stay on topic, I'd concur about the left out feeling. Also, I'm really tired of people knowingly boasting to me about their relationships, that's one of the things I really can't stand.

 

[gnome3]

To stay on topic, I'd concur about the left out feeling. Also, I'm really tired of people knowingly boasting to me about their relationships, that's one of the things I really can't stand.

This sometimes bothers me a little, too. I don't really know why. I should be happy for the "boasting couple", and share in their happiness for one another, but it's not always that simple, is it?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

To stay on topic, I'd concur about the left out feeling. Also, I'm really tired of people knowingly boasting to me about their relationships, that's one of the things I really can't stand.

This sometimes bothers me a little, too. I don't really know why. I should be happy for the "boasting couple", and share in their happiness for one another, but it's not always that simple, is it?

I think the way in which a couple convey themselves makes a big difference.

I really don't mind if someone talks about a nice moment they shared with their partner, or stuff like that. If anything, I can enjoy a couple liking each other in that sort of way.

I'm just sick of people telling me in graphic detail about their sex lives, or blatantly snogging each others' lips off in front of me...because it just seems sort of exhibitionist and selfish.

If I had a partner I'd try to keep all that stuff low key, because I'd feel really cruel if I offended people who were lonely or came across tasteless. But there seem to be a lot of people out there who just like flaunting their romance in the face of others in the most tactless way possible

 

[kinzeUK]

Very simple.Because it's in our nature.We need to love and be loved, care for and be cared..

It can't be put anymore succintly than that. Completely true and I don't care who you are or what your story is out there, this is just a plain FACT.

 

[Nolife Princess]

I am married... and wishing like the devil I was single!!!

Being single ROCKS!!!!!! LOVE EM, AND LEAVE EM. heehee

 

[Chasm]

Very simple.Because it's in our nature.We need to love and be loved, care for and be cared..

It can't be put anymore succintly than that. Completely true and I don't care who you are or what your story is out there, this is just a plain FACT.

the fact is>>
thats ur OPINION
LoL
2 me?
that all sounds very needy
but?
every1 is diffrnt
i enjoy my singledom
i feel suffoc8d n stir crazy in relationships

 

[IgnoredOne]

A need for security and a need for affection are usually considered central to most sane people, though this could be fulfilled in different ways.

 

[Nuclear666]

I recently went through a period of being single and happy. But the loneliness has caught up to me. Right now, I'm dying for a connection, anything really. I've just become so numb. I need to feel something, anything!... I feel like Travis Bickle.

 

[Anten]

I guess the OP meant marriage so i will comment on that.

I just want someone i can cuddle up to and know that she likes me and we share a few of the same interests. I am not looking for a deeply committed relationship with the thought of marriage.

 

[nerdygirl]

Based on my observation, this is what's going on with most of the people who really hate being single. I'm going to skip the sex part, since that's obvious.

They don't like being single because they think that having a significant other is going to somehow magically change everything. They find it shocking when they discover that somebody can be in a relationship and still feel lonely.

People get this idea that it's "abnormal" to be single. If you read through posts on this site, tons of people ask if something is wrong with them. The thing about this is... there are 99.6 million unmarried people over age 18 in the U.S. Only half of the people who get married even reach their 15th anniversary.

Of course, you'll have people read this and say, "But at least they got married! I can't even get a boyfriend/girlfriend!" They would rather be in a relationship destined for failure than to be alone.

Sure, part of this is about humans being herd animals. We're engineered in a way that makes us generally want/need others. Humans tend to thrive better when we have contact with others.

A lot of it, though, is just a deficiency in self-image. People want to be wanted, needed, loved, even if they do not love (or even like) themselves. When we're in relationships, we are distracted from the things we don't like about ourselves. We get to be too busy to hear our own thoughts. On top of that, we've got somebody to tell us that our flaws are "okay" (and some of them really are). We've also got somebody with his/ her own flaws for us to focus on.

A lot of people will say they just want somebody to talk to and hold... but that's what friends are for. They'll say, "but it's different!" But really, that difference is more about sex than anything else.

I have closer relationships with friends than I had with X. A lot of people will say, "But that means you just had a bad relationship." Duh. As painfully obvious as that is, most of these people will knowingly throw themselves into similarly bad relationships just to avoid being alone! Which goes right back to the silly notion people get that being in a romantic relationship will magically solve everything.

One great way to make it easier to be alone is to turn yourself into somebody you like.

 

[Ak5]

Honestly, the only reason why I don't want to be single now is because I want to get intimate with a girl. I want to get intimate but still enjoy "not living together" to put it that way.

I personally don't want to get married until my mid to late 20s. But still, I want to have someone who I can be emotionally and physically happy with for the rest of my life.

 

[gnome3]

@ nerdygirl: Hmm. This is really quite well written. Food for thought. Makes me think about the whole thing, for sure.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Based on my observation, this is what's going on with most of the people who really hate being single. I'm going to skip the sex part, since that's obvious.

They don't like being single because they think that having a significant other is going to somehow magically change everything. They find it shocking when they discover that somebody can be in a relationship and still feel lonely.

People get this idea that it's "abnormal" to be single. If you read through posts on this site, tons of people ask if something is wrong with them. The thing about this is... there are 99.6 million unmarried people over age 18 in the U.S. Only half of the people who get married even reach their 15th anniversary.

Of course, you'll have people read this and say, "But at least they got married! I can't even get a boyfriend/girlfriend!" They would rather be in a relationship destined for failure than to be alone.

Sure, part of this is about humans being herd animals. We're engineered in a way that makes us generally want/need others. Humans tend to thrive better when we have contact with others.

A lot of it, though, is just a deficiency in self-image. People want to be wanted, needed, loved, even if they do not love (or even like) themselves. When we're in relationships, we are distracted from the things we don't like about ourselves. We get to be too busy to hear our own thoughts. On top of that, we've got somebody to tell us that our flaws are "okay" (and some of them really are). We've also got somebody with his/ her own flaws for us to focus on.

A lot of people will say they just want somebody to talk to and hold... but that's what friends are for. They'll say, "but it's different!" But really, that difference is more about sex than anything else.

I have closer relationships with friends than I had with X. A lot of people will say, "But that means you just had a bad relationship." Duh. As painfully obvious as that is, most of these people will knowingly throw themselves into similarly bad relationships just to avoid being alone! Which goes right back to the silly notion people get that being in a romantic relationship will magically solve everything.

One great way to make it easier to be alone is to turn yourself into somebody you like.

It's interesting here that lack of sexual/physical intimacy is kind of dismissed as being an "obvious" downside of being single. I'd list it as a pretty huge downside! It's (in my mind) a profound mental and physical connection with someone else. Maybe it's just because I'm a young guy, but that means a lot to me - and not having that sort of experience with anyone makes me feel very unattractive and unloved at times.

I mean, even a hug makes me feel much better in myself and exceedingly more confident. To get more intimate things like kisses would mean the world to me and probably make me a lot happier than I am now. So I think while the physical side of things is obvious perhaps, I think it's an aspect to relationships that is quite important to many people.

Having said that, actual sexual intimacy is not big on my mind. I'd just like some very simple physical affection, and lack of that is kind of depressing over a long period of time.

As for "bad relationship versus alone", I would rather be alone. In fact, the reason I am alone is because I don't want a bad relationship!

The big problems come when you are alone for so long looking for a good relationship that you start to wonder if a coupling of that quality and intensity actually exists in your age bracket...

Still, a good post and an interesting read.

 

[Polar]

Based on my observation, this is what's going on with most of the people who really hate being single. I'm going to skip the sex part, since that's obvious.

They don't like being single because they think that having a significant other is going to somehow magically change everything. They find it shocking when they discover that somebody can be in a relationship and still feel lonely.

People get this idea that it's "abnormal" to be single. If you read through posts on this site, tons of people ask if something is wrong with them. The thing about this is... there are 99.6 million unmarried people over age 18 in the U.S. Only half of the people who get married even reach their 15th anniversary.

Of course, you'll have people read this and say, "But at least they got married! I can't even get a boyfriend/girlfriend!" They would rather be in a relationship destined for failure than to be alone.

Sure, part of this is about humans being herd animals. We're engineered in a way that makes us generally want/need others. Humans tend to thrive better when we have contact with others.

A lot of it, though, is just a deficiency in self-image. People want to be wanted, needed, loved, even if they do not love (or even like) themselves. When we're in relationships, we are distracted from the things we don't like about ourselves. We get to be too busy to hear our own thoughts. On top of that, we've got somebody to tell us that our flaws are "okay" (and some of them really are). We've also got somebody with his/ her own flaws for us to focus on.

A lot of people will say they just want somebody to talk to and hold... but that's what friends are for. They'll say, "but it's different!" But really, that difference is more about sex than anything else.

I have closer relationships with friends than I had with X. A lot of people will say, "But that means you just had a bad relationship." Duh. As painfully obvious as that is, most of these people will knowingly throw themselves into similarly bad relationships just to avoid being alone! Which goes right back to the silly notion people get that being in a romantic relationship will magically solve everything.

One great way to make it easier to be alone is to turn yourself into somebody you like.

+rep for this post. Needless to say I agree.

 

[Anten]

A lot of people will say they just want somebody to talk to and hold... but that's what friends are for. They'll say, "but it's different!" But really, that difference is more about sex than anything else.

Well isn't that the point? Your girl/boyfriend is your friend but one you can be intimate with.

 

[Valince]

Uhm, I don't think my friends would want me "holding them" when I'm lonely or down.

It doesn't work that way.

And the difference isn't about sex(...this is so overrated..). The difference is the feelings you have for another.

I can hug my mom all day long, but it doesn't do much for me, at all.

But if it's with someone I'm in love with, yeah that hug feels 100x different.

I do not like being single. I hate it. I've have spans adding up to a years at a time where I've had no one. And I've been single 7 months now, with no hope in the world that it's gonna end or not. Being single is not healthy for me.

 

[Anten]

Valince try pretty much 10 years.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I don't think it's so bad if you want to be single. The whole term "single" implies it's a choice almost.

Sometimes I think of the good things I have as a singleton (such as freedom to do what I want).

However, I think when that singleness is the product of crappy luck and poor circumstance rather than a conscious decision it starts to become negative, as in my case and the case of you guys by the sound of it.

I don't think it's safe to ever think "I need someone in my life to complete it", because that's sort of admitting you're not pleased with your own life. But I think it's totally reasonable to want someone in your life to enhance it.

Right now I'm mostly happy with my life, but I'm just sick of the tedium and staleness of sitting about watching just about everyone else having fun with their partner.

You're very right on the contact though. All I want physically from a girlfriend is hugs/kisses. A hug from someone you're romantically inclined towards feels very, very different from a hug with a family relative.

When someone has had a relationship, perhaps with sex and so on, I think that longing changes. You sort of know how relationships work a bit, what physical intimacy feels like and the naivety wears off.

It's possible to be lonely of course, but I don't think it ever has that same raw quality as when you've never kissed someone, you're 20 and you're starting to feel like it honestly will never happen.

Because I cannot even comprehend a girl wanting to kiss me right now, it's just a totally alien concept to me and seems odd. The thought of a girl ever wanting to have sex with me doesn't seem credible in the slightest, I can't imagine such a situation. And they're not pleasant sensations to have for 5-6+ years, especially when I know that I'll be exactly like this for another 3-4 at least! If I'm lucky I will be able to go out with someone when I am 25, assuming the perfect girl magically materialises.

So yeah, it depends on exactly what "single" is, expectations and past experience I believe. I don't think the feelings brought on by such a lack of basic intimacy can be trivialised as "Sex need, obv., lol", they are so much deeper and more important than that.

I mean, a girl bumped into me in a store today, and it actually made my heart leap a bit. That's how sad and lonely I am physically!

 

[Polar]

@TSM I agree with you. I very much miss having a special someone to do.. special things with... Excuse me that didn't come out right or maybe it did. I would love to have such a person again but despite that I'm not really unhappy about being single either. The only times I'm having trouble is when someone is rubbing their happy-couple things in my face and even then my frustration is all relative. Your life starts and ends with yourself, not someone else. Besides I'm a very flirtatious person, guilty as charged, I don't mind having the perks of a singleton while I'm down that road.

 

[PurpleDays]

I absolutely adore having someone to wake-up with.

Half-being awake and snuggling up to them, and then he doesn't even open his eyes and puts his arms around me... as if he doesn't even need to be concious to cuddle me.

IDK. Cuddles are win.