hate said:
I gradually started convincing myself as a teen that I was bad at everything, stupid, worthless, and unworthy. I stopped doing things, started incarcerating myself in my room and not really doing anything self-rewarding. Now I am in my mid-20s and am greatly struggling because of all that. Because of this I've missed out on a lot of experiences, I am ignorant about a lot of things, my sense of humor is poor, I am painfully awkward and shy, and I don't really have any hobbies. I have little to no college education and work experience, still live with my parents, have no friends, don't drive, and have never dated. I feel like I don't really know who I am and where my place in this world is. I don't know what to do with my life. I still feel like I am nothing, and nothing really interests me. I can't stop dwelling on what should've, could've, would've happened...
Anyone else out there like this??
I relate a lot to this. When I was a kid, I felt like I wasn't talented or gifted because nothing seemed to be easy for me, and because of that, I felt like I couldn't get good at anything no matter how hard I worked. I felt like the best I could be in life was comfortable, and that's it. This was a major reason why I never really explored many interests, and even when I started becoming interested in things, I didn't really pursue them very seriously because I thought I had no talent so it wouldn't matter how hard I worked at it. Then, this took another form - that even if I could get good at something without natural talent, I was starting too late in life so it was pointless.
Because I haven't been pursuing any passions, I also feel like I don't have any hobbies. I've spent a lot of time just surfing the Internet almost mindlessly. For years now, I've wanted to write a story, play guitar and write original songs, and draw, but because I worried that I was untalented or that I was too late, I would usually just surf the net instead and feel like crap. I feel like I don't have much depth to my personality, not much identity, not much to show for myself. I feel like even if I throw the idea of talent out, I still don't have a lot of stories to tell someone because of all those years of thinking I couldn't do anything. I managed to finish college, but I still don't know what kind of job I'd like to do, and I have also never dated. I suspect it's this lack of personality/identity and hobbies that are the problems here, and my lack of confidence in my ability to get what I want in life. I know women aren't attracted to self-doubting guys, but it's hard for me to feel any other way because nothing's ever been easy for me.
Sometimes, I too feel like I'm nothing. I think what helps though is to just do one thing at a time, maybe make some lists, figure out what you want to do. That's where I'm at right now, just trying to get organized and hopefully I'll feel better afterwards. What kinds of things do you want to do?
Sometimes said:
You need some successes. And when you have them, you need to identify them as successes. These are the things which disprove the ideas that you are "bad at everything, stupid, worthless, and unworthy". This is what I did, and what I still do, to keep myself from falling into this belief about me.
To have successes you have to do things, and see them through to the point where you can identify them as successes. Anything you start and quit before making progress can be used by your negative self to prove your existing negative beliefs about yourself.
If you have trouble mustering the energy to do things, or sabotage the doing before you start by telling yourself the "I can't, why try, why bother..." kind of stuff, then trick yourself into it. I have all kinds of tricks which get me moving, keep me moving. I'm a regular trickster with my own mind! And when my mind gets clever enough to know the tricks and they stop working, I find new ones that work, and I keep on with the successes, big and small.
Turn your eyes forward. The past is gone.
I'd agree with this. I also feel like I need some wins, to break my old story of someone who isn't and can't be good at anything, who isn't creative, who isn't successful. What are some of the tricks you use to keep moving?
Batman55 said:
If you think you're great, you *are* great. You don't need society's permission to place a high value on yourself. Just do it regardless, and it will eventually show. Obviously this doesn't mean you can "think" your way into achieving extremely difficult goals or making massive improvements overnight. But it does mean you can value yourself highly.. and this is more attractive than doing the opposite.
I mean if you think you're low value, then you're going to come across as "low value" and that's not going to be helpful for anything, really.
I've definitely had trouble with this growing up as well. For years and years I thought of myself as low-value, and it showed outwardly. I'm still picking up the pieces from this, trying to just stop feeling that way before I screw up any more interactions (especially with girls I want to date) by communicating a low self-image. I am getting better at my self-image now, but just wish I'd changed the way I viewed myself before.
