you ever just feel like you dont have a place?

[edgecrusher]

this started for me in high school. the longer i was in high school the more i felt this way. i never got into drugs like everyone i used to hang out with did. i have never even smoked a cigarette, i have no desire to do that. i dont know about everywhere else, but the public schools where i live in the US are terrible. stupid crap at school made me realize that the whole system is mostly BS. im lucky to have passed and im pretty sure that has to do with a teacher just passing me because he knew i needed to get out of there.

im not into what most guys are into around where i live. the only guy things im into is video games, metal music, and sci-fi movies. i like other movies and music too, some stuff that most guys wouldnt like or atleast admit to liking. i am one of the VERY few guys around here that isnt homophobic. it just really doesnt bother me. i dont feel threatened or the need to defend myself against "the homosexual onslaught" that these guys act like is happening. just because a guy is gay, doesnt mean he wasnt to do you. being gay is not a choice, people are born that way, i have seen it first hand. i guess im just secure with my sexuality even though i have never experienced it.

i just feel like the world is so backwards sometimes. people freaking out over petty crap, obsessing over celebrities and the gossip that comes with it. this "reality" show thing thats happening with tv that just wont seem to die. the stupid stuff that we have done to each other over our years here. sometimes i wonder if the human race is actually like a virus to the planet, like we are consuming everything until there is nothing left. thats pretty grim thinking but my mind tends to over analyze everything and think of many possible outcomes and scenarios for situations.

somethign that has been messing with my head lately is the concept of god. i cant help but think that man created this to try to explain the unexplainable things aout life. and then someone used it to put fear in people to get what they wanted and it got out of control. as far as god goes, im undecided on whether i believe or not, more towards the no side. i would really like to think that i am not alone in this world in that sense, but it sure feels like i am.

 

[Phaedron]

Same here, especially the video games, metal, and sci-fi. It's more like Im just wandering through life, but sadly outside of RPG video games there isn't much of a mission to it. It seemed like everyone around me is worker consumer drones plugged in to their network or friends and whatever is popular. Im okay with life I guess, I just don't want to be completely alone through all of it. I'd like to be significant to someone, and for someone to be significant to me. The world is very backwards, perhaps the key to understanding it is to see it on the angle where it actually seems forward from.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Sometimes I do...it's fleeding.

It is backwards...a lot of times. What you read about morals values and all that good. Then you step
into the world and see what's actaully happening. It's totally in reverse.
There's theories and ideas ...and then there's applications.

You gatta be a little bit crazy to live this life..becuase it can get a little bit crazy sometimes.

Even in the god and religion department stuff it's like retarded to me.
So she tell's me that faith is of a personal belief, but she thinks i need to go to church and find my soul...
But I'm like, I used to get tottally honeysuckle face on saturday night then go to church on sunday morning too.
Beside...I was the one praying every night when we were married. Incase you forgotten. i got on my knee
at the edge of our bed everynight before I slumber or got on top of ya...
But if faith is a personal matter as she say...why in the fresia dose she tells me to go to church and find my soul...Errr wtf???
And why in the fresia would my soul need to be found when it was never losted to begin with?
Oh yeah. I fucken forget...She's messed up out of her god **** mind so she can see it straight.hahahaaa
When it's convient for ya, babe...when it's convient for you. And what lessons would you like for me to learn this time???

As far as the god thing...you're not alone in feeling that way.

It's like reading a self help book or recovery book..man
First they tell ya ...that you're all messed up in the begining of the book, but at the end of the book they'll tell ya there's nothing with ya
becuase they don't have all the answers either...errr???? Or say stupid honeysuckle like...Do what works for you.
It's like a total mind fresia.

 

[that1guy]

Yeah i feel the same exact way pretty much. I am still in high school and my social life is pretty much a joke. I never really got into drugs or drinking and I hate how people have to worry so much about celebrities...I think it is a way to escape from their own miserable lives. Im so happy that i'm a senior and I only got a month and a half left to go. Thens its out into the real world. Yay. If you or anyone reading this wants to chat my email is on my profile.

 

[h i]

Im paranoid and narcissistic, and avoid thinking of stuff like this. I just wanted to say that...

i cant help but think that man created this to try to explain the unexplainable things aout life. and then someone used it to put fear in people to get what they wanted and it got out of control.

...seems like something i would think or say, so you ought to avoid that thinking.

my mothers religious. kind of... shes always telling me how the bible says there will be false profits. she believes all churches are false profits. timothy and revelations say that people would have a faith, but not be true to it. not understanding. become lovers of selves. that people would turn against religion.

i personally dont believe in jesus. certainly not a caucasian christ. because it defies the bible that a man would stand between another man and god, and it just doesnt make sense that he would be caucasian. same with the pope. god favors no one.

 

[Badjedidude]

No one ever claimed that Jesus was a caucasian, hi....I have no idea where you got the idea that people think he was caucasian. Every organized Christian religion (except the few and far between wackos) says that Jesus was a Hebrew, a Jew.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well...I work the 12 steps program. It's a spiritual program...not a religious program.

The 12 steps orginally came from the Oxford group...Christian base.
Ebby was given an alternative of going the oxford group to solve his drinking problem instead of getting sent up the river.
Ebby introduce BW to the steps
However the founder of AA Bill Wilson...couldn't do the religion stuff or god stuff.
He saw it all in reverse. He saw the so call proclaim christain people fight , hate, judge people...ect.
EBBY made a simple suggestion "why don't you have a GOD of your understanding"
The third step is written in this way...becuase alot of people couldn't do the "control issues" thing.hahahaaa
As the 12 steps expanded or was borrow to other 12 steps support groups...

Alot of people in recovery can't even do the god thing as sometype of ultimate being or the creator of the universe.
Good orderly Directions...was came up with to help these people get on the bussiness of working the steps, recovery and living a healtier life.

Some people had a knee jerk reaction to the word "GOD"..Hence the term HIGHER POWER.
Some people get so hung up on being political correct...you'll notice "G-D" being use.

There's other religion ...such as Budhaism. Buhdist do not belive in a GOD. Rather a HIGHER SELF.

Less than half of the world's population are religious. In other word more than half the world's population
dosn't belive in a god or are religous. (I guess half the world is going to hell.hahahahaaaa)

Out of the less than half of the people on this planet that are religious...only around 40% out of that group
are Christains.

Belive and Faith are two different things.
A belive is concrete or something writting in stone. If you belive you suck...that's would be your truth.

To have faith is to have an openmind..continous growth, continous expanding your awareness or consiousness.
To have faith to be willing to step out of your comfortzone even though you're scared shitless.

In other words..if you belive your life is not going to change...you'll act accordingly to what you belive.
If you have faith that your life will change for the better or will get better...You'll take actions to ulter your life even though you might not know the out come or what
the future may bring.

Get the big picture?

 

[Carcass Raid]

Yeah I still feel like this. That's probably why I don't have any friends. I'm afraid to seem lame in their eyes so I just avoid contact completely. I've been told that if I just talked that I'd be really popular (say my few little friends) but eh. It's a fear so I spend my days secluded and fester in lonliness. How depressing.

 

[chrism]

Hi

I feel the same way too, or not the same. I am just very confused right now (not about my sexuality) but I really don't understand things, myself and God. I used to be so sure about myself, about God, about my faith. But later I just felt that things are not making sense. To be honest, what I feel right now is that God or the higher being is against me or not against me but just is completely ignoring me. I feel very mediocre and right now I don't feel any enthusiasm about life, about stuff. My family is very faithful. I'm not using the word religious because they/we aren't. we've never been in a church for long because well, I guess we're all introverts and church people can be creepy sometimes (with all that niceness)

Because I love my family so much that I feel like defying what they believe is defying them as well. When I got to college, I started to open up myself with things. Somehow I don't believe in religion anymore. I am more concern about my spiritual growth, meaning being at peace with myself. I don't read much so yeah I am more making my own faith. I am still partial about Jesus Christ and God as to whether I believe or not. I don't understand why we or I have this perception of God as a human being. We say he is all mighty and all powerful but sometimes I can't stop imagining him to be a person. As far as what is right and what is wrong, the line between it is becoming so thin. Even murder, stealing and hurting another person, when you think of it can be justified in some cases. The world is not black and white but how do we know if red is good or bad?

And education, media, society, I will not start. If you live in the Philippines and have studied in public schools, then you are bound to meet business person teachers. What are "those"? Those are teachers that have candy store in their desk or that sells tocino (marinated meat) to your parents. I know that teachers here have a very small salary and that they have kids to feed too, but also, I would just like them to realized how big of an impact in a person's life his studies are. I think teachers don't know their responsibilities (note: I am not generalizing)

One thing I hate about this world too, (I hate it more cos I understand why it is like that and why I can't do anything to change it as of the moment) is the fact that living in a third world country, doors exist for me that don't exist for other people. I would just like to tell you people that live in rich countries and don't need visas to travel and that you won't have to prove to everyone that you won't be a prostitute or you won't marry your grandfather to get a visa that you are sooooo lucky. I'm not big on travel but I just want to get out in this place because I really feel I will not grow here.

So yeah, as much as I would like to be sunshine daisy butter mellow, I am bitter and somewhat cynical.

 

[suckaG]

No one ever claimed that Jesus was a caucasian, hi....I have no idea where you got the idea that people think he was caucasian. Every organized Christian religion (except the few and far between wackos) says that Jesus was a Hebrew, a Jew.

Jesus (a Semite hailing from 1st century Galilee) is overwhelmingly depicted as chalk white in mainstream global christianity. I'm guessing that Hi is using Caucasian as a euphemism for 'white skinned', rather than claiming that Jesus was geographically Caucasian. Unless his mother is a member of (Christian Identity) Church of Jesus Christ Christians lol.

 

[Xerox]

Agree on most points, its like your on the far right, and the rest of the world is on the far left, and they all seem to care about things that dont matter to you at all.

Atleast thats how i tend to see things.

 

[Mike Moose]

I have the feeling of being disconnected from the world all the time..I know I belong here,but I just don't wanna join in..everyone seems so false..

 

[The Observer]

I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel as though I were born in the wrong time period. Sometimes I feel as though I was born on the wrong planet! These feelings are normal especially for people like us who are a bit more mature than the rest of the celebrity worshiping population.

 

[Unique Unicorn]

I too feel like most of you. I feel 'different' even though I look mainstream, work in a professional capacity and have all the western 'spoils' of life. Sometimes I just feel so 'alien' and that very few are 'on my page'. I've been a Catholic, a Pagan Witch' and everything in between and still don't know where the hell I fit in, currently I am a Pantheist and that suits my current belief system.

The bad news is that I am 44 years old and still don't have it down - the good news is that I now embrace that yes I am different, it's lonely and hard, but you can only be true to thy self.

I offer love and hugs to all who feel different and alone. You are not alone, there will always be someone on your page, you just need to find them.

xxx

 

[Regret]

Yep, all the time. I couldn't be more certain that I do not belong in south florida.
It's just......this place has never been kind to me, and harbors all of the memories I'd rather forget. I don't fit in anywhere here, the people I used to call friends are gone, everyone else were just acquaintances.

I'm not very cool, and it's hard to find genuine people, and even harder to create a friendship. Since, well, everyone already has enough friends and their perfect lives all perfectly planned out. No room for a aimless failure loser like myself lol.
At this point, eh, I guess I am fulfilling that loner metalhead position.
My views on the world......well, I don't think much of it

But yeah, I really don't feel like I belong here, or anywhere. I have felt that very strongly for a while now.........

 

[edgecrusher]

I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel as though I were born in the wrong time period. Sometimes I feel as though I was born on the wrong planet! These feelings are normal especially for people like us who are a bit more mature than the rest of the celebrity worshiping population.

i have often said it like that too, the wrong time period.

 

[Ribozyme]

Gee... This is just like I'm reading one of my own posts that were never published on my blog... With the only exception that I hated my elementary school because I was bullied for 4 years... I kept quiet, naturally, because I didn't know how to fight them off, and telling someone would only make things worse... Anyway, eventually one of them made a mistake and started bullying me during a class! Well, after that, my teacher called my mum and after HER tirade, no one ever touched me again...

Anyway... I'm very glad to hear that you're not homophobic (since I'm gay) and even happier to hear that you don't consider it to be a choice. But it also worries me to hear that so many people ARE homophobic, and, just as you say, feel threatened (I honestly can't see why) by it...

Since I study biology at the University, I came to realize that human race is, actually, a pretty nasty thing that happened to this planet. Some say that we are the evolution's peak! That's rubbish. Evolution hasn't come to it's peak with us and once we are long gone, it will continue to produce many other "peaks". I see us like viruses, too. All the time... Sometimes the acts of humankind make me wanna cry my eyes out... I sometimes wonder is it even worth all the trouble because on a single individual that fights for and with the nature, come 100.000 individuals who neatly destroy everything in their wake. No wonder "we" (the ones who think like you and me) feel lost, alone, depressed and out of place... For my final paper (for my B.Sc. diploma) I chose to write about the emerging of consciousness. Do you know what my Evolution professor told me? She said: "I don't know, Kristijan, we (Homo sapiens sapiens) appeared and evolved so sudden and quick, I can't help not to think we are about to disappear even quicker."

Same thing with the God... I am a catholic, but lately... For the past few years I was ULTRA religious and I really felt "saved by Him"... But lately... The feeling's been lost, I don't know why. More I study biology, the less I'm convinced that He actually exists. I'm currently in between, and, just like you, looking over to that "no" side of the equation with interest.

Anyway, just wanted you to know you're not the only one with those thoughts...