are some people too broken to have a significant other?

[mari1969]

I am beginning to believe that I am simply too broken to get into a relationship.

I don't see anybody finding me attractive enough to date, first of all. And second, I don't see myself being a good boyfriend. I think I would be terrible in bed, too.

Does anybody else feel this way?

Can you explain why do you feel this way?
Are you saying that only atractive people can date? Atractive people are only a few! Are you uglier than the common people?
Why do you think you will be a bad bf? and the same question for sex.

Belive me, the bad bf, the bad men in bed dont feel that way, they dont have  self criticism.

 

[Somnambulist]

Belive me, the bad bf, the bad men in bed dont feel that way, they dont have  self criticism.

^Exactly this !

 

[DarkSelene]

There's a saying in Brazil that goes "tem sempre um chinelo velho para um pé doente", which is just an analogy to say that no matter how broken, how "ugly", how different or strange... there's always going to be someone in this world that fits you. Maybe being broken is just one of those qualities, you'll find someone who can work with "broken" and make you feel loved.

I'm too much of a romantic to give up because I think I'm too broken. There's literally billions of people on this earth... someone out there will understand me.

 

[Somnambulist]

I'm too much of a romantic to give up because I think I'm too broken. There's literally billions of people on this earth... someone out there will understand me.

Brava !

 

[Wayfarer]

Well, that's more or less what I frequently ask myself, though not precisely that way. I mean.. I think I am a mess at the moment, and I will only make a significant other suffer, so it's better if I keep myself away until I'm a better person and can actually contribute to the relationship in a positive way.

 

[DarkSelene]

Well, that's more or less what I frequently ask myself, though not precisely that way. I mean.. I think I am a mess at the moment, and I will only make a significant other suffer, so it's better if I keep myself away until I'm a better person and can actually contribute to the relationship in a positive way.

That person can help you too.

 

[Meaw]

I'm sure there's someone out there some time who'd be okay with me, someone who'd be close to perfect for me and someone who i'd be close to perfect to. Question is, where and when - is it in North Korea now, imprisoned for speaking its mind? Will it be born in 227 years from now? Well, time will maybe tell.
At the moment, I'm just too afraid to hurt someone. Maybe I won't ever find someone i could keep loving. My two partners this far were not good for me. I stopped loving them, and what if that will happen to everyone? I would not want my life to be cursed with making people sad.

 

[constant stranger]

I've thought I was too broken to have a SO for 30 years....it did occur to me that a girlfriend could help with the broken, damaged, low self esteem thing but I was so accustomed to aloneness that taking the risks of approaching someone and forming a relationship seemed a higher price to pay than just continuing on single. Besides, "forming a relationship" is a skill set that I do not actually know how to do. So acting like a bumbling ignoramus is a scenario that was just another 'stop factor' keeping me alone.

Well I did meet somebody eventually, in a structured volunteer activity. She's been married and divorced twice, had a successful professional career, knows a ton of people......deffo not an ALL type....and she isn't looking for an SO herself. So I still don't have a significant other. But she and I are a version of man/woman relationshipness. It's more than I've had for a long, long time and I'm content. But I still feel like damaged goods and I hold grudges against everyone in my family long after those grudges should reasonably been resolved.

 

[Somnambulist]

it's better if I keep myself away until I'm a better person

And, in the meantime, my friend, the Earth is going to continue to revolve around the Sun. Your skin will continue aging because of free radicals. People will enter/leave your life, some very special, some not so special, but you're going to miss out on all of them.

Self-improvement is great, and I'm a huge proponent of it. But, that is a lifelong process. You are NOT going to wake up one fine morning and say, "Hey everyone, this is Wayfarer part 2 !!!". You are already whole, my friend. You can only change to better suit the lifestyle you want.

One of my favorite quotes is "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.".

I want to share one little piece of my story - In December 2006, I had resolved to end my life after a trip to Seattle. I boarded the train that night, knowing it would be my last trip ever, so I was excited to have one last hurrah. The woman sitting next to me on the train had other plans for me ... she became my first girlfriend. I didn't end my life then, and I'm here today.

Life doesn't wait for your schedules and plans. It just, well, .... happens.

 

[VanillaCreme]

There's a saying in Brazil that goes "tem sempre um chinelo velho para um pé doente", which is just an analogy to say that no matter how broken, how "ugly", how different or strange... there's always going to be someone in this world that fits you. Maybe being broken is just one of those qualities, you'll find someone who can work with "broken" and make you feel loved.

I'm too much of a romantic to give up because I think I'm too broken. There's literally billions of people on this earth... someone out there will understand me.

I really like that saying. I'm not a romantic, but I do believe in what that saying means.

 

[Somnambulist]

There's a saying in Brazil that goes "tem sempre um chinelo velho para um pé doente", which is just an analogy to say that no matter how broken, how "ugly", how different or strange... there's always going to be someone in this world that fits you. Maybe being broken is just one of those qualities, you'll find someone who can work with "broken" and make you feel loved.

I'm too much of a romantic to give up because I think I'm too broken. There's literally billions of people on this earth... someone out there will understand me.

I really like that saying. I'm not a romantic, but I do believe in what that saying means.

Me too ! There's a lot of wisdom in it !

BTW, I looked up the original Portuguese saying on Google Translate.

"There's always an old slipper for a patient standing"

 

[DarkSelene]

There's a saying in Brazil that goes "tem sempre um chinelo velho para um pé doente", which is just an analogy to say that no matter how broken, how "ugly", how different or strange... there's always going to be someone in this world that fits you. Maybe being broken is just one of those qualities, you'll find someone who can work with "broken" and make you feel loved.

I'm too much of a romantic to give up because I think I'm too broken. There's literally billions of people on this earth... someone out there will understand me.

I really like that saying. I'm not a romantic, but I do believe in what that saying means.

Me too ! There's a lot of wisdom in it !

BTW, I looked up the original Portuguese saying on Google Translate.

"There's always an old slipper for a patient standing"

It's actually "an old slipper for a sick foot", I thought the translation would butcher the meaning, though.

 

[Somnambulist]

There's a saying in Brazil that goes "tem sempre um chinelo velho para um pé doente", which is just an analogy to say that no matter how broken, how "ugly", how different or strange... there's always going to be someone in this world that fits you. Maybe being broken is just one of those qualities, you'll find someone who can work with "broken" and make you feel loved.

I'm too much of a romantic to give up because I think I'm too broken. There's literally billions of people on this earth... someone out there will understand me.

I really like that saying. I'm not a romantic, but I do believe in what that saying means.

Me too ! There's a lot of wisdom in it !

BTW, I looked up the original Portuguese saying on Google Translate.

"There's always an old slipper for a patient standing"

I thought the translation would butcher the meaning, though.

And it did   Big time !!!

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Not sure...the real life dolls maybe tell part of the story...dolls that aim to emulate real women, some of these creations are horrendous others are a wonder to behold and it seems some guys do relate to them in a loving way ...the simulated sexual aspect I guess is one factor...but they seem to be far more than that to many guys...I don't know if this is a recognition of total defeat in terms of a loving relationship..or a way of having an imaginary relationship that has some actual presense even though in real terms it's totally inanimate...or does that amount to one and the same thing ?

 

[Somnambulist]

Not sure...the real life dolls maybe tell part of the story...dolls that aim to emulate real women, some of these creations are  horrendous others  are a wonder to behold and it seems some guys do relate to them in a loving way ...the simulated sexual aspect I guess is one factor...but they seem to be far more than that to many guys...I don't know if  this is a recognition of total defeat in terms of a loving relationship..or a way of having an imaginary relationship that has some actual presense even though in real terms it's totally inanimate...or does that amount to one and the same thing ?

Not sure if this is directly related, but I think it is similar to what you're saying ...

I find that a lot of women (I don't intend to be sexist ... I'm sure there are men who do the same) take refuge in their relationships with pets (dogs or cats), pretending as if those pets are able to satisfy all their needs. It CRACKS ME UP It's the dictionary meaning of denial ... denial of their just being jaded. I have personally known many women who do that. I suppose you could also call it "total defeat", as you put it.

Now, I'm an animal lover myself, but I know the difference between having a significant other and a pet. I also know that the saying "No risk, no reward" has a lot of wisdom within it. Which means this - when you make yourself vulnerable to another human being, you are taking a huge risk, but the potential reward is proportionate to that risk.

 

[lilE]

Nah, if i had money i would still be single lol.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Not sure...the real life dolls maybe tell part of the story...dolls that aim to emulate real women, some of these creations are  horrendous others  are a wonder to behold and it seems some guys do relate to them in a loving way ...the simulated sexual aspect I guess is one factor...but they seem to be far more than that to many guys...I don't know if  this is a recognition of total defeat in terms of a loving relationship..or a way of having an imaginary relationship that has some actual presense even though in real terms it's totally inanimate...or does that amount to one and the same thing ?

Not sure if this is directly related, but I think it is similar to what you're saying ...

I find that a lot of women (I don't intend to be sexist ... I'm sure there are men who do the same) take refuge in their relationships with pets (dogs or cats), pretending as if those pets are able to satisfy all their needs. It CRACKS ME UP It's the dictionary meaning of denial ... denial of their just being jaded. I have personally known many women who do that. I suppose you could also call it "total defeat", as you put it.

Now, I'm an animal lover myself, but I know the difference between having a significant other and a pet. I also know that the saying "No risk, no reward" has a lot of wisdom within it. Which means this - when you make yourself vulnerable to another human being, you are taking a huge risk, but the potential reward is proportionate to that risk.

Yep that's a fair enough point if view...but I guess the problem is that some people simply become unable to continue to take risks...if all the risks you take are unproductive maybe negative experinces it"s understandable you are at some point going to look for people to stop hitting you with a big stick and maybe that's the point when you get the cat, the doll or the inflatable donkey : )

 

[Somnambulist]

Not sure...the real life dolls maybe tell part of the story...dolls that aim to emulate real women, some of these creations are  horrendous others  are a wonder to behold and it seems some guys do relate to them in a loving way ...the simulated sexual aspect I guess is one factor...but they seem to be far more than that to many guys...I don't know if  this is a recognition of total defeat in terms of a loving relationship..or a way of having an imaginary relationship that has some actual presense even though in real terms it's totally inanimate...or does that amount to one and the same thing ?

Not sure if this is directly related, but I think it is similar to what you're saying ...

I find that a lot of women (I don't intend to be sexist ... I'm sure there are men who do the same) take refuge in their relationships with pets (dogs or cats), pretending as if those pets are able to satisfy all their needs. It CRACKS ME UP It's the dictionary meaning of denial ... denial of their just being jaded. I have personally known many women who do that. I suppose you could also call it "total defeat", as you put it.

Now, I'm an animal lover myself, but I know the difference between having a significant other and a pet. I also know that the saying "No risk, no reward" has a lot of wisdom within it. Which means this - when you make yourself vulnerable to another human being, you are taking a huge risk, but the potential reward is proportionate to that risk.

Yep that's a fair enough point if view...but I guess the problem is that some people simply become unable to continue to take risks...if all the risks you take are unproductive maybe negative experinces it"s understandable you are at some point going to look for people to stop hitting you with a big stick and maybe that's the point when you get the cat, the doll or the inflatable donkey : )

True

 

[Tuathaniel]

I am beginning to believe that I am simply too broken to get into a relationship.

I don't see anybody finding me attractive enough to date, first of all. And second, I don't see myself being a good boyfriend. I think I would be terrible in bed, too.

Does anybody else feel this way?

Jumping in without having read all the previous comments (sorry, there were so many and I'm tired), I just wanted to say that yes, I also feel this way - and I've felt that way for years. 

Here's the bright spot though: You might feel that you're too broken for anyone to find you attractive, but others won't necessarily see you that way. To my shocking surprise, I found a boyfriend last year. I was then 32, and it was my first boyfriend ever. I was pretty sure he'd leave me after a few months, once he'd gotten to know me better and saw how broken and messed up I was. Yet, somehow, he's still here. I can't for the life of me understand why, because I think I'm awful relationship material - being too used to being alone and all, plus trust issues and all that jazz. But here he is, telling me he loves me every single day. 

So please don't give up (unless you genuinely think you're better off alone - I know that works for a lot of people). I don't know you, so I don't know if you'd be a good boyfriend or not, but there's only one way to find out.

 

[Elwyng]

I'm new so please forgive me if I'm redundant...

I thought I had everything. Especially the story book marriage. After twenty four years he tells me he isn't in love with me and leaves. 

Still says he wants to try but doesn't know "who he is" anymore. Admittedly, we were entirely too wrapped up in each other. Not in a healthy way. 

Now, he's happy alone. And I get worse everyday. I feel like my life is over and nothing I say or do will ever matter. 

I'm 47 and not young and cute anymore so I don't see myself attracting someone. 

I'm successful. I make great money. I have great kids and grandkids. And I feel like I'm taking up space. 

If the one person who said he loved me for 24 years doesn't anymore, who will?