are some people too broken to have a significant other?

[DarkSelene]

I'm new so please forgive me if I'm redundant...

I thought I had everything. Especially the story book marriage. After twenty four years he tells me he isn't in love with me and leaves. 

Still says he wants to try but doesn't know "who he is" anymore. Admittedly, we were entirely too wrapped up in each other. Not in a healthy way. 

Now, he's happy alone. And I get worse everyday. I feel like my life is over and nothing I say or do will ever matter. 

I'm 47 and not young and cute anymore so I don't see myself attracting someone. 

I'm successful. I make great money. I have great kids and grandkids. And I feel like I'm taking up space. 

If the one person who said he loved me for 24 years doesn't anymore, who will?

I don't have much experience and maybe I'm even too young and immature to understand that feeling, but I can describe a situation that happened right before my eyes and it's still going on until this day, that really relates to yours.

My parents got married and had kids really early in life, they struggled to even be able to live together because their jobs would make it difficult. When I was 10 years we went to live as a family for the first time, parents and kids in the same house. I thought my parents were the perfect couple, they looked like they were still in their honeymoon after all of those years and they are partners, very good friends above all things. The thing is, they became only friends... and no matter how much my mother tried to make a deeper connection or to voice her issues, my dad never seemed to care enough to listen/change his ways. After a long period my mom had to move out again, when she received a big promotion to live in another state, she spent 3 years of her life working from monday-friday than getting on a plane to see us every weekend and every weekend my dad and his mood swings would butcher the whole experience. She was tired of it all and decided to end things,  my dad fell into a deep depression and looking around he saw no one to reach out to because the only people he has is his family, that he had been driving away this whole time. My mom came out of it tired and completely crushed, she was never sure if that was the right decision until she met her current boyfriend. He's a bit younger than her, and as most real relationships sometimes they do have problems, but she never felt so appreciated and loved like now. He makes sure everything about their relationship is a special occasion, he's sociable and sweet to all of her friends, he's her partner in ways my dad never was... 

My dad, on the other hand, hasn't started his life yet. Like me, he's very much guarded and not very open to making new friends, but he's currently living with me and my mom and they became the best of friends. They support each other just like before, and understood that love is not enough to make a relationship last for such a long time, you need to keep working at it always, trying to improve, to make each other happy. 
Of course after all of this time you'll feel lost, you'll feel like maybe there's nothing out there for you anymore, that your life has passed by and that there's nothing else to try... but, believe me, there's always someone to lend a hand and take you out of the dark holes we put ourselves in, the places where we think we'll never see the light again... 
I've seen your picture, you're a beautiful woman and as you put it yourself, you have your life together. You have your kids and family, your work.... These feelings will last, I'm sure, being alone after such a long time must be the scariest thing anyone has to go through, but it doesn't mean it's over. You can, and I believe that will, find someone who will love you. We have billions of people on this earth, and I believe there's someone out there who will not only understand you, but also appreciate you better than maybe your husband could at the end of things... 

I'm sorry if I'm sticking my nose in something and I know your experience might be completely different than what I described here, but I feel the need to spread a little hope sometimes, because even when things turn out for the worse and I feel like nothing could be done to fix it, I've met people (recently here on ALL) that made me believe that good things can happen, good people sometimes saves us from terrible situations by simply being understanding and those actions mean more than anything for someone who's lost and lonely. 

I hope you'll feel better.

 

[Tuathaniel]

I'm successful. I make great money. I have great kids and grandkids. And I feel like I'm taking up space. 

If the one person who said he loved me for 24 years doesn't anymore, who will?

For starters, you will. Take some time to really appreciate and love yourself. Spoil yourself. Do things you enjoy. 

You say you're successful and make great money - so take a long holiday. Travel. I've travelled alone a lot, and even a shy introvert like me ended up meeting new people during those trips. Be open to whatever happens. It might not be love, but it will most likely be a lot of fun. 

And remember: 

 

[Xpendable]

If you don't love yourself, put a ton of makeup on your face until you do.

 

[constant stranger]

Elwyng, I'm seeing a lady who's in her 60's (so am I) and divorced twice, retired comfortably, lives a socially active life and is involved in community projects....life goes on. Your life is what you make of it if you want it to be, enough. BTW, I wish I was in my 40's again......

 

[mari1969]

it's better if I keep myself away until I'm a better person

And, in the meantime, my friend, the Earth is going to continue to revolve around the Sun. Your skin will continue aging because of free radicals. People will enter/leave your life, some very special, some not so special, but you're going to miss out on all of them.

Self-improvement is great, and I'm a huge proponent of it. But, that is a lifelong process. You are NOT going to wake up one fine morning and say, "Hey everyone, this is Wayfarer part 2 !!!". You are already whole, my friend. You can only change to better suit the lifestyle you want.

One of my favorite quotes is "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.".

I want to share one little piece of my story - In December 2006, I had resolved to end my life after a trip to Seattle. I boarded the train that night, knowing it would be my last trip ever, so I was excited to have one last hurrah. The woman sitting next to me on the train had other plans for me ... she became my first girlfriend. I didn't end my life then, and I'm here today.

Life doesn't wait for your schedules and plans. It just, well, .... happens.

Wow i love this story. These are the things that give some hope

 

[Somnambulist]

it's better if I keep myself away until I'm a better person

And, in the meantime, my friend, the Earth is going to continue to revolve around the Sun. Your skin will continue aging because of free radicals. People will enter/leave your life, some very special, some not so special, but you're going to miss out on all of them.

Self-improvement is great, and I'm a huge proponent of it. But, that is a lifelong process. You are NOT going to wake up one fine morning and say, "Hey everyone, this is Wayfarer part 2 !!!". You are already whole, my friend. You can only change to better suit the lifestyle you want.

One of my favorite quotes is "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.".

I want to share one little piece of my story - In December 2006, I had resolved to end my life after a trip to Seattle. I boarded the train that night, knowing it would be my last trip ever, so I was excited to have one last hurrah. The woman sitting next to me on the train had other plans for me ... she became my first girlfriend. I didn't end my life then, and I'm here today.

Life doesn't wait for your schedules and plans. It just, well, .... happens.

Wow i love this story. These are the things that give some hope

 

[Wayfarer]

it's better if I keep myself away until I'm a better person

And, in the meantime, my friend, the Earth is going to continue to revolve around the Sun. Your skin will continue aging because of free radicals. People will enter/leave your life, some very special, some not so special, but you're going to miss out on all of them.

Self-improvement is great, and I'm a huge proponent of it. But, that is a lifelong process. You are NOT going to wake up one fine morning and say, "Hey everyone, this is Wayfarer part 2 !!!". You are already whole, my friend. You can only change to better suit the lifestyle you want.

One of my favorite quotes is "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.".

I want to share one little piece of my story - In December 2006, I had resolved to end my life after a trip to Seattle. I boarded the train that night, knowing it would be my last trip ever, so I was excited to have one last hurrah. The woman sitting next to me on the train had other plans for me ... she became my first girlfriend. I didn't end my life then, and I'm here today.

Life doesn't wait for your schedules and plans. It just, well, .... happens.

You're right.. I was being childish I guess. And well that saying is so true so much can change in so little time

 

[Somnambulist]

it's better if I keep myself away until I'm a better person

And, in the meantime, my friend, the Earth is going to continue to revolve around the Sun. Your skin will continue aging because of free radicals. People will enter/leave your life, some very special, some not so special, but you're going to miss out on all of them.

Self-improvement is great, and I'm a huge proponent of it. But, that is a lifelong process. You are NOT going to wake up one fine morning and say, "Hey everyone, this is Wayfarer part 2 !!!". You are already whole, my friend. You can only change to better suit the lifestyle you want.

One of my favorite quotes is "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.".

I want to share one little piece of my story - In December 2006, I had resolved to end my life after a trip to Seattle. I boarded the train that night, knowing it would be my last trip ever, so I was excited to have one last hurrah. The woman sitting next to me on the train had other plans for me ... she became my first girlfriend. I didn't end my life then, and I'm here today.

Life doesn't wait for your schedules and plans. It just, well, .... happens.

You're right.. I was being childish I guess. And well that saying is so true so much can change in so little time

Dude, did you meet someone ? I sense a whole new vibe from you. I saw your posts somewhere in the game/chat section. You seem happy.

What is UP ?!!!

 

[ThatZealousOne]

I'm not sure on the contents of all seventeen pages of this thead but... well... replying to the original thought of the thread, I don't think there are. Or rather, I simply don't think broken is the right word in some cases. Certainly there are people who are far too broken to have a relationship, but there are people like me who are too... I'm not sure of the word but I suppose it's 'correct' to have a relationship. Of course this is going by my own experience, but I certainly don't fit in well with people. I make friends and I have a good time once in a while, but I never really gel with anyone, never have. I don't think I'm broken, but I'm certainly invisible and I certainly don't fit, though perhaps it is just the usual curse of the nice guy. Or perhaps that is a different thing altogether, some people are too nice to have a relationship. Haha...

 

[Elwyng]

Elwyng, I'm seeing a lady who's in her 60's (so am I) and divorced twice, retired comfortably, lives a socially active life and is involved in community projects....life goes on. Your life is what you make of it if you want it to be, enough. BTW, I wish I was in my 40's again......

Let me start by saying I LOVE Marvin

Thank you for the hope...I'm feeling a bit "too old". I know that 47 isn't typically the end. My soon to be ex is 54. But he has a new career and is surrounded by people his own age. Many of them are wealthy 50 something women with their eye on him. So he's set.

I work with 20 somethings. (I run a restaurant). I see men my age every day coming in as guests with their wives a families and I want to gut myself. A new friend that I met here suggested meet ups. Unfortunately, in the area I live (western Colorado) it's all about hiking, which is typically weekend mornings, or wine tasting. And I'm a recovering alcoholic 2 years sober (yay me!)

It's just hard to be hopeful.

 

[Elwyng]

I'm new so please forgive me if I'm redundant...

I thought I had everything. Especially the story book marriage. After twenty four years he tells me he isn't in love with me and leaves. 

Still says he wants to try but doesn't know "who he is" anymore. Admittedly, we were entirely too wrapped up in each other. Not in a healthy way. 

Now, he's happy alone. And I get worse everyday. I feel like my life is over and nothing I say or do will ever matter. 

I'm 47 and not young and cute anymore so I don't see myself attracting someone. 

I'm successful. I make great money. I have great kids and grandkids. And I feel like I'm taking up space. 

If the one person who said he loved me for 24 years doesn't anymore, who will?

I don't have much experience and maybe I'm even too young and immature to understand that feeling, but I can describe a situation that happened right before my eyes and it's still going on until this day, that really relates to yours..

I'm sorry if I'm sticking my nose in something and I know your experience might be completely different than what I described here, but I feel the need to spread a little hope sometimes, because even when things turn out for the worse and I feel like nothing could be done to fix it, I've met people (recently here on ALL) that made me believe that good things can happen, good people sometimes saves us from terrible situations by simply being understanding and those actions mean more than anything for someone who's lost and lonely. 

I hope you'll feel better.

You are very sweet Thank you.

It does sound similar. I guess that gives me hope knowing I'm not the only one who's suffered this way. And I am suffering. Every day is a new struggle wondering what will drop. I just feel like I don't matter.

I supported us financially for years. Now that he's successful, he's gone. And I'm left with everything.

I feel like I've had what others search for and it's over. Like I can't have that twice in one lifetime.

However, maybe my age and experience can help the young ones here to know that it's possible. Soul mates do happen. My downfall isn't typical.

 

[Somnambulist]

I work with 20 somethings. (I run a restaurant). I see men my age every day coming in as guests with their wives a families and I want to gut myself. A new friend that I met here suggested meet ups. Unfortunately, in the area I live (western Colorado) it's all about hiking, which is typically weekend mornings, or wine tasting. And I'm a recovering alcoholic 2 years sober (yay me!)

It's just hard to be hopeful.

I understand. If one seed isn't enough, plant many. I'm not saying all these apply to you, but if they do, ...

- If you're close to any of those 20 somethings, or any friends really, spread the word ... "Man wanted ... will kiss on first date". A lot of people I've known have been "set up".
- Volunteering
- Meditation/spirituality classes
- Personal ads in newspapers
- Travel
- Ski club ? Lots of skiing in CO, right ? Aspen ?
- Learn a new style of dance
- Go to some sort of class for some new skill

I understand that you wanna stay away from alcohol, and that can be limiting, if you feel you can't be around it. I wouldn't really suggest bars, anyway.

I know it's easier to lecture you than to do this. I know the feeling of inertia that follows a breakup, which makes one's butt feel 20 times heavier than before. But, you have to get out there again

 

[Bones 2.0]

I must need my glasses changed. 

Originally, I read it as:  are some people too broke to have a significant other?  :O

 

[Somnambulist]

I must need my glasses changed. 

Originally, I read it as:  are some people too broke to have a significant other?  :O

If that is indeed the title, I qualify

 

[DarkSelene]

I must need my glasses changed. 

Originally, I read it as:  are some people too broke to have a significant other?  :O

If that is indeed the title, I qualify

+1

 

[Bones 2.0]

ETA:  The smiley face is in a good way.

I must need my glasses changed. 

Originally, I read it as:  are some people too broke to have a significant other?  :O

If that is indeed the title, I qualify

 

[constant stranger]

Elwyng, I'm seeing a lady who's in her 60's (so am I) and divorced twice, retired comfortably, lives a socially active life and is involved in community projects....life goes on.  Your life is what you make of it if you want it to be, enough.  BTW, I wish I was in my 40's again......

Let me start by saying I LOVE Marvin

Thank you for the hope...I'm feeling a bit "too old". I know that 47 isn't typically the end. My soon to be ex is 54. But he has a new career and is surrounded by people his own age. Many of them are wealthy 50 something women with their eye on him. So he's set.

I work with 20 somethings. (I run a restaurant). I see men my age every day coming in as guests with their wives a families and I want to gut myself. A new friend that I met here suggested meet ups. Unfortunately, in the area I live (western Colorado) it's all about hiking, which is typically weekend mornings, or wine tasting. And I'm a recovering alcoholic 2 years sober (yay me!)

It's just hard to be hopeful.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Twenty-somethings eh?  Men your age with their wives and families eh?  Sounds like that could be kind of tantalizing....they've got their youth and their spouses, things that you've lost....I know the feeling.  So you're in a transitioning time, the old normal is gone and you haven't come up with a new normal....yet.  I know that feeling too.  Wish I could give you answers.  

So hiking on weekend mornings is out and wine tasting is out too, surely western Colorado has more activities and venues that that.  You'll find a place for yourself....I'd like to hear you posting on this site what you're up to.

 

[lonelycrying1]

This is why i am still available after my divorce. I must admit after all the heartache I ended up broken. And yes, scarred. After my divorce I did try to date but I ended up with the same kind of men over and over. In the end I figured It wasn't the men who has problem but me. I was needy and very dependent that men knew about it and took advantage. It was like an addiction for me ending up with those kinds of men that i needed time to get sober and heal. Its been 4 yrs now I have learned and healed a bit not sure 100% but I am hopeful. I need a man who will be my best friend. It may sound very stereo type but I guess I also learned that there are insincere guys out there who can pretend to be a good friend at first to win your heart. I guess somehow i can tell. So it not going to be that easy to trick me next time lol . He doesnt have to filthy rich but atleast he should have savings enough to pay emergency and atleast he lives quite comfortably drives a car, lives a good apartment and in a safe and peaceful environment. And yes must take care of his looks, shaves, clear skin and fit. Men should take care of themselves the same way they want women to take care of themselves. you know proper hygiene and diet and using a good soap etc.