Do You Feel That You Are Too Hard On Yourself?

[LoneKiller]

Hey Everybody. I hope this post finds you all well.

Quite often I find myself making a stupid mistake and spend hours
pissed off at myself for it. People always tell me not to be so hard on
myself, but it's tough not to. If I lose a game of casual chess, it sucks a little, but no big deal. If I lose a tournament game over a stupid move after spending hours playing, I get really pissed off at myself and try not to let it affect my next game. Not as easy for me to lighten up on myself like others suggest. You?


Godspeed.
LK

 

[monkeysocks]

I am also guilty of self critical analysis after the event, if its really bad I won't even sleep.

But I figure its a good trait to look back and assess our actions. And no one is perfect.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Perhaps. I apologise lots. And I mean lots.

I've had several girls tell me to stop apologising for stuff I've perceived as having done "wrong" when hanging out or talking together, but I just can't help it

Guys on the other hand just ignore it in general XD

Also, I stew constantly on what I think people have thought about the things I've said. I then usually retrospectively apologise needlessly and basically look like a complete tool...

(So in short, yes, lol.)

 

[Lost Drifter]

I think I do...a strict Catholic upbringing and a few years in a Shinto monastery will have you feeling guilty about A LOT of things in life, stuff which isn’t no where near as important as your fears make them out to be. As the saying goes I’m my own worst critic and will never feel content or satisfied with who I am, that’s what keeps me lying awake at night.

I know I’m always trying to please everyone and bring peace to the chaos, a doctor once told me that I don’t need to carry everyone’s problems on my shoulders but this world is in desperate need of good guys and that’s what I’m trying to be.

Lead by example and all that jazz...

 

[Okiedokes]

Yes. I don't think it's fair to be though and I was given a list of things that should be a reminder when you get that way. "You deserve happiness" "You deserve to do what you think is best for you" as examples.

 

[Walley]

hello, Canadian here! lol
we apologize and take the blame even when it's other peoples fault by nature.

but ya..
one of my issues is slipping into a self-loathing state where i honestly feel like no one likes me and I'm an idiot and I am the cause of everything.

 

[stardustreader]

I have made tremendous advancements in life, I still want to accomplish more. Hopefully I won't let my self falter.

 

[kamya]

This is why I don't like single elimination tournament styles.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Yeah of course.
I don't think I am. I know I am.

 

[perfanoff]

I'm definitely very hard on myself. But my unconsciousness is either going to learn to deal with it or it will take the punishment. I wouldn't lower my standards of the life I want to lead.

 

[Bei]

I'm definitely too hard on myself about everything. I'm very black and white about things. I either do it right or not at all when I'm trying something new. Also having had a religious upbringing made me feel guilty about so many silly things I should never have felt guilty about. I constantly stress out about others problems when I can't do anything to fix them but I feel like I'm suppose to be able to. All this sort of leaves me feeling like I don't deserve anything good to happen to me even though I know I'm not a bad person and I should feel like I deserve happiness because everyone does.

 

[Badjedidude]

lol you said hard on

 

[Wessik]

LoneKiller, I am exactly the same way when it comes to Baduk(a game similiar to chess, played with a larger board). I don't think it is essentially a problem. Many of the greatest players at the top of their fields share the same characteristics. Cho Chikun, the famous 9dan and Japanese triple crown champion, once replied when asked how much he liked go: "I hate Go."

The sentiment being, of course, that he was so intense about winning Go(oh, almost forgot. "Baduk" is known as "Go" in Japan. SEO reasons, I use the Korean term(i.e.Baduk)) that he would get really upset whenever he made a big blunder!

It does kind of suck to make stupid mistakes. At the same time, I don't think of the intensity of your reaction as excessive in any way. It's probably a sign that you really care about the game!

 

[ladyforsaken]

I am usually hard on myself when I make mistakes. Sometimes I think because I can be a perfectionist on most things and when I fail or error, I just get very upset and beat myself up for it. Though if someone else does the same, I'd tell them it's okay and that it's a mistake one can learn from. Why can't I practice what I preach?

 

[monkeysocks]

I am usually hard on myself when I make mistakes. Sometimes I think because I can be a perfectionist on most things and when I fail or error, I just get very upset and beat myself up for it. Though if someone else does the same, I'd tell them it's okay and that it's a mistake one can learn from. Why can't I practice what I preach?

It is a good trait to have, it shows open mindedness of yourself and others. Because we are all human and should not be expected to act or think the same as other people or expect them to accept the way we are.

Some people are just selfish minded and would just close the book on their own errors or even the errors or what they often mis-interpret from other people, to nurture their own needs and insecurities.

Those who are self righteous about their actions and the actions of others, are the ones who are truly alone.

 

[LoneKiller]

LoneKiller, I am exactly the same way when it comes to Baduk(a game similiar to chess, played with a larger board). I don't think it is essentially a problem. Many of the greatest players at the top of their fields share the same characteristics. Cho Chikun, the famous 9dan and Japanese triple crown champion, once replied when asked how much he liked go: "I hate Go."

The sentiment being, of course, that he was so intense about winning Go(oh, almost forgot. "Baduk" is known as "Go" in Japan. SEO reasons, I use the Korean term(i.e.Baduk)) that he would get really upset whenever he made a big blunder!

It does kind of suck to make stupid mistakes. At the same time, I don't think of the intensity of your reaction as excessive in any way. It's probably a sign that you really care about the game!

The feeling I get in my stomach after I make a bad move and finalize it by hitting my clock only to realize the mistake afterwards is brutal. In chess, there is a rule called "Touch Move". If you touch a piece, you are obligated to move that piece as long as it is a legal move. Yeah, I do care. Been playing for around 20 years now.

 

[Lua]

I am usually hard on myself when I make mistakes. Sometimes I think because I can be a perfectionist on most things and when I fail or error, I just get very upset and beat myself up for it. Though if someone else does the same, I'd tell them it's okay and that it's a mistake one can learn from. Why can't I practice what I preach?

Exactly, I do the same thing. Especially with regard to interacting with people... I feel like the tiniest mistake I make will be burned into their memory forever, even though I would hardly mind if they did the same thing. Losing a game or getting a mediocre grade in an exam doesn't bug me half as much because I don't feel like I've "wronged" anyone.

 

[Tear of the Goddess]

Of course i'm too hard on myself, if I accepted everything life would be so **** boring. It's something I grew up to do since both my parents are really succesful in life and have always been projecting that on me. So that's just the way my family works, no half work only the best of the best.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I am usually hard on myself when I make mistakes. Sometimes I think because I can be a perfectionist on most things and when I fail or error, I just get very upset and beat myself up for it. Though if someone else does the same, I'd tell them it's okay and that it's a mistake one can learn from. Why can't I practice what I preach?

It is a good trait to have, it shows open mindedness of yourself and others. Because we are all human and should not be expected to act or think the same as other people or expect them to accept the way we are.

Some people are just selfish minded and would just close the book on their own errors or even the errors or what they often mis-interpret from other people, to nurture their own needs and insecurities.

Those who are self righteous about their actions and the actions of others, are the ones who are truly alone.

Wow I never thought of it that way. Interesting way of viewing it.

I am usually hard on myself when I make mistakes. Sometimes I think because I can be a perfectionist on most things and when I fail or error, I just get very upset and beat myself up for it. Though if someone else does the same, I'd tell them it's okay and that it's a mistake one can learn from. Why can't I practice what I preach?

Exactly, I do the same thing. Especially with regard to interacting with people... I feel like the tiniest mistake I make will be burned into their memory forever, even though I would hardly mind if they did the same thing. Losing a game or getting a mediocre grade in an exam doesn't bug me half as much because I don't feel like I've "wronged" anyone.

Oh yeah, that's right too, if it's something that doesn't bother anyone else, I'm less bothered and won't beat myself up as much as I would if it had bothered someone else. :\