anybody else here ever get thoughts such as this ?, anybody else ever think they are simply incompatible with modern living, i mean work, relationships, the lot of it ?, sorry to be such a debbie downer here ? but anybody else relate ? and you simply see no way forward, of ever turning it round i mean, hopelessness is real i guess, anybody else ?
Yep, I feel this way more and more all the time.
I feel incompatible with modern living, because I feel like I'm not good at the things that the world just so happens to value most. I don't think I'm naturally good at them, and I'm not naturally interested either. That makes it even harder to be good at them, because it's hard to get good at something you don't really care about. I feel like I have to force myself to be someone I'm not, to try to fit into this world.
Everything seems worse than when I was younger too, so that just depresses me more.
And I also struggle with seeing a way forward, turning it around, and feeling hopeless. Most of the time, I struggle with getting interested in/caring about anything because I feel like I can't get good at it. And this in turn makes it impossible to have any pride or self-esteem, which makes me feel worse.
I don't feel very religious, but sometimes I think if I were a praying person, I would ask God to either turn on whatever genetic potential I have, or if not, then to please mercifully end it as quickly and painlessly as possible. If my life isn't going to get any better than it is right now, then I'm ready to go at any time. I only want to stick around if it's at all possible for me to have a better life.
I wouldn't want to my life to end without being 100% sure I have no potential, though. So I guess I'd like to get a genetic test/IQ test/aptitude test, before doing anything drastic.