How important are physical characteristics?

[Brian]

Everybody has things they want. So it follows that basically everyone has this little place inside their head where everything is perfect, and they have all of the things they want. It's their 'Happy Place'. This could include fast cars, high paying jobs, and, yes: model-like significant others. Personally, my happy place consists of a rather large sailboat, an equally large stock portfolio, a career position as Battalion Fire Chief and a sexy brunette or redhead. It's a warm day, but not hot. There's a few clouds in the sky and a gentle breeze, and all I have to worry about is whether or not I need more wine or if we'll reach Norway in two more days or three. Oh, and I'm 30.

My happy place will never happen, because it takes forever to get to Battlion Chief, and I don't foresee any super stock picks coming my way.

But I still work toward those things: I could yet have a nice sailboat, I'll probably see my investments grow over time, and maybe someday I'll make it to Captain, or get to visit Norway even if it is by plane.

So your happy place is your idealized version of your goals and wants, but in reality we usually have to be more realistic with our expectations. It takes a shitload of work and a bit of good fortune to get to the happy place. Once we realize that, we can be content with being close. But some people don't realize this, and so they aren't happy with anything they see as less. This includes their significant other.

Physical appearance is important for attraction. Most people instinctively want to be with a partner perceived as healthy, capable, and fit...in parts of the world in older times, obesity meant you were able to eat well. Now it usually gives an indication that someone eats poorly or doesn't take care of themselves (without probing deeper to maybe discover an issue of genetics, or maybe a thyroid issue). Of course, none of this is completely universal.

If you post a picture of your self I can tell you what it probably is. But I think chances are, it's just because of the shyness you mentioned. But please don't think you have to look like a centerfold for guys to want to talk to you...I can't speak for everyone, but personally I'm more likely to talk to someone 'average' looking or more modest. They seem to me to be less intimidating and more likely to be realistic. A lot of times the prettied-up, glitzy chicks with the expensive clothes and hairdo are caught up in just that. Holywood, fashion, pop culture, etc. Something I classify as 'honeysuckle Nobody Cares About'.

 

[Alex_leFay]

Everybody has things they want. So it follows that basically everyone has this little place inside their head where everything is perfect, and they have all of the things they want. It's their 'Happy Place'. This could include fast cars, high paying jobs, and, yes: model-like significant others. Personally, my happy place consists of a rather large sailboat, an equally large stock portfolio, a career position as Battalion Fire Chief and a sexy brunette or redhead. It's a warm day, but not hot. There's a few clouds in the sky and a gentle breeze, and all I have to worry about is whether or not I need more wine or if we'll reach Norway in two more days or three. Oh, and I'm 30.

My happy place will never happen, because it takes forever to get to Battlion Chief, and I don't foresee any super stock picks coming my way.

But I still work toward those things: I could yet have a nice sailboat, I'll probably see my investments grow over time, and maybe someday I'll make it to Captain, or get to visit Norway even if it is by plane.

So your happy place is your idealized version of your goals and wants, but in reality we usually have to be more realistic with our expectations. It takes a shitload of work and a bit of good fortune to get to the happy place. Once we realize that, we can be content with being close. But some people don't realize this, and so they aren't happy with anything they see as less. This includes their significant other.

Physical appearance is important for attraction. Most people instinctively want to be with a partner perceived as healthy, capable, and fit...in parts of the world in older times, obesity meant you were able to eat well. Now it usually gives an indication that someone eats poorly or doesn't take care of themselves (without probing deeper to maybe discover an issue of genetics, or maybe a thyroid issue). Of course, none of this is completely universal.

If you post a picture of your self I can tell you what it probably is. But I think chances are, it's just because of the shyness you mentioned. But please don't think you have to look like a centerfold for guys to want to talk to you...I can't speak for everyone, but personally I'm more likely to talk to someone 'average' looking or more modest. They seem to me to be less intimidating and more likely to be realistic. A lot of times the prettied-up, glitzy chicks with the expensive clothes and hairdo are caught up in just that. Holywood, fashion, pop culture, etc. Something I classify as 'honeysuckle Nobody Cares About'.

Great post, Brian. I get the difference between attraction and connection, not that the former is unimportant though.

 

[Hijacc]

Truthfully I dont want perfect, perfection is boring and I just want an average girl, I want them to have a good personality though.

But yes no matter what looks do matter to most people its sad I know....

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

If some character gets physical with me I'll beat his ass!

For me, physical characteristics are not as important as a mental and emotional connection. (something I've never had) But with that said, I have never walked though the mall and seen a woman and thought " ****! I bet we would be emotionally matched." So, looks does play a part in the initial attraction even if we don't realize it.

I'm not into the skinny little model type, give me an average looking woman that can bake biscuits any day. (Biscuits are a must if you're going to hook up with the Ghost)

 

[Bluey]

You seem like a hob-nob biscuit kinder ghost lol. But ye am with you all the way there The way to a mans hart is fro he's bally.

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

You seem like a hob-nob biscuit kinder ghost lol. But ye am with you all the way there The way to a mans hart is fro he's bally.

Ya. If a woman is too high maintenance, I run like a heard of turtles headed toward the creek.

 

[Gerardo]

Hey all...

For a long time I've been wondering how important physical characteristics are for attaction. What is it that makesd a guy come over and talk to you? It's nice to do a song and dance about 'it's what's inside that counts', but is that really the case?

I mean, I'm a 20 year old female and I've never been in a relationship. I've agonised over why that is. Part of me knows it's because I'm chronically shy, but part of me believes it's because I'm just not pretty enough. I don't have major self-image issues and have generally considered my self average. But lately I feel pressure to look like something out of Vogue whenever I attend a social gathering.

I have a close friend who does unfortunately look like a super model and guys instintively approach her first when we go out. It's disheartening to feel like the 'not so pretty' friend.

Maybe some younger men (and women) can enlighten me. Do men really want women who look like centre folds?

At least initially, looks are indeed important. But trust me, it's not so far as looking like a supermodel. I just like it if the girl seems to take care of herself. But looks can take you until a certain point. The rest depends on personality and connection with the other person.

For example, the girl I liked previously wasn't that attractive to me. I thought she looked decent enough, but that was about it. But after getting to know her, I started thinking "Hey, I really like this girl." After a while I was head over heels for her, and found liking her physically a little more after that, even though she wasn't even my type.

 

[Bluey]

You seem like a hob-nob biscuit kinder ghost lol. But ye am with you all the way there The way to a mans hart is fro he's bally.

Ya. If a woman is too high maintenance, I run like a heard of turtles headed toward the creek.

lol, Your not the only one.

 

[Jinxun]

I like girls who don't care what other people think and who are themselves.

 

[Tramp]

Looks don't matter much to me. If only I could convince my ex (who, btw, IS beautiful)...

 

[catwixen]

I find that when I fall in love the person becomes beautiful. I have fallen for some strange looking people, but they mesmerise me in their beauty once the love is there. I am not very pretty, so I would say the same is happening for my partners.
Physical characteristics might be important for the first attraction...but not always, in my experience.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

nah looks arn't that important...Just as long as she's psyhco ***** and i'm happy.
Unfortunately...all me psyhco bitches have blonde hair, blues eyes, big is boobies and nice ass.

Okay...this is one of those things. I don't do what I say or think.
I don't think looks is the biggest equation in a partner....
But my track record shows different...All the women I've gotten involved with have similar looks and have
a lot of the same triats.

It's actaully sort of weird....
To a certain degree I had been trying to replace or duplicate my first GF when i was only 15.
She was very, very beautiful and very , very nice to me. Yet she was very energetic.lol
I think most of my partners after became psyhco ***** becuase of that, if they weren't already.
I may not think so...but it's the truth to a degree...maybe I do it subconsiously.

Living with me will trun a nice girl into a psyhco *****
Oneday Jenni came into my office ...she dyed her hair....errr wtf ????
I almost fell off of my **** chair...she looks just like my ex-wf with blonde hair.

 

[realm]

I think it's quite simple to answer this question. Those who are never lonely and get in to relationships easy, look more at outer appearance and feed more off what society(magazines, T.V., etc.) says. While those of us who are forced, chose or whatever the case may be why your alone. Have time to sit back in this hectic life to realize that it's a persons character, views, qualities, desires, hopes and dreams that are what we should be really going off of to see if their a good mate. Not physical appearance.

 

[SunWeb]

I think it's quite simple to answer this question. Those who are never lonely and get in to relationships easy, look more at outer appearance and feed more off what society(magazines, T.V., etc.) says. While those of us who are forced, chose or whatever the case may be why your alone. Have time to sit back in this hectic life to realize that it's a persons character, views, qualities, desires, hopes and dreams that are what we should be really going off of to see if their a good mate. Not physical appearance.

Looks still matters. You don't need to think about it, its automatic(natural).

 

[OL888]

Maybe some younger men (and women) can enlighten me. Do men really want women who look like centre folds?

I dont. But then again Ill say this, im 20 and never had a gf either. And as for guys, looks apparantly are not too important. Im a testament to that, chicks frequently choose less attractive guys over me, probably because I have poor social skills.....

 

[Alex_leFay]

Interesting happened the other day...I was at a social gathering and I looked around the room. I was initially attracted to two of the men in the room, sort of a knee jerk reaction. Later in the evening, some other guy (who I later found out is in a happy relationship) came over to tlak to me. He was really sweet, not coming on to me or anything, just being friendly, and by the end of the evening I was way more attracted to to him than the other two. So I guess, what everyone has been saying about attraction ultimately being a connection is true. I think there's a difference between base (or in Freudian terms, the id) attraction and an attraction based on a mutual connection.

 

[DJ ML]

Hey all...

For a long time I've been wondering how important physical characteristics are for attaction. What is it that makesd a guy come over and talk to you? It's nice to do a song and dance about 'it's what's inside that counts', but is that really the case?

I mean, I'm a 20 year old female and I've never been in a relationship. I've agonised over why that is. Part of me knows it's because I'm chronically shy, but part of me believes it's because I'm just not pretty enough. I don't have major self-image issues and have generally considered my self average. But lately I feel pressure to look like something out of Vogue whenever I attend a social gathering.

I have a close friend who does unfortunately look like a super model and guys instintively approach her first when we go out. It's disheartening to feel like the 'not so pretty' friend.

Maybe some younger men (and women) can enlighten me. Do men really want women who look like centre folds?

It's called initial attraction.

For most guys, it's the only thing that matters, and they will only approach a girl who looks "hot" or whatever. A lot of girls are this way, too. Most men think with their dicks, not their brains. Then once they date this pretty face, but total *****, they then wonder why they have sucha dilemma on their hands. Well, it's because the INITIAL attraction shouldnt be what matters in the long shot. It's supposed to reel you in, not keep you there. Most guys lie to themselves and say "shes hot, i SHOULD like her for who she is regardless of how shitty a personality she must have"...and for the ugly or average girls, they just assume "shes average/ ugly. there mustn't be ANYTHING really THAT cool about her. why bother?"

If you feel unconfident in your appearance, work on it. Begin working out, groom yourself. Find something about yourself you like a lot that looks nice and show it the fresia off. Like if you have big boobs or a nice ass or smooth legs or something. Flaunt it.

And shyness? No biggy. To compensate for where you speak less, smile more Show the boy that he is getting somewhere using your eyes or mouth. Not necessarily your words. If he asks "whats wrong?" or why you quiet?". Tell him nothing is wrong, you're just listening to what he has to say. He'll feel a lot of respect from you.

Idk that's my 2 cents.

 

[nightscribe]

I find that when I fall in love the person becomes beautiful. I have fallen for some strange looking people, but they mesmerise me in their beauty once the love is there. I am not very pretty, so I would say the same is happening for my partners.
Physical characteristics might be important for the first attraction...but not always, in my experience.

This has been my experience as well. It also works in reverse. I've met many people who are supposedly quite beautiful, but because they're cruel or malicious on the inside, they've always looked ugly to me. Like they've rotted from the inside out.

 

[badaboom]

I think you need to work on your physical characteristics, go to the gym, take care of yourself more often, and go and buy a fancy wardrobe.

 

[wretchedofthepond]

I don't care so much about looks.The human prototype is not as distinct as you'd think. Any genius knows that hair and clothes and skin type can be altered. We've seen The Swan.

As long as a person is nice to me, and doesn't view me as a freak or something... I have a very hard time expression physical emotions, its a gradual process. To be regarded with unconditional niceness, even an occasional wave, is the most beautiful attribute to recall.

Just open up to any guy whom you see as somewhat decent. If he acts like an ass, boohoo, at least no one died. Don't listen to the little societal voices in all of our heads; that's just general human schizophrenia, telling you that you're a loser or desperate. A lonely coward is a far worse fate.

To feel accepted by another individual, no matter what you do, unconditionally, despite flaws, is the most heart-affecting attribute ever.