how many people thought of ending ur own life?

[panfruit]

*raises hand* The scary part is not knowing what's stopping you. Of having everything set up, and then just not doing it. Of being okay with death, and wanting to die, but just not going through with it. I could kill myself tonight and people would only be affected positively. So why am I still here?

I think suicidality benefits from impulsivity. Someone is more likely to go blotto in moments heated. With an impulsive response there's significantly smaller chance that hope will drag its claws into you. Hope is the potent anti-suicide.

'OMG I love my new shoes and these pastries are delicious, I want to LIVE!' Then a couple days or weeks or months later after your meticulously planned exit has gone kibosh you're back in ultramisery. Only now you feel like silly for again falling for Hope, and cowardly and like a failure for tossing away your endgame over some tasty treats, some fresh new kicks, and a ridiculous pipedream.

Hope is a wonderful-yet-corrosive drug. It feels good at the time, but later, when the high wears off, everything is really still the same (almost certainly worse, if only in minor ways, as time never ceases its catabolistic feast).

I wish I had some pastries. *le funk*

 

[Melsaldi]

I've thot way too much about it. I havent done it because I think of my parents and I dont want them to live with the sadness.

 

[Indifferent]

I've thought about killing myself since I was way younger but I only half-assed once. I'm still open to it because it's always in the background but I don't typically think about it lately.

 

[jaguarundi]

Yes. Tried it once in a very half-assed way after my marriage broke up when I was in my early 20's. Had a huge crying fit, a lot to drink, more crying, ate my evening meal, more crying, then took a bunch of the sleeping tablets my doctor gave me, washed down with scotch.

Not enough obviously, cos I woke up several hours later face down - in my dinner.

Went to bed, slept for hours and hours and hours, woke up feeling rather better. Apart from the fact that my eyes were all red and swollen, and I had spread gravy and creamed spinach from my plate all over my face, hair, sheets, clothes, and the dining room table.

Lucky really I didn't suffocate through inhaling gravy. Not really a romantic way to go, I feel...

And lest you think I am joking, this really did happen.

 

[panfruit]

Yes. Tried it once in a very half-assed way after my marriage broke up when I was in my early 20's. Had a huge crying fit, a lot to drink, more crying, ate my evening meal, more crying, then took a bunch of the sleeping tablets my doctor gave me, washed down with scotch.

Not enough obviously, cos I woke up several hours later face down - in my dinner.

Went to bed, slept for hours and hours and hours, woke up feeling rather better. Apart from the fact that my eyes were all red and swollen, and I had spread gravy and creamed spinach from my plate all over my face, hair, sheets, clothes, and the dining room table.

Lucky really I didn't suffocate through inhaling gravy. Not really a romantic way to go, I feel...

And lest you think I am joking, this really did happen.

'Ah, to be ferried across a river of gravy by Charon himself! What cruel fates!'

Or, 'I'm steering this gravy boat straight to hell. Who's coming with me?'

 

[jaguarundi]

Yes. Tried it once in a very half-assed way after my marriage broke up when I was in my early 20's. Had a huge crying fit, a lot to drink, more crying, ate my evening meal, more crying, then took a bunch of the sleeping tablets my doctor gave me, washed down with scotch.

Not enough obviously, cos I woke up several hours later face down - in my dinner.

Went to bed, slept for hours and hours and hours, woke up feeling rather better. Apart from the fact that my eyes were all red and swollen, and I had spread gravy and creamed spinach from my plate all over my face, hair, sheets, clothes, and the dining room table.

Lucky really I didn't suffocate through inhaling gravy. Not really a romantic way to go, I feel...

And lest you think I am joking, this really did happen.

'Ah, to be ferried across a river of gravy by Charon himself! What cruel fates!'

Or, 'I'm steering this gravy boat straight to hell. Who's coming with me?'

Well it was all a long time ago, but methinks it was a pork chop.

But as no-one had put a coin for the ferryman on each eyelid, I suspect he must have told me to piss off. Possibly why I did not inhale gravy and die...

 

[MTrip]

I think about it fairly often these days, but there are physical factors behind that (as well as personal reasons). What stops me these days is the possibility of a suicide attempt going awry. Life might be a honeysuckle sandwich now but if you try to kill yourself & fail...you could end up crippled physically or mentally, living in some godforsaken hospital room for the rest of your life.

Different methods have different probabilities of success, of course.

 

[Alana]

(deleted)

 

[Beckett]

Me, since i was 14 yrs old

The only thing stopping me from doing it is my endless love for street/abused animals, i'm here just for them, whatever i can do, even when it's almost nothing, i do it.

 

[Gravely]

Yes, and I still ponder it sometimes, but ultimately I've fought the war of life too long and too hard to tap out now. Well, that and I'm terrified of flinching and living to pay for it.

I don't think my dad would ever recover if I did. He's felt so much pain over how life has treated me.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Deprive the world of the greatness of me! NEVER!

 

[ladyforsaken]

Deprive the world of the greatness of me! NEVER!

Awesome!

 

[Michelle7]

Tuesday, at 3pm, gosh I was done with this life. For the first time I really didn't care where I would end up going, as long as it wasn't here. Then I joined this site. So here I am, giving this life another chance.
Those pesky little shadows just won't stop creeping in on a person, you know. And the **** batteries keeps dying in my torch, so it really gets dark down here.

 

[Elona]

Lately I've been feeling like I'm invisible, and when I DO reach out, I feel like a burden to the other person. All I'm hearing is why people CAN'T make time for me, why they can't talk right now, etc. I wish, for once, that someone would say, "I can't wait to talk to you!", and actually go to some trouble to make it happen - like I would do for them.

Been crying myself to sleep for the past week or two. Today is the first time in my life that I actually wasn't scared of dying. Where slitting my wrists started to feel like it wouldn't be such a bad thing. Even when I was crossing the street earlier, being hit by a car didn't sound so bad.

I mean, I'm invisible, right? No one will notice. It will just be a minor inconvenience for the banks and my job.

I'm scaring myself.

 

[LonelyGuyT]

Dear Elona, I also wish someone long for talking to me. I keep hoping that I'll find that one who will look for me and want to be friends with me, instead of me being always the one looking for others to be my friends

---

When I used to get depressed I thought of killing myself. but now I'm over that. Getting depressed and hopeless is no longer my type. guess I am rather optimistic for a lonesome person. Nevertheless, sometimes suicide, even when I'm in a good mood, might look seductive, like a feeling of mystery and longing to discover what the afterlife is. I am for reincarnation. Anyone else ?

 

[Elona]

Dear Elona, I also wish someone long for talking to me. I keep hoping that I'll find that one who will look for me and want to be friends with me, instead of me being always the one looking for others to be my friends

I hear you. I feel like I'm always the one who goes out of my way to let people know how special they are to me. But when I'm in need of something simple like a conversation, or just a bit of someone's time, I always have to hear why it is not possible. Like it's too much trouble for them. Or when I'm in an actual conversation, people will be more interested in their phones.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still here. Especially today.

 

[LonelyGuyT]

Don't say that, you're a nice person, worthy of love and appreciation. you're worth better than you think, it's just that a long term social withdrawal may have caused you to feel far from people, like in a world of your own. That makes you unsure about yourself and your value. But trust me, you're so much valuable !

 

[Michelle7]

Dear Elona, I also wish someone long for talking to me. I keep hoping that I'll find that one who will look for me and want to be friends with me, instead of me being always the one looking for others to be my friends

I hear you. I feel like I'm always the one who goes out of my way to let people know how special they are to me. But when I'm in need of something simple like a conversation, or just a bit of someone's time, I always have to hear why it is not possible. Like it's too much trouble for them. Or when I'm in an actual conversation, people will be more interested in their phones.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still here. Especially today.

Hi Elona,

I know how you feel. Always being the one reaching out to others and never getting anything in return. Desperate for a simple conversation, just to know you're still alive, not simple existing.
If you want to PM, I'm here. We can talk about anything

 

[LonelyGuyT]

Hi Michelle7, sounds quite sympathetic to me, could you PM me ? I'd like to know you mor

 

[Michelle7]

Hi Michelle7, sounds quite sympathetic to me, could you PM me ? I'd like to know you mor

PM sent