solonely20
Well-known member
I've never held a gun before let alone a loaded one before that's the only thing that has stopped me
how many people thought of ending ur own life?
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
I've thought about it on occasions over the years.
What primarily stopped me in the past was the fact that I knew it would devastate my mother.
Also, I think that I've always had that hope that things would get better in relation to the loneliness I feel.
What primarily stopped me in the past was the fact that I knew it would devastate my mother.
Also, I think that I've always had that hope that things would get better in relation to the loneliness I feel.
ImmortalDragon76
Active member
I have thought about suicide throughout my military career. More so after my tours in the sandbox. How I saw the world after those times made my personality stern and hard to get along with. It seemed that after I left the billet of being operational, my career and life went down hill. I went through a difficult divorce, labeled a black sheep at my last command because I refused to be a "yes" man, and I did not know what I wanted.
I had many plans of how I would off myself. Hell, my closest cousin killed himself with a shotgun while I was just a year in the Navy. What kept me from going through with any plans were my too boys and the military experience that molded me to persevere through hard times. There is no heaven or hell, no God or Satan. When the lights go out, they are out for good.
I had many plans of how I would off myself. Hell, my closest cousin killed himself with a shotgun while I was just a year in the Navy. What kept me from going through with any plans were my too boys and the military experience that molded me to persevere through hard times. There is no heaven or hell, no God or Satan. When the lights go out, they are out for good.
I've tried twice. First time in 1996. Tried to drown myself by just walking in to the ocean one night. I guess the natural reaction is to struggle, and some guy saw me and pulled me out. Didn't stop to ask if I was OK or anything though. Then my second attempt was in 1999, I was going to jump in front of a train. Broke down in tears, and someone must have eventually called the police, who took me to hospital (but I was released after a few hours of 'everything will be OK now' BS). Have come close to trying on a few other occasions, even before my first attempt ....
Neither attempt made things better. There were promises, of course, ones I knew not to believe from family at first, and then from therapists, but in the end, everything just goes back to way it always is.
I admit, that sometimes, it feels like I'm getting pushed toward it, like, let's see how far he's willing to go. But mostly, sometimes, it just feels like it's the only way the loneliness is really going to end. The thoughts are never that far away I guess ....
Neither attempt made things better. There were promises, of course, ones I knew not to believe from family at first, and then from therapists, but in the end, everything just goes back to way it always is.
I admit, that sometimes, it feels like I'm getting pushed toward it, like, let's see how far he's willing to go. But mostly, sometimes, it just feels like it's the only way the loneliness is really going to end. The thoughts are never that far away I guess ....
M
Mr.YellowCat
Guest
Its not the right time for it, unfortunately. That is what is stopping me.
So yes, thought of it. Kinda often actually. Its a nice idea for me to tell you the truth, often makes me smile while waiting for the right time.
So yes, thought of it. Kinda often actually. Its a nice idea for me to tell you the truth, often makes me smile while waiting for the right time.
Boring-Weirdo
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I've been thinking about suicide since I was in like 3rd grade or something.
There were years of intense depression where I was obsessed with suicide; I would literally think about committing suicide at least once per waking hour.
What keeps me from doing it is mostly my innate fear of being harmed. I am completely comfortable with the idea of death, but dying itself seems scary. I mean: what if you mess up? If you think your life is bad now, just wait till you're a blind, brain damaged, paraplegic due to a botched suicide!
There were years of intense depression where I was obsessed with suicide; I would literally think about committing suicide at least once per waking hour.
What keeps me from doing it is mostly my innate fear of being harmed. I am completely comfortable with the idea of death, but dying itself seems scary. I mean: what if you mess up? If you think your life is bad now, just wait till you're a blind, brain damaged, paraplegic due to a botched suicide!
Dr. Strangelove
Well-known member
Before I had a car I had to walk to work. I walked on a street on the side where the traffic was coming toward you. Cars there went about 45-55mph and almost everyday I seriously considered just "tripping" in front of a truck.
pandas123
Well-known member
Yep, a couple years ago. I felt extremely lonely and depressed at the time and didn't know what to do. Thankfully I made it out of that phase and I think has made me a better person with a much better understanding of things. I still get lonely/depressed at times but it's not like before. Hopefully it never will be! 
Mizzunderstood
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Yes for about 3 years now. It's like what someone said before about just not knowing how to deal with what life throws at you when your young. For me I started to feel like I could not control my life anymore, things would just get worse and worse and that I had no future worth living for.
I felt like I had no purpose or reason for being. I didn't know who I was and still don't to this day. The people around me would constantly make my home life a living hell and just made me feel worse and worse about myself in general adding to the fact that I already had a low self esteem.
When I went to my god awful job by train I'd always think about stepping off the platform in front of an approaching train. I'd walk through alley ways late at light in hopes for the chance I get stabbed by thugs, Hell just the idea of lying wounded in a hospital bed for months sounded better to me than my everyday living hell. I more than hated my life at that time, I had no social life, friends or anyone to talk to nor did I want to. Everyday I felt like I was fighting the entire world just to keep myself together for another day and I just didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't have it in me, I just wanted it all to end.
I would feel like the whole world was against me and wanted me to suffer for their enjoyment. like I wasn't worthy or deserving of anything positive in life.
At that point I had no interested in socializing period. I just felt like I didn't belong, like I wasn't meant to be, exist and was being shitted on constantly because of it.
I started to get myself into a dark place and I felt like there was just no point anymore in anything and that thing would never change, just get worse. At that point I just wanted to go to die. just go to sleep and never wake up.
These days I just wish life had and exit door you could go through to just escape from the pressures and pain of the living world.
I felt like I had no purpose or reason for being. I didn't know who I was and still don't to this day. The people around me would constantly make my home life a living hell and just made me feel worse and worse about myself in general adding to the fact that I already had a low self esteem.
When I went to my god awful job by train I'd always think about stepping off the platform in front of an approaching train. I'd walk through alley ways late at light in hopes for the chance I get stabbed by thugs, Hell just the idea of lying wounded in a hospital bed for months sounded better to me than my everyday living hell. I more than hated my life at that time, I had no social life, friends or anyone to talk to nor did I want to. Everyday I felt like I was fighting the entire world just to keep myself together for another day and I just didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't have it in me, I just wanted it all to end.
I would feel like the whole world was against me and wanted me to suffer for their enjoyment. like I wasn't worthy or deserving of anything positive in life.
At that point I had no interested in socializing period. I just felt like I didn't belong, like I wasn't meant to be, exist and was being shitted on constantly because of it.
I started to get myself into a dark place and I felt like there was just no point anymore in anything and that thing would never change, just get worse. At that point I just wanted to go to die. just go to sleep and never wake up.
These days I just wish life had and exit door you could go through to just escape from the pressures and pain of the living world.
KJay
Active member
Mizzunderstood, thats Exactly how I've been feeling for a few years now. I pray, beg, and plead for a chance to find a gun... I'm not into suffering (hanging, knives, jumping off a building, etc) and I've never shot a gun or know anyone with a gun, can't even afford one. I guess that's a "blessing" for my family and people that know me. I've even gone to extreme thoughts to grab the gun from a cop's belt, but my luck I won't know how to cock it back or I will miss and suffer in the hospital.
FlyAway22
Member
. . .
solonely20
Well-known member
KJay said:
this is how I feel most days
Pedestrian
Well-known member
Interesting...
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WallflowerGirl83
Guest
Yes I had a lot of moments where I thought about killing myself. Twice I was put into the hospital cause I was close to going off the deep end and I was in danger to myself. As of right now I still continue to think about it every now and again but it happens whenever I feel very lonely.
Yoosha
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I tried killing myself when I was 15 and I am grateful that I didn't die. Even though I have nothing to live for and feel useless most of the time and empty, I am grateful for not dying when I had the chance to. And it's not that because I love living, its because I believe that an eternal hell would be waiting for me if I committed suicide. Yeah whatever!
T
Tulip23
Guest
I have thought about killling myself many times.I wonder what purpose I was put onto this earth for.The only reason I don't is I couldn't leave my family devastated they are the only ones who care.
I feel invisible these days.I continue to struggle with day to day life.
I feel invisible these days.I continue to struggle with day to day life.
