How to look good?

[HoodedMonk]

This is called lookism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lookism

However, the term "Lookism" was first coined in the 1970s within the fat acceptance movement. It was used in The Washington Post Magazine in 1978, which asserted that the term was coined by "fat people" who created the word to refer to "discrimination based on looks." The word appears in several major English language dictionaries.

That's all I needed to read from that Wiki page.

Hmm. You should look up Ugly Laws.

Not a nice history, that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ugly_law

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well, I was not talking about beauty that we get by haircut and all...I am talking about natural beauty. Like a singer for whom people get crazy, and injure themselves because he leaves the band, who is never going to come to them and talk to them. Still people do it, because he looks handsome.

On the other side, somebody who cares for one out of those people, who can do anything for that person, but nobody bothers to think about that and nobody notices him because he is not good in looks.


Ok whatever, dont you think that the attention which that singer recieves is actually deserved by the 2nd person?

Imagine, 10000 people in a hall, applauding, shouting his name and getting mad to meet him, just because he is a good person, even though he has no special talents and looks. Its just that people are so crazy, because he is a good person.


Why doesnt that thing happen?

Do you really know what kind of person that singer is, in real life?


So it means, good looks are worshipped versus good nature.

You seem to be under the impression that all celebrities have what most people consider "good looks." They aren't all good looking and have just as many followers and groupies as the ones that do have what passes for good looks.
Take for example Michael Jackson. He was reasonably good looking before all the plastic surgery, but not after. Marilyn Manson doesn't have the typical good looks, nor does Lyle Lovett, Steven Tyler, Amy Winehouse (post drugs), any of the Osbournes, and Susan Boyle. The list goes on, but I'll stop there. They all have a massive following and they do not have the typical good looks.

Also, most celebrities lives are pretty plastered all over the news and social media. There's not much they can do in private that the media won't find out about, so yeah, you can kind of know what a celebrity is like in real life.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Well, I was not talking about beauty that we get by haircut and all...I am talking about natural beauty. Like a singer for whom people get crazy, and injure themselves because he leaves the band, who is never going to come to them and talk to them. Still people do it, because he looks handsome.

On the other side, somebody who cares for one out of those people, who can do anything for that person, but nobody bothers to think about that and nobody notices him because he is not good in looks.


Ok whatever, dont you think that the attention which that singer recieves is actually deserved by the 2nd person?

Imagine, 10000 people in a hall, applauding, shouting his name and getting mad to meet him, just because he is a good person, even though he has no special talents and looks. Its just that people are so crazy, because he is a good person.


Why doesnt that thing happen?

Do you really know what kind of person that singer is, in real life?


So it means, good looks are worshipped versus good nature.

You seem to be under the impression that all celebrities have what most people consider "good looks." They aren't all good looking and have just as many followers and groupies as the ones that do have what passes for good looks.
Take for example Michael Jackson. He was reasonably good looking before all the plastic surgery, but not after. Marilyn Manson doesn't have the typical good looks, nor does Lyle Lovett, Steven Tyler, Amy Winehouse (post drugs), any of the Osbournes, and Susan Boyle. The list goes on, but I'll stop there. They all have a massive following and they do not have the typical good looks.

Also, most celebrities lives are pretty plastered all over the news and social media. There's not much they can do in private that the media won't find out about, so yeah, you can kind of know what a celebrity is like in real life.

Michael Jackson said that he feels like the loneliest person in the world.

You can search onGoogle "Are good looking people more successful?"

 

[VanillaCreme]

You can search onGoogle "Are good looking people more successful?"

Why would anyone want to search that? Majority of it seems like a bullshit excuse as to why people who think they're not attractive or don't have good looks never go for what they want. It doesn't really matter what someone's face looks like; Anyone can achieve anything.

Also, sometimes, it's about who you know and what they do.

 

[M_also_lonely]

I found it, when I was surfing internet because when I was rejected in the auditions of anchoring in my school. After the function was over, I came to know from one of my classmates who was the member of committee told me that I was rejected by them because of my looks. They needed a handsome person who would look smart.
So I searched it.

---

I went for the audition. I went for I want. So pl. Its not that I never try and sit in a room and cry. I try before I cry. If anyone can achieve anything, why wasn't I selected?
And why did they reject me, just because of my face.?

And why do the anchors in TV shows and TV serials and movies look good...I mean young actors? Is it that only good looking people dream of getting there? No, others too, but many of them are not confident, so they dont even try. Rest, get rejected like I was.

And yes that was not an excuse, I tried. I sat in the audition. And I went for a dance, I was made fun of because I looked funny with that. Well, here everybody says I am not confident, if that would be, why would I go for a dance???

 

[Triple Bogey]

I found it, when I was surfing internet because when I was rejected in the auditions of anchoring in my school. After the function was over, I came to know from one of my classmates who was the member of committee told me that I was rejected by them because of my looks. They needed a handsome person who would look smart.
So I searched it.

---

I went for the audition. I went for I want. So pl. Its not that I never try and sit in a room and cry. I try before I cry. If anyone can achieve anything, why wasn't I selected?
And why did they reject me, just because of my face.?

And why do the anchors in TV shows and TV serials and movies look good...I mean young actors? Is it that only good looking people dream of getting there? No, others too, but many of them are not confident, so they dont even try. Rest, get rejected like I was.

And yes that was not an excuse, I tried. I sat in the audition. And I went for a dance, I was made fun of because I looked funny with that. Well, here everybody says I am not confident, if that would be, why would I go for a dance???

---

Life is shite isn't it ?

I agree with you. I watch a lot of Sky Sports. All the presenters are smoking hot ! I wonder why ? Sexy and attractive sells. If looks don't matter then why do people spend a fortune on beauty products ?

If you look funny, ugly or weird then your life is going to very tough. Everything is going to be a struggle. But don't ever give up. Don't ever do that ! Be the best you can possibly be !

I look like some deranged serial killer but I work, I go out and do stuff. I keep myself happy.

 

[Batman55]

Looks matter to some extent, but it's not everything. Anyone who says as much should not be posting in this thread, IMHO. We don't need no "echo chamber" of negativity.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Looks matter to some extent, but it's not everything. Anyone who says as much should not be posting in this thread, IMHO. We don't need no "echo chamber" of negativity.

We don't need to be deluded either. I am sure a lot of lives have been ruined by trying to achieve something that is very unlikely to happen.

I hope people who are desperate to meet somebody re think what they want in their lives. Life is too short to be miserable. Why do you need another half ? What is the point ? I wish I could go back and tell a younger version of myself not to bother. It is not worth the hassle. I wasted about 12 years looking for a girlfriend. That was my main goal in life. I was wasting my time. I was so miserable and unhappy until I got to about 31 when I thought 'fresia this honeysuckle' - since then apart from a few blips I have been very happy. People should focus on earning money, meeting friends, enjoying themselves, travelling instead of thinking 'why don't people find me attractive ?' and being very unhappy.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I am sure a lot of lives have been ruined by trying to achieve something that is very unlikely to happen.

Lives aren't ruined because of what happens to them. Lives are ruined because of the way said people choose to handle what happened to them. Horrible things happen every day, some things you can't even imagine, but that doesn't mean they can't still go on to be happy. It's all in how you deal with it.

 

[Despicable Me]

If anyone can achieve anything, why wasn't I selected?
And why did they reject me, just because of my face.?

You CAN achieve anything you dream, but sometimes doing something takes more work than it does for someone else. A massive amount more work.
And no, it's not fair. No one ever said life was fair. No one should expect that it is.
Justice does not exist. Equality does not exist. Karma does not exist. Fairness does not exist.
No matter how you look at it, there is no divine force balancing out people's lives so that people get what is fair.
Everyone gets dealt a different hand and everyone must play the hand they are dealt. There is no point in

People might reject you for your looks because they are superficial and don't see beyond looks. They don't have depth of their own so they don't see or understand depth in others.
It is very common, and you may have to face that fact in life. Don't let it disturb you, though. There are still many people who know and love depth.

The way you can achieve what you want, anything that you want, is by destroying these people's preconceptions about you or themselves. You can work, very hard, to change the way the people see you, and even the way they see others. You can change the minds of friends, family, those around you, your community, your city, your country, or even your world. But the bigger your dreams are the more work it will take to accomplish. Sometimes the amount of work is impossible for just one person, so you must get help from others to accomplish your dreams. Some dreams may even be sacrificing your whole life. You may not even be there to enjoy your accomplishments, but you can still succeed in this way.

This is the reality of it. You cannot simply have a dream and expect it to come true just because you want it without any work. Reality doesn't work like that. You must work, and you must work hard, for what you want.

One trick to living in this world, and to reaching your dreams, is to be realistic and have realistic expectations. When you come across an obstacle that seems to make your dreams die, you carry forward by removing that obstacle in whatever way possible, keeping the dream alive. You do not let it stop you no matter how big the problem is. If you really want something, obstacles do not get in your way. If you truly believe in your dreams then your dreams do not die.

So no, things will not be easy for you. If that's what you want to hear then you're not going to hear it.
They aren't easy for anyone, though it is true that some things are easier for some than for others. It's also true that most people have something they are good at and everyone has an ability that others do not. Sometimes it's important to find that ability, other times it is important to focus on something you love more so that you get better at things you were never good at originally.
And sometimes it may seem like everyone else is better than you at everything, but you must keep trying. That's the important part, carrying on even in the worst of times, even in the face of the biggest obstacles. Even when something feels impossible, you carry forward and continue fighting for that dream, and you keep it alive.

As for your confidence, you might have confidence, but do you have self-esteem? Do you love the way you are now? Are you trying to be yourself, or are you trying to be someone who you're not?
You can have all the confidence in the world, but unless you understand yourself and your abilities then that confidence is only worth as much as the effort you put into it.

 

[BeyondShy]

People might reject you for your looks because they are superficial and don't see beyond looks. They don't have depth of their own so they don't see or understand depth in others.
It is very common, and you may have to face that fact in life. Don't let it disturb you, though. There are still many people who know and love depth.

I believe you when you say this. I just wish I could find just one person who feels this way.

This is the reality of it. You cannot simply have a dream and expect it to come true just because you want it without any work. Reality doesn't work like that. You must work, and you must work hard, for what you want.

There is only so much you can do until it beats you down and you can't get up anymore.

So no, things will not be easy for you. If that's what you want to hear then you're not going to hear it.

I appreciate your honesty here. I say it sincerely with no sarcasm. How true this statement is.

As for your confidence, you might have confidence, but do you have self-esteem? Do you love the way you are now? Are you trying to be yourself, or are you trying to be someone who you're not?
You can have all the confidence in the world, but unless you understand yourself and your abilities then that confidence is only worth as much as the effort you put into it.

And here is where I leave you. I have no confidence or self-esteem. I don't love the way I am now and I am not trying to be someone I am not. I even wrote this down in here with fear that some son of a *&#&^ will say something nasty about it.

 

[Despicable Me]

There is only so much you can do until it beats you down and you can't get up anymore.

Not to be morbid or anything, but those who can't get up anymore can't get up anymore because they are dead.
Anyone who is still with us has the strength to get up again, they merely have to realize this and use it.

I appreciate your honesty here. I say it sincerely with no sarcasm. How true this statement is.

I've been through enough in life. My life has not been pretty. I'm surely not going to lie to anyone about that.

I personally, mostly, deal with it in one way. With perspective.
If you truly think about the universe, people's problems, including my own, are actually very insignificant. How people allow these petty little things to hurt them, to bother them, to destroy relationships or even prevent them. It's all rather petty and insignificant. When people worry about appearances I honestly have to laugh...

On the larger scale of things, it would not matter if I was a starving child, a suicide bomber, or just an average person. You know what I mean? The universe is so vastly large, these people are all just playing their part in that unimaginably large thing we call the 'universe'.

But that isn't to say that a life is unimportant. We must have context. We must understand perspective, not dismiss it.
In the universe, we can also understand that every single individual is also unique. We are irreplaceable. Even if there are many other universes like our own, we are still very unique in some respect. Just as every particle is important in the universe, if just that one single particle weren't to exist, all time and the universe itself would be different. That particle has effected many things in the past, and will effect many things in the future. One single particle difference and the universe may have even exploded in a completely different way, creating a completely different reality than what we know. Earth would likely not have existed, people as we know them would likely not have existed.

We, as people, have power over much more than just a single particle.
We personally decide the whole fate of the universe, even if we do not know or understand the outcome... You understand that, right?

A few years ago scientists even found a fundamental particle known as the 'Higgs Boson', which, although no one seems to realize this, scientifically proves that all things in the universe are connected by one single underlying fundamental force. That there is something which emanates throughout the entire universe and connects us together. That means we are all connected to each other not just by society and relationships, but by the very nature of existence itself.
This isn't to mean there's some divine force or anything, but it's simply to mean that all things are in this together, that were are 'One', no matter what people think.

Look at these personal problems with such a perspective. Look at the things you worry about. Look at the bigger problems people deal with. Look at life and death itself.
Use perspective to see things clearly and you aren't worried about picking yourself up anymore. You start worrying about picking up others. About picking up everything. The fate of the whole universe depends on it, you know? That you're really the one in control, and have been all along.

I've spent so many years just thinking and meditating...
Look around at this beautiful universe and tell me it isn't worth picking yourself up for every day.
Seeing things in true perspective allows me to just let go of everything. Things are unable to bother me like they used to, like I know they do to many others.

Who needs to lie about the difficulties of life in such circumstances?
Maybe not everyone sees things the way I do, or maybe they don't even know how. But I always know that if someone tries something, and I mean really tries with a real effort and a passion, then they will always succeed at it. They just need to know what it means to really try. They just need to find that strength and courage and passion in themselves. And it's in everyone, I know this.

And here is where I leave you. I have no confidence or self-esteem. I don't love the way I am now and I am not trying to be someone I am not. I even wrote this down in here with fear that some son of a *&#&^ will say something nasty about it.

You probably just need a little perspective in your life. Perhaps finding it the way I did is not for you, but you can find it. Usually it just takes some time and a lot of experience. Maybe some meditation or deep thought. Who knows?

Really just try not to worry so much because, in truth, there is nothing to worry about in the end. Just find the bigger picture for yourself. Find that perspective that allows you to let go. That picture that tells you that you're not alone, you're never alone. That's all you need.

I hope that everyone finds this in their lives.

 

[Batman55]

We don't need to be deluded either. I am sure a lot of lives have been ruined by trying to achieve something that is very unlikely to happen.

I think one gets further with the delusion of optimism--tempered somewhat by not expecting much--than some hard, realist-type belief as you seem to advocate. I think I read somewhere once that depressed folks tend to have a "realist" type of thinking style. Certainly, it doesn't do them a whole lotta good, does it now?

 

[TheSkaFish]

People always ignored me because according to them, I look wierd. Girls dont talk to me because there is something wierd in my looks.

But that doesn't matter to me. Not I really dont care much.

A few experts that I met, saud the same thing. They said tjat my facial structure is such that I look like a kid. My reflects childishness. Not manliness. I cant show expressions properly through my face.They said, its not my fault. Its genetic and natural.


But I dont want to look like a child. I want to look like a mature person and handsome, not like a little kid.

So any solutions??

I used to think I looked weird too, and I used to think that was what made me repulsive to girls. Now, I don't think so anymore. But it took a little thinking to see that there were things I could do to improve my looks.

Basically, when I think about looking good, I think it's just a matter of being as healthy as you can, as well as some other things. Be active, try to get some muscle tone and keep the pounds off as best you can. If you want to look more masculine, you want to have more sharper lines, a more toned body. So get regular exercise, if it is possible. Even going for daily walks or bike rides, weather permitting, is better than nothing.

Other areas to consider are body language. Stand up straight, shoulders back, look straight ahead. Don't slouch and don't look down. I'm still working on this habit, myself.

Also, take some time and figure out which hairstyle goes best with the shape of your head and the type of hair you have. It might sound silly but sometimes I think a good haircut really makes me feel like a much better-looking person.

I am no "expert", but if you give those a try, you have nothing to lose. Good luck to you.

 

[M_also_lonely]

People always ignored me because according to them, I look wierd. Girls dont talk to me because there is something wierd in my looks.

But that doesn't matter to me. Not I really dont care much.

A few experts that I met, saud the same thing. They said tjat my facial structure is such that I look like a kid. My reflects childishness. Not manliness. I cant show expressions properly through my face.They said, its not my fault. Its genetic and natural.


But I dont want to look like a child. I want to look like a mature person and handsome, not like a little kid.

So any solutions??

I used to think I looked weird too, and I used to think that was what made me repulsive to girls. Now, I don't think so anymore. But it took a little thinking to see that there were things I could do to improve my looks.

Basically, when I think about looking good, I think it's just a matter of being as healthy as you can, as well as some other things. Be active, try to get some muscle tone and keep the pounds off as best you can. If you want to look more masculine, you want to have more sharper lines, a more toned body. So get regular exercise, if it is possible. Even going for daily walks or bike rides, weather permitting, is better than nothing.

Other areas to consider are body language. Stand up straight, shoulders back, look straight ahead. Don't slouch and don't look down. I'm still working on this habit, myself.

Also, take some time and figure out which hairstyle goes best with the shape of your head and the type of hair you have. It might sound silly but sometimes I think a good haircut really makes me feel like a much better-looking person.

I am no "expert", but if you give those a try, you have nothing to lose. Good luck to you.

Thank you very much.

---

And other people, I am sorry, but I am not able to understand what you want say in these long replies. I mean I dont know what you are saying about.I am confused.

 

[BeyondShy]

We, as people, have power over much more than just a single particle.
We personally decide the whole fate of the universe, even if we do not know or understand the outcome... You understand that, right?

I want to thank you for this post. I didn't want to quote the entire thing again but I want you to know it gave me something to think about and consider that I never really thought of before. I'm going to save what you wrote so I can think about it offline because all I know is right now what I'm doing is not working. I think that's been established.

I am also going to read more on that Higgs Boson thing.

This here is the beauty of forum interaction. And I also want to thank you for taking the time to respond. You make excellent posts.

 

[Despicable Me]

I think one gets further with the delusion of optimism--tempered somewhat by not expecting much--than some hard, realist-type belief as you seem to advocate. I think I read somewhere once that depressed folks tend to have a "realist" type of thinking style. Certainly, it doesn't do them a whole lotta good, does it now?

Just to throw this out there:
According to studies, the results of depressed people's expectations varies by circumstance, and the studies themselves are conflicting.

Depressed people seem to have a more realistic view of things they have no control over but also tend to believe they have no control in cases where they do, therefore being more inaccurate in those cases. They also tend to be less accurate and over-confident about predicting the future than non-depressed individuals. Some results also show that, when asked to rate themselves on a task, their rating begins realistic but becomes more negatively biased over time. Meanwhile non-depressed people's ratings tend to be optimistic despite time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism

I'd probably agree that the delusion of optimism is better than the delusion of pessimism, anyway. I prefer realism myself, but if I had to choose a delusion (lol) then I would choose to be optimistic. Pessimism certainly never worked for me.

Also, take some time and figure out which hairstyle goes best with the shape of your head and the type of hair you have. It might sound silly but sometimes I think a good haircut really makes me feel like a much better-looking person.

I'm horrible at this subject myself, but if there is one 'style' tip I'd agree on it's this one. It seems that hairstyle is pretty important to your 'look' and appealing to others, for some reason. More importantly though, it also helps you to develop a positive self image. So when you look in the mirror you start seeing someone you like. And when you start liking what you see, it's only a matter of time before someone else notices, too.

I want to thank you for this post. I didn't want to quote the entire thing again but I want you to know it gave me something to think about and consider that I never really thought of before. I'm going to save what you wrote so I can think about it offline because all I know is right now what I'm doing is not working. I think that's been established.

I am also going to read more on that Higgs Boson thing.

This here is the beauty of forum interaction. And I also want to thank you for taking the time to respond. You make excellent posts.

No problem. Thank you, too, for the kind words.
I'm really just happy to help. Hopefully it will help, anyway.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think too many people are way too into looks. Not having dirt and honeysuckle on your face is good. Being clean about yourself is really the only thing that matters. Everything else is preference.

 

[BeyondShy]

I think too many people are way too into looks. Not having dirt and honeysuckle on your face is good. Being clean about yourself is really the only thing that matters. Everything else is preference.

But I do this all the time. I'm always clean and neat and presentable. That is something I do not even think about. I just do it. And I don't do for anyone. I do it because that is how I want to be.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think too many people are way too into looks. Not having dirt and honeysuckle on your face is good. Being clean about yourself is really the only thing that matters. Everything else is preference.

But I do this all the time. I'm always clean and neat and presentable. That is something I do not even think about. I just do it. And I don't do for anyone. I do it because that is how I want to be.

That's good. Keep it that way. Are you supposed to get anything for it? No. You could just as well be the complete opposite and still have all of these issues you're experiencing.