If any of you would take the time to read all of this and give me advice, I'd appreciate it so much.
I can not deal with it anymore. I hate the horrible comments I get from friends and family... "Oh my god you're so ugly with no makeup on.." "You look like an old lady without makeup" "How could you get your boyfriend off looking like that? You look like a bird"
I hate having to hide behind makeup. I just wish I was more naturally pretty. I don't even need to be like the Victoria's Secret models or high fashion models with perfect features... I just wish I was NATURALLY that girl that most people would agree has a nice face.
People have told me I'd look prettier blonde, but being a blonde and personally ABSOLUTELY hating it, I have no intention on ever going back.
I have NO confidence when I don't wear makeup. I can barely even be intimate with my own boyfriend without makeup on, who is convinced I am beautiful. (I, honestly, just think it's because he's seen me with makeup on months prior to seeing it off)
I don't even let him watch porn anymore! After he saw me without makeup, my insecurities became so extreme that just thinking of him watching these attractive women that I'd never ever be... have sex.. It makes me want to throw up. I KNOW it's ridiculous to think this way... But I can't help it.
The worst part of it all, he's VERY attractive. Everywhere we go, girls stare at him. I ALWAYS see prettier girls checking him out or trying to flirt with him... And I hate seeing him check out a pretty girl, because I know she's more attractive than I am, AND he could get her if he wanted! That's why when I found out he had a "sex dream" about one of the prettiest girls in my town (she has EVERY boy drooling after her), I freaked out and cried.
I know he loves me for me, and the fact that he could get these girls if he wanted, and doesn't go for them, proves that. But I'm sure you all can see how horrible all of this makes me feel?
I've tried for months and months to start being more confident. I always try, always. It usually works for about a day and then I begin looking in the mirror and criticizing myself. I've heard every piece of advice in the book, and nothing's working. I'm starting to wonder if I'm hopeless and I'll never be happy with myself.
I know my situation could be worse. I could be in a 3rd world country, starving. But I can't help but hate life like this.
Not to look like an "attention whore"... And not to look like I'm fishing for compliments... here are my with and without makeup pictures. You have no obligation to comment on either, But just want to show how drastic the difference is.
Even my bf admits I look like a different person.
With makeup/hair/extensions done:
http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/564410_3335702084970_1641124069_2723159_1766423114_n.jpg
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hpho...251213756_1641124069_2683997_1843154001_n.jpg
http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/421823_3135406637709_1641124069_2636360_516583655_n.jpg
Without (I still have light foundation on to cover my pimples and bad skin tone, but this is how I look for the most part):
http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee306/cityzzinflames/Photoon4-11-12at149PM2.jpg
http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee306/cityzzinflames/Photoon4-11-12at149PM.jpg
Also take into consideration it took about 20 minutes for me to take a somewhat acceptable picture. This is pretty nerve wracking for me considering I show almost no one what I look like when I'm like this.
I can not deal with it anymore. I hate the horrible comments I get from friends and family... "Oh my god you're so ugly with no makeup on.." "You look like an old lady without makeup" "How could you get your boyfriend off looking like that? You look like a bird"
I hate having to hide behind makeup. I just wish I was more naturally pretty. I don't even need to be like the Victoria's Secret models or high fashion models with perfect features... I just wish I was NATURALLY that girl that most people would agree has a nice face.
People have told me I'd look prettier blonde, but being a blonde and personally ABSOLUTELY hating it, I have no intention on ever going back.
I have NO confidence when I don't wear makeup. I can barely even be intimate with my own boyfriend without makeup on, who is convinced I am beautiful. (I, honestly, just think it's because he's seen me with makeup on months prior to seeing it off)
I don't even let him watch porn anymore! After he saw me without makeup, my insecurities became so extreme that just thinking of him watching these attractive women that I'd never ever be... have sex.. It makes me want to throw up. I KNOW it's ridiculous to think this way... But I can't help it.
The worst part of it all, he's VERY attractive. Everywhere we go, girls stare at him. I ALWAYS see prettier girls checking him out or trying to flirt with him... And I hate seeing him check out a pretty girl, because I know she's more attractive than I am, AND he could get her if he wanted! That's why when I found out he had a "sex dream" about one of the prettiest girls in my town (she has EVERY boy drooling after her), I freaked out and cried.
I know he loves me for me, and the fact that he could get these girls if he wanted, and doesn't go for them, proves that. But I'm sure you all can see how horrible all of this makes me feel?
I've tried for months and months to start being more confident. I always try, always. It usually works for about a day and then I begin looking in the mirror and criticizing myself. I've heard every piece of advice in the book, and nothing's working. I'm starting to wonder if I'm hopeless and I'll never be happy with myself.
I know my situation could be worse. I could be in a 3rd world country, starving. But I can't help but hate life like this.
Not to look like an "attention whore"... And not to look like I'm fishing for compliments... here are my with and without makeup pictures. You have no obligation to comment on either, But just want to show how drastic the difference is.
Even my bf admits I look like a different person.
With makeup/hair/extensions done:
http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/564410_3335702084970_1641124069_2723159_1766423114_n.jpg
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hpho...251213756_1641124069_2683997_1843154001_n.jpg
http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/421823_3135406637709_1641124069_2636360_516583655_n.jpg
Without (I still have light foundation on to cover my pimples and bad skin tone, but this is how I look for the most part):
http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee306/cityzzinflames/Photoon4-11-12at149PM2.jpg
http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee306/cityzzinflames/Photoon4-11-12at149PM.jpg
Also take into consideration it took about 20 minutes for me to take a somewhat acceptable picture. This is pretty nerve wracking for me considering I show almost no one what I look like when I'm like this.