I never want to wake up.

[nicccs3]

Every day it's the same. The thoughts are never ending. I'm constantly abusing myself. Telling myself that I have no life, no friends, no career prospects or ambition. All of which is true.

Some days are better than others but the majority of them are the same. I feel nothing inside and contemplate suicide. I only think about it and plan what I would have to do...cancel the phone bills, write the letter, pack all my stuff, give my pets away...but I wouldn't go through with it.

It's these thoughts that are tormenting me.

I wake up every morning in a state of panic. The thoughts even start in my dreams. "I've got no talent or interests. How am I supposed to get anywhere when I have no skills? Get over yourself, you're fine. You're being lazy."

Does anyone else have these experiences? Any suggestions as to how to deal with the morning panic?

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

Hey.
I think I get you. I fully get you really. Not to say I´m where you are right now, but what you say sounds really really familiar.
I dont really have any advice. I hope you can find some in here, there is quite a few smart and thoughtful people in here.

My little advice would be not to dwell about things you dont have, but rather cherish those you have and like. I, for instance, I´m looking forward reading a book. Waiting for my weekly chapter of manga to come out. I´m looking forward playing a computer game. For eating those muffins I bought.
Those are all small things, but hey, its something, right?

When you try to think about things you have and love, and not those you dont have, it gets easier. It worked partially for me.
Its not like I´m a super happy person, or that I changed myself, found a love of my life, got a new great job. None of those things happened, as I have no particular talent or skill. But its a little bit better. Mornings are not as bad as they were some time ago.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Aww that's horrible and yes I suffer with these thoughts daily. I suffer with bi polar-disorder and it gets hard sometimes. Some days I wish I was dead: at the moment I have no job and still live with my parents. Things are hard for me but I recently started seeing a therapist and hopefully it'll help out the more I continue to go. Let me tell you something though: your not worthless. That's the depression side talking and it's all lies. Write down positive things about yourself, if you only think of one it's okay. Write it down and go back to it if something else comes to you. Overtime the list will get bigger and start saying those things to yourself while looking at the mirror.

I don't have many friends either, I've always been a loner and I get very lonely and sad sometimes but I keep fighting. Keep fighting: don't give up. If you need a friend though and like to talk to anyone send me a message and I'll write back. The option is there.

-hug- Your not alone.

 

[DeadSun]

I'm the same way except instead of nervousness and suicidal thoughts it's more just an acceptance of misery and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I usually don't feel like waking up and just go back to sleep until sometime in the afternoon when I can't sleep anymore, then I sort of feel like I've wasted most of my day even though I didn't have much to do with it anyway. And then I stay up all night online and/or watching TV in an attempt to to distract myself from the pointlessness and misery of existence. Eventually I get tired enough to actually lay down and go to sleep, Usually sometime between 4 and 6am, then repeat the cycle.

At the moment I have no job and still live with my parent.

Also this, so I feel like even more of a piece of honeysuckle.

 

[Outcast]

I stay up all night online and/or watching TV in an attempt to to distract myself from the pointlessness and misery of existence. Eventually I get tired enough to actually lay down and go to sleep, Usually sometime between 4 and 6am, then repeat the cycle.

I do the same exact thing, I rarely get any sleep. When I do, I have strange dreams and its hard to understand why. I'll wake up in a cold sweat and have to get out of bed for awhile.

Maybe something that's going on in my life currently is causing them but I'm not sure.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

Every day it's the same. The thoughts are never ending. I'm constantly abusing myself. Telling myself that I have no life, no friends, no career prospects or ambition. All of which is true.

Some days are better than others but the majority of them are the same. I feel nothing inside and contemplate suicide. I only think about it and plan what I would have to do...cancel the phone bills, write the letter, pack all my stuff, give my pets away...but I wouldn't go through with it.

It's these thoughts that are tormenting me.

I wake up every morning in a state of panic. The thoughts even start in my dreams. "I've got no talent or interests. How am I supposed to get anywhere when I have no skills? Get over yourself, you're fine. You're being lazy."

Does anyone else have these experiences? Any suggestions as to how to deal with the morning panic?

I can totally relate to your thoughts/feelings as my life is pretty much the same with a few exceptions and even though I want to do more with my time I just can't summon the enthusiasm/ motivation to change my situation.

Some days aren't too bad for me either and I've thought about suicide a few times, however I would NEVER go through with it. Perhaps you should talk to someone about the way that you have been feeling or you could write it down, but you should also try to think of the positive things in your life as we always tend to think negatively more often than not.

Stay strong. You can turn your life around, but it's just going to take some time.

 

[Azariah]

you probably heard this before: think positive, look on the bright side, count your blessings, smile.

and it works. at least it did for me.

hope you get through this.

 

[nicccs3]

People say that it will get better and some days I believe them and then when the darkness creeps in, anything anybody says doesn't even register. It's terrifying to even think about suicide. Telling someone about it though makes it very real in the fact that they are just thoughts.

It seems like the hardest thing to do to talk to someone because we always think that we are crazy inside our own heads. If we could pause our lives for a little while and see ourselves from an outside point of view, we would see that we need help.

Because we don't like ourselves or think that we don't deserve love, we don't see ourselves as valuable human beings when in fact we are.

If we could only hold on to the good memories and make them the ones that stand out, life would be much easier, but unfortunately, it's the negative emotions that take over. Even if the negative emotion is tiny, it is massive to us. We are perfectionists and want to fix everything in ourselves. Why is it so hard to admit that we are not perfect?