It's near hopeless if you're an average (or less) Iooking guy.

[TheRealCallie]

So the lonely don’t have a right to want a someone they’re initially physically attracted to (whether they meet ‘conventional beauty standards’ is something else; I’ve been attraction to plenty of women who don’t) .  As for those who claim there was *no* physical attraction to their partner until they got to know them, I think that’s holier than thou bollocks to be honest. Maybe when people are middle aged or older and looking primarily for companionship, otherwise don’t believe that’s how things happen.

No, I'm saying if you limit yourself to finding the hottest girl or whatever, you are seriously missing out on a lot of opportunities.  You don't choose you fall in love with, so why do you think you are going to have exactly the girl in your head that you will fall in love with? 

As for the no attraction, the only reason I kissed my ex is to get his friend off my back.  He was annoying as fresia (regardless of whether or not he was tall and handsome) and I wanted no part of it.  After that, we just started hanging out and I didn't start to be attracted to him until after I got to know him. 

And then there's your last sentence.  My advice for that is to not discredit something or call it a flat out lie simply because you don't want to believe it could be true or have never experienced it.

 

[Xpendable]

Cuckity-cuckity-cuck-cuck

Very helpful, great insights....

Lol What's the point of making an insight in this forum? I'm so ahead about all this information and yet I know people here just lie to themselves. Don't want to look into the abyss and lose the hope. I get that but at this point, I'm just going to enjoy the decline.

---

"No, I'm saying if you limit yourself to finding the hottest girl or whatever, you are seriously missing out on a lot of opportunities."
No one has ever, in the history of this forum, suggested anything remotely close to that.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Cuckity-cuckity-cuck-cuck

Very helpful, great insights....

Lol What's the point of making an insight in this forum? I'm so ahead about all this information and yet I know people here just lie to themselves. Don't want to look into the abyss and lose the hope. I get that but at this point, I'm just going to enjoy the decline.

---

"No, I'm saying if you limit yourself to finding the hottest girl or whatever, you are seriously missing out on a lot of opportunities."
No one has ever, in the history of this forum, suggested anything remotely close to that.

---

Knock it off. Your condescending attitude is not needed nor are your remarks towards others.

 

[Xpendable]

If you are mad about condescending behavior, you should look for other users too. Be fair.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So the lonely don’t have a right to want a someone they’re initially physically attracted to (whether they meet ‘conventional beauty standards’ is something else; I’ve been attraction to plenty of women who don’t) . As for those who claim there was *no* physical attraction to their partner until they got to know them, I think that’s holier than thou bollocks to be honest. Maybe when people are middle aged or older and looking primarily for companionship, otherwise don’t believe that’s how things happen.

No, they do. I think everyone has the right to. But does everyone follow that path? No. Some of us genuinely don't care about looks.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Attraction is NOT always instant.  So yeah, if you've been around your friends for a while and know you aren't attracted to them, that's one thing, but to say you won't even give someone a chance, even if they aren't your usual type because you want things to be instantaneous, well, that's on you. 
It IS shallow to disregard someone simply because they aren't the typical "hot" person you go for.  Yes, it is your right to do so, but it's still shallow. 
Digress, my ass, but at least you didn't insult me.

Maybe not always, but alot of the time, yes it is for lesser being such as myself. Whether or not my standards of beauty or 'hot'(god I hate that term) are unreasonable or not are obviously subjective. It doesn't have to be perfect, but there needs to be something there physically to motivate me, or else the act of intimacy is going to feel like a chore. My body language will telegraph this sub-conscously, and cue all the insecurities I'd project onto my would-be partner because of it. Hence, why I think it would result in a very awkward and unfulfilling relationship on all ends. How selfish would I be to pursue a romantic relationship like that just to fulfill an instinctual need, when we would have both benefited more from a close friendship? 

Compared to ******* with someone's mind like that, being viewed as shallow is really a far lesser crime.

 

[iCanMakeIt]

At least I've maintained my dignity and I didnt sell out to try and appeal to a woman who doesnt need another ego boost. 

This just seems like such a bad attitude to have. You aren't selling out by making yourself more attractive to women. You're being a human. An animal. Alive.

Look at Casey Neistat. He's not gorgeous by any stretch, but he's awesome and you can tell Candice Pool, his wife, who I think is above average in looks, at least more attractive than he is IMO, adores him:
http://www.toryburch.com/blog-post/blog-post.html?bpid=282381

 

[ardour]

At least I've maintained my dignity and I didnt sell out to try and appeal to a woman who doesnt need another ego boost. 

This just seems like such a bad attitude to have. You aren't selling out by making yourself more attractive to women. You're being a human. An animal. Alive.

Look at Casey Neistat. He's not gorgeous by any stretch, but he's awesome and you can tell Candice Pool, his wife, who I think is above average in looks, at least more attractive than he is IMO, adores him:
http://www.toryburch.com/blog-post/blog-post.html?bpid=282381

You can't compare a reasonably successful minor celebrity who's married, been previously married and has children, to men who've never had a relationship or even been on a date.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Attraction is NOT always instant.  So yeah, if you've been around your friends for a while and know you aren't attracted to them, that's one thing, but to say you won't even give someone a chance, even if they aren't your usual type because you want things to be instantaneous, well, that's on you. 
It IS shallow to disregard someone simply because they aren't the typical "hot" person you go for.  Yes, it is your right to do so, but it's still shallow. 
Digress, my ass, but at least you didn't insult me.

Maybe not always, but alot of the time, yes it is for lesser being such as myself. Whether or not my standards of beauty or 'hot'(god I hate that term) are unreasonable or not are obviously subjective. It doesn't have to be perfect, but there needs to be something there physically to motivate me, or else the act of intimacy is going to feel like a chore. My body language will telegraph this sub-conscously, and cue all the insecurities I'd project onto my would-be partner because of it. Hence, why I think it would result in a very awkward and unfulfilling relationship on all ends. How selfish would I be to pursue a romantic relationship like that just to fulfill an instinctual need, when we would have both benefited more from a close friendship? 

Compared to ******* with someone's mind like that, being viewed as shallow is really a far lesser crime.

I never said to fresia with anyone's mind or lead them on, just give a random stranger a chance if you are somewhat interested except for their looks.  I'm not saying let it go on for ages, just give them a chance with a date or two and see if you gain a different perspective after you get to know them better.  
As I said with your friends, you have been around them for a while, so you know you aren't going to be attracted to them.  That's different.  I'm talking like when you first meet people.  Or if you're doing the online dating thing and enjoy someone's profile, but aren't "omg, I want to jump their bones" on their picture, just maybe give them a chance and ask them out for a date.  One date is not leading someone on.  And seriously, I'm not telling you to date anyone you are repulsed by, so your body language shouldn't have much to do with it.  If "date" is too much, maybe just going out for coffee or something.
And stop referring to yourself as a "lesser being."  You shouldn't degrade yourself like that. 
Also, I don't much like the term either, which is why I put it in quotes.


Oh and a note to X....yes, people here HAVE said that.  Unreasonably high standards that are **** near impossible to be met, including being gorgeous.

 

[user 139760]

Wow, all 'em people fighting lol.

I still think a night a week at a bar is a better answer than 12 dating websites.

Besides which, when you're drunk enough...she looks cuter.

(definetely need a "devil smile" emoji for the slightly mean, innapropriate and not entirely false, not entirely true joke)

Back to topic, though, I just don't agree with the thread tittle. Bit too depressing to contemplate and considering I want to live longer than 60, it helps to eliminate sources of stress in your life. Bleak outlook like that can't be too good for the nerves, or the mental.

 

[Xpendable]

Citation needed.

 

[user 139760]

Citation needed.

You don't need a citation for an opinion. You don't need to agree with it either.
Besides which, since you're so ahead in all this information, why do you care?
Just sit back and enjoy the decline.

 

[iCanMakeIt]

You can't compare a reasonably successful minor celebrity who's married, been previously married and has children, to men who've never had a relationship or even been on a date.

Actually I can and I did. He's exactly the kind of man this thread is talking about. He didn't let his looks stop him. He made himself attractive to women and got an attractive woman. Happens all the time.

This thread is just people finding a thing about themselves they think they can't change with conscious decision to absolve themselves of the responsibility to make better choices in life that will get them what they want.

Stop doing that.

 

[user 139760]

This thread is just people finding a thing about themselves they think they can't change with conscious decision to absolve themselves of the responsibility to make better choices in life that will get them what they want.

Stop doing that.

This is one of the more well-though phrases I've seen. Bravo and I concur

 

[kamya]

This thread is just people finding a thing about themselves they think they can't change with conscious decision to absolve themselves of the responsibility to make better choices in life that will get them what they want.

Stop doing that.

This is one of the more well-though phrases I've seen. Bravo and I concur

While it is a very nice combination of words it doesn't really apply at all to the thread. Honestly, if that's what you've gotten out of reading the posts in this thread then you might want to work on your reading comprehension. 

 

[user 115627]

1. Continuously lower whatever standards you might have.
2. Set yourself up for endless self-improvement.
3. ???
4. Profit or eventual death...

 

[MisterLonely]

If you are mad about condescending behavior, you should look for other users too. Be fair.

I didn't think it was condescending X, I quite agreed with that previous response, i found it more insightful than cuck-cuck cuckity-cuck

 

[TheRealCallie]

Citation needed.

I ain't your *****, find it your **** self.

 

[ardour]

Actually I can and I did. He's exactly the kind of man this thread is talking about. He didn't let his looks stop him. He made himself attractive to women and got an attractive woman. Happens all the time.

This thread is just people finding a thing about themselves they think they can't change with conscious decision to absolve themselves of the responsibility to make better choices in life that will get them what they want.

Stop doing that.

Coming into the thread to argue that we have to be so much more successful than average to compensate, probably either wealthy or famous -  that hardly demolishes the OP’s argument now does it.

 

[user 139760]

1. Continuously lower whatever standards you might have.
2. Set yourself up for endless self-improvement.
3. ???
4. Profit or eventual death...

3 = wear a pink tutu.

At least that's what I'm going for. I'm apparently the .0001% who never lowered his standards, had multiple girlfriends and kids out of the deal and beat the odds. So what do I know.
However, you can't NOT profit from wearing a pink tutu. No matter the situation.