Just wondering...

[VanillaCreme]

What makes a guy just up and leave? Totally, completely not interested anymore? Out of the blue. I understand people change, and want different things, but so unexpectedly?

Especially when he swore up and down that you were always the "right one" and absolutely "perfect to the slightest detail". But, yeah, just up and leave... Why, guys?

 

[Naleena]

What makes a guy just up and leave? Totally, completely not interested anymore? Out of the blue. I understand people change, and want different things, but so unexpectedly?

Especially when he swore up and down that you were always the "right one" and absolutely "perfect to the slightest detail". But, yeah, just up and leave... Why, guys?

There could be a lot of reasons, Vanilla Creme. He could have gotten cold feet, been lying to you to get what he wanted, decided the grass was greener on the other side, became scared, he could be flighty, any number of things.
ALL which have nothing to do with you ....unless you suddenly became some different person.

((((((((((((((((((((((((Vanilla)))))))))))))))))))))))
Naleena cyber hug for you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm sorry you're going through that. My ex did that to me and kind
of totally wacked me out for a while. After 12 years, she didn't
want to talk to me about anything, not even a word.
Yeap , she swore up and down that she loves me and even
went way the hell out of her god **** way to destroyed
a relationship i had with someone else when I was trying to move on
with my life....I guess. If she couldn't have me, no one else should
either. I have a mental image stamp in my mind of the moment
she was crying her heart out and made me promise to never leave
her. I really belive her and wanted to belive her. We gone through
so much together. I even stood by her side through all of her BS
and chaos even after that . After 2 more years of chaos...Not
a fucken word..and even worst, I was made to feel like it was all
my god **** fualt and the bad guy in all of that
yeah..out of the fucken blues she treated my like that.

It drove me freaken crazy becuase I started questions myself
of what hell was wrong with me. The thusands of questions
I'll ask myself. I also felt like the past 12 years of my life was
fucken a lie... alot of mental and emotional termoil. I felt like she used
me and just threw my away like trash.

PLEASE DON'T BLAME YOURSELF...It's not your fault.

...................................................

I left someone or broke someone's heart before when I was
younger. She fell in love with me. She did anything and everything
for me. But I didn't love her back. I had to leave...i felt like I was
using her. I couldn't hurt her anymore no matter how much I
wanted to touch her body. I told her and it broke her heart.
It cuased her great pains.
She even beg me to go back to her again and again.
But I couldn't draged her through anymore pains.
I couldn't learned to love her...I tried.
We were together for 4-5 months. She was young and beautiful.
I treated her like dirt. I never held her or cuddle her. I seldom held
her hand in public. I nevered got her flowers, candy or anythings a
guy would do for his GF. It wasn't her fualt..it was me.

I saw her out in public a couple of times after. 3 months later
I saw her with a new BF...she looked very happy and her new BF
seem to be in love with her. You can tell just by the way they
were interacting with one another.

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

The same thing that made my wife tell me out of the blue after 20 years of marriage that she never loved me and only used me to get what she wanted, that she cares about me but it's not love.

Naleena is right, they are any number of reasons and it's not just the guys that do it. It's better to find out now than after you've wasted your whole life believing a lie like I have.

I know that don't make it hurt any less.

(((hugs))))

 

[VanillaCreme]

I've been told by one dude that I wasn't "open enough". I was told by this guy that I "over think" and that I'm "paranoid". But I asked him, how would he feel if I didn't talk to him for literally weeks... and he never answered me. I'm starting to think that this whole year with him was a lie. In fact it was... He lied to me from the get-go, and I couldn't stand that. I'm ready to just shake him off.

But it doesn't help me balance out the two extremes. I'm either not open enough and don't talk enough... Or overly open... It irks me that I can't balance out the two. I'm not Bi-polar or anything... These relationships were a couple of years apart, one of which I was still in high school. Now I'm not, so I figured I could handle a real relationship. Which I can... I just need to find someone else who can. Thought I did, but it's not turning out how he made it out to be.

Thanks for your in-put and thoughts.

 

[samba101]

Hey well all in all these guys weren't cut out for you and at least you found out when you did, I wouldn't worry too much about what they said as each new relationship is different and gives you another go at it.

 

[Minus]

I'm either not open enough and don't talk enough... Or overly open... It irks me that I can't balance out the two. I'm not Bi-polar or anything...

If you are basing that on what you were told as they were trying to justify their actions then it would seem to be more the claim of the day for them rather then you. Since you aren't two people you undoubtedly fall some where in between, as most people do.

As far as why someone just up and leaves out of the blue. I am still trying to understand that one.

After 12 years, she didn't
want to talk to me about anything, not even a word.
Yeap , she swore up and down that she loves me and even
went way the hell out of her god **** way to destroyed
a relationship i had with someone else when I was trying to move on
with my life....

Lonesome Crow already described what i saw.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Minus, that's what I figured. First guy who claimed I wasn't open enough had left me for my then best friend. Said that he was in love with someone else, and then told me it was her. I haven't acted any different. I haven't changed.

Maybe some readjustment of attitude on my behalf might work, but then I'd be accused of not being who I really am... Cycle continues...

 

[lovehurtme]

If he didn't want to be with you, he wasn't worth it. When you put effort into showing a man that you care, and he walks all over you, then he is not a good man. Men suck.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Someone walking all over me doesn't happen. I learned how to be strong through my mom, who was hell on wheels when she was well enough. She still has her "old Missy" moments sometimes, and puts people in their place. That's not really my issue... I just want someone who won't turn all retarded on me like previous guys have.

 

[Black Dragon]

When guys do that I think it's because they may not have the same expectations in their hearts as you may. To some guys, relationships are a quick fix to a larger problem, so once the relationship's demands start to outweigh the gain said male may reap, then they cut out. I think that's one explanation :].

 

[VanillaCreme]

I know girls say this often... But I'm not so much of a typical girl... and I'm going to say it anyway...

He's different.

And if you all knew him like I did, you'd agree... He's what people call an Alpha male... He initially started the relationship, and I admit, I fell for him. He was just what I was wanting in a person. But now, it's like he's slacking off, and I'm not so sure he's all what I thought or what he presented himself to be.

Now that I think of it, am I wrong for just wanting to break it off? We haven't talked much, but we're still technically together, and I don't want to be the pot that calls the kettle black.

 

[Unacceptance]

I don't get retarded on people all of a sudden.

However that's because I start retarded.

 

[MiKeY]

It's always tough to figure out why people do what they do. Sometimes there are no reasons, other times those reasons are just hidden away. Maybe it's a person's fear of hurting others, or simply apprehension over others' potential reactions. The only thing for sure is that you can never truly guarantee someone's behavior, because all people have the potential to act in an infinite number of ways.

 

[lovehurtme]

When things get serious, almost all men turn retarded. They have brain defects.

 

[Black Dragon]

I know girls say this often... But I'm not so much of a typical girl... and I'm going to say it anyway...

He's different.

And if you all knew him like I did, you'd agree... He's what people call an Alpha male... He initially started the relationship, and I admit, I fell for him. He was just what I was wanting in a person. But now, it's like he's slacking off, and I'm not so sure he's all what I thought or what he presented himself to be.

Now that I think of it, am I wrong for just wanting to break it off? We haven't talked much, but we're still technically together, and I don't want to be the pot that calls the kettle black.

Haha that's okay. It's like he's not a challenge anymore?

 

[VanillaCreme]

He doesn't really have any fear of hurting people. He doesn't care much about hurt feelings.

And, hmm... A challenge? I didn't want a challenge. That's why I thought we clicked well. There was no challenge. He was puzzle piece A, and I was puzzle piece B. We fit. No looking for the one or two lost pieces even after you've completed the puzzle.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm either not open enough and don't talk enough... Or overly open... It irks me that I can't balance out the two. I'm not Bi-polar or anything...

If you are basing that on what you were told as they were trying to justify their actions then it would seem to be more the claim of the day for them rather then you. Since you aren't two people you undoubtedly fall some where in between, as most people do.

As far as why someone just up and leaves out of the blue. I am still trying to understand that one.

After 12 years, she didn't
want to talk to me about anything, not even a word.
Yeap , she swore up and down that she loves me and even
went way the hell out of her god **** way to destroyed
a relationship i had with someone else when I was trying to move on
with my life....

Lonesome Crow already described what i saw.

I'm glad you wrote that Minus...becuase I was begining to wonder
nobody understood me.
I still havn't figure out how someone you eat and sleep with for so long can get so **** disconnected or flick the switch off like that.

It feels like you're almost at a climax but never do....in a painful
unresovled abandoment kind of way...No freaken closesure.

By you writing that...I felt sort of releave...I'm not freaken crazy.
I don't understand it...but at least you understand me. I don't feel as fustrated anymore.

Thanks

 

[Black Dragon]

He doesn't really have any fear of hurting people. He doesn't care much about hurt feelings.

And, hmm... A challenge? I didn't want a challenge. That's why I thought we clicked well. There was no challenge. He was puzzle piece A, and I was puzzle piece B. We fit. No looking for the one or two lost pieces even after you've completed the puzzle.

That must be a good feeling :]

 

[VanillaCreme]

He doesn't really have any fear of hurting people. He doesn't care much about hurt feelings.

And, hmm... A challenge? I didn't want a challenge. That's why I thought we clicked well. There was no challenge. He was puzzle piece A, and I was puzzle piece B. We fit. No looking for the one or two lost pieces even after you've completed the puzzle.

That must be a good feeling :]

It was, until he started being all retarded. :<