Just wondering...

[Black Dragon]

He doesn't really have any fear of hurting people. He doesn't care much about hurt feelings.

And, hmm... A challenge? I didn't want a challenge. That's why I thought we clicked well. There was no challenge. He was puzzle piece A, and I was puzzle piece B. We fit. No looking for the one or two lost pieces even after you've completed the puzzle.

That must be a good feeling :]

It was, until he started being all retarded. :<

That must be a bad feeling, being relationally-retarded is no good >.<

 

[Freakin_Amazin]

When guys do that I think it's because they may not have the same expectations in their hearts as you may. To some guys, relationships are a quick fix to a larger problem, so once the relationship's demands start to outweigh the gain said male may reap, then they cut out. I think that's one explanation :].

Nobody I knew ever put it that way, but it's true to a certain extent. Some guys will get into a relationship just for the sex, then when the girl starts wanting more and more, he just won't feel compelled to give it to her. If the guy's an Alpha male, he won't feel like "I better not mess up, or she'll leave me". He'll feel like "Why bother?". Sad but true.

I'm going through a situation where it's really hard on me to stay "single". I started out as her friend and then she asked me if there was something more to it. I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship, and at the time we left it at that. She and I kept seeing each other (we live in the same apartment complex) and it came to a point where we made out and slept together. It was my first time.

As all of this went on, I never once said "I want to be with you" or "I love you". At one point before we did anything she tried to kiss me in the mouth and I pulled away. I gave her so many opportunities to leave me it'd make a pick up artist puke. And yet she kept coming forward, until she broke my will to not have sex outside of a relationship. It was mostly carnal desire, though I did treat her well, and made sure to satisfy her before trying to satisfy myself. I treated her with a certain amount of love, a warmth, but being careful not to cross a line I wasn't sure I was ready to cross just yet.

I went through a period of intense mental and emotional debate, and sometimes I'd feel so bad about doing what I did I just wanted to die. I thought, my God, I messed up. I had no hunger and actually lost weight. And then I'd curse myself for letting another girl get to my head. The thing is, it feels so good... there are literally no words to describe it. And it's not only the sex, it's the feeling you're wanted, you are her object of desire. I have yet to try anything that gives me a higher high than that feeling of "I'm actually WANTED by a girl". And then there was the guilt, the feeling of "OMG, now she will surely want a relationship, and I'm not ready to do that again."

So I talked to my mom (I couldn't talk to my dad about this because... well it's too painful to explain). She told me to tell her what I felt making sure I didn't hurt her feelings, but at the same time told me if she just wanted the sex, to go for it. She said experience is important in sex, and inexperience is one of women's frustrations when it comes to guys. I was shocked she'd say that, to just go for it.

Anyways, point is we're still in this game, going back and forth, and I'm being torn. I was in a pretty bad relationship before, and I don't want to go through it again. She did something I didn't like... she started teasing me too much. And we went out recently, and she couldn't stay focused on me like I could on her. Went through this before, been there, and didn't like it one bit. And yet on other occasions she's completely different from my ex. For the most part she's different. (Women, pay attention: it's not necessarily your fault, but if you remind us of a very painful previous experience, we will start associating you the same way. It's our way of defending ourselves from falling into the same hole. And the worst part is, we probably won't tell you; some of us want to know how much you really have in common, before making a decision.)

I'd like to find someone I could spend my life with, but right now I really value my freedom, and even to an extent, my loneliness. I learned to appreciate them, because you never know just how lonely lonely really is until you're with someone who doesn't care about you like you care about them. You can be with them, but you feel like you are completely, utterly alone, and disarmed. Right now when I'm alone, I think, and then I'm not so alone. Being in a failing relationship paralyzed my mind until I was freaking out.

And so I find myself at a fork in the road; on one side is the safe and familiar path of loneliness, costant thinking and introspection, masturbation and thinking of gorgeous women who will never be by my side because they are just way out of my depth. On the other side is a mostly unknown path, of which I am only familiar with the rocks I fell on and hurt myself, before being forced to follow the other path. There's alot of things I like supposedly down there: love, security, sex (with an actual live female of reproductive age =P), the feeling of being wanted. Which path I choose depends on whether I feel I can give back what I'm being given, and whether I decide that maybe it won't be so bad this time around. You must remember, I AM a guy, and sex with no strings attached does attract me. But so does the thought of actually having someone to come home to.

Hope this account of one guy can help you understand our little male minds. =P Just know that everything is not lost, and there are guys looking for something stable, just like there are guys looking for that next temporary high.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yea, the Alpha-male thing... True. Even though he's told me that he fears me leaving him. I don't know if I fully believe in him though. He's just a really strange guy. I know him very well though, and when I bought up the issue of breaking up, he asked me why would he want to do that. He then added in the fact that he would hate to have wasted his time on me, only to break up. Something told me he would say that, but he's never downright said, "You're staying with me, and that's final." And I know he's not just looking for a "quick fix," because he would have been done with me by now. He just doesn't talk to me as much as we used to, and it kind of bothers me, and I know it shouldn't.

It's more complicated than I can explain. I do believe that we were each others true love... Blah, blah, blah... Still doesn't make up for the fact he's a butthole. =/

 

[Black Dragon]

Yeah, love is always going to be a mystery to me really... Words can't ever really help the restless heart.