Men and commitment and loyalty

[ClosetGeek]

What a topic. lol.
I had a heart to heart conversation with someone and the person has told me that I need to believe in commitment and loyalty to meet someone who has these standards. I do not believe in commitment and loyalty anymore. It's not because of only what I went through but I have seen horrible things that happen to other people, men and women.
I have refrained from being in a relationship where men have told me that they do not want a relationship or do not want to get married.
This is the reason why I am single now. I no longer date non-committal men.
I know women do give into such men.
My questions are to all the men on this forum. I currently have a friend whose boyfriend does not want to get married.
1) When men say they do not want to get married, do they actually mean that they do not want to get married to that specific girl?
2) Are there men in this forum who believe in commitment and loyalty during a relationship?

 

[Bluey]

Sometimes it probably would be that we don't want to get marred to that one women. sometimes I Guss some men just don't wont to marry.

For me I would have to trust a women a lot be for I wonted to marry her. So I Guss that if I liked her and thought that one day I would wont to marry her and she asked me, then I think then ye I might say that I don't ever wont to marry just so I did not hurt her feelings. If I was sure that I did not wont to marry her then I know that I would just leave her straight away anyway. But this is just me. I know a lot of guys that stay with women they don't love or even like that much cos they have no one else. But I Guss there is just as many women do the same as well.

 

[loketron]

as a registered loyalist, im sorry to say theres not many of our kind left in the mess of idiotic males. i love my commitment! shes bad ass! and as far as getting married, i dunno.

 

[SighX99]

I'm all about commitment and loyalty. Just that its hard for me to find girls at my age, that are into commitment and the whole shebang. most girls ive met dont like commitment and loyalty. some think its needy??

i think when someone say "i dont want to get married" it depend on the situaion.

"i dont want to get married with you because you are a slob and sucks living with you"
or
"i dont want to get married because i dont want to be trapped."
or
"I dont want to get married because i dont think we have different living style. takes time to get used to each other"

all other situations apply.

 

[Unacceptance]

Not wanting to get married doesn't necessarily mean he wants to sleep around.

He may just not want to marry you at the current moment.

How long has the relationship been going? Maybe he feels you don't know each other well enough?

I'm a big believer in loyalty. However being loyal and faithful is not necessarily a life long commitment to a person. If it doesn't work out but he didn't cheat on you for example.

Exclusivity is totally different.

 

[Rebel001]

I dunno..I think sometimes its not better to get married because once your married thats when things start to get complicated..maybe hes a afraid of that.
I mean I want to get married one day, but I guess nowadays you have to be very very picky with who you are going to marry. Fact is that marriage doesnt last forever even if you want it to, there is always a problem that has it end in divorce.
I have to admit im afraid of commitment because im afraid that I will get hurt. Im afraid to give my whole heart to someone, to the "wrong" person, and just have it given back to me broken, or that in the long run they will leave me by myself.
Id rather be loyal to someone and faithful, but i cant give my whole heart to one person, I cant.
Some people just dont work with being committed and i guess im one of them. I dont know. Im just very scared. Fear is another reason why people dont commit to that person entirely, but it doesnt mean they are cheating or dont love them.

 

[NEREVAR117]

"Are there men in this forum who believe in commitment and loyalty during a relationship?"

Yes.

 

[Minus]

ClosetGeek, i can't answer your first question but for the second one, yes there are.

 

[Antihero]

1) When men say they do not want to get married, do they actually mean that they do not want to get married to that specific girl?

It depends on the situation, and of course the individuals involved. Perhaps they do not want to think about marriage at this time, or maybe their parents had a bad one and they are reluctant about potentially repeating their mistakes. I dunno...

2) Are there men in this forum who believe in commitment and loyalty during a relationship?

Of course there are! *waves*

 

[Ursa.Kun]

1) There isn't a real answer to your question. When it comes down to it you gotta look at the person on the whole.

A majority of guys(mind you this is coming from a guy) ether say they are okay with commitment but in truth are using it to get in pants or to get together with her(mind you this isn't all).

Then again to ask for that level of commitment early in a relationship is bad, maybe in a year and if you think they want the same.


2) Towards this question I do believe in loyalty(mind you found out that an ex of mind didn't). I believe that loyalty is a big part of life in a majority.
And the commitment thing, I'll commit to putting my self in a relationship whole heartedly. What ever happens from there will evolve the relation towards whatever it does.....?

 

[Ghost]

"1) When men say they do not want to get married, do they actually mean that they do not want to get married to that specific girl?"- I do not know what other men mean. I fear marriage because if it goes bad, then my life could be ruined in divorce court. I might never be able to recover enough financially to start a new family. I don't think I could handle the stress of divorce either.

I would not tell a girl that I did not want to get married unless I meant that I did not want to get married to that specific girl.



"2) Are there men in this forum who believe in commitment and loyalty during a relationship?"- I believe in commitment and loyalty 100%. I think that I should only have one partner and that I should be completely devoted to the relationship with that girlfriend.

 

[ClosetGeek]

I'm a big believer in loyalty. However being loyal and faithful is not necessarily a life long commitment to a person. If it doesn't work out but he didn't cheat on you for example.

Exclusivity is totally different.

Loyalty and exclusivity go together. If you are loyal you don't cheat on that person.
Loyal

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

September 12th will be my 22nd wedding anniversery. In 22 years I have never cheated. I have never even kissed a woman other than my wife after getting married. (Well, there was this one time in New Orleans, I had been drinking, but looking back, Well, I'm not so sure it was really even a woman, but thats another story.) My wife told me that she doesn't love me and only married me to survive, that was almost 2 years ago, I still remain faithful. We share a house, more like roommates than a couple, no, we don't share a bed. But as long as we are still married I will stick with my commitment.
If or when we devorce I may not ever get married again because of this, but the commitment will be there.

Remember that ladies when I'm back on the market! LOL

 

[ClosetGeek]

September 12th will be my 22nd wedding anniversery. In 22 years I have never cheated. I have never even kissed a woman other than my wife after getting married. (Well, there was this one time in New Orleans, I had been drinking, but looking back, Well, I'm not so sure it was really even a woman, but thats another story.) My wife told me that she doesn't love me and only married me to survive, that was almost 2 years ago, I still remain faithful. We share a house, more like roommates than a couple, no, we don't share a bed. But as long as we are still married I will stick with my commitment.
If or when we devorce I may not ever get married again because of this, but the commitment will be there.

Remember that ladies when I'm back on the market! LOL

LOL Indirect marketing.

 

[frey12]

Well I personally I do not want to get married ever, because it is meaningless. With a 50% failure rate in the US, followed by the huge bunch of morons who advocate it. Not to mention its history of enslavement of woman, marriage is a scam. You want to spend your life with someone, you want to be loyal to someone. You do it, that is that. Now that my black and white part is over. I am pretty sure I will never get married which will be nice.
GHOSTNYOURMIST really theirs a lot of things you should be doing or could be doing. Hell if you and her are cool with not being in love with each other its not cheating if its consensual(dating with her knowing(I suggest legal binding contract that shes okay with it, don't want her having a legal edge on you)), or you could get divorced. But no reason to be miserable because someone used you once.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I was in a long term relationship for so long I forget what other women looks like.
After going through all the BS my Ex-GF put me through becuase of her alcoholism.
She's bascailly my wife. I even asked her for marriage.
she told me oneday after we been together for over 11 years...That she didn't love
me anymore or stopped loving me....WTF ??? So much for my loyalty, love and compassion.
On top of that she treated me if i was all messed up. She didn't even say sorry or anything.
I wasn't just dating her. I slept in the same bed, eat at the same table with her for over
a decade.

I have some major trust issuses ...I tell ya.
It takes a while to process it..I just don't know how in the hell anyone can
say stuff like after all the years, after all the things we went through.
Freaken 11 years out of my life that was a total lie.
It's a weird twisted feeling to find out you been living someone else's lies.
For freaken over a decade !!!! I feel stupid, I feel dirty.

So yes, everything about moral values kind of got shattered.
Even if someone told me they love me and really, really means it.
I have hard time accepting that. I don't belive it.

That's why I'm were I'm at today. I met someone.
Someone that I belive or want to belive truely loved me.
She gave me so many chances for me to open up myself again.
I love her so much..but i couldn't even say it..No matter how much feelings I had for her or want to love her.
It's too freaken late anyways...becuase she's freaken dead....but the **** alki is still alive...WTF ????

 

[Midnight_Feather]

I believe in commitment and loyalty, you should always be loyal to your partner and commitment is down to what u both want in the end i guess but personally i have never had any issues of commitment, and i must say i take a rather hard line approach to cheating after finding out my gf of a year and a half had cheated on me five times... so yeh