More men are single and lonely then ever before. The solution? They need to man-up.

[Patrick Hydar]

I like skinny women.

I'm quite strong and partially ripped because I've always done manly type work and I exercise, hike, etc, etc, etc. With my shirt off I look impressive especially for being mid 50s. My back is a nice vee shape and strong as hell. But, when I put my shirt on I just look like some other skinny old dude. Also I have no problem getting into a physical fight and can kick some ass. I'd give my life without thinking twice to protect someone I loved. Yet, I don't appear like I could do any harm. So, I'm passed over.

A couple times at a bar, where I rode the Harley that I completely rebuilt and painted myself, a woman said she'd love to just find a guy with a nice bike that wasn't a total jerk. So, I stepped forward and said I have a nice bike and I'm only partly a jerk. They laughed and said I probably couldn't even figure out how to take the wheel off my bike. And, that was the end of their interest in me.

Everything is about appearances not what truths lie behind them.

I doubt that if you had taken your shirt off they would have taken more interest in you.

 

[Naizo]

Society picks and chooses whom it is allowed to abuse when their previous mark becomes too touchy to laugh about. It's hard to look someone in the eye and tell them hey, you're hurting my feelings, you're being ignorant, when their response is more often than not going to be to perceive you as "less of a man".
Telling someone to "man up", man or woman, is sexist, though not entirely designed to harm who it is aimed at, this is the duality of language, and perpetuates the myth that that positive quality is more masculine. Society has many myths. Such as the myth that women are better at raising children, or that women have an inherent stronger love to their children and that men should have to shut up sit down and take whatever they can get when it comes to their children. Much like people might think someone who isn't conventionally attractive should just take what they can get and be happy.
Society is a construct that needs structure to exist, and doesn't care if that structure is built on prejudice as long as that society can continue to exist. People have prejudices they don't even know they have, and therefore can't even begin to work on themselves for the better. The truth is there is no difference between men and women, no difference between one race to another. There needs to be a difference, for roles to be assigned. We're centuries deep in ignorance that effects all people. And yet someone will blame it in the "patriarchy." Like even when it's men getting abused, it's "the patriarchy." "Yea it's mens faults that men are-" No. It's no ones fault, it's everyone's fault.
My perception of such topics, as a man. People wonder why people feel so uncomfortable in their body that they think the solution is to alter themselves physically. The issue is not in such people, not at all, they are victims of a prejudice society as much as anyone else. It's in the society that has made it so imperative to be a certain way if you're a certain way, that the only plausible solution is to change ourselves into a role we feel more comfortable in society. As though society should dictate what we value in ourselves. There's nothing "wrong" with anyone. We should change society, not ourselves. The only rule should be, do no harm to one another.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The truth is there is no difference between men and women, no difference between one race to another. There needs to be a difference, for roles to be assigned. We're centuries deep in ignorance that effects all people. And yet someone will blame it in the "patriarchy." Like even when it's men getting abused, it's "the patriarchy." "Yea it's mens faults that men are-" No. It's no ones fault, it's everyone's fault.

Do you actually believe this... like... seriously? I can't understand how people believe there is no difference between men and women, I just cant understand it. It reminds me of when people are magically "colour blind" when it comes to race. Differences are not bad, pretending different things are the same... in my opinion... is bad.

 

[Naizo]

Do you actually believe this... like... seriously? I can't understand how people believe there is no difference between men and women, I just cant understand it. It reminds me of when people are magically "colour blind" when it comes to race. Differences are not bad, pretending different things are the same... in my opinion... is bad.

Could very well be we're viewing the same thing in two completely different ways and don't disagree whatsoever. That's perception. Me saying that we are all the same in no way is me saying we're not different. We are all very different, but we are also the same. As in, our differences should not divide us as much as they do. There is no reason that being different, should put people at odds with one another, because inside, they're the same.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Could very well be we're viewing the same thing in two completely different ways and don't disagree whatsoever. That's perception. Me saying that we are all the same in no way is me saying we're not different. We are all very different, but we are also the same. As in, our differences should not divide us as much as they do. There is no reason that being different, should put people at odds with one another, because inside, they're the same.

I liked the way you explained that actually, interesting, I am not sure I am the same as any man though... they are from Mars.

 

[Naizo]

I liked the way you explained that actually, interesting, I am not sure I am the same as any man though... they are from Mars.

Very fair. It's extremely hard but not entirely impossible to view things from outside the perspective of ourselves existing in the moment. Part of what I don't like about "the Internet" is that oftentimes our perception allows us to read into things others may not have necessarily said. I often find myself defending myself from something I hadn't realized I'd inferred. I just try to make sure I'm not attacking or arguing with someone when I could try to step back and see if there was a misunderstanding or miscommunication. When I was younger I would very much get defensive, accepting some view I hadn't even expressed myself because I would feel like someone was coming at me, attacking me or my opinion, even if they weren't. I'd be lying if I didn't still slip up from time to time, but I am human like everyone else.
No, women and men are different but not for the reasons I think people want them to be different I mean. Not for the reasons that benefit people that can rile people up through a sense of sameness. That's kind've how a cult works, in my opinion.

 

[ardour]

NM

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Very fair. It's extremely hard but not entirely impossible to view things from outside the perspective of ourselves existing in the moment. Part of what I don't like about "the Internet" is that oftentimes our perception allows us to read into things others may not have necessarily said. I often find myself defending myself from something I hadn't realized I'd inferred. I just try to make sure I'm not attacking or arguing with someone when I could try to step back and see if there was a misunderstanding or miscommunication. When I was younger I would very much get defensive, accepting some view I hadn't even expressed myself because I would feel like someone was coming at me, attacking me or my opinion, even if they weren't. I'd be lying if I didn't still slip up from time to time, but I am human like everyone else.
No, women and men are different but not for the reasons I think people want them to be different I mean. Not for the reasons that benefit people that can rile people up through a sense of sameness. That's kind've how a cult works, in my opinion.

Oh Naizo, there will be people who are deffo trying to attack you over your opinions, happens to me everyday lol But don't worry, you are safe with me lol I think thats the issue, is that sometimes a question is looked at like a massive attack, but I cant understand how I am meant to see someone else's perspective if I don't ask questions.

Thanks for taking the time to answer the question

 

[Naizo]

Oh Naizo, there will be people who are deffo trying to attack you over your opinions, happens to me everyday lol But don't worry, you are safe with me lol I think thats the issue, is that sometimes a question is looked at like a massive attack, but I cant understand how I am meant to see someone else's perspective if I don't ask questions.

Thanks for taking the time to answer the question

Sometimes people can't necessarily act on what they don't perceive just as much as they may act on what they do perceive if that makes any sense. Sometimes it's enough that we don't recognize that someone is asking a question with earnest intention. We're all so defensive of ourselves, our individuality and personality that it can feel like an attack to hear something we don't agree with at first glance, second, or third. And so our body creates hormones that make us feel certain ways about certain things, leaning our opinion one way or another. I believe in free will, but I also believe that we are animals, with copious amounts of trigger mechanisms. I wouldn't be as able to step back as I am and observe myself, if I hadn't myself been in a situation as such enough times to feel like I had been actively hurting people by being derisive or destructive with my words. We build callouses on our souls so we can help the next generation live a better life by helping them to circumnavigate our own mistakes while allowing them to make their own without destroying their sense of adventure and wonder in the process. Such is the power of humanity+time. We are... Batman.
But even when you're calm, if someone does happen to come at you with aggravated nature it can become even harder to maintain composure, perhaps in part due to the body creating chemicals that put us on edge, a form of fight or flight. Often it can be easier to shy away from confrontation, even if you believe your correct and the more "powerful" personality could be harmful to others. We can't blame ourselves, even when we misstep, but instead try to always build a foundation of experience, like learning any skill.
I wonder if perhaps that fight or flight mechanism, in a more social setting, could explain in part why when in heated discussion, some people, myself at many times in the past for example, may subconsciously feel like conceding, in some primal way, equates to becoming dinner, and thus will actively become more and more defensive or aggravated as they lose sight of what they're really talking about. A form of fighting for their life they don't even realize they're engaging in. Could be people don't have as many anger problems as they think, but an entirely different issue, the fear of becoming dinner if they aren't bigger, more powerful, in size or tone. Modern society makes much of what makes us as animals tick, redundant or vestigial. Which is a big part of why it's my opinion that society does not equate to real life in any way shape or form. It's a tool, like a phone. We use it, it provides safety. It should not dictate our value. The only power anyone or anything can have over you, is that which you allow them. We allow society. We give up certain freedoms in exchange for collectiveness and safety. That does not make it necessary or imperative, or all that important.

 

[insecure]

I liked the way you explained that actually, interesting, I am not sure I am the same as any man though... they are from Mars.

I always felt more like from Pluto.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I always felt mote like from Pluto.

Hmm thats something… someone from Mars would say

 

[maybetrollingmaybenot]

^ Btw Mars is likely super boring planet (keyword: likely). You can't breathe on it, colder than the north pole and only idiots like Musk think it's valhala. Unless there's something interesting hidden there.

 

[ardour]

I always felt more like from Pluto.

Same. On the outer edge of the system, not even considered a real planet.

 

[Naizo]

Same. On the outer edge of the system, not even considered a real planet.

But never forgotten. <3 Pluto