Men are still expected to pay for the first date

[Veruca]

It doesnt bother me if he asks to go dutch on a first date. Although to be absolutely honest, I secretly hope that he would pay just because its ingrained in me to feel flattered if a guy did that. I was raised in a pretty traditional family.

But I am aware of this expectation and how its unfair to men to have to pay all the time when we dont know if theres going to be a second date and that as a working woman I am capable of paying as well. So I keep my emotions and thoughts in check

 

[ardour]

The person who asks should maybe pay for the first or second time around, but if there’s going to be an ongoing dating situation/relationship thing, then no.

 

[Batman55]

My two cents:
If I invite you out, I'm going to pay. I've done so plenty of times.

Much appreciated!

 

[Solivagant]

Never been on a date, but I wouldn't expect the guy to pay.

^ Same. If I were asked on a date, I would go prepared to pay my own way, even if he offered to pay later. I would prefer to pay my part, to be honest, but if he really wants to pay then I would take it as a nice gesture and be grateful.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I've been out and I've been married, but no actual date.

You've been out? With the guy you married? Yeah, that's called a date...
Unless every single time you were 'out' with him only to do nothing but errands than you can't really say you've been out with a partner/interest before but not 'on a date'. A date really doesn't imply very much.
That's like saying you rode a horse before but you've never been horse riding. It's simply incorrect. I don't see anything in the dictionary implying that a 'date' has to be anything more than 'going out' with a romantic partner/interest.

Going out doesn't necessarily mean date. If that's the case, then I've had several dates. Just not with my guy or with people I'm romantically involved with. It might not say it in the dictionary, but do you really need to be told what it is in order to know what it was?

 

[HoodedMonk]

I saw the title of this thread and really think this is an insignificant problem.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'd split anytime, I'd pay if the guy can't cover his share, I'd pay if I ask them out. If he offers to pay during the date, I think my first reaction would be, no, it's okay cos I hate feeling like I'm indebted to someone but if I'm comfortable enough with the guy and he insists, then sure.

 

[Solivagant]

I'd split anytime, I'd pay if the guy can't cover his share, I'd pay if I ask them out. If he offers to pay during the date, I think my first reaction would be, no, it's okay cos I hate feeling like I'm indebted to someone but if I'm comfortable enough with the guy and he insists, then sure.

^ Yeah, this.

I saw the title of this thread and really think this is an insignificant problem.

^ I agree with this too.

 

[h3donist]

I guess I'm a bit old fashioned and I pay for the meal on a first date, and offer to pay if it's a female friend. No reason other than basic chivalry and gentlemanly conduct I guess. My Dad raised me to be a gentleman and I enjoy fulfilling that role despite it being a bit outmoded these days.

From then on it's a rough split or a "I'll pay for the meal, you get the drinks" arrangement. Whatever's the most easy going.

 

[Despicable Me]

I saw the title of this thread and really think this is an insignificant problem.

Insignificant in the larger scope that society has much bigger problems that must be taken care of first? Yeah, probably.
Insignificant in that it doesn't ever negatively effect anyone? Not even slightly.

 

[HoodedMonk]

I saw the title of this thread and really think this is an insignificant problem.

Insignificant in the larger scope that society has much bigger problems that must be taken care of first? Yeah, probably.
Insignificant in that it doesn't ever negatively effect anyone? Not even slightly.

Insignificant in that maybe the dude could find free things to do. Like, last night I was outside laying down in my yard looking at the stars. I swear I could see some galaxies. It was crystal clear. Beautiful.

That could be a date. Stargazing doesn't cost anything.

 

[dewdrops]

I think this is unfair. I feel if you dont know each other enough that a split is in order. I personally would feel uncomfortable if someone else that i do not know well enough pays for me. - -;;

And even on the long run it should be a give and take treat thing. But that's just me.

 

[Rainbows]

I saw the title of this thread and really think this is an insignificant problem.

Insignificant in the larger scope that society has much bigger problems that must be taken care of first? Yeah, probably.
Insignificant in that it doesn't ever negatively effect anyone? Not even slightly.

Insignificant in that maybe the dude could find free things to do. Like, last night I was outside laying down in my yard looking at the stars. I swear I could see some galaxies. It was crystal clear. Beautiful.

That could be a date. Stargazing doesn't cost anything.

I've done this! With icecream, candles and a blanket. I loved it. It was the most amazing thing.

 

[Despicable Me]

Insignificant in that maybe the dude could find free things to do. Like, last night I was outside laying down in my yard looking at the stars. I swear I could see some galaxies. It was crystal clear. Beautiful.

That could be a date. Stargazing doesn't cost anything.

In a materialist world like the one we live in, neither of those things is true.

First, a guy looking for 'free things to do' is called "cheap" and likely dumped by most women soon afterward.

Second, a date like that still isn't free. I believe the main point of the article in the topic is referring to a date where 'eating' is a part of that, and food always costs money even if you grow it yourself. If you include candles, like Rainbows had, of course those also cost a bit, too. Not to mention that it's not always easy to find a place for 'stargazing'. Depending on where you live that might mean travelling an hour or so away, which obviously costs gas money.

So that's just to mention a few things we don't typically think about on our 'dates'.
And yes, the guy is typically expected to pay for both food and gas. Those who don't are generally looked down on by most women. Of course there are exceptions, but the issue is not that exceptions don't exist but that it is common enough to actually be an issue.

 

[Rainbows]

Despic, the candles were candles that were already in my house. Icecream was something that was already in his house. We just watched the stars in his backyard. In the end it's not about the amount of money right, it's about being in someone's company?
I'd much rather be on a cheap date. Just on my couch, watching a movie and cuddle while eating chips or icecream or chocomousse or have hot chocolate than go on a restaurant date where I have to be fancy.

Rarely anyone I know doesn't split the bill at stuff like that. Nowadays in my position, it'll happen he'll pay, but the other time then I'll pay. It just depends on who is carrying the most money at that time.

---

And yes, the guy is typically expected to pay for both food and gas. Those who don't are generally looked down on by most women. Of course there are exceptions, but the issue is not that exceptions don't exist but that it is common enough to actually be an issue.

Sssh sssh sssh, I can't hear your male generalization about women coming out of your non-female fingers. Ssssh. How much is "most women"? Is there actually a poll for this? Is it an online poll? Is this actually an academic study?

You know how women want feminism, this is part of it too. They want to split the bill. They don't expect the man to pay at dates. THAT is what feminism stands for too.

 

[Despicable Me]

You know how women want feminism

I've actually not met many feminists, to be honest. I've mostly met only the 'traditional' type of women. Which is actually kind of sad since I am mostly an egalitarian and I've probably been more of a feminist than any woman I've ever known. I like strong female personalities who do not follow the status quo. But of course I like pretty much any type of personality that doesn't follow the status quo.

 

[HoodedMonk]

I just gave you an idea for a date that is like bursting to the seams with romantic undertones, great for emotional intimacy and awe inspiring as well as intellectually stimulating....and you tell me a girl would dump you for it.

Maybe you are the one that is materialistic rather than it being the other way around.

 

[Rainbows]

I just give you an idea for a date that is like bursting to the seams with romantic undertones, great for emotional intimacy and awe inspiring as well as intellectually stimulating....and you tell me a girl would dump you for it.

Maybe you are the one that is materialistic rather than it being the other way around.

^

Most girls would find stargazing pretty romantic, if you ask me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I just give you an idea for a date that is like bursting to the seams with romantic undertones, great for emotional intimacy and awe inspiring as well as intellectually stimulating....and you tell me a girl would dump you for it.

Maybe you are the one that is materialistic rather than it being the other way around.

^

Most girls would find stargazing pretty romantic, if you ask me.

I'm not much of a romantic, but that is one date I would love.

 

[SixtiesSamantha]

Figured I'd throw in my 2 cents here... I totally agree with HoodedMonk and Rainbows. Some of the most awesome stuff I've ever done hasn't cost anything. Conversations... walks in the woods... playing cards... etc.

I also want to add that I personally love paying when a nice chicky agrees to go out with me/hang out with me. I like to pick them up either in my car or on my motorcycle... treat them to wherever they would like to go get some food... I just genuinely enjoy it... but I also know what it feels like to be taken out and not have to worry about paying. It's very nice!! So I like to do that for others when I can.