Problem with asking out single women...

[el Jay]

I've touched on it in my other topics, but I just encountered it again.

When it comes to asking out women I know are single, I always run into a roadblock. I can never convince myself to give it a try, because I always feel this sense that if they're actually single, it's because they're completely comfortable with their life how it is, and have no desire to go into a relationship. So BECAUSE they're single, they won't want a relationship with me, and I'd be burdening them by even asking.

Now, I know this is ludicrous, but I can't help but think it. I recently found out a girl I know in one of my classes is (apparently) single, and I'm not even that interested in her, but this thought still forces itself into my head and causes me stress and depression over someone I don't even care to ask out. (although one could argue beggars can't be choosers)

Combined with the fear of rejection, this makes it practically impossible for me to ask anyone out. And not because of rejection itself, but because of the potential for awkwardness resulting from a rejection. And awkwardness triggers my social anxiety something horrible, making it a massive DO NOT WANT.

 

[Limlim]

On the bright side it's a hell of a lot better than asking out married women.

 

[farawayfille]

Have you tried viewing it as just hanging out with a potential friend and not with a potential girlfriend? It might take away some of the pressure.

 

[duff]

I've touched on it in my other topics, but I just encountered it again.

When it comes to asking out women I know are single, I always run into a roadblock. I can never convince myself to give it a try, because I always feel this sense that if they're actually single, it's because they're completely comfortable with their life how it is, and have no desire to go into a relationship. So BECAUSE they're single, they won't want a relationship with me, and I'd be burdening them by even asking.

Now, I know this is ludicrous, but I can't help but think it. I recently found out a girl I know in one of my classes is (apparently) single, and I'm not even that interested in her, but this thought still forces itself into my head and causes me stress and depression over someone I don't even care to ask out. (although one could argue beggars can't be choosers)

Combined with the fear of rejection, this makes it practically impossible for me to ask anyone out. And not because of rejection itself, but because of the potential for awkwardness resulting from a rejection. And awkwardness triggers my social anxiety something horrible, making it a massive DO NOT WANT.

i don't blame you for feeling how you do. Asking out a woman - it's like doing the lottery - eg very hard to get a good outcome. But if you want to get anywhere you have to do it.

---

On the bright side it's a hell of a lot better than asking out married women.

lol !

first woman I asked out was married. I was 21.

 

[9006]

I can never convince myself to give it a try, because I always feel this sense that if they're actually single, it's because they're completely comfortable with their life how it is, and have no desire to go into a relationship. So BECAUSE they're single, they won't want a relationship with me, and I'd be burdening them by even asking.

None of this is necessarily true, there's so many reasons why they're single. I know you say you can't help it but I think you're thinking too much about the situation of them being single in the first place.

And not because of rejection itself, but because of the potential for awkwardness resulting from a rejection

This is the only reason that should bother you really, it's quite common. I always make it into a joke if she says the dredded 'No'.

Asking out a woman - it's like doing the lottery - eg very hard to get a good outcome. But if you want to get anywhere you have to do it.

haha, I like the comparison to the lottery! It made me laugh, but he's right; you wont get anywhere waiting for something to happen.

 

[el Jay]

I can never convince myself to give it a try, because I always feel this sense that if they're actually single, it's because they're completely comfortable with their life how it is, and have no desire to go into a relationship. So BECAUSE they're single, they won't want a relationship with me, and I'd be burdening them by even asking.

None of this is necessarily true, there's so many reasons why they're single. I know you say you can't help it but I think you're thinking too much about the situation of them being single in the first place.

Well, I know it's ridiculous, but honestly it's partially because in my experience that's been the case. Not always, of course, but it has happened.

It's also because to me, it feels like it's impossible for me to really find a relationship (at least in real life, since my only two relationships have been online at first), but at the same time it seems that everyone else easily finds relationships, so the only reason a girl I know would be single is if she wanted to be, instead of because she hasn't been asked out.

It's silly and not logical, but it's hard to not believe it, and even harder to force myself to ask anyways despite fearing that. My anxiety doesn't help things, either.

 

[perfanoff]

Work on your confidence man.

How would you even imagine yourself in a relationship where you don't feel you are good enough for her. It sucks I assure you.

 

[Drew88]

They want to play games and they want you to jump though their hoops.

 

[EveWasFramed]

They want to play games and they want you to jump though their hoops.

Drew...

"They" is a generalization and your statement implies that women, in general, play games (mentally) with guys who want to ask them out. Not only is it inaccurate, it's offensive. Please refrain from making these kinds of statements.

 

[Drew88]

They want to play games and they want you to jump though their hoops.

Drew...

"They" is a generalization and your statement implies that women, in general, play games (mentally) with guys who want to ask them out. Not only is inaccurate, it's offensive. Please refrain from making these kinds of statements.

Politically Correct answer:
"from my interactions and from my perspective as well as my experiences" any woman, whom I have interacted with has always done this including female family members.

*Experiences may differ from guy to guy, all girl may not be like that.
What is stated above is an opinion drawn from interactions.

 

[duff]

They want to play games and they want you to jump though their hoops.

Drew...

"They" is a generalization and your statement implies that women, in general, play games (mentally) with guys who want to ask them out. Not only is inaccurate, it's offensive. Please refrain from making these kinds of statements.

Politically Correct answer:
"from my interactions and from my perspective as well as my experiences" any woman, whom I have interacted with has always done this including female family members.

*Experiences may differ from guy to guy, all girl may not be like that.
What is stated above in an opinion drawn from interactions.

+1 or whatever you do !

 

[Drew88]

They want to play games and they want you to jump though their hoops.

Drew...

"They" is a generalization and your statement implies that women, in general, play games (mentally) with guys who want to ask them out. Not only is inaccurate, it's offensive. Please refrain from making these kinds of statements.

Politically Correct answer:
"from my interactions and from my perspective as well as my experiences" any woman, whom I have interacted with has always done this including female family members.

*Experiences may differ from guy to guy, all girl may not be like that.
What is stated above in an opinion drawn from interactions.

+1 or whatever you do !

Confused

 

[duff]

They want to play games and they want you to jump though their hoops.

Drew...

"They" is a generalization and your statement implies that women, in general, play games (mentally) with guys who want to ask them out. Not only is inaccurate, it's offensive. Please refrain from making these kinds of statements.

Politically Correct answer:
"from my interactions and from my perspective as well as my experiences" any woman, whom I have interacted with has always done this including female family members.

*Experiences may differ from guy to guy, all girl may not be like that.
What is stated above in an opinion drawn from interactions.

+1 or whatever you do !

Confused

i agree with wat you said

 

[Drew88]

Drew...

"They" is a generalization and your statement implies that women, in general, play games (mentally) with guys who want to ask them out. Not only is inaccurate, it's offensive. Please refrain from making these kinds of statements.

Politically Correct answer:
"from my interactions and from my perspective as well as my experiences" any woman, whom I have interacted with has always done this including female family members.

*Experiences may differ from guy to guy, all girl may not be like that.
What is stated above in an opinion drawn from interactions.

+1 or whatever you do !

Confused

i agree with wat you said

That is what I thought the 1st time.
Thank you.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Just ask them out. If they say no then say "next."

Trust me, even single women who are happy, if they're heterosexual then they like men and they want to date men and you shouldn't be using your reasons for not asking them as an excuse.

Even if you're right, at some point in their lives, whether now or later they want a great guy to ask them out. Why would you deny them this opportunity, because you're shy? Sorry, I think you're being selfish for not offering yourself. Don't take this the wrong way. I'm trying to help you get what you want and make a girl happy.