The Loser is Always to Blame

[AFrozenSoul]

You know I really love the world that we live in. Mainly because those of us who suffer are to blame for our own suffering. I have yet to meet anyone who has not told me that it is my fault that I cannot attract females or make friends. It is always so very funny when I speak about this stuff with new people. I can almost always predict the course the conversation is going to take. It is like the fact that I failed is not enough to convince them that I tried.

I have yet to understand that with this world. People will always throw out stupid quotes about how I need to learn from my past. I need to learn from my mistakes. Like one mistake I made for several years, treating females like they are more than sex toys. I made that mistake for years. I would go out and talk to females. I would try to interest them, and they were interested alright. Well until they realized that I am not going to buy them a drink or not going to treat them to something. It was particularly funny when I would try chatting up a female in line at an anime convention. I was just intruding on their time with their friends. You know by the fat guy who cannot make a decent costume. It was funny to really watch. I might even see a couple of them several times and guess what I was forgotten before I knew it. This was back when I wanted to give females a genuine chance to be something to me. I assumed that they were willing to accept that sex was part of the process. It was so very funny, I kept trying this for about a year before I realized it was stupid. The only thing I gained from this point in my life was a nice big pile of lost money and time.

So when I tell my sisters or people online this fact. They instantly ask me why don't I try something different. I of course ask what am I supposed to do differently. Of course females always say "buy the girl a drink". I laugh when my sisters say this because I have heard them complain about how long it takes to get a guy to buy them a drink or how they don't feel like paying for drinks so they need to find some loser to pay for drinks for them. All females know that females today like to take advantage of that old... I guess tradition or social standard or whatever. When I make it clear to them that I am not stupid enough to fall for that. The next thing they tell me really pisses me off "You just have not met the right girl"

Oh... I see you know it is not like I have not tried to meet females. I mean hell I go to anime conventions I go to bars, I have even started going out to buy video games these days. I go to places where there are plenty of females to chat up and talk too. Not one of them, LITERALLY, has given me more time than it takes for her to realize that she is not going to get anything out of me so she leaves. I make a nice long list of places often times the only places that I do not try are places like the Dentist, or the Doctor's office. Then guess what they do... shrug their shoulders tell me to keep trying and keep believing.

You know it is funny when you think about what they tell me. I mean they tell me to keep trying and not give up. At the same time they cannot offer any new suggestions to me. However, I know why they tell me to not give up. It is very simple, it is because I have nothing. I look at my life and I am planning my suicide. I am the one who is depressed so I have everything to gain. Yet the other person has nothing to lose by getting to know me. Oh wait they might lose some sanity of they get ot know me. I mean after all I am negative and toxic because I am suicidal. So it is my fault I am alone.

The only reason it is my fault is because I have nothing and since I have nothing it is all my fault. I am the one to blame for the ******* behavior of other people. It is my fault that I was born with faulty genes that no one wants. It is my fault I am alone, and you know what if I ever want to be happy I have to keep on throwing my money into this black hole. I have to continue to believe that people are worth it. Despite years and years of evidence to the contrary. I am stuck being forced to think like this. Because I am the one who wants to kill myself..... it is so very funny the conundrum that I have fallen into.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Like one mistake I made for several years, treating females like they are more than sex toys.

I laugh when my sisters say this because I have heard them complain about how long it takes to get a guy to buy them a drink or how they don't feel like paying for drinks so they need to find some loser to pay for drinks for them.

You're a real piece of work. Your sisters aren't any better.

 

[Locke]

I am the one to blame for the ******* behavior of other people.

Maybe, maybe not. But when people tell you to try something different, maybe they're asking you to look at your own behavior. As an example:

Like one mistake I made for several years, treating females like they are more than sex toys

You're saying that women are sex toys, and it was a mistake to think otherwise?! Do you think that's good behavior on your part? You are also implying that women are only interested in people who will buy them things.

It's no wonder you're suicidal. You've had a hard time finding someone, and you're coping by inventing this crap in your own mind. You need to realize what thinking like this is doing to you. You're turning angry and bitter. Is this how you want to live?

So I'll tell you what you don't want to hear: If what you are doing isn't working, then try something else. You can't control how other people behave, but you can improve yourself and be a better person. Doing that won't guarantee that you'll find a date, but you'll be a happier person.

Other than that, I agree with Eve.

 

[consmap]

I get where you're coming from about the feeling that everything that goes wrong is always your fault.
But I honestly doubt that's the whole truth. When people accuse you of fault it almost feels like they're trying to protect themselves from blame. They don't want to be a part of it or feel responsible for it. Also, they might believe that if they were in a similar situation they would be able to handle it more effectively than you. Problems seem way easier to handle when you aren't dealing with them. Kind of like how hindsight is 20/20.
On the flip side, the person experiencing the problem might believe that it has nothing to do with what they've done.
Now, from what I can tell you believe that it has everything to do with you. I say no. While you may contribute to the issue, there are so many other factors unrelated to you that might be affecting it. This world isn't supposed to be fair for a lot of people. I don't think you or any of us (me included) asked for that "social standard" to be mandatory for courting a female. I don't think it helps anyone that we were unknowingly taught from an early age what constitutes a good relationship, especially since a lot of it can be considered bullcrap.
I don't know if I helped in any way or made you feel better. Stay strong man.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

So I'll tell you what you don't want to hear: If what you are doing isn't working, then try something else. You can't control how other people behave, but you can improve yourself and be a better person. Doing that won't guarantee that you'll find a date, but you'll be a happier person.

I guess I need suggestions on what to do differently, because I cannot think of any and if people tell me to find another way then they must know something else that I can try. Not that I don't expect you to turn things around on me and claim that I am asking you so I can blame you in the unlikely event that I suffer severe head trauma and decide to try again.

I get where you're coming from about the feeling that everything that goes wrong is always your fault.
But I honestly doubt that's the whole truth. When people accuse you of fault it almost feels like they're trying to protect themselves from blame. They don't want to be a part of it or feel responsible for it. Also, they might believe that if they were in a similar situation they would be able to handle it more effectively than you. Problems seem way easier to handle when you aren't dealing with them. Kind of like how hindsight is 20/20.
On the flip side, the person experiencing the problem might believe that it has nothing to do with what they've done.
Now, from what I can tell you believe that it has everything to do with you. I say no. While you may contribute to the issue, there are so many other factors unrelated to you that might be affecting it. This world isn't supposed to be fair for a lot of people. I don't think you or any of us (me included) asked for that "social standard" to be mandatory for courting a female. I don't think it helps anyone that we were unknowingly taught from an early age what constitutes a good relationship, especially since a lot of it can be considered bullcrap.
I don't know if I helped in any way or made you feel better. Stay strong man.

I can understand that the world is not fair or anything like that. My problem comes when people tell me that I am in control of my own destiny. Then accuse me of not making an honest effort despite the hours of evidence that I can provide. It is my fault because I learned my lesson and gave up. Since those who do not learn from history repeat it.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

Like one mistake I made for several years, treating females like they are more than sex toys.

I laugh when my sisters say this because I have heard them complain about how long it takes to get a guy to buy them a drink or how they don't feel like paying for drinks so they need to find some loser to pay for drinks for them.

You're a real piece of work. Your sisters aren't any better.

+1

 

[Locke]

I guess I need suggestions on what to do differently, because I cannot think of any and if people tell me to find another way then they must know something else that I can try. Not that I don't expect you to turn things around on me and claim that I am asking you so I can blame you in the unlikely event that I suffer severe head trauma and decide to try again.

I have no interest in "turning things around on you". I would be happy to give you suggestions, if you actually wanted them. What you seem to want to do is rant about how all women are the same and everyone gives you bad advice. So yeah, it does sound like you're blaming everyone but yourself.

You have told us that you tried picking up women at bars, game shops and conventions. You didn't give any details about how you approached women, other than you don't want to buy them drinks. All of the advice you have ever heard about this is apparently wrong, yet I would bet a lot of that advice came from people who aren't alone.

So enlighten us: Aside from "All women want gifts and no one knows what they're talking about", what do you think the problem is?

I hope the ranting is helping you for now, but I also hope you eventually ask yourself that question objectively. If you did that, this thread could be a lot more helpful to you.

 

[Batman55]

I can sympathize with him. Everyone deserves a fair chance, but some of us slip through the cracks, and don't get that chance because apparently we don't naturally have those qualities that women (or men) are looking for. It's not quite fair to ask such a person to change and "become" this 2.0 version of himself--especially if it's not a glove that fits! You can't ask a cat to bark

He's got to be himself, eh?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I have no interest in "turning things around on you". I would be happy to give you suggestions, if you actually wanted them. What you seem to want to do is rant about how all women are the same and everyone gives you bad advice. So yeah, it does sound like you're blaming everyone but yourself.

You have told us that you tried picking up women at bars, game shops and conventions. You didn't give any details about how you approached women, other than you don't want to buy them drinks. All of the advice you have ever heard about this is apparently wrong, yet I would bet a lot of that advice came from people who aren't alone.

So enlighten us: Aside from "All women want gifts and no one knows what they're talking about", what do you think the problem is?

I hope the ranting is helping you for now, but I also hope you eventually ask yourself that question objectively. If you did that, this thread could be a lot more helpful to you.

I am always interested in suggestions regardless of if I want to use them or not. It is part of my curse for philosophical/intellectual curiosity. However, I can also understand if you do not want to give them out. Then again... this is another example of where I am to blame regardless because of my views. Granted I cannot think of any new views and no one is willing to offer up some new ones. Maybe I am just not smart enough to think them up.

Hmmm well I did have a process that I followed as advised from other guys. Generally speaking I did my best to surprise females with my approach. You know stand next to them at a bar and start the conversation or tap their shoulder and start a conversation. I did my best to ninja around, when I had another guy there to help coach me a bit. He had a rule that if you make eye contact with a female you have to go speak with her. He was frustrated at my ability to avoid eye contact. Anyway, generally speaking I preferred a safe conversation starter, which comes in the form of a question. I had one that I abused pretty hard for a very long period of time. The only time I really changed it up was during the holidays when I could ask weird questions about the holidays. On a rare occasion, when I was feeling bold, I might take a more risky approach of going up to a female and trying to make her convince me as if she is worth it. Those generally failed or ended badly. With the questions, I generally ran into a problem of transitioning off the opening topic onto other random banter. I generally felt it was weird to try physical escalation when you are still stuck debating if a holiday is a holiday if you do not get work off for it. It is a little odd you know. I was able to force a transition about 70% of the time. It would go over okay for a little bit, but then came the agitation that I am some ugly loser trying to hit on a hot girl without buying her attention with whatever she wants to drink or is drinking.

^_^ There you go a nice summary of what I did. I am sure I can review my notes of attack plans, but why give out more information? I know that coming in with a thought process and plan of attack makes me seem like I am such an evil vile guy. I am more than willing to part with some more information if you are willing to part with new suggestions.

... did I not already say the problem? I am pretty sure I mentioned that the problem is not a one of confidence or means. No it is a problem that I just ooze inferior genetics that are not worth the effort. That is the problem I see, I was born as a genetic dead end. All humans, no matter how enlightened they claim to be, are thinking about potential offspring when they engage in the mating dance. They want to make sure that their offspring are going to be healthy, smart, and attractive so their genes will be passed on again. However, some how people can see past any small changes I make to myself. You know such as losing weight, combing my hair, dressing a bit nicer, and stuff like that. I was just a piece of honeysuckle with diamonds sprinkled on top. I am not sure why no matter what I did to appear more confident and happy it made little to no difference.

I can sympathize with him. Everyone deserves a fair chance, but some of us slip through the cracks, and don't get that chance because apparently we don't naturally have those qualities that women (or men) are looking for. It's not quite fair to ask such a person to change and "become" this 2.0 version of himself--especially if it's not a glove that fits! You can't ask a cat to bark

He's got to be himself, eh?

Some is kind of a strong word to use. Truth is human society mimics animal society when it comes to making. Generally one or two males mate with about 90% of the females. While the rest of us get their left overs.

 

[Gutted]

You feel the way you do for a reason AFS. It's a shame you feel this way because as you can see, this attitude doesn't help you to be happy. That said it's your opinion and you're free to have it. Hopefully someone or something changes that. You have to make the first step though.

Try not to be offended ladies. You're all lovely. There are some not so nice ladies out there though who will miss-treat men. Just as I'm sure you know, plenty of men can and do miss-treat women. AFS appears to have been unlucky and appears to have met the wrong type of girl.

 

[Locke]

That is the problem I see

That about sums it up. It's a problem you see. Personally, I don't care what other people look like. I don't consider myself to be attractive though, and I doubt anyone else does either. I have minor self-esteem issues over it, but I don't let those issues stop me.

But you obviously do care, so do yourself a favor: Go search "unnatractive couples" on google images. Use a variation of that, if you'd like. Stop focusing on genetics so much, in yourself and in others. It's unfair to complain that most of the human race only cares about genetics when you yourself are focusing on that.

So I'll say again: You can't control how other people behave, but you can improve yourself and be a better person.

Generally one or two males mate with about 90% of the females. While the rest of us get their left overs.

You know, I don't recall mating with 90% of all females, and I think I would remember that. Regardless, I would never consider anyone as "left overs". Maybe that's why I don't have the same problem as you.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Generally one or two males mate with about 90% of the females. While the rest of us get their left overs.

You know, I don't recall mating with 90% of all females, and I think I would remember that. Regardless, I would never consider anyone as "left overs". Maybe that's why I don't have the same problem as you.

I'd give you a +10 for that if I could.

 

[ardour]

I agree to a point with AFrozenSoul ; it's likely that a minority of men are getting the majority of the positive attention from women. That and people tend to offer condescending advice to the less attractive out of contempt, rather than from a genuine interest in helping.

But.. even though I've had nothing but negative experiences with women in this regard... even I would know that gaming conventions or bars aren't necessarily the best places to meet intelligent, mature people of either gender. Kind of surprising that this is the limit of your experience in trying to find someone.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

The mating game is crazy indeed. Would you believe there is a woman who wants to or did actually marry the Eifle Tower? She loves architecture, literally. How could you compete with that? lol

It's tough out there. Romeo and Juliet loved each other to death, literally. They DID find what they wanted and couldn't have it. And I know it's just a story, but I doubt very much there haven't been tons of people who have found mutual desire for each other only to have their dreams dashed. Break ups of epic-ly soul crushing proportions. Failed marriages. Abusive partners. your husband murdering you the fresia to death, or your wife poisoning your food and murdering you for your insurance plan.

It's a messed up world out there. Work on dealing with your rejection. If you are trying to climb a mountain and get exhausted after 500 climbed steps, it's time to take a break and catch your breath. Especially if you have 9/10ths of the way to go to reach the top. Especially, when you can still enjoy the view a little bit even from only 500 steps up, especially when some person might randomly throw you the fresia off the mountain for no reason you can understand, half-way before reaching your goal.

It's normal to be discouraged, upset, depressed. I'm no stranger to that. Good luck... Not everyone gets to finish 1st place, and some one has to finish last, but at least if you pass the finish line you can say you tried. And maybe if you finish last place you you'll get 3rd place some where else. Take a break for a while and don't focus on mating games/courting so much, focus on yourself. Maybe learn a new skill, how to play an instrument, etc... A new hobby...

Most relationships are only exciting for a few years at the most anyway. Most of the time you start having kids and responsibilities and starting hating eachother and about 50% survive all the drama after the honeymoon phase is over anyway. Most everyone is pretty miserable most of the time...

Kudos to you for trying so hard. People are nice more often than honest. That's kind of nice of them, huh? They care about you and don't want you to give up. If you want to give up, though, that's okay, your choice. Maybe just take a break, find yourself a bit. Find some new tools and new ideas, work on yourself a bit, and come back to the mating a game little later when you have licked some wounds. It's tough out there for everyone. And for a few out there, they get a little lucky, but then maybe they get run over by a bus after being lucky. Perspective and views are limited to scope. Take it easy, relax, and give it another go when your ready. Bitterness, dispair, and anger over rejection aren't attractive, though, but they are normal emotions. Deal with those first, and go from there...

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You feel the way you do for a reason AFS. It's a shame you feel this way because as you can see, this attitude doesn't help you to be happy. That said it's your opinion and you're free to have it. Hopefully someone or something changes that. You have to make the first step though.

Try not to be offended ladies. You're all lovely. There are some not so nice ladies out there though who will miss-treat men. Just as I'm sure you know, plenty of men can and do miss-treat women. AFS appears to have been unlucky and appears to have met the wrong type of girl.

True, then again, I have already given up on life. My plan is to die shortly after my cat dies in a couple years.

Once the ladies prove to me that they are worth treating well I will treat them well. Sadly until that day comes there is no reason too.

That about sums it up. It's a problem you see. Personally, I don't care what other people look like. I don't consider myself to be attractive though, and I doubt anyone else does either. I have minor self-esteem issues over it, but I don't let those issues stop me.

But you obviously do care, so do yourself a favor: Go search "unnatractive couples" on google images. Use a variation of that, if you'd like. Stop focusing on genetics so much, in yourself and in others. It's unfair to complain that most of the human race only cares about genetics when you yourself are focusing on that.

So I'll say again: You can't control how other people behave, but you can improve yourself and be a better person.

Ok... so.. you asked me for what I think the problem is. Then you yell at me? I mean if you do not care what I think the problem is why bother?

>_> Unnattractive couples eh... so pretty pictures of those who settle, something is better than nothing I guess. Well then what exactly is it? When I did go out and try to meet people I put 200% effort into being friendly pleasant and kind. What exactly do you change when kindness is not working?

I do plenty to improve myself. My hatred keeps me warm at night, it also dulls the pain and misery that comes from being trash so i can survive long enough to let my cat die.

You know, I don't recall mating with 90% of all females, and I think I would remember that. Regardless, I would never consider anyone as "left overs". Maybe that's why I don't have the same problem as you.

-_-... generic societal notion, clearly you are not that male. My brother is one of those males, I have seen him go through 4 or 5 girls a week. I have watched him have a serious girlfriend and then have 2 or 3 females on the side because it amuses him. When I say "have" I mean he has sex with them. You do not remember because clearly you are not that male. Those males barely show up on major social networking sites like facebook. Much less a site for the dregs of society.

But.. even though I've had nothing but negative experiences with women in this regard... even I would know that gaming conventions or bars aren't necessarily the best places to meet intelligent, mature people of either gender. Kind of surprising that this is limit of your experience in trying to find someone.

>.> those were my primary places for trying because socializing was to be expected. There were times when I hit on girls at self-checkout at the grocery store or in line at a fast food resturant. On occasion when I was riding the train home alone I would talk to girls on the train. The only places I really made an effort to not try was at the gym and at work.

The mating game is crazy indeed. Would you believe there is a woman who wants to or did actually marry the Eifle Tower? She loves architecture, literally. How could you compete with that? lol

It's tough out there. Romeo and Juliet loved each other to death, literally. They DID find what they wanted and couldn't have it. And I know it's just a story, but I doubt very much there haven't been tons of people who have found mutual desire for each other only to have their dreams dashed. Break ups of epic-ly soul crushing proportions. Failed marriages. Abusive partners. your husband murdering you the fresia to death, or your wife poisoning your food and murdering you for your insurance plan.

It's a messed up world out there. Work on dealing with your rejection. If you are trying to climb a mountain and get exhausted after 500 climbed steps, it's time to take a break and catch your breath. Especially if you have 9/10ths of the way to go to reach the top. Especially, when you can still enjoy the view a little bit even from only 500 steps up, especially when some person might randomly throw you the fresia off the mountain for no reason you can understand, half-way before reaching your goal.

It's normal to be discouraged, upset, depressed. I'm no stranger to that. Good luck... Not everyone gets to finish 1st place, and some one has to finish last, but at least if you pass the finish line you can say you tried. And maybe if you finish last place you you'll get 3rd place some where else. Take a break for a while and don't focus on mating games/courting so much, focus on yourself. Maybe learn a new skill, how to play an instrument, etc... A new hobby...

Most relationships are only exciting for a few years at the most anyway. Most of the time you start having kids and responsibilities and starting hating eachother and about 50% survive all the drama after the honeymoon phase is over anyway. Most everyone is pretty miserable most of the time...

Kudos to you for trying so hard. People are nice more often than honest. That's kind of nice of them, huh? They care about you and don't want you to give up. If you want to give up, though, that's okay, your choice. Maybe just take a break, find yourself a bit. Find some new tools and new ideas, work on yourself a bit, and come back to the mating a game little later when you have licked some wounds. It's tough out there for everyone. And for a few out there, they get a little lucky, but then maybe they get run over by a bus after being lucky. Perspective and views are limited to scope. Take it easy, relax, and give it another go when your ready. Bitterness, dispair, and anger over rejection aren't attractive, though, but they are normal emotions. Deal with those first, and go from there...

Take a break, my major experience was over 2 years ago friend. These feelings have been my feelings for a very long time. I just throw myself into working out, cosplay and my website. Well video games and anime too. I do my best to stay out of peoples hair. If I was not forced to live in the same geographic location as my family. The only time I would leave my apartment is to workout and get food. Seeing as how I work from home. So yeah, I have been out of the arena for a while. Not on the bench, that would imply hope, out of the arena and waiting to die alone.

 

[ardour]

... did I not already say the problem? I am pretty sure I mentioned that the problem is not a one of confidence or means. No it is a problem that I just ooze inferior genetics that are not worth the effort. That is the problem I see, I was born as a genetic dead end. All humans, no matter how enlightened they claim to be, are thinking about potential offspring when they engage in the mating dance. They want to make sure that their offspring are going to be healthy, smart, and attractive so their genes will be passed on again. However, some how people can see past any small changes I make to myself. You know such as losing weight, combing my hair, dressing a bit nicer, and stuff like that. I was just a piece of honeysuckle with diamonds sprinkled on top. I am not sure why no matter what I did to appear more confident and happy it made little to no difference.

While this attitude isn't a helpful one to hold there's evidence to back it up. Genealogical studies prove that polygamy was the norm in hunter gatherer societies, so we all have more female ancestors than male, women being adapted to find high status men attractive and ignore the rest as a general rule...But then as Locke has said, we can't moan too much about that if we're only interested in highly attractive women.

Strange that your brother, the person you're most related to is apparently at the opposite end of the 'genetic' spectrum. Why don't you ask him for some pointers? And while you're at it why not lose some weight and work on your grooming (if that might be an issue), you know just to discount that as as factor. Couldn't hurt.

 

[Locke]

Who's yelling at you? I'm trying to get you to change the way you view things, and I'm trying to do it to help you. The way you are thinking about this isn't doing you any good. The proof is right here:

My hatred keeps me warm at night, it also dulls the pain and misery that comes from being trash so i can survive long enough to let my cat die.

I'm not mad at you enough to yell. This is genuine concern, because I hate to see another guy who has nothing to look forward to except death. I'll take your word for it that you're improving yourself, but if hatred is your blanket, then you may be in serious trouble. The hatred might help for now, but sooner or later it will turn into cold anger, then you won't feel anything at all.

Once the ladies prove to me that they are worth treating well I will treat them well. Sadly until that day comes there is no reason too.

Treating people with kindness is it's own reward. If you do it expecting to get something out of it, you will usually end up disapointed.

so pretty pictures of those who settle, something is better than nothing I guess

Look beyond physical appearance. If you want people to do that for you, then why not do it for others?

generic societal notion

Not treating people like they're "leftovers" is a generic social notion?! Or are you saying that your own generalizations are generic notions? Either way, no one remembers mating with 90% of all females.

clearly you are not that male.

Hmm? Then where do I fall, exactly? Do you imagine that I'm special in some way? I'm unnatractive, shy, and I have low-self esteem. I'm a average guy, at best.

Just because your brother acts a certain way does not mean he represents most men. Whether you meant me or not, I still find it offensive as a man. Just like I find it offensive when you implied most women only want people who buy them things. There are men and women who do things that aren't moral, or kind, or nice. If you recognize that behavior, rise above it and be better, but don't fool yourself into thinking everyone is like that.

You use these generalizations to make it sound you are living in a world full of monsters, and you're the only good peron left. Yet, the generalizations make you sound no better than the people you're complaining about.

Treat people with respect and kindness, and not as if they will all think and act the same. There's no guarantee you'll find someone, because there are no guarntees in life. But if you let this bitterness and anger overwhelm you, you will have a difficult time being a happy person.

My views are not going to change no matter what generalizations you post or poor examples of your siblings behavior you talk about. But if you'd rather I leave you alone with your hate, then I will.

 

[a lonely person]

Yea, well the world is not fair. I think the issue is that your brother constantly reminds you of your situation, because I have the same problem but you seem to be feeling much worse than me.

 

[EveWasFramed]

My brother is one of those males, I have seen him go through 4 or 5 girls a week. I have watched him have a serious girlfriend and then have 2 or 3 females on the side because it amuses him.

Is there anyone in your family who ISN'T a flaming sexist *********?
Just curious.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

While this attitude isn't a helpful one to hold there's evidence to back it up. Genealogical studies prove that polygamy was the norm in hunter gatherer societies, so we all have more female ancestors than male, women being adapted to find high status men attractive and ignore the rest as a general rule...But then as Locke has said, we can't moan too much about that if we're only interested in highly attractive women.

Strange that your brother, the person you're most related to is apparently at the opposite end of the 'genetic' spectrum. Why don't you ask him for some pointers? And while you're at it why not lose some weight and work on your grooming (if that might be an issue), you know just to discount that as as factor. Couldn't hurt.

Polygamy is another thing we have not out evolved yet. Just like our bodies need to store fat. I always have to wonder why I cannot have my cake and eat it too? It is like I am committing some kind of sin by have high standards.

Because my brothers and father are idiots who were horrified to find out that at the age of 19 I had not even kissed a female let alone have sex. When I say horrified you might have thought they just saw a dead body. Color leaves their face, they are breathless, their eyes widen and they almost scream out is shock. Plus their favorite method is to just get the female drunk. True story my father used to train me and my younger brother every weekend when I was 12. We would sit down every Saturday and have family drinking night to build up our tolerance to booze so that we could drink girls under the table and easily get sex from them.

I'm not mad at you enough to yell. This is genuine concern, because I hate to see another guy who has nothing to look forward to except death. I'll take your word for it that you're improving yourself, but if hatred is your blanket, then you may be in serious trouble. The hatred might help for now, but sooner or later it will turn into cold anger, then you won't feel anything at all.

Being emotionally numb would be a good thing. Then I would not want to kill myself. I would be dead, without having to be dead... not that I really care who I hurt but those people can feel better because I am not dead.

Treating people with kindness is it's own reward. If you do it expecting to get something out of it, you will usually end up disapointed.

When I worked downtown I treated many homeless people with kindness by giving them small amounts of cash. Then when I needed the money to feed myself and could not give them any their smiles went away and I was told "thanks for nothing" despite the fact that they targeted me as a kind person. Despite the fact that I did more for them than most people do.

Look beyond physical appearance. If you want people to do that for you, then why not do it for others?

And miss out on one of the glourious double standards that society has, are you insane? There are plenty of double standards that are not going away over night. Maybe towards the end of my lifetime they will be starting to vanish but that is the end of my natural life... you know 70 or so years from now. Do you think that an attractive female is going to give up having males walk up to her and try and woo her because it is a progressive thing to do? Of course not, she is going to keep herself pretty and let the guys come to her.

Besides, how else am I supposed to quickly eliminate potential mates? I mean if there are 10 females in the room and I am not allowed to use appearance to decide which one to talk too. How do you decide which female to talk too? The only answer is to pick one at random. I am sure all the ladies on this forum will agree with me nothing is sexier than knowing a guy chose you randomly.

Not treating people like they're "leftovers" is a generic social notion?! Or are you saying that your own generalizations are generic notions? Either way, no one remembers mating with 90% of all females.

True no one remembers mating with 90% of the female population. However, plenty of guys know how many females they mated with. Some might not have an exact number. However, plenty of guys know that they have slept with 15 females for every one female I slept with.

Hmm? Then where do I fall, exactly? Do you imagine that I'm special in some way? I'm unnatractive, shy, and I have low-self esteem. I'm a average guy, at best.

No idea, all I know is that males who have lots of success with females wear it on their sleeves.

Just because your brother acts a certain way does not mean he represents most men. Whether you meant me or not, I still find it offensive as a man. Just like I find it offensive when you implied most women only want people who buy them things. There are men and women who do things that aren't moral, or kind, or nice. If you recognize that behavior, rise above it and be better, but don't fool yourself into thinking everyone is like that.

I recognize my brothers' skills that I do not have and want. Just like they want my tech skills. I see nothing wrong with their behavior to be honest. Humans are still polygamous creatures.

You use these generalizations to make it sound you are living in a world full of monsters, and you're the only good peron left. Yet, the generalizations make you sound no better than the people you're complaining about.

I would never say I am better, if anything I am worse. I am well aware of that fact. However my use of generalizations come from experience. Just like you know fire will burn you. You are not going to believe someone why they say "Not all fire will burn you just have faith" until you see it for yourself.

Treat people with respect and kindness, and not as if they will all think and act the same. There's no guarantee you'll find someone, because there are no guarntees in life. But if you let this bitterness and anger overwhelm you, you will have a difficult time being a happy person.

Simply being kind is not enough to make someone happy. People who are constantly kind but get nothing are either depressed or find something else to take their mind off of being depressed. I mean look at the term "Workaholic". No one ever sees this as a good term. If a person is constantly working because they like their job and enjoy doing it they are seen as someone who is missing out on life. There are plenty of labels we give people who are seen as worthless in society. All of these people have found something that makes them happy and since it doesn't involve sex it is clearly an unhealthy addiction.

My views are not going to change no matter what generalizations you post or poor examples of your siblings behavior you talk about. But if you'd rather I leave you alone with your hate, then I will.

You have yet to provide me with a third option friend. I did the friendly kindness thing and the hate thing. You said there are other methods or tracks I should take. You have not given me one yet.

My views are not going to change until I am provided proof I am wrong. Proof that does not require me to just have faith. Sadly, no one seems to want to provide that proof to me.

Is there anyone in your family who ISN'T a flaming sexist *********?
Just curious.

I would say my mom.... but then I realize that she is probably the most sexist one of them all. At least my sisters admit they know what they are doing. As where my mom is openly sexist and angry at men and believes there is nothing wrong with it.