The "Luck" Factor

[DariusArgent]

Ok, I don't get it. It's like I am struck with a curse or something.

I can't say that I am ugly, nor I can't say that I have some mental problems. But it's just that when I meet people at first they present themselves as people who would have me within their company but after some time they leave me for someone else who would have for company and that feeling is like someone throwing a toy in the trash because a new, cooler one is bought. And sometimes those people are much worse than me; they are violent, unkind and/or less knowledgable. No, I am not bragging that I am the greatest human being but I know an indecent person when I see one.

Also I see many people attracting other people, just like that. An example is my brother. Oh don't get me wrong, I don't hate him and we are in a very good sibling relationship. We share the same hobbies and same passion for things. For example he always meets some girls in several of MMOs that he plays (he is in a relationship though and I am not, whoopdeedoo) and becomes great friends with them, even most of the times they call him "big brother". Me on the other hand always end up with snotty brats who always 1337speak and always cry with insults because they are not good players.

Once there was a small gathering of geek culture. Me and my brother were asked to draw things, he draws more realistically and I draw more comical. In the end he got all of the credit and most of the people were asking him to draw things for them. He told them that I drew too but no one cared, everyone's eyes focused on him. Also there were times when I played tabletop RPGs with people and then suddenly he appears midsession and everyone ignored me afterwards, even calling him to play with them while I wasn't invited at all.

And it's not just my brother, it's many people that I've met. But I would continue typing this for hours so I'll just stay put for now.

I don't get it, is there really a thing such as constant bad luck when trying to make relationships with people?

 

[Triple Bogey]

Ok, I don't get it. It's like I am struck with a curse or something.

I can't say that I am ugly, nor I can't say that I have some mental problems. But it's just that when I meet people at first they present themselves as people who would have me within their company but after some time they leave me for someone else who would have for company and that feeling is like someone throwing a toy in the trash because a new, cooler one is bought. And sometimes those people are much worse than me; they are violent, unkind and/or less knowledgable. No, I am not bragging that I am the greatest human being but I know an indecent person when I see one.

Also I see many people attracting other people, just like that. An example is my brother. Oh don't get me wrong, I don't hate him and we are in a very good sibling relationship. We share the same hobbies and same passion for things. For example he always meets some girls in several of MMOs that he plays (he is in a relationship though and I am not, whoopdeedoo) and becomes great friends with them, even most of the times they call him "big brother". Me on the other hand always end up with snotty brats who always 1337speak and always cry with insults because they are not good players.

Once there was a small gathering of geek culture. Me and my brother were asked to draw things, he draws more realistically and I draw more comical. In the end he got all of the credit and most of the people were asking him to draw things for them. He told them that I drew too but no one cared, everyone's eyes focused on him. Also there were times when I played tabletop RPGs with people and then suddenly he appears midsession and everyone ignored me afterwards, even calling him to play with them while I wasn't invited at all.

And it's not just my brother, it's many people that I've met. But I would continue typing this for hours so I'll just stay put for now.

I don't get it, is there really a thing such as constant bad luck when trying to make relationships with people?

you sound a bit like me. I've never had any luck with the ladies. And all my life I have seen utter wankers with lovely girlfriends. It isn't fair. Nothing I can do about it though.

 

[DariusArgent]

It isn't fair. Nothing I can do about it though.

This is the greatest thing that bugs me. No matter what you do it won't just work while everyone else will succeed in their first try.

 

[Peaches]

just for the sake of argument, can I highlight the fact that a large percentage of people are very boring with ideas borrowed from the TV, and because of that it is really easy for them to find a match, while interesting people are unusual and cannot get a "one size fit all" partner?

 

[DariusArgent]

just for the sake of argument, can I highlight the fact that a large percentage of people are very boring with ideas borrowed from the TV, and because of that it is really easy for them to find a match, while interesting people are unusual and cannot get a "one size fit all" partner?

That doesn't mean much honestly. I've met people who are unique and interesting and still they make friends and have relationships with no problems.

 

[Solivagant]

I don't get it, is there really a thing such as constant bad luck when trying to make relationships with people?

I've had pretty constant bad luck my entire life, so yes, I'd say there is such a thing.

 

[Tiina63]

I have not had much luck either with people. Have tried over the years to analyse myself and to work out if there is something awful about me, but I still can't understand it.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I have not had much luck either with people. Have tried over the years to analyse myself and to work out if there is something awful about me, but I still can't understand it.

I don't think any of us understand why.
I think about it every day. What is so wrong with me ? Why don't women like me ?
Even though over the years I have accepted it more.
However depressing it is.

 

[DariusArgent]

I don't think any of us understand why.
I think about it every day. What is so wrong with me ? Why don't women like me ?
Even though over the years I have accepted it more.
However depressing it is.

It's not just about women, it's about people in general. After all people spread their acquaintances while hanging out and socializing with other people, but some people will be liked some will not because... because. I don't know. Luck I guess.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I don't think any of us understand why.
I think about it every day. What is so wrong with me ? Why don't women like me ?
Even though over the years I have accepted it more.
However depressing it is.

It's not just about women, it's about people in general. After all people spread their acquaintances while hanging out and socializing with other people, but some people will be liked some will not because... because. I don't know. Luck I guess.

Oh

I think people in general like me, I am too likeable not to like. This includes women as well. But there is a big difference between liking somebody and wanting to date them.

 

[Tealeaf]

Don't overanalyze it. Some people have "the stuff" - outgoing, smooth, eye-catching, syncs easily with others - and some don't. There's ways to compensate, get noticed, and make connections the same as our naturally successful pals, especially if we're willing to put in extra effort, but no way to change it short of committing the cardinal pop positivity sin of Not Being Yourself.

People can rationalize it every which way they want, but I've yet to see any explanation without glaring holes that you'd need to ignore in order to accept it as a logically consistent explanation. A favored explanation, especially when someone is displeased, is that it's bad people who are alone or that people are alone because they're bad, completely ignoring the number of narcissists, bigots, and even serial killers who are and were not outcasts. I hear Charles Manson is marrying a cute young lady, in fact.

But shh - the cognitive dissonance, if confronted, might cause their heads to explode. Just don't buy into any of it, preserve your self-respect at all costs, and use your head.

 

[DariusArgent]

Don't overanalyze it. Some people have "the stuff" - outgoing, smooth, eye-catching, syncs easily with others - and some don't.

Yes but there are such cases when there are people who are introverted and lonely and still people go after them. They are still recognized that they exist. In my case even if I am near people I get treated like air (when I speak they don't listen, when I try to make conversations people turn their heads the other way and talk with someone else. Hell, this week I didn't go out anywhere and no one called me to ask me if I am alive. The only one who did it was my brother.)

Just don't buy into any of it, preserve your self-respect at all costs, and use your head.

Well that's what I do all day any day... it's just that life shows me that there are people who get more than they should. And I believe that I deserve more than what I go through in my current situation.

 

[Fest]

Don't overanalyze it. Some people have "the stuff" - outgoing, smooth, eye-catching, syncs easily with others - and some don't.

Yes but there are such cases when there are people who are introverted and lonely and still people go after them. They are still recognized that they exist. In my case even if I am near people I get treated like air (when I speak they don't listen, when I try to make conversations people turn their heads the other way and talk with someone else. Hell, this week I didn't go out anywhere and no one called me to ask me if I am alive. The only one who did it was my brother.)

I can relate, I typically don't go out too much unless it's for ho-hum average stuff like groceries, doing laundry, etc. I've only been living in my current apartment for about two months now and meeting new people around me has proven quite difficult as I'm such a homebody. One thing I'm trying is finding places I feel comfortable in and just being there at least a few times a week. For me I think it's the library down the road, might join a book club or just go there for some quiet reading time, it'll at least get me outta my bubble a bit.

I dunno how well that applies to your own situation but I'd encourage you to find somewhere outside of your current comfort zone that you can relax and if you're having trouble initiating conversation then maybe just try to be approachable and see if anyone decides to be the one to initiate with you.

 

[DariusArgent]

For me I think it's the library down the road, might join a book club or just go there for some quiet reading time, it'll at least get me outta my bubble a bit.

I dunno how well that applies to your own situation but I'd encourage you to find somewhere outside of your current comfort zone that you can relax and if you're having trouble initiating conversation then maybe just try to be approachable and see if anyone decides to be the one to initiate with you.

From time to time I go outside and take a walk through town. Book clubs and such are scarce here but then again if I am at such places I'll just sit there and read a book. I can do the same thing at home.

And about being approachable I've tried that many times and sometimes it kinda worked but after that it just falls flat. Sometimes it didn't work at all. Problem is that I have my own interests and hobbies that don't relate much with people where I come from. But there are also times when I meet people with some of the interests that I have but they weren't friendly. They were quite cliqueish and yeah... I guess I should find some other hobbies that I would enjoy. If there were such.

 

[ladyforsaken]

My luck has always sucked.

 

[Triple Bogey]

My luck has always sucked.

lets hope it changes soon !

 

[Fest]

For me I think it's the library down the road, might join a book club or just go there for some quiet reading time, it'll at least get me outta my bubble a bit.

I dunno how well that applies to your own situation but I'd encourage you to find somewhere outside of your current comfort zone that you can relax and if you're having trouble initiating conversation then maybe just try to be approachable and see if anyone decides to be the one to initiate with you.

From time to time I go outside and take a walk through town. Book clubs and such are scarce here but then again if I am at such places I'll just sit there and read a book. I can do the same thing at home.

And about being approachable I've tried that many times and sometimes it kinda worked but after that it just falls flat. Sometimes it didn't work at all. Problem is that I have my own interests and hobbies that don't relate much with people where I come from. But there are also times when I meet people with some of the interests that I have but they weren't friendly. They were quite cliqueish and yeah... I guess I should find some other hobbies that I would enjoy. If there were such.

Yeah I get how it can be a sort of...imperfect process, heh. No guarantees on anything working or not and you kinda just gotta go with the flow most times. Finding new things that interest you is always a good place to start though, there's usually something cool around if you look hard enough

 

[DariusArgent]

My luck has always sucked.

Saying that your luck has always sucked has very broad meaning. Yes I don't consider myself having luck making relationships with people but I do consider having luck in another things.

As far as I can tell you are quite a respected person here and it seems people love you. I would consider that a good luck.

Finding new things that interest you is always a good place to start though, there's usually something cool around if you look hard enough

Problem is that what most people find interest in, I don't. So I have to REALLY try hard to find something new that will interest me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

My luck has always sucked.

lets hope it changes soon !

Thanks, TB.

My luck has always sucked.

Saying that your luck has always sucked has very broad meaning. Yes I don't consider myself having luck making relationships with people but I do consider having luck in another things.

As far as I can tell you are quite a respected person here and it seems people love you. I would consider that a good luck.

Is it good luck? It doesn't happen so much in real life though. And people always leave me at some point. So the luck comes and goes I guess? I see it as bad, been hurt too many times to think of it as good with people coming and making it seem like they really like me only to ditch me afterwards. It hurts. So I can't consider it good luck.

 

[DariusArgent]

Is it good luck? It doesn't happen so much in real life though. And people always leave me at some point. So the luck comes and goes I guess? I see it as bad, been hurt too many times to think of it as good with people coming and making it seem like they really like me only to ditch me afterwards. It hurts. So I can't consider it good luck.

Whether you make acquaintances in real life or through online forums doesn't make much difference. If people like you then they like you. Just because you contact them through the internet doesn't mean that you cannot meet them face to face.
As for people leaving, everyone leaves sooner or later... cherish them when they are friends and there for you, thank and part with them when they leave.
Though I can't speak for yourself because I don't know you. I'll tell this though: when good luck happens cherish it, when bad luck happens hope that it will pass soon as possible. It's what I believe in (though rarely happens in my case I guess...)