Valentine's Day Survival Guide

[Triple Bogey]

our shop is full of banners, posters, flowers, cards, ******* teddies !
makes me feel sick !

 

[Triple Bogey]

I got another joke / fake card just like last year.
Obviously the same person thought it would be funny to send me one.
I ripped it up and threw it in the bin.

 

[Tulip23]

I got another joke / fake card just like last year.
Obviously the same person thought it would be funny to send me one.
I ripped it up and threw it in the bin.

People are cruel just ignore these idiots

 

[WildernessWildChild]

A Valentines Day poem (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.. Although he died in 1863 so I don't suppose he actually cares.)


Remodelled By - The Jaguarundi

Twas Valentines Day,
and all through the town
Not a creature was stirring -
Twas pissing it down.

The shops were all decked
With pink and red crap,
And the card shop cashier
Had run out of gift-wrap

T shirt wearing teddies
Clutched hearts saying 'Wuv'
And a single red rose
Cost your last drop of blood.

The restaurants and bars
Had their 'special day' meals,
At twice the expense
Of their usual deals.

The guy who forget
To buy wifey a card,
Finds now that his bedroom
Has been locked and barred.

The girl who burned up
Her man's valentine steak,
Was getting her 2nd
Valentines-day nose-break.

And the sensible singles
Without Valentine cheer,
Were looking online -
honeysuckle, they're looking right here -

Where they'll find a 'hello'
And 'how is it for you'?
Or a virtual hug,
('Tis what on-line friends do.)

So lets raise our glasses
And say with a cheer
Hallmark can go shove it
Up their ******* rear!

Have you submitted this to Hallmark by any chance?

 

[jaguarundi]

WWC said Have you submitted this to Hallmark by any chance?

Funny you should say that I ...
... of course I haven't you dozy twot!!

These 3 little Valentine's gems of my creation might be just the ticket for inside a card though - - -

To an ex husband

Roses are red
Violets are blue.
You messed my sister
Now I'm screwing you...

Lines written in the clinic -

I shagged you once
I shagged you twice
(I would not heed
my friends advice).
My balls are green
My cock's turned blue
You skanky *****
I'ts down to you....

A Perfectionists Valentine

"I want a man who makes me laugh,"
"For me it's personality" he said.
She - turned one down, he was too short.
He- took a fuckwit blonde to bed.
So they still look for perfect dates -
And walk on by their true soulmates....


Voila!

 

[Edward W]

For those of you who play GTA, you can celebrate Valentines in a different way...

http://www.rockstargames.com/newswi...riday-The-GTA-Online-Valentine-s-Day-Massacre

PS - I'm looking forward to being able to make my GTA avatar look just like my Xbox / ALL avatar!

 

[9006]

For those of you who play GTA, you can celebrate Valentines in a different way...

I downloaded patch 1.10 today and they've finally fixed the file loading bug (aka 'infinite loading problem') it's only took them 5 months - typically after I complete it. I wish they'd spend more ******* time on SP like they do with all this gimmicky multiplayer garbage.

 

[Triple Bogey]

typical Valentines day at work. Loads of grumpy looking men buying flowers. One bloke said he was wondering why he bothered because the dog gets more attention !
One member of staff got a bunch of flowers delivered. It happens every year ! Everybody fussed about it. People talked about what they got or sent or whatnot.

I got a fake / joke card which I threw in the bin.

My facebook page is full of messages and photo's.

 

[Mike510]

How to survive today? don't leave the house and don't check facebook

 

[EveWasFramed]

Funny you should say that I ...
... of course I haven't you dozy twot!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

 

[WildernessWildChild]

GOT HIM!

---

Funny you should say that I ...
... of course I haven't you dozy twot!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

It usually takes longer to earn such tender terms of endearment.....

 

[EveWasFramed]

^^ LMAO!

 

[jaguarundi]

Ah, WWC. …. The other women must be dazzled by your swaaarve charms, but I'm a poor old lady, with little time left (possibly).. So I just cut to the chase, mon Ami..

 

[lonelyfairy]

For me: Eat chocolate and eat more chocolate! <3

 

[Groucho]

Call it Corporate Sponsorship day then secretly laugh to yourself how they're getting ripped off for a couple of pounds more.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Ah, WWC. …. The other women must be dazzled by your swaaarve charms, but I'm a poor old lady, with little time left (possibly).. So I just cut to the chase, mon Ami..

Us BC mountin boyz r fulla charmin and swerviness, we donut jest sweap ya offen yer feets, we generly huck ya's over r shulders two :

 

[Sci-Fi]

Being single doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you're strong enough to wait for what you deserve.

 

[9006]

For me: Eat chocolate and eat more chocolate! <3

Hope that's white chocolate, mmm.

 

[blackdot]

Remember, VD is bad!

 

[Peaches]

another guide: http://lifehacker.com/5759423/the-v...rce=lifehacker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow