Naleena
Well-known member
When I took that first breath.
When did you realize that your life wasn't on track?
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Bones
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The day I said: I do!
I'd say I first became aware of it when I was about 3 or 4 years old. My sister had friends, every other kid in the street had friends, cousins had friends, and it was about this age I started to notice that I was left out of everything. Never knew then, and still don't know now at 37 ...
I'm 21. I realized I wasn't on track a year ago. It's become increasingly more apparent. I work at a dead end job in the IT field that causes me a lot of stress. I don't even want to work in the IT field. I got this job because I'm very computer savvy and am able to learn quickly.
I was going to college for 3D art and animation but I had to drop out due to financial hardship. Watching people from college getting jobs in the entertainment industry is really depressing. I'm happy for them but it further solidifies the fact that I'm nowhere near my original goal of working in the entertainment industry as a 3D artist. I've been trying to find a different job, one that's not quite as stressful, and even looking into going back to college, but I'm not having any luck. I keep hitting brick walls. To top it all off, I have no friends or family that care. I've never felt more alone in my entire life.
I was going to college for 3D art and animation but I had to drop out due to financial hardship. Watching people from college getting jobs in the entertainment industry is really depressing. I'm happy for them but it further solidifies the fact that I'm nowhere near my original goal of working in the entertainment industry as a 3D artist. I've been trying to find a different job, one that's not quite as stressful, and even looking into going back to college, but I'm not having any luck. I keep hitting brick walls. To top it all off, I have no friends or family that care. I've never felt more alone in my entire life.
brickinthewall
Well-known member
To be honest , I've started realizing it the past few weeks. I'm 21 now , used to be rather fat and really shy of self esteem. Lost the weight , I'm kind of thankful of how I look now , my self esteem also got better along with this but things still don't seem to work out. I'm still rather socially awkward, can't even manage to get a date no matter how many girls I ask out and I'm pretty sure it's because they sense the insecurity and the remnants of my former self (which is actually my present self because really I'm just more fit then I was a few years ago, nothing much changed.) So yeah , it's all starting to be clear now.
I don't seem to fit in no matter how much I try , not saying I don't have friends but it's nothing more then hanging out between lectures, never go out outside of school.
What scares me the most is that I see a lot of people in their 30's or even 40's who are still in the exact situation I am in. To be honest this scares me more then anything else , growing old and being alone. It scares me even more that I realize it's already started , with each year that passes by I grow older and NOTHING seems to change...nothing at all.
I don't seem to fit in no matter how much I try , not saying I don't have friends but it's nothing more then hanging out between lectures, never go out outside of school.
What scares me the most is that I see a lot of people in their 30's or even 40's who are still in the exact situation I am in. To be honest this scares me more then anything else , growing old and being alone. It scares me even more that I realize it's already started , with each year that passes by I grow older and NOTHING seems to change...nothing at all.
Skid Row 89
Well-known member
When I realised I had a serious case of self loathing
on track with what? That might have happened at age 23/24, when I discovered that I was not going to be, not anytime soon, a movie star, or a rock star, or a major 20th AND 21st century writer, or an influential film director, or a famous thinker, musician, humanitarian, etc etc and around 30 when I discovered that under all appearance of normality I was still trashing myself because I was none of the above. At that moment I was free and, as the zen says, there is no track.
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