Why do men only like women that are...

[Just_Some_Dude]

@ HI

there is nothing impure about a woman who has had sex.

i prefer experienced women. they know what they like, they have experimented and have boundaries and values about sex that are well established, and they aren't afraid to enjoy themselves!

dude, don't rule out non-virgins! that's crazy-ness!

 

[Remedy]

This thread will begin with a story.

When I was younger, around the age of 14 I was in a clique of girls who were sort of goth. Honestly, I was on the outer fringes of it but I was still in it. And like, hey I liked boys. And I had this one friend named Melody, she was my best friend. And we had math class together and she'd eat lunch with me sometimes. She was a huge flirt, and would talk about sex all the time making me go O_O <= my facial expression.

I remember one day when I was eating lunch alone, wondering why boys didnt seem to like me as much as they did her. I was nice, kind, funny. Why didnt they like me? And i asked my nurse this...and I dont remember what she said back but I remember the look in her eye, I could almost tell that she wanted to tell me "well because melody is very loose with boys."

I remember very distinctly one time Melody telling me that she was planning to sexually suprise her boyfriend. And i really didnt know what to say to that .

Anyway, I grow up...and I see all these girls who are loose, and they get all the guys. It isn't fair. Why do all the nice, quiet girls never get the guys & get stuck with douchebags that treat us rotten?

It sucks. Guys have it so much easier, all they have to do is go to a strip club or buy an escourt. Women get stigmatized if they are loose and then called frigid if we dont put out.

What do you guys want from us?!?! :l

I would want somebody like you Sophia, please don't ever change.

 

[Phaedron]

There are also a ton of 30 year old virgins out there, living in their parents basement. So if you're a nice lady, and you don't mind a guy who watches Star Trek and plays D&D, you may just find yourself a devoted man.

Not every guy is a sex addict, only the ones who are out their banging women all the time, and haven't been rejected when they were young. I don't believe men need sex as much as they think they do. Their just afraid of what they will become without it, and perhaps rightly so.

The way I see it, if you're a quiet person thats looking for love, then take it slow and find someone you relate to. Make sure they are the type of person that is looking for love and commitment.

guys who are interested in love and marriage tend not to like women who are loose, whereas guys who are only interested in sex could care less. I detest "man-whores" and "aplha males" just as much as I detest loose women, but the typical guy is cheering them on in the locker room. Ladies do this too, so I really don't see the double standard. It just appears that way to both genders. Women seem to find these kind of "studs" to be popular and experienced.

From my perspective all women have tons of friends and have no problem finding guys, even nice guys who will do anything for them. They all have their facebook and myspace and compete for whose the most popular.

But even though it appears this way to me, I also know there are a lot of heartless jerks out there. If you ask me, the majority of people suck, plain and simple. That one special person is one in a million.

 

[Despair]

A mans perspective:

When I was 12 I was very confident with the ladies. Told several of them I was in love with them, helped them out, but the funny thing is I didn't really love them at all, I was a jerk who was messing with them for the hell of it. Had I continued this way I would be a confident jerk who wanted them for sex.

Then I was 13 and moved to a different school and fell in love with someone for real. And guess what, I couldn't even talk to her at all. I completely changed. I found emotion, got more spiritual, and eventually found myself very lonely and sad.

So the nice people tend not to communicate, and are basically taken advantage of by the ones who don't really care. At least when people are young. As adults its a bit different. Everyone is initially a stranger. The nice guys learn some confidence, and the jerks learn to be manipulative. So yeah it just gets harder to tell them apart.

In the end... if you're not putting in the effort to get to know someone and be there for them, easy come easy go. If a relationship has only infatuation, that burns out eventually.

 

[Wyrm]

I've said it before, but this just sounds like the perfect thread

I think that douchebags tend to do better with girls because they have an attitude that turns girls on. Being nice doesn't spark attraction. Kindness is a good quality, but it doesn't have much to do with making a girl attracted to you. Guys who are taught to be nice are just doing things that block them from getting a girl to be attracted to them.

I just think that girls are attracted to guys who are socially capable, and who do whatever the hell they want (ie douchebags). I could never be one of these guys (I find myself more likely caving one of their faces in), but I am working on myself to learn how to communicate with girls without trying to be some *******.

And yes, sex is a need! It maybe not be necessary for our survival, but it can affect us negatively if we don't get it (I'm talking long-term). It also has great benefits when we do get it (emotionally, psychologically, and even physiologically). This applies to most guys whether they're in a relationship or not.

 

[Badjedidude]

Guys who are taught to be nice are just doing things that block them from getting a girl to be attracted to them.

Sadly true, I think. Society tells us that dominant men will be loud, aggressive, etc etc etc....and girls are taught to seek this out as they grow up. And it's the same the other way around. Men are taught that it's OK to be this way, especially to get the chicks.

Indeed, I'll admit that I do it to some extent as well. When I'm hanging out with a group of friends and I end up flirting with a girl, my teasing and flirting does seem to take on a sort of *******-ishness. I mean, I'm always nice and charming and junk, but...I do notice that my overall tone of interaction with the girl can turn in that direction (though it still remains playful and flirty). I sort of flirt with the girl by lightly making fun of her and playing on her insecurities:

"Yeah, your hair looks nice...for its color."
"You're not really my type at all, so I'm surprised at how interested in you I am."

Lol like a subtle ass-hole of a give-and-take compliment. I don't do that on purpose, but it just subconsciously works out that way....so I'm caught in this thing too, like it or not. I don't do whatever I want or manipulate women...but I do sometimes see that male arrogance crop up in my interactions with women. And it does indeed seem to work.

----Steve

 

[kelbo]

Sadly true, I think. Society tells us that dominant men will be loud, aggressive, etc etc etc....and girls are taught to seek this out as they grow up. And it's the same the other way around. Men are taught that it's OK to be this way, especially to get the chicks.

Indeed, I'll admit that I do it to some extent as well. When I'm hanging out with a group of friends and I end up flirting with a girl, my teasing and flirting does seem to take on a sort of *******-ishness. I mean, I'm always nice and charming and junk, but...I do notice that my overall tone of interaction with the girl can turn in that direction (though it still remains playful and flirty). I sort of flirt with the girl by lightly making fun of her and playing on her insecurities:

"Yeah, your hair looks nice...for its color."
"You're not really my type at all, so I'm surprised at how interested in you I am."

Lol like a subtle ass-hole of a give-and-take compliment. I don't do that on purpose, but it just subconsciously works out that way....so I'm caught in this thing too, like it or not. I don't do whatever I want or manipulate women...but I do sometimes see that male arrogance crop up in my interactions with women. And it does indeed seem to work.

Wow I left this and went to bed when it was at page 4 - 3 pages letter and everyone is still discussing it

I agree with what you are saying Steve, but you learn that from nursery! When you are little it is the norm to have a boy stealing your pencil case and pushing you over (however playful it might not seem at the time) which means he fancies you. Or at least that is how the boys were at my school. They'd pick on you if they liked you.

Maybe girls carry this on, and can only assume a guy likes her if he is being slightly playful/mean with his approach? I don't know.

 

[Badjedidude]

Or at least that is how the boys were at my school. They'd pick on you if they liked you.

Haha it's the same for me. I can remember this one girl from my elementary school days...every recess or break from classes, every guy in my class would pick on her ruthlessly...pushing her, calling her names, taking her things, etc etc etc. Yeah, I was an ass.

One day I overheard her crying to a teacher, asking why we boys treated her so badly...and to my absolute surprise, the teacher told her, "I think they treat you like this because they like you, honey."

That just completely baffled me...it took me the rest of the day to wrap my puny mind around that, and for the rest of the entire week I felt strangely altered...somehow more aware of my actions and what they really meant. In rebellion to my awareness that I liked her, I refused to tease her anymore, which I suppose was good for the girl...though I still wish I could find her and apologize.

At any rate...I agree, kelbo.

----Steve

 

[Zak]

Girls be goin pulling off my Overginas dude. WTF????

 

[cheaptrickfan]

by the way,

tiger woods makes me sick. i can't even stand to look at him now. all i see is the way he hurt his wife and family. so not all guys were high-fiving.

Oh, I know that. I know that there were probably more men who were disgusted by Tiger's actions than there were those who cheered him on.

I also know that there were some people (men and women alike) who were mystified that Tiger cheated because his own wife was hot, as if to suggest that if he'd had a less-than-Supermodel-quality wife it would have been understandable, if not acceptable.

My feeling is that if you love someone, and have made a commitment to him/her with the understanding that the two of you will forsake others, no matter what, then that's what you do. End of story. If there are problems, you address them with your partner before sallying forth into the arms of some bimbo/stud.

I have absolutely zero sympathy for cheaters.

Now, if a couple has an "open relationship," then the rules are different. Obviously.

---

I think that douchebags tend to do better with girls because they have an attitude that turns girls on.

I just think that girls are attracted to guys who are socially capable, and who do whatever the hell they want (ie douchebags).

There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. When we're young, without a lot of world experience, it's easy for a young woman to mistake the two. As we get older, we realize that we now have to to tell the bloated, over-confident gas bags from the real men, though ironically, those same douchebags seem to get craftier at hiding their Douchebagginess.

Still, the obviously swaggering, over-loud jackass who puts his hand on a stranger's ass is not going to register as anything but ******* in my book.

I do not believe that the vast majority of women really want an arrogant *********. True, there will always be women who are drawn to people who belittle her and treat her like honeysuckle, and that infuriates me.

I don't do whatever I want or manipulate women...but I do sometimes see that male arrogance crop up in my interactions with women. And it does indeed seem to work.

I don't think that it will work forever, and it likely won't work on the woman you realize that you really want.

Besides, playful teasing is a far cry from real ********* behavior. Some women may like the initial thrill of attention and excitement, but when the behavior becomes entrenched, it can be emotionally draining.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There are also a ton of 30 year old virgins out there, living in their parents basement. So if you're a nice lady, and you don't mind a guy who watches Star Trek and plays D&D, you may just find yourself a devoted man.

Not every guy is a sex addict, only the ones who are out their banging women all the time, and haven't been rejected when they were young. I don't believe men need sex as much as they think they do. Their just afraid of what they will become without it, and perhaps rightly so.

The way I see it, if you're a quiet person thats looking for love, then take it slow and find someone you relate to. Make sure they are the type of person that is looking for love and commitment.

guys who are interested in love and marriage tend not to like women who are loose, whereas guys who are only interested in sex could care less. I detest "man-whores" and "aplha males" just as much as I detest loose women, but the typical guy is cheering them on in the locker room. Ladies do this too, so I really don't see the double standard. It just appears that way to both genders. Women seem to find these kind of "studs" to be popular and experienced.

From my perspective all women have tons of friends and have no problem finding guys, even nice guys who will do anything for them. They all have their facebook and myspace and compete for whose the most popular.

But even though it appears this way to me, I also know there are a lot of heartless jerks out there. If you ask me, the majority of people suck, plain and simple. That one special person is one in a million.

Ahh man ..just admit it.

You just want her to be your whore. For your eyes only. She can only
go loose and wild for ya...

Have you ever been married? Oneday you came home and your wife say. "fresia me, honey..I just wanna fresia"

Every woman I've been with say I'm a nice guy. They sure the hell
wouldn't let me have sex with them if I wasn't nice or a heartless jerk...would they. FFS

People that thinks I'm a duchebag is becuase they don't know me
personally. They stero type or label me to whatever the hell...
See...that's their fucken problem. Them judging me has no effects
in my life..it's just bullshit the gose on in thier head. Beside i wouldn't
wanna be around a bounh of judgmental control freaks..THOSE ARE THE
POEPLE I DON"T NEED and CAN LIVE WITHOUT.
I don't need to earn thier love, acceptence, be in their good grace or permission to live my life. That old sick behaviors.
I'm not thier fucken pond...

Yes, some guys thinks I'm a prick.. the truth, I want them to think I'm a prick..lol
Duh....I have my boundaries.
Or rather I set my boundaries.
So I'm proactive instead of reacting.

Errr...I guess that makes me...passive agressive.
I'm passive with women and agressive with men. lmao

I'm capible if being nice and I'm also capiable of being a prick.
It's a matter of chioce of when and where..to whom I'm being nice
with or being a prick to.
Another way of saying that is....
I can't be all things to all people, it's not healthy for me.

 

[nerdygirl]

Ugh. Girls who like jerks annoy me. I'll stick with 30 year old virgins who are brilliant and kind. What sucks, though, is that almost every time I meet one, he's ever so interested in me until he finds out that I have a child or that I'm overweight. So even those guys usually aren't really worth my time.

 

[Jesse]

Hell if I know.

And yeah, I bet that there are men out there who really don't want "just" sex.

It really is VERY difficult for me to tell whether or not guys just want sex or not because apparently they'll say anything to get in your pants. :/

So I stall for time to try to figure it out and then they think i've friendzoned them when really I haven't. It's confusing.

Not all men want just sex. Take me for example. I actually broke up with my girlfriend because she wanted sex and i didn't. In my case though it's because I was sexually molested as a kid and have issues because of that. The act of sex makes me feel dirty and brings up flash-backs of when it happened to me. Sex makes me not want to be touched at all.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Ugh. Girls who like jerks annoy me. I'll stick with 30 year old virgins who are brilliant and kind. What sucks, though, is that almost every time I meet one, he's ever so interested in me until he finds out that I have a child or that I'm overweight. So even those guys usually aren't really worth my time.

Yeah, I can't say that having a kid really enhances one's datability. One guy even came out and said it. "I like you and all, but I don't want to be second place to your kids." And this from a guy who was divorced and had kids of his own.

There's no question there - my kids have to come first. What kind of person would it make me if I forsook my kids for a man? At least he was honest about it.

 

[Phaedron]

Ugh. Girls who like jerks annoy me. I'll stick with 30 year old virgins who are brilliant and kind. What sucks, though, is that almost every time I meet one, he's ever so interested in me until he finds out that I have a child or that I'm overweight. So even those guys usually aren't really worth my time.

Well it's true those things CAN be a turn off, but there are actually nice guys who would embrace and look forward to someone with a kid. If I were you, id cut to the chase about that, and only bother with the ones who are still interested. The guy will have more respect if you tell him right away, rather then hide it.

I have an overweight girlfriend, she lived with me for a year, now its... more of a long distance thing atm. I still found her to be beautiful, but more importantly we fell in love with personality, intelligence, emotion, humor, and the many things we had in common. Plus when you love someone, you find them cuter and cuter.

Don't let some extra pounds darken your day. Theres plenty of guys who like it, and if they love you for you, it won't matter. I guess I'm one of those weird guys whose repulsed by people who are too thin, and doesn't obsess over hollywood standards of beauty, but, IMO if you have to be a supermodel to impress a guy, he is NOT worth it.

Best of luck to you, nerdygirl. We can only live and learn from the relationships that don't work out, and attempt to do better next time.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

Ugh. Girls who like jerks annoy me. I'll stick with 30 year old virgins who are brilliant and kind. What sucks, though, is that almost every time I meet one, he's ever so interested in me until he finds out that I have a child or that I'm overweight. So even those guys usually aren't really worth my time.

Yeah, I can't say that having a kid really enhances one's datability. One guy even came out and said it. "I like you and all, but I don't want to be second place to your kids." And this from a guy who was divorced and had kids of his own.

There's no question there - my kids have to come first. What kind of person would it make me if I forsook my kids for a man? At least he was honest about it.

I don't understand this. I like kids, and I like mommies. Nothing more sexy than maternal instinct. But I have always been very family oriented in my thinking...

 

[SophiaGrace]

Well good morning everyone

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

@ cheaptrick,

by the way, I think the term you are searching for is properly "douchebaggery" as opposed to "douchebagginess".

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I don't understand this. I like kids, and I like mommies. Nothing more sexy than maternal instinct. But I have always been very family oriented in my thinking...

I didn't get the impression that this guy was all that involved in his kids' lives. :/

I've always been up-front about the fact that I have kids, but at my age it's kind of a no-brainer. lol So anyway, when I was on match.com, I'd mention the fact that I had kids in my profile, which saves time.

I have been wary about introducing anyone I date to my kids. So far, they have not met anyone I dated because I wanted to be sure it was going to get past the realm of causal dating into something more long-term before unsettling things for them. There's no need for my kids to become attached to someone only to have him leave. They need stability and security. Having Mommy and Daddy split up was enough of a disruption to the foundation of their lives.

---

@ cheaptrick,

by the way, I think the term you are searching for is properly "douchebaggery" as opposed to "douchebagginess".

Good call. I knew it wasn't quite the right term.

 

[Steel]

Ugh. Girls who like jerks annoy me. I'll stick with 30 year old virgins who are brilliant and kind. What sucks, though, is that almost every time I meet one, he's ever so interested in me until he finds out that I have a child or that I'm overweight. So even those guys usually aren't really worth my time.

Yeah, I can't say that having a kid really enhances one's datability. One guy even came out and said it. "I like you and all, but I don't want to be second place to your kids." And this from a guy who was divorced and had kids of his own.

There's no question there - my kids have to come first. What kind of person would it make me if I forsook my kids for a man? At least he was honest about it.

It works both ways, I've known women who were put off by the single parent thing as well.