Why do you think you're lonely?

[broken_girl]

I'm lonely because I had a crap childhood with a drunken/pill popping/pothead mother who always passed out and left me to nothing but cheese slices for breakfast/lunch/dinner. I never had compassion as a child and never learned how to be close to people. I've never had a real friend in my entire life. Just "school friends" or "work friends". I got the chance to go to college for 2 days before my b**** mother took away the funding. I never got to go back. I am stuck in my house 23 1/2 hours out of each day. I am lonely because I can't put myself out there to make friends because I can't trust anyone. Wow. I could go on for ages.....

 

[Bluey]

You have been fro it but yet your still hear. Your still younger nuff to go back to college and try again.

Do you still speak to your mother? I would not blame you if you did not. I don't think I would.

 

[broken_girl]

You have been fro it but yet your still hear. Your still younger nuff to go back to college and try again.

Do you still speak to your mother? I would not blame you if you did not. I don't think I would.

I think I'm too old to go back. Plus, I don't have the money to go.

I don't speak to her anymore. I told her what she was and cut her out of my life about 2 years ago. She's unavoidable, though. She moved to the same city I moved to. Probably just to be annoying.

 

[Presence]

Hey broken girl.

Accepting your mum > Resisting your mum.

 

[dukey]

i am lonely because it seems that no one truly cares, i have been withdrawn for years but stable.. I recently had a friend who i thought was close but it ended badly and i am in much pain now. somehow i wish i never had the experience....

 

[mink]

i am lonely because it seems that no one truly cares, i have been withdrawn for years but stable.. I recently had a friend who i thought was close but it ended badly and i am in much pain now. somehow i wish i never had the experience....

Well yes painful as it may be but experiences can make you learn and eventually make you a stronger person.
Sorry to hear this though, hope you'll feel better soon

 

[broken_girl]

Hey broken girl.

Accepting your mum > Resisting your mum.

Well, accepting is really out of the question. I couldn't possibly explain all the reasons without taking up tons of space, but she is toxic to me and my kids. At 14, I was video taped undressing by her ex-husband and she destroyed the tape and stayed with him. Destroyed my evidence! Then my half-brother from her and that freak tried to molest my daughter.
I suppose I accept that she is who she is and I can never speak to her again. Although, that is hard because my half-brother goes to the same school as my daughter. Messed up, right?

 

[zeneida]

I'm lonely because:

- I have no real family and I know my adoptive "family" (the "family" I don't keep in contact with anymore) has had a negative impact on my social skills from the years of emotional and physical abuse. I wasn't allowed to have friends my "mom" didn't approve of and I couldn't go out often and I was kept at home for my education so I didn't get any of the learning that comes with social interaction in public school.

I feel for you stardust, personally I've never had the physical/emotional abuse you've gone through but I can imagine how horrible it was for you and still is. It is important that you learn from an early age the rules of interaction, sadly, though I never went through what you did, I kept myself pretty isolated in my youth as well as today, nevertheless I'm not very proficient in socializing as well.

- I don't have many friends in real life; the two that I do I don't see very often because of conflicting schedules, and one of them seems more to want me around only if it's convenient to him and he doesn't have anything else to do.

I feel like I understand your dilemma all too well. I myself never had REAL friends, the people you sometimes meet either have a hidden agenda, good-weathered friends (if they have problem, you're always there for them but when you need them, they abandon you) or you simply don't have that special bond or connectedness with them.

I know it's harder than it looks, as I myself have never been successful at it, but I don't think this friend of yours is any good. He seems like a 'user', what you need it someone more sincere. Perhaps, it would help if you joined certain clubs or organizations to allow you to meet more people, the more people you meet, the more likelihood you'll find a potentially REAL friend.

- I have a handful of friends online, but from past experience I know that in the end many of those people will probably drift away due to their lives changing as they grow. Their need for Internet socializing stops as they gain friends in the real world.

That seems inevitable with friends that you meet on boards. It seems the only way for friendships to last is to carry this relationship out of the forums/boards, either you meet them physically one on one, texting or you become penpals (letter writing or through emails). Personally, I'm not much of a chatting person as I find it to be too superficial whereas emailing or the sorts has more sincerity in them. I don't mind chatting as long as it's in support of emailing/texting.

I'll be you're friend stardust, just pm me & I'll send you my email.

- As mentioned above my social skills are pretty pathetic; I'm moderately eloquent when it comes to writing things online but when I'm trying to talk to someone in person I end up not being able to verbalize or articulate what I want to say and I come out sounding really stupid and that makes for awkward social situations.

You think you're pathetic? Well, I have a feeling I might boost your confidence because I am the most inadequate social person there is. Like you I get very awkward when I meet people (especially if it's in a group) so in order to cover it up I end up being very arrogant and condescending when I don't mean to. I have a very strong character you see but I have problems projecting it.

When you meet people, was it always in a group or one on one? I find that one on ones help a lot in making me comfortable. Do you often find yourself in a crowded or noisy environment when meeting people? I think perhaps it may help you if you went to some quiet coffee shop or the sort, it will make both you and your potential friend more comfortable as well as contemplative.

- I suffer from bipolar and I have little doubt that my emotional instability is very appealing to many people. I try my best to deal with it and not to let it affect my social interactions but sometimes it's hard and there are days I just can't manage it.

It may not be appealing to many people but people who have no understanding or patience are not worthy to be your friend anyway. I think that upon realization or knowledge that you have this, it just takes patience, understanding and getting used to your mood fluctuations for a person to appreciate you for who you really are. We all suffer from one thing or other, what matters is the person's sincerity and their true nature; so who are we to judge someone for something they have no control over? I don't know much about being bipolar but based on little that I've read, I'm afraid that I may be suffering from it as well. I don't know, perhaps I'm just looking for a way to justify this almost a year-long depression of mine.

- Like AliceMay has mentioned, I too suffer from confidence issues based on appearance. Growing up my body image was twisted by my "mother"; she was a very overweight and unhappy woman and in turn she would tell me how fat I was, how I would never attract anyone, etc. The irony of that is, now, looking back, I know I -wasn't- as overweight as she claimed I was then.
I am however overweight now, which is something I'm actively working on correcting (I work at a gym now, will wonders never cease, so I am literally working my own fat ass off) but the effects of what she said to me for years and how she treated me because of it is something that has warped my sense of self to some degree.
To another, there's some truth in it; I don't attract people because I'm not visually appealing. I've been told I'm "nice", "sweet", "cheerful", and old ladies tell me I have "such a pretty face" or "beautiful hair" but that's the extent of physical praise. I don't have a significant other and in the past I've only dated four people, all of which have left me for slimmer, more attractive girls. Two of those hurt more than others because I was engaged to two of the four.

We all suffer from confidence issues, mine is not physical though, it's more on relationships and usefulness. I have a friend like you, she's very pretty, flawless skin and beautiful eyes (she has a very cheerful disposition as well) but she's more than 2x my weight and like me, never had a bf either. Don't downplay your looks too much, I often see many not very attractive girls with gorgeous boyfriends. I think what you may have to work on is your confidence or at least the projection of confidence (even if you're really insecure inside). The more positive energy you give out, the more energetic youth you portray, the more people will be attracted to you. My friend may not have had any bfs but she has been on dates and people have been attracted to her, she has many friends and has a social life. Whereas me, I may seem very serious and downtrodden by nature and I'm not bad too look at at all but it seems I'm the one who's lonely and not her (that's why I'm here). So, looks are not everything, how you carry yourself and how you interact with others is what really matters in this game called life.:shy:

BTW, your profile name, by any chance is that from Neil Gaiman's Stardust? If so, I'm a huge fan of the movie! How I love fairy tales! Yes, I'm romantic at heart!

 

[zeneida]

I am lonely because I am shy and socially inept. That is one of my more careful expressions of "I am a coward."

You should try to practice to get over your shyness. It's worth it even if you find it awkward or if you feel you've made mistakes because if you let your shyness control you, it will fill you with doubt and negative thoughts of how you think others will judge you before having said anything and that will make you less confident and more reserved. If you make mistakes, you can improve on it and the less you are shy, the more likely you will be able to be yourself and people will like you for that. A bad impression is better than no impression because no one will remember you for doing nothing whereas if you did something to make a bad impression, not everyone will agree that the impression or that you were bad and understanding people will understand the circumstances and will understand what impression you intended to set. Hopefully that makes sense.

That's easier said than done. I myself have been battling this crippling shyness to the point where today people find it hard to believe that I'm insecure and shy at all! But that's all a facade, deep down, I'm still the same person and the shyness is still there, I never got rid of it to begin with. & as for impressions, I come from a society where 'impressions' make and break a person, if you have a bad reputation, it will follow you to the ends of the earth. It's better to be reserved and careful than be haunted by a mistake the rest of your life. I know that's something no one wants to hear but sadly, that's life and reality.

 

[zeneida]

To say honestly, i don't exactly know why i'm lonely and even if i'm not lonely, it sure feela a lot like loneliness. I'm not abused in my family, i'm not poor and at a first look in my life you'll think everything is okay...but it's like having everything you don't need. I'm not missing anything but i don't feel happy at all and i can remember the last time i smiled being really happy, i just smile to make people think i'm okay, but i think people see i'm not okay, recently they started asking me what happend , why i'm different; i used to hate being alone, i mean with no people around me, but now i enjoy being alone, to sit alone at my table, to sit alone in a room, just to be able to scream my anger out, but i stil hate being lonely, inside, with nobody knowing what i think, how i feel...it's not that i don't what to talk, i've tried so many times so say to other people how i feel, but NOBODY listened to me, nobody understood me...maybe i just didn't know how to tell them what i feeel, now i find myself crying with no apparent reason, sometimes just looking at something usual and starting thinking, that my life goes on but i just don't know what to do with it, the irony is, that i want to do so many things, i want to be succesful, i want to be remembered, maybe because i'm lonely i feel the need to make myself noticed...right now i'm really confused and i don't know what i'm talking...if you asked me about something from my books of school, i could tell you everything, if you asked me for an advice i could tell you a good one (i think), but don't ask me about myself because i can't answer you i'm confused and SOtiered of thinking and tierd of this whole situation...i have NOBODY to help me, not a single friend.... and nobody from my family because, i don't know why, but recently, not my mother, my father or my sister believe me, no matter what i say, they just don't believe me and they don't even listen to me...i guess they have their own problems and they don't have time for me...i didn't say you all the reasons why i'm lonely, i just told you what i feel right now...but i know for sure i didn't tell you at least half of the reasons why i'm lonely...now i'm just too tierd and confused emotionly, to think about the rest of the reasons...thank you for listening to me...and i hope it wasn't to boring...

a kiss and a big smile!

Wow angel, I feel like someone peeked inside my head and decided to write it all down here. I'm in the same situation as you, I can't really talk to anyone as no one understands me or believes me anyway. I've started to notice a more resentful and bitter attitude from my friend of 14 years, whenever she has a problem she comes to me and I'm always there for her no matter what. But in our relationship, I've always played the strong one but now, when I go to her with my problems she just scoffs at me. Like I have no right nor reason to be sad or depressed or lonely, like I have it all but I don't. I've tried talking to my family but they just don't hear me as often I've always come off as the strong one and feel like I'm just putting it on or I've done it all to myself. I feel like this pretense of being strong has just worn me down and I am so very very tired! Tired of everything, disappointments, insincere relationships, people and myself!

 

[zeneida]

angelblueshadow: I understand what you're saying and where you're coming from 110%, I have been there and I am there at this moment in my life, I can't really reach out and touc h or be touched by anyone because there are no real people in my life right now, no one is willing to listen for real and actually talk to me and no one is there to help, I have no friends and my family has their own stuff to worry about and I wouldn't want them to worry even more or more than they should have to. Life now is one confusing piece of crap. I understand what you're feeling when you say you smile to make people think you're ok, I understand when you cry spontaneously, I do those things too and sometimes even crying helps shed some light on the problem and I'm happy for little while then it dissipates, seems like a very very long time since I was truly happy with myself and my decisions in life. someone please help.

I don't know how to help you felo but I understand what you and angel are going through, from the crying for no or little reason whatsoever, to the lack of any REAL friends or people in my life, to this pretense that everything is fine and dandy and to the lack of understanding from others. I've been in this long slump for a year now but I can't avoid facing it and people any longer (for about a few months now, I've stopped interacting with many people), in 2 days time I have to continue facing them again, whether I'm ready for it or not.

 

[zeneida]

I'm lonely because I have nobody to talk to. My only friends irl are my mom and dad. -_-

I don't have much friends online either... I don't like forums.. I come to many IRC channels, but I just idle. I don't admit that I'm a lonely hikki to most of those people (only my closest online friends), because I know they would laugh at me. So I just look at IRC when I'm bored, but I rarely talk.

I spend my day drawing and watching anime... I used to play videogames and make little computer programs, but I don't have the energy for that anymore. :<

I don't go near forums either, the only one I've visited and posted in was IMDB to discuss movies/shows generally but I'm not a regular of any board as it's just not my thing. I wander from board to board when I'm bored or whatnot or just watched some great episode/movie I want to learn more about. But even with that, it took me a while to start posting as generally, I only read opinions and what not.

I've recently come in contact with anime and a little manga. The one's I absolutely love is Kyo Kara Maou, Ouran Host Club and Naruto. The other one's I'm following now are Full Metal Alchemist, Beserk, One Piece and Bleach. I just felt like posting this little info to see what you're into.

 

[zeneida]

I feel lonely because everytime I look around me I see happy people with friends, and I don't have anyone I can call a real friend

I feel lonely when i can't go to the movies, because I'm too ashamed to go alone

I feel lonely when I sit in my room at night with nothing to do

Poor Jeremi, I'm the same as you with one difference, I can go to movies alone because movies are my passion!

 

[zeneida]

I'm lonely because:

1. I'm single, and I long to experience romance, even if it isn't long lasting, I'd like to know what it feels like to at least hold hands.

2. Apart from two close friends whom I rarely see, and aging parents, I spend my days alone. Sometimes, its nice to just talk to someone about your day and their day, or whats on their mind.

I have an apartment near my school so most of the time, it can be very lonesome and I can empathize with you. Can't you find a room mate perhaps? It would help a great deal past the time and the burden of loneliness?

 

[zeneida]

Pretty close, but I still have my skin, no claws.. and cant enter females minds in their sleep

LOL! It's nice that you have a sense of humor silent, I like you already!

 

[zeneida]

because I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend or any freinds/social group.
because it's friday night and i'm in my room on my laptop(again)

why??? because i'm hopeless when it comes to being in a group of people.

Ok, I'll top you on this;

because I'm 27 and never had a boyfriend or any (REAL) freinds/social group.
because it's friday/saturday/sunday night and i'm in my room on my laptop(again)

why??? because i'm hopeless when it comes to being in a group of people.

 

[zeneida]

1. I'm single, and I long to experience romance, even if it isn't long lasting, I'd like to know what it feels like to at least hold hands.

maybe its a blessing if you have never had a relationship
i have loved and loved deeply and once you know what its like to have loved to have it taken away to love someone and have them walk away from you , the memory of how they made you feel ,it becomes almost unbearable to be without it.to have your skin burn to be touched ,to think you will just die if someone doesnt touch you.
i was never easy, i never slept around ,my husband did for years.
but sometimes i wish i could just pick someone up sometimes i wish i could just bring someone home ,even if its a lie ,its my lie its my 20 minutes of pretending someone loves me,......but i am not that brave .
i do not go out , i have no idea how to go about attracting a guy and i too am haveing weight problems after being alone so long ,what can i say misery loves company and the only thing that loves my ass is ronald mc donald.
i wish i never knew what love was , then i wouldnt know what i am missing.
sad thing is my daughter is 16 and still a virgin ,yes good girl. but also i worry because she saw how badly her father treated me ,then she saw how badly i hurt when my boyfriend left me because he couldnt deal with the kids ,the ex and the baggage and now she tells me she doesnt want to date or marry.she loves her internet,she loves her computer and thats it.she never goes out.i worry that she will be as alone and lonely as i am and no mother wants her child to make the same mistakes as she did. i just feel so lonely and shut off in my life.

Your daughter sounds just like me, I'm afraid of having a bf or getting married but deep down (w/c I'm sure your daughter will realize) I want all those things, I'm just too afraid to try. Anyway, it seems like you've had a tough life but many people say it's better to have experienced love/relationship and lost it rather than to feel, empty and void for the rest of your life. It can be very lonely and depressing not to experience any form of real happiness whatsoever you know.

 

[AngryLoner]

I feel lonely because I don't have anyone I feel I can really connect with. And for some reason I can never find anyone that I actually find interesting... never really even had a crush on anyone, not due to lack of interest in that area but more because nobody ever really caught my attention...
Most of the people I meet just don't make me say "hmm I'd like to be that guy/girl's friend".
I also have self confidence issues. I'm awkward and you get a lot of awkward sielnces with me because quite simply I never have anything to talk about. I'm just a really boring person when it comes down to it. So in thinking this I never really like to start conversations with people...
Appearence wise I'm kinda on the fence. I've never really felt especially ugly nor especially attractive. 'Plain' is a good word for me.

 

[Chris 2]

Isn't it obvious that God hate me

 

[mink]

Isn't it obvious that God hate me

Cheer up, Chris.