Why do you think you're lonely?

[keeper]

Hello everyone!
I've opened this thread to find out what's the reason (or the reasons) why we say "I'm lonely".
I'm going first:
I feel lonely because nobody really got into my life. I mean, every day I see people around me, but except for my family and my friends, nobody would think about me as a partner.

 

[adelia]

I am lonely because I don't have a group of close friends I can lean on. I have two friends here. One of them is my boyfriend. The other one I rarely hang out with because she's very busy and our schedules don't match. If I were to break up with my boyfriend, I would not have any friends to hang out with except occasionally, and that would make me lonlier than ever. I have a hard time making friends because I have an avoidant personality, and I am picky. That's my story. The end.

 

[joeynicdao]

I'm single.

When I get friends, they're often not true friends.

I feel trapped, not only in my location but in my life.

 

[Geoffessex]

I am lonely because everyone just thinks of me as the nice guy never the one who could make their life special . I think I will go mad if I hear one more time "You are the nicest guy I have ever met but....." I think you can guess the rest

 

[joeynicdao]

I am lonely because everyone just thinks of me as the nice guy never the one who could make their life special . I think I will go mad if I hear one more time "You are the nicest guy I have ever met but....." I think you can guess the rest

I hold the Guinness world record for number of times that I've heard that.

 

[keeper]

I hold the Guinness world record for number of times that I've heard that.

I've heard that exactly 12 times...

 

[keeper]

"You are the nicest guy I have ever met but....."

That's a stupid lie, I think. If i ever meet the nicest girl I've ever met, I would never say "but". It's a matter of logic, don't you think?

 

[DreamingOfValdez]

I'm lonely because I can't find people who want the same thing out of life as me. I've realized that if I am to do anything great, I will be doing it alone.

 

[Geoffessex]

"You are the nicest guy I have ever met but....."

That's a stupid lie, I think. If i ever meet the nicest girl I've ever met, I would never say "but". It's a matter of logic, don't you think?

I dont think its that easy. You can be the most witty, caring, sensitive, kind, thoughtful, etc, etc, if everyone sees you as friend material you havnt got a hope in hell

 

[keeper]

I dont think its that easy. You can be the most witty, caring, sensitive, kind, thoughtful, etc, etc, if everyone sees you as friend material you havnt got a hope in hell

Geoff, I think that this is the point: why everyone sees you as a friend?? Many girls told me "Let's just stay friends" because they liked my qualities but didn't like my looks. Seems to me this is just a polite way to tell "I don't like you, but I need you for some reason". This led me little by little to isolate myself, because I know the "screenplay".

 

[AliceMay]

I'm a girl and I think I'm lonely because yes I push people away, but I've also had quite a few negative experiences with people, not just males. It's not only because i'm overweight, I think something happened to my confidence, perhaps due to the weight, when i was younger. I always wonder why people are friends with me as I feel I have little to offer. When I'm feeling good and with people none of it matters, but when I'm having a bad day, I can't seem so say anything intelligent or witty, and there are numerous physical flaws in addition to the weight. People kinda suck, don't they!

 

[joeynicdao]

I'm a girl and I think I'm lonely because yes I push people away, but I've also had quite a few negative experiences with people, not just males. It's not only because i'm overweight, I think something happened to my confidence, perhaps due to the weight, when i was younger. I always wonder why people are friends with me as I feel I have little to offer. When I'm feeling good and with people none of it matters, but when I'm having a bad day, I can't seem so say anything intelligent or witty, and there are numerous physical flaws in addition to the weight. People kinda suck, don't they!

You have a lot to offer, which I sadly can't describe yet because I haven't had the chance to get to know you yet but I know that deep inside you have a lot of thoughts and opinions to express and one thing I do know is that you're in touch with yourself. The tragic things are that I feel that the carefree part of you was taken away prematurely thus being raised in an environment where you have to continually face challenges in a society where many people are going to be superficial and judgemental until the bad things are happening to them and also that lack of confidence resulted from failing to meet ambitions, leading you to wonder if you deserve any of that and whether your fate has been set for you. The truth is that your fate hasn't been written yet, you aren't destined to failure, your life can be turned around, and even if your weight were a burden which it shouldn't be, it does not make you deserving of any of the hardships you go through. Regardless of DNA and who works out more than whom, everyone is going to be of different shapes and sizes but that does not make them all unattractive and certainly does not entitle you to deprivation of love. The more you lack confidence and appreciation of yourself, the more people are going to feed off that to hurt you further and perhaps you will need to witness being loved by others before you can embrace loving yourself. I know it may seem hopeless to find friends who understand and that are on your side but if they could find you they would and they would be there to care about you but there will be some people who will care. Not everyone is bad. If it helps you feel any better, I do believe that although it's not always existent, I do believe that karma goes in effect every now and then, so you can expect many people out there good and bad to be going through worse and/or similar things as you.

 

[stardust]

I'm lonely because:

- I have no real family and I know my adoptive "family" (the "family" I don't keep in contact with anymore) has had a negative impact on my social skills from the years of emotional and physical abuse. I wasn't allowed to have friends my "mom" didn't approve of and I couldn't go out often and I was kept at home for my education so I didn't get any of the learning that comes with social interaction in public school.

- I don't have many friends in real life; the two that I do I don't see very often because of conflicting schedules, and one of them seems more to want me around only if it's convenient to him and he doesn't have anything else to do.

- I have a handful of friends online, but from past experience I know that in the end many of those people will probably drift away due to their lives changing as they grow. Their need for Internet socializing stops as they gain friends in the real world.

- As mentioned above my social skills are pretty pathetic; I'm moderately eloquent when it comes to writing things online but when I'm trying to talk to someone in person I end up not being able to verbalize or articulate what I want to say and I come out sounding really stupid and that makes for awkward social situations.

- I suffer from bipolar and I have little doubt that my emotional instability is very appealing to many people. I try my best to deal with it and not to let it affect my social interactions but sometimes it's hard and there are days I just can't manage it.

- Like AliceMay has mentioned, I too suffer from confidence issues based on appearance. Growing up my body image was twisted by my "mother"; she was a very overweight and unhappy woman and in turn she would tell me how fat I was, how I would never attract anyone, etc. The irony of that is, now, looking back, I know I -wasn't- as overweight as she claimed I was then.
I am however overweight now, which is something I'm actively working on correcting (I work at a gym now, will wonders never cease, so I am literally working my own fat ass off) but the effects of what she said to me for years and how she treated me because of it is something that has warped my sense of self to some degree.
To another, there's some truth in it; I don't attract people because I'm not visually appealing. I've been told I'm "nice", "sweet", "cheerful", and old ladies tell me I have "such a pretty face" or "beautiful hair" but that's the extent of physical praise. I don't have a significant other and in the past I've only dated four people, all of which have left me for slimmer, more attractive girls. Two of those hurt more than others because I was engaged to two of the four.

 

[joeynicdao]

I am lonely because I am shy and socially inept. That is one of my more careful expressions of "I am a coward."

You should try to practice to get over your shyness. It's worth it even if you find it awkward or if you feel you've made mistakes because if you let your shyness control you, it will fill you with doubt and negative thoughts of how you think others will judge you before having said anything and that will make you less confident and more reserved. If you make mistakes, you can improve on it and the less you are shy, the more likely you will be able to be yourself and people will like you for that. A bad impression is better than no impression because no one will remember you for doing nothing whereas if you did something to make a bad impression, not everyone will agree that the impression or that you were bad and understanding people will understand the circumstances and will understand what impression you intended to set. Hopefully that makes sense.

 

[lonelygirl]

I'm also fat, too. I think I have a lot to offer. I really do care about other people, and the world. But no one wants to give me a chance to become a friend, it seems. I joined this church and at first everyone was friendly. But I recently invited a group of women over twice in the past few months and no one said yes. BITCHES!

 

[angeLLblueshadow]

To say honestly, i don't exactly know why i'm lonely and even if i'm not lonely, it sure feela a lot like loneliness. I'm not abused in my family, i'm not poor and at a first look in my life you'll think everything is okay...but it's like having everything you don't need. I'm not missing anything but i don't feel happy at all and i can remember the last time i smiled being really happy, i just smile to make people think i'm okay, but i think people see i'm not okay, recently they started asking me what happend , why i'm different; i used to hate being alone, i mean with no people around me, but now i enjoy being alone, to sit alone at my table, to sit alone in a room, just to be able to scream my anger out, but i stil hate being lonely, inside, with nobody knowing what i think, how i feel...it's not that i don't what to talk, i've tried so many times so say to other people how i feel, but NOBODY listened to me, nobody understood me...maybe i just didn't know how to tell them what i feeel, now i find myself crying with no apparent reason, sometimes just looking at something usual and starting thinking, that my life goes on but i just don't know what to do with it, the irony is, that i want to do so many things, i want to be succesful, i want to be remembered, maybe because i'm lonely i feel the need to make myself noticed...right now i'm really confused and i don't know what i'm talking...if you asked me about something from my books of school, i could tell you everything, if you asked me for an advice i could tell you a good one (i think), but don't ask me about myself because i can't answer you i'm confused and SOtiered of thinking and tierd of this whole situation...i have NOBODY to help me, not a single friend.... and nobody from my family because, i don't know why, but recently, not my mother, my father or my sister believe me, no matter what i say, they just don't believe me and they don't even listen to me...i guess they have their own problems and they don't have time for me...i didn't say you all the reasons why i'm lonely, i just told you what i feel right now...but i know for sure i didn't tell you at least half of the reasons why i'm lonely...now i'm just too tierd and confused emotionly, to think about the rest of the reasons...thank you for listening to me...and i hope it wasn't to boring...

a kiss and a big smile!

 

[felo500]

angelblueshadow: I understand what you're saying and where you're coming from 110%, I have been there and I am there at this moment in my life, I can't really reach out and touc h or be touched by anyone because there are no real people in my life right now, no one is willing to listen for real and actually talk to me and no one is there to help, I have no friends and my family has their own stuff to worry about and I wouldn't want them to worry even more or more than they should have to. Life now is one confusing piece of crap. I understand what you're feeling when you say you smile to make people think you're ok, I understand when you cry spontaneously, I do those things too and sometimes even crying helps shed some light on the problem and I'm happy for little while then it dissipates, seems like a very very long time since I was truly happy with myself and my decisions in life. someone please help.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Again, my essay answering exactly that question, can be found at http://www.FoolQuest.com

And to compound my frustration, I have failed, utterly, to engage others on pertinent discussion thereof, even on this very forum.

 

[mimizu]

I'm lonely because I have nobody to talk to. My only friends irl are my mom and dad. -_-

I don't have much friends online either... I don't like forums.. I come to many IRC channels, but I just idle. I don't admit that I'm a lonely hikki to most of those people (only my closest online friends), because I know they would laugh at me. So I just look at IRC when I'm bored, but I rarely talk.

I spend my day drawing and watching anime... I used to play videogames and make little computer programs, but I don't have the energy for that anymore. :<

 

[Jeremi]

I feel lonely because everytime I look around me I see happy people with friends, and I don't have anyone I can call a real friend

I feel lonely when i can't go to the movies, because I'm too ashamed to go alone

I feel lonely when I sit in my room at night with nothing to do