A Question for the Ladies....

[jasmin]

Does anyone else here attract the wrong sort of guy?? By wrong, I mean the neglectful, rude, cheating scum type. Or is it just me?
Ever since I turned 18 I seem to attract men who come across nice but a few weeks down the line they turn out to be...not so nuce?

Do any of you conciously pick guys like this?
They can't all be like this, right?

J xxx

 

[VanillaCreme]

Unfortunately, a lot of them are. Too many... And while I picked someone I really, really connected with on every level, I don't think he's any good for me. Yet, I still want to grab onto him and never let go.

Then again, I don't like "nice guys", so hearing my opinion won't probably matter much.

 

[jasmin]

I'm in the exact same position, he seemed so great and I've never clicked with anyone like him but he totally messed up on me and it's killing my faith in men.

You're opinion does matter to me!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Mind telling what happened? What did he fresia up on? Cheating on you?

 

[jales]

yea i attracted the woooooooooooooooooooooRSTTTTTT men ever.

i mean i dont think guys come worse than my both ex's .. Esp ex #2
when i think about how terrible a person he was it can kill my faith in all of humanity. the picture of himself that he left me to believe he is .. is not someone you would generally think exist. It's like.. if i am human and i am just like him, am i capable of doing that to someone? hmm (i really hope not)

anyway luckily i'm not in that boat anymore... bf #3 is not at all in that class

and i met him at alonelylife ...woot woot!

 

[jasmin]

It wasn't exactly cheating...let's just say I now think facebook is the tool of the devil Hey that should be a new thread. I was just curious what other women thought about men.
Mr girl friends haven't been to helpful (with the pitying looks and the fake 'it'll be alright' crap). I'm actually thinking I should do masters thesis on this subject: 'why do women love jerks?' or 'are all men jerks?'

 

[jasmin]

awww yay Jales!!!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Oh, yeah, I hate the "It will be alright." ... No it won't. Not when I want to choke out the m-f-er... "Alright" never has described my state of mind during problems with guys.

And it's not that all men are jerks. It's more about "Why do women always pick the jerks?" I know what I don't like in nice guys... I don't want a "Yes, dear" man. I can't stand that... What I like in the "jerks", I can't honestly point out. The wild sense how they are might do it for me. Or the fact that I know they will have some cajones and stand up to me if need be.

 

[jasmin]

Pushover/doormat men aren't fun. lol. I can relate to that.
I'm actaully so used to being pissed off with guys, I'm actaully starting to prefer it. Cos if you're mad then at least you know where you stand- it's the bits in between that are unbearable.

Do you think that 'jerks' are more intersting than 'nice guys'??

 

[VanillaCreme]

Oooh, yeah. Way more interesting. And exciting. I know two, count 'em two, "nice guys"... One of which I dated, and broke up with him, and one of which likes me right now and never leaves me alone... Yet, I'm attracted like a magnet to a refrigerator to the "bad boy"...

 

[jasmin]

Awww I'll trade you my jerk for your nice guy lol. Do you think that there's a guy who comes across as jerk but is actaully nice- OMG this is proof that I have watched wayyyyyyyyyy to many romantic movies cos I know this type of guy is an urban legend.
I wonder if some women feel they want to 'tame' their 'bad boy'?

I'm def doing my dissertation on this topic and if it gets published (like my last one did *smug*) I'll give you half the credit VanillaCreme .

 

[VanillaCreme]

Lolol no need to. And you're welcome to take him any day! Please! I beg of you... Go ahead. He's so attached to me, and I've given him no reason to be.

Actually, let me not make my "bad boy" out to be this monster... He's umm... he's eh. When our relationship was at it's best point, he was okay. It's just the bad things he does, and how he is in general that makes me not put him in the "nice guy" column. It's not an act though. What you see is what you get with him. He's not outwardly mean, and then all nice when you really know him. Or he's not pretending to be a nice guy. He's an ******* and he knows it, and he acts like it.

 

[TheLonelySkeptic]

http://www.alonelylife.com/a-question-for-the-ladies-t-4805.html

Creepy. Our threads have exactly the same name.

Creepy.

Same story, too; only I'm a guy

 

[Sola]

There are many reasons why this happens, and can happen over and over again to the same people.
In my own case, I was raised in an alcoholic home- so alcoholic (dysfunctional) behavior was "normal" to me as I grew and what I learned to be comfortable with, so guess what?
My first few failed relationships were with people addicted to something or another.

Now I don't mean I was comfortable with it on a conscious level- not at all, I hated being with a drunk who wanted to fight, embarrass me in front of people, etc... but on a deeper level, I knew best how to behave around drunks because I'd had a whole lifetime of experience doing it... if that makes sense.

Now that's certainly not the only reason things like this happen again and again to people, but my suggestion is to look deep and consider the kinds of behavior that have become "comfortable" and might cause that subconscious attraction to destructive people... and then of course the real work begins- learning to change our patterns.
I hope that made sense, it's late and I'm getting tired. lol

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sola, that made perfect sense. It is about being comfortable. And now that you've mentioned it, personally, I'm not comfortable around nice guys. They make me uneasy, and for the simple reason that I usually have to constantly watch what I say around them. Like the dude who likes me... I have to always watch what I say around him as to not offend him. He's EASILY offended over anything, and he's taken the things I've said to him the wrong way waaayyy too many times. Hence, me feeling not comfortable enough around him much.

 

[jasmin]

I see what you mean, I guess we do emulate what we've grown up with (no matter how much I try and fight it). Thanks so much for your help ladies!

Oh Liapos, I don't think it's creepy, I think it's ironic.