Are fat people allowed to have standards?

[ardour]

nope, they aren't allowed to have standards. that's just weird. It's not like they are also people or anything.

Sure, as long as others are allowed standards without being attacked as shallow, fatphobic arseholes or whatever.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Everybody is allowed and should have standards. What a dumb question.

You wouldnt like my science teacher, he said theres no such thing as a dumb question but I meant, is the expectation that they arent allowed to have standards… I deep dived this one and you’d be shocked how many people think they have no right to pick what they want, maybe it highlights the discrimination overweight people face

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Maybe be more clear on what you mean by standards.

Obese people have as much right to appearance preferences as anyone, but the problem arises if they demand slimmer, more conventionally attractive people be attracted to them, particularly when they wouldn't date themselves. However, nobody should be expected to date a deadbeat or someone they just aren't compatible with because "that's all they can get", that's pretty messed up.

Im just posing the question how it was on youtube university but maybe what you are saying is a little more on the money… there seems to be a “fair trading standard” agenda with dating arena now, if im a short woman I must want a short man and if im overwight I must want over weight, but that is just not how attraction works… a less controversial one is I only like men with blue green hazel eyes whereas my eyes are as black as my soull lol not sure why thats so wrong

 

[ardour]

Im just posing the question how it was on youtube university but maybe what you are saying is a little more on the money… there seems to be a “fair trading standard” agenda with dating arena now, if im a short woman I must want a short man and if im overwight I must want over weight, but that is just not how attraction works…

You're right, it isn't, and as I'm now in the creepy old man category still noticing women who are way outside what is socially acceptable for me age wise, I'm well acquainted with the 'wanting what you can never have'. But you can lose weight, and some guys aren't bothered if you're a bit el chubbo, just like some women don't care about dating a short bald dude if he's funny and good company.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You're right, it isn't, and as I'm now in the creepy old man category still noticing women who are way outside what is socially acceptable for me age wise, I'm well acquainted with the 'wanting what you can never have' quandary. But you can lose weight, and some guys aren't bothered if you're a bit el chubbo, just like some women don't care about dating a short bald dude if he's funny and good company.

But why lose weight if thats hot to your partner and a lot regret losing weight due to the excess skin issues but meh idk its all sooo complicated but I dont think anyone should be lowering their standards, the word im seeing is “delusional” like if you want the opposite of what you are you’re delusional

 

[4No1]

Of course they are. Why not?

Yess this is soooo true! Sorry last question… But is having a standard that is considered “too high” down to how you look?

I dunno, it's a kind of a market, you can ask 1000$ for smth that can be bought for 100$, but your chances to sell it are quite low. If you are fat but you have a lot of money you still can be quite a good deal. It's a rude parallel, but I think the point is the same. And it's not only a look

I myself quit the market as I have some standarts. And I don't feel I should have them as I can't loose my own weight.

 

[howdidifindmyselfhere?]

If we are talking purely about weight, why should someone who is overweight be expected to lower any standards that they have and just take what ever they can get? Where is the rule book on standards and exactly what is and who set the criteria here?

Let me flip the question slightly, I'm a short slim skinny weakling and my body shape is far from what would be considered as attractive. Does that mean that I should drop any standards that I have and just accept whatever is offered to me?

I'm trying to avoid the whole attraction, what people find beautiful, how people treat you issue here and base my answer on weight alone, but it's not easy.

 

[WillPower]

I see many people here say that no one should drop their standards. But what if a person has never been able to get into a relationship? What then? In that situation, I've seen many people give the opposite advice. That this person is too picky and should lower their standards.

 

[Rohini]

I think everyone is entitled to have their standards..

I just think generally when you see an overweight person, severely overweight, most people's first throughts are that they don't take good care of themselves.
Appearance is the first thing people notice about you, second is who you truly are, and what really matters ofc. But one can't see/know who you are as a person until they take the time to get to know you.

Taking care of yourself physically is attractive.
It shows you care about what you consume day in and day out.
I'm not saying people need to run around looking like mr/miss universe, but strictly speaking here - if one wants to put themselves "out there" in the sphere of the dating circles, you may want to put some stock into your outer facade.



Exercising / maintaining a healthy diet with your body is most important for your own state of well being/health. At the end of the day, People should do it because they care about themselves not to please other people.

I feel the same about Spiritual practice.. Healthy body - healthy mind. These are interconnected. people should take more time out for their spiritual endeavors.. In the end, nothing else really matters.

 

[Claudia1794]

To me it all sounds like a bunch of shallow silly honeysuckle. What do I know though?...I'm just a backwoods southerner with no teeth, no education, and my brother-cousin just asked me to marry him.

 

[howdidifindmyselfhere?]

I see many people here say that no one should drop their standards. But what if a person has never been able to get into a relationship? What then? In that situation, I've seen many people give the opposite advice. That this person is too picky and should lower their standards.

Lots of interesting thoughts and comments on here.

As I said, I'm a short slim skinny weakling and my body shape is far from what would be considered as attractive, due to disability. I've never been in a relationship, (not that I have tried to get into one), but should I be expected to lower any standards that I have if I were to go out looking for one, not be top picky and just accept what ever I can get, or do these rules only apply to overweight people?

Maybe overweight/underweight/disabled people arn't deemed as being attractive, (I think attractions is a different issue), but is doesn't mean that anyone should drop any standards that they have just to be with someone. If that is the case, then I rather remain single than putting up being treated like crap just to be with someone.

 

[Claudia1794]

Lots of interesting thoughts and comments on here.

As I said, I'm a short slim skinny weakling and my body shape is far from what would be considered as attractive, due to disability. I've never been in a relationship, (not that I have tried to get into one), but should I be expected to lower any standards that I have if I were to go out looking for one, not be top picky and just accept what ever I can get, or do these rules only apply to overweight people?

Maybe overweight/underweight/disabled people arn't deemed as being attractive, (I think attractions is a different issue), but is doesn't mean that anyone should drop any standards that they have just to be with someone. If that is the case, then I rather remain single than putting up being treated like crap just to be with someone.

Standards? That's what I keep noticing. Im thinking if I enjoy someone's company and they treat me like a human....I'm good. Does that mean my standards are set too low or too high?

 

[howdidifindmyselfhere?]

Standards? That's what I keep noticing. Im thinking if I enjoy someone's company and they treat me like a human....I'm good. Does that mean my standards are set too low or too high?

Sounds prefect to me to be honest. If you have found someone you like being with, that treats you how you want to be treated you, your standards have been met and that's exactly what I would want too.

Settling for anything less would be lowering your standards surely, and why would anyone do that just to be with someone? Maybe that's half the problem these days, people settle for less than what they want just to be with someone and the wonder why it all goes belly up.

Standards differ from person to person, the way one person wants to be treated may not be the same as how someone else wants to be treated, but no-one should drop their standards (or the way they want to be treated) just to be with someone.

 

[TheRealCallie]

To me it all sounds like a bunch of shallow silly honeysuckle. What do I know though?...I'm just a backwoods southerner with no teeth, no education, and my brother-cousin just asked me to marry him.

OMG!!!! What did your daddy-uncle say?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I see many people here say that no one should drop their standards. But what if a person has never been able to get into a relationship? What then? In that situation, I've seen many people give the opposite advice. That this person is too picky and should lower their standards.

Question: Would you date someone who you aren't attracted to just to be with anyone rather than no one?

 

[Richard_39]

Question: Would you date someone who you aren't attracted to just to be with anyone rather than no one?

No. That would be hypocritical.

Unless she's rich.
Or he, these days, it seems. Maybe I've been playing the wrong team all along!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No. That would be hypocritical.

Unless she's rich.

Pretty sure that’s my line

 

[Richard_39]

Pretty sure that’s my line

Actually, it's mine. Look up there, its right there!

Sure you dont need glasses, love?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Question: Would you date someone who you aren't attracted to just to be with anyone rather than no one?

I don't know. It's something I'm getting more and more afraid of. Part of me says "I guess", because at least then I'd get to date someone, and I feel like if you go through your whole life and never attract someone, then you've totally lost. But I don't think I could date anyone I'm not really attracted to with any kind of passion or enthusiasm. It would almost be like a second job. So I couldn't imagine it lasting too long. Eventually I'd feel like "why am I even doing this..."

The only options I've had for dating so far - which have been few and far between - have all been people I haven't been into, physically or mentally. So I didn't go for them. It's really frustrating never being good enough, not only for anyone I find physically attractive but also someone that I'd actually be interested in getting to know. There really aren't a lot of people like that. Most people to me are "just OK" - there's nothing necessarily wrong with them, but they just don't seem to have the kinds of thoughts or character that make me want to get to know them that badly.

And I kick myself when someone I really did want to get to know, is taken off the dating market, and I didn't figure out how to be interesting enough to them in time, and the dating market doesn't replace them with anyone equally interesting. I could figure out how to be the most attractive man in the world...but if there's no one left on the market that I actually want to get to know, makes me curious and feel something for them, then it's a moot point, the game's over.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Everyone is entitled to have standards, but nobody is necessarily entitled to those standards being met, apart from the basic stuff like respect, being treated equally, etc.